Vows He Never Broke, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

Title: Vows He Never Broke
Author: CJ aka WritinginCT
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Pairing: Jack/Daniel, Jack/Sara
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Categories: Angst, Comfort
Disclaimer: I don't own the recognizable characters I'm just inspired by them. Hopefully they've had fun playing in my sandbox.
Summary: When faced with some unexpected news from Sara, Jack tries to come to terms with his feelings for her and his feelings for Daniel.
Status: Complete 8/23/08, 4700 words

Two checks. Every month. Like clockwork. Written without heat or anger. But always with a tinge and a shadow of guilt and regret. Placed in separate envelopes, they were mailed. Mailed month after month, year after year. Like clockwork.

Daniel had made it all the way into the kitchen and had put down the grocery bags he was carrying before he noticed. Noticed that the house was dead quiet. Normally when Jack was puttering around the house waiting for Daniel the television was on in the background or the stereo was blaring opera or classic rock depending on Jack's mood. But not today, and it made Daniel nervous.

Without hesitation he opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out the nine millimeter that Jack kept there for unexpected company. Cautiously he went room by room not finding any sign of Jack. It wasn't until he was back in the dining room that he glanced outside and saw Jack's familiar form sitting at the table on the deck.

Daniel didn't put the weapon down as he was still uncomfortable and unsure about the situation. Why didn't Jack greet him? Even a shouted "hello" from the deck would have put Daniel at ease. And he knew that Jack had to have heard his car and entry into the house.

As he slipped outside he could see Jack leaning on his elbows on the table, an open bottle of his favorite whiskey open on the table without a glass in sight. There was also a thick sheath of papers lying on the table, the light blue cover sheet indicating they were probably legal papers of some sort. And oddly there was something else on the table next to the papers that Daniel hadn't seen Jack with since their first trip to Abydos: an open pack of cigarettes. The scene didn't put Daniel's mind completely at ease but it did eliminate the sense of a physical threat and he put the safety back on the gun.

He stepped over to the table to stand beside Jack and said quietly, "Jack?"

Jack slowly turned and looked up at Daniel. He could tell that Jack was more than a little drunk and he tried to remember how much whiskey had been in the now half empty bottle before today. But through the drunkenness there was something else playing out on Jack's face. It took Daniel a second but he realized with a jolt that it was pure, unadulterated sadness.

Jack didn't say anything so Daniel prodded a little, "Everything alright?"

Jack glanced back down at the sheath of papers then picked up the whiskey bottle. With the bottle poised at his lips, he whispered hoarsely, "No," before tipping the bottle and allowing the amber liquid to flow into his mouth.

Through the years Daniel had seen Jack pull into himself like this on a few occasions. It generally involved a day or two of heavy drinking and a subsequent day or two of recovery and a month's worth of brooding moodiness. The worst time that Daniel had witnessed had been on what would have been Charlie's thirteenth birthday. But even that did not compare with what he saw on Jack's face now.

Daniel knew Jack more than well enough to know not to press him for information. And he also knew that Jack would eventually tell him what was upsetting him. But it would be when he was ready and not a moment before. Knowing all this, Daniel did the only thing he knew to do and placed a caring hand on Jack's shoulder and gave a little squeeze of support. "I'm gonna go start dinner," he offered gently and with a final little rub to Jack's shoulder turned and headed back to the door.

Daniel was in the bedroom slipping into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt when he sensed Jack's presence. He turned to see Jack in the doorway, leaning heavily on the jamb. He could see Jack struggling to find the words he wanted to say and he simply sat on the edge of the bed waiting. Daniel was surprised when Jack stepped over to him and took his face in his hands. The strong scent of whiskey and cigarettes assaulted Daniel's nose and, oddly, so did a flowery feminine perfume. Jack's eyes searched Daniel's and his voice was low with a little shade of a drunken slur as he said, "I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to happen. You have to believe me."

Daniel's brow furrowed and he placed his hands over Jack's, "Sorry for what? Jack, you're sort of freaking me out here. Talk to me. Please."

"My wife, um, ex-wife, Sara stopped by earlier."

Daniel didn't hesitate to ask with honest concern in his voice, "Is Sara okay?"

Daniel knew about Sara, even met her once. And he also knew that even after all these years that Jack still loved her and even that a part of him was still in love with her and always would be. She was Jack's first love. She was someone he had pledged himself to with vows he never broke, had never wanted to break. They had built a home and a family together wanting to grow old with each other with their grandchildren surrounding them. That all changed when tragedy had struck and their son died. When that happened part of the bond between them snapped and could not be repaired. But even with that broken irreparable bond the love between them never died. It was just buried under a mountain of grief and guilt and anger. And in the end it was better that they separate. So they did.

Daniel had pieced this all together over his eight year relationship with Jack, gathering bits here and there throughout the years. Most of it only truly solidifying for him in the past year since his return from his sojourn as an ascended being. His return to corporeal form had instigated a major shift in their relationship, from simply being friends to being lovers. And as lovers do, they would share things as they held each other in the night. Daniel felt completely incapable of being jealous of Sara in any sense. There was no competition in his mind. He knew that she occupied a place in Jack's heart and life that would always belong to her, just as he had a place in his heart and life that would always belong to Sha're. Daniel had reconciled in his mind months ago that their feelings for Sara and Sha're in no way diminished the feelings they had for each other.

Daniel's question had thrown Jack a little. "She's... fine. She's, ah, getting married."

Daniel didn't really know what to say to that so he simply nodded. Jack continued, "She dropped off the papers to sign so that I don't have to pay her alimony anymore." Daniel knew all about that too. He knew that Jack mailed off two checks every month, one her alimony and the other the mortgage on the house. Jack paid them both without comment. Daniel knew that Jack felt he owed them to Sara, that he had promised her a life that they just couldn't make work together but he didn't want her to struggle or worry. The money didn't mean anything to him. It was all part of the vows he had made her. Vows he never broke.

Daniel remained quiet, knowing that once Jack got started it was best to just let him get it all out before barraging him with questions. But he did give Jack's wrist a little tug so he would sit next to him on the bed. "Jack's side of the bed," Daniel thought to himself. The knowledge that the other side of the bed was his was something that was still a little bit of a wonder to him even after a year.

Jack sat next to him with his fingers laced and his forearms resting on his thighs. He found a random spot on the floor and focused on it as he told Daniel what had happened earlier.

Jack had just taken a shower after mowing the grass. He tried to cut the grass when Daniel wasn't home to avoid irritating Daniel's allergies. Soon enough the leaves would be turning and falling and a whole new set of allergens would plague Daniel. But for now Jack did what he could about the grass and with Daniel attending a special lecture at the local university he had taken the opportunity to get it out of the way early in the weekend. His hair was still damp and he was running around the kitchen barefoot contemplating lunch when there was a knock at the door. Never in a million years would he have expected to see Sara standing on his front step, she had never been to his home before. Yet there she was.

"Hi, Jack," she said lightly.

"Sara? What are you... never mind, c'mon in."

He held the door open for her and she stepped hesitantly inside, not knowing quite what to expect. She tried to make small talk, "I didn't realize it was so quiet out this way, I can see why you like it."

Jack closed the door and tried to engage his brain and he said, "Yeah, it's definitely quiet." They made their way into the living room and sat down, Jack was practically vibrating with uncharacteristic nervousness. He just couldn't get over the fact that she was really sitting on his couch. Sara was looking around with interest, his house had a homey lived in feel. And she smiled seeing all his Air Force mementos and the pictures of family and friends that were all around. There were other things around that seemed out of place in context to Jack. There were statues that looked Egyptian along with some other relics and thick books on the coffee table that had to be antique. She wondered vaguely if he were seeing someone. And if those out of place things belonged to someone he loved. Someone that loved him. She hoped he was seeing someone. It would make her feel less guilty about what she had to tell him.

She declined his offer of something to drink wanting to laugh as he rattled off what had to be anything and everything drinkable in his house. She smiled though, it was silly and lighthearted and reminded her of a Jack she had known a lifetime ago. The Jack that she had fallen head over heels for and the Jack that would always own a little piece of her heart and her soul. Her own nervousness was expressed in her hands as she kept fiddling with the strap of her purse in her lap. She was trying to find the right words to tell him what she came to tell him but her thoughts had scattered to the winds when he sat down next to her.

In the end she didn't have to break the news to him. He had seen the flash of the diamond on her finger as she played with her purse. Her heart skipped a half dozen beats when he had taken her left hand in his and lifted it a bit and said matter-of-factly, "You're getting remarried."

She winced a bit and answered softly, "Yeah. I wanted... I wanted to tell you in person, Jack. I didn't want you to find out from someone else."

He gave her hand a little squeeze and asked lightly, "Is he a good guy?"

She shrugged and nodded, "Yeah. He is."

"Jack O'Neill good or Saint Tommy good?" he teased.

Sara just shook her head at the old joke about the guy she had dated before she met Jack. Her mother had adored Tommy and took many opportunities to loudly extol his sterling virtues in comparison to Jack. Jack had dubbed the guy "Saint Tommy" early on and it had stuck. As the years had gone by Jack had won over his mother-in-law and her comparisons to Tommy became good-natured teasing. And when they had all said their final goodbyes to her in the cancer hospice ward she had whispered to him, "Goodbye Saint Jack."

"Somewhere in between I think," Sara replied with a chuckle.

"Military?" he asked. Sara had been the perfect military wife, and her seeing someone else in the military wouldn't surprise him in the least.

"Retired, actually. He put in his twenty in the Air Force."

His eyebrow raised and he asked pointedly, "Anyone I know?"

"I don't think so, well at least he doesn't know you. His name is Patrick Brennan."

"Not ringing any bells. Pilot?"

"No."

"Ah. What's he do?"

She squinted at him and warned, "You're not allowed to laugh."

"Would I do that?" he teased with a grin.

"You know you would."

"I promise to behave myself this time."

"He's a plumber."

"A plumber?"

"Well actually he owns his own company. I needed some work done at the house last year and the old one we used to use went out of business. So I found Pat's company in the yellow pages. One of his guys came out and did the work then a couple days later he knocked on my door to make sure I was happy with the quality of the work. I guess one thing sort of lead to another and here we are, getting married in two months."

"A plumber?"

"You promised to behave."

"I didn't say a thing. I have the utmost respect for plumbers. You remember that one and only time I tried to replace a leaky pipe?"

"How could I forget? We had six inches of water in the basement before you found the right valve to shut the water off."

"Exactly. As I said, I have the utmost respect for plumbers."

They shared a quiet moment, lost in the memory of the flooded basement. There had been cursing at first, then laughing later on. It was the type of memory marriages were made of. When he spoke again it was softer, more genuine, "So seriously, this Patrick's a good guy?"

"He really is."

"Good. I'm glad. You deserve a good guy."

His eyes were soft with the emotions he was having a hard time hiding. She reached over and stroked his cheek and asked softly, "What about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

Jack closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, letting it take him back eight years to when those kinds of touches were the norm. Without opening his eyes he answered, "Yeah. But it's complicated."

"Someone from the base?"

His eyes opened and met hers and he ached to tell her the truth about Daniel. But he just couldn't. But he could tell her what he could without giving it all away. "Yeah. A civilian consultant. We've known each other for years. Starting seeing each other about a year ago."

"Is it serious?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

Their conversation was running dry. There were a million things both of them wanted to say to each other; things they had been wanting to say for years. But they remained unsaid. Nothing could undo the past. Nothing could bring Charlie back. Nothing could ease the fact that they had both moved on with their lives.

But there was one last thing she needed to talk to him about. Reaching into her purse she pulled out a thick envelope. "Jack, this is the paperwork dissolving your alimony responsibilities."

He took the envelope from her hands but didn't open it. He nodded in acknowledgment though; he had known this would be coming. It did bring up something else though and he asked quietly, "What do you want to do about the house?"

Sara took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She lived in the house they had picked out together. The deed and the mortgage were in both their names; although since the divorce Jack had insisted on paying it by himself. "I don't know, Jack. Part of me would love to have Pat and the kids move in but..."

A sad little half-grin appeared on his face, "Kids?"

"Yeah, two. Beth is nine and David is 7. Pat's a widower."

"So stepmom huh?"

She smiled, "They're great kids. We get along well."

"Sweet."

He knew what she needed to hear from him. And though it cut through him like a knife to actually say it, he did, "You know. That's a good neighborhood for kids. Good schools. And the house's got plenty of room."

"It does." She replied quietly, both of them trying not to think about picking out that house with the idea of their children filling it. But the flash of pain was there, quick and cold and to the bone and he saw it on her face.

He reached over and tucked her hair behind her ear and he said gently, "It's okay."

"Jack, I..." Her eyes held his as she again struggled to find the words. She wanted to tell him that she didn't want to hurt him and that she had never wanted to hurt him.

"I know."

This time the conversation really did die and she stood to go. As she walked toward the door her eye was drawn to the pictures on the ledge between the living and dining rooms. There was one of Jack's parents and one of her and Charlie. There was another one with Jack and the other three members of his team that she remembered meeting once years ago in that bizarre incident at the hospital that she wasn't supposed to think about, never mind talk about. There was a final picture of Jack and that man from his team, Daniel. It looked like it had been snapped at someone's backyard barbecue as they were dressed casually and had beers in hand. Jack had his free arm thrown around Daniel's shoulders and they were both smiling. Judging by the grey in Jack's hair in the picture it hadn't been taken all that long ago.

She had no way of knowing that it was the barbecue they had thrown a year ago celebrating the first Fourth of July holiday after Daniel returned from being ascended. And she really had no way of knowing that it was also the day that he and Daniel first made love. She did think to herself though that they must be very close friends and that this Daniel must be very important to Jack to have his picture displayed so prominently. She didn't see any pictures of him with anyone that he appeared to be dating but she remembered that Jack had said it was complicated and maybe he couldn't put pictures like that out for all to see.

As they got to the door Jack took her hand in his, "Sara..."

"I know, Jack," she said mirroring his words as she threw her arms around him and squeezed.

It was so painfully familiar, the feel of their bodies molding together. Their arms and hands knew exactly where to go, nothing awkward. And before they knew it they were kissing like they used to. Long and slow and deep, with needy little sounds coming from both of them. But when they pulled away and their eyes met they both knew what it was, what it meant. It was a goodbye.

And without another word, Sara left.

Jack's eyes were tightly shut and his fingers squeezing so hard his knuckles were white. Daniel took a moment and tried to collect his thoughts to say the right thing. Somehow though, he sensed that there was more that Jack had to tell him. He reached over and soothingly rubbed Jack's back and offered, "It's okay, Jack. You love her. Part of you will always love her."

Jack let out a deep shuddering breath and said, "That's not it."

"What is it then?"

"For a minute I wanted... I wanted my life back. All of it. I wanted all the things she and I dreamed about. I wanted my house and my yard and kids playing in it. And I wanted my wife back. God, I wanted her back so much it hurt."

"I'm not an expert but I think that sounds like a pretty normal reaction to me. From what you've told me, the two of you had a great marriage before... well, before Charlie died. Your splitting up was never about you not loving each other. And I think maybe her news today just brought some of that to the surface."

"That's still not it." Daniel saw a single tear stream down Jack's cheek.

"What is it then?"

"I realized that I didn't think of you once when I was wanting those things."

"I wasn't part of your life back then, Jack. It was a different time."

"I know that, Daniel. But after she left this morning I felt like I cheated. Cheated on her with you, cheated on you with her. I don't know how to do this."

Things started clicking in Daniel's mind as the true issue reared its head. Jack was not one for casual relationships, it was all or nothing.

"You didn't cheat on anybody, Jack. You are the most faithful man I know. What is it exactly that you don't think you know how to do?" Daniel replied lightly.

Jack turned and met Daniel's eyes, "I don't know how to be in love with anyone but her. But I am. And I do... love you."

Daniel stomach did a flip, those words had not been said out loud between them. It was always there, in every touch, in every action. But never spoken. Daniel smiled and said, "I think you do know how to be in love with someone other than her because we've been doing it for a while now. And I think we're pretty good at it personally. Jack, our relationship can never be what you had with Sara. The same as it can never be what I had with Sha're. But it can be what we make it. And you need to know that I love you, too. And nothing will ever change that."

A heartbeat later Daniel was wrapped in a tight embrace, Jack squeezing for all he was worth as if he were afraid that Daniel would change his mind.

Later that night, after a lot of coffee, a hot shower, and food, they made love in the dark. It had been slow and gentle and full of all the emotions of the day. And after, as they were settling in to go to sleep, Jack told him he loved him again. They both knew what it was: Jack was making a new vow to keep in his heart. A new promise to keep as he allowed himself to let go of the old.

Jack was sitting in his truck, waiting. As the church doors opened and everyone filed out he saw people he recognized, friends and family alike. He saw Sara finally and smiled. She was glowing and radiant. And he was taken back to another wedding so long ago, when he had been the one holding her hand as they accepted congratulations from everyone. But today she was holding the hand of a little boy and standing next to a solid looking man who had one hand on Sara's back and the other holding the hand of a little girl. Smiling and waving at the folks gathered outside, her new family was so happy it almost hurt to look at them. The photographer arranged the wedding party on the church stairs and started snapping pictures. Somehow Sara sensed he was there and looked directly at him. He gave her a little smile and a gentle nod. If at all possible her smile grew even brighter and she nodded once in return.

When he started the truck and pulled away from the curb, a twinge of sadness flashed across Sara's face that Patrick caught and he asked softly, "Jack?"

"Yeah."

His hand slipped around to her waist and he gave her a little squeeze. Nothing else needed to be said. He knew their history and knew that although Sara loved him and was now his wife, that part of her would always and forever love Jack O'Neill. Just as part of him would always love his late wife. It was something they both acknowledged and did not let come between them.

"You're going to eat yourself silly aren't you?" Daniel asked playfully as Jack took in the wide variety of food booths at the Fourth of July festival with a look of bliss on his face.

A familiar voice piped up from behind them, "He always does."

They turned to see Sara, Patrick, and the kids behind them. The smile on Jack's face was real as he said, "Sara."

"Hi, Jack."

"Um, you remember Daniel?" He asked with a nervous hand gesture.

"Yes, of course. And this is my husband Patrick."

Jack extended a hand and said warmly, "I heard a lot of good things about you, Pat. Nice to meet you."

The warm greeting threw Patrick momentarily. For some reason he had been expecting animosity or something from Sara's ex-husband when they finally met in person but he went with the flow and shook Jack's hand. "You too, Jack, you too."

David was shyly standing next to Sara and tugged on her sleeve to get her attention. Sara leaned down and David whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear, "Is that Charlie's dad?"

Sara smiled and answered, "Yeah, his name is Jack. Do you want to say hi?"

And say hi he did. All of them made pleasant small talk for a while until Daniel's stomach decided to loudly remind them that it was in fact, dinner time. Everyone laughed and turned their attention to the food booths. It seemed like everyone but Jack and David wanted to go with the barbecue chicken; they instead wanted chili dogs. Since there was no need for everyone to wait in both lines, Jack offered to take David with him to get their dogs. As they walked away, Daniel watched Jack with David, amazed as always with just how good with kids Jack really was.

Sara caught Daniel's staring and it made her wonder.

They all found a clear patch of grass up on the hill and settled in to eat. Sara watched the two men carefully, looking for clues that she was right. There wasn't anything overt. Nothing she could point to definitively and say aha. But there was an intense feeling of familiarity and companionship emanating from them and Jack just seemed incredibly relaxed around Daniel. Or because of Daniel.

Her mind started trying to put together the pieces of information she had: the fact that they had known each other for years, the picture of the two men, the Egyptian artwork in Jack's living room and the fact that Daniel was an archaeologist. The pieces of the puzzle painted a picture of Jack that she would never have expected.

After they ate, they were saying goodbye and heading off to different areas of the festival. Sara gave Jack a big hug and whispered for his ear alone, "Complicated, huh?"

He chuckled. He should have known Sara of all people would be able to figure it out. He whispered back, "You have no idea."

As they all walked away, Jack looked back over his shoulder and saw Sara doing the same and gave her a wink before turning back around and purposely nudging Daniel's shoulder with his. When Daniel glanced over, Jack gave him a little grin that let Daniel know that he was okay with seeing Sara and her new family.

They had found an out of the way place to watch the fireworks and the display was beautiful. During the massive grand finale Daniel was paying attention the sky and not Jack when he felt his hand being tugged towards Jack. And he felt something being slid onto his finger. Daniel looked down to see a plain gold band. His eyes flew to Jack's and Jack leaned in close and said, "It's been two years today. I wanted to give you something to show you what it all means to me. I love you. And it's a till death do us part kinda deal."

It wasn't a traditional marriage vow by any stretch, but it was theirs. And it would never be broken.

--
the end.