This is my first FY fanfic. Crazy that I just wrote one waaaay after it hit mainstream television. Then again, its followers like me who elevates a fad to a classic. ;) Oh please please review this piece! I edited this piece hopefully with a keener eye, but if you see any misplaced adjectives, misspelled words, or anything of the likes, please do tell me asap. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own FY, I'm just a fan of the great Yuu Watase.

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If I could, I would

By Slavedriver2008

"Aren't these too many, Miaka?" Keisuke asked as Miaka placed plates of different food on the table. He had become used to eating over at his sister's house over the past days. There were numerous reasons for this and topping the list was the fact that he was financially unstable. Besides, he was not in the mood to cook tonight—he never enjoyed his cooking anyway.

"No, they're not." Miaka said happily. "I have a special guest tonight." His brown eyes brightened.

"Wow, I appreciate all these, but really, you don't have to." Keisuke teased.

"Who said these are for you?" Miaka rolled her eyes. "And why are you here again? You've been eating dinner here since two days ago!" Miaka looked at him with disbelief. How can she not? Keisuke was employed and earning and he even bought his own house last month!

Keisuke smiled. "Well…my budget is a bit tight this month, and I miss your cooking imouto-san." He joked.

"Why don't you just get married?" Taka appeared in the dining room, fresh from the shower. Keisuke grunted. "You're 27, you're not getting any younger."

"Nani…"

"That's right onii-chan," Miaka said, placing another plate on the table. "You have so many girlfriends before, but why are you still single? And I thought you're the first to settle down…"

"And why drain your savings in that house if you don't have anyone to go home to?" Taka asked, not really intending it as a question. "Keisuke, my friend, you need someone to take care of you. Or else, you're doomed to eat instant noodles all your life!"

"Ouch man, please." Keisuke reacted. All this marriage conversation had been nibbling on his nerves for months now. He was single. It was a fact. But it was a truth not worth talking about. Or even mentioning. Come on, he's a guy, guys have longer marriageable ages than women. He can still marry a beautiful accomplished woman by the time he reached his 40s.

But the underlying implications of the truth were hard to ignore. Yes, there were nights when he too asked why settling down never crossed his mind. And he equally wondered why the hell he bought a house, when his coaching job barely kept him alive. A familiar face appeared in his thoughts, but before he can dwell on the figure, he shook them away.

"Quit joking and just get married ne?" Taka said, fully comfortable in his seat. "Start your own family. It's much much more fulfilling than any career, you know." Keisuke looked at his friend and found him smiling, contentment evident in his features. He was after all married to the woman he loved with his life and they now have a two year old son to complete the picture of a happy family.

Miaka approached the table to add another plate and arranged it. Whoever this guest was, she's getting a very welcoming dinner. Miaka cooks well, maybe because she loves eating. She smiled at her husband and planted a kiss on his lips. Keisuke wanted to puke, more than that, he felt nostalgic and…jealous?

"Awww. How sweet." He smirked and the couple gave him sharp looks. He raised his hand as surrender. Those two were a force to be reckoned with, really. "Take your time, I'm going to smoke." Keisuke stood up and headed for the veranda. He closed the sliding door, unwilling to let the smoke inside the house. He pulled a slightly crumpled cigarette from his pocket and lit it. A circling line of smoke floated in the open air and for a while, Keisuke lost all thoughts and let himself drift with it.

Keisuke sighed when he realized he spaced out. Truth be told, he envied his sister. Miaka and Taka fought to be happy. He knew their story quite well, read it. It had been a decade after Miaka's experience in the universe of the four gods. Eight years since she met Taka Sukunami, Tamahome's other self, six since they got married and started a family. And five years since… A face appeared in his thoughts and the fleeting feeling he had been keeping for years haunted him.

He smiled, a gloomy one he had been accustomed to for the longest time spread over his face. Thousands of questions appeared in his consciousness, triggering a replay of memories he couldn't tear away from, awakening emotions he had been trying to subdue for as long as he can remember.

Keisuke lighted another stick and cleared his thoughts. One by one, he dispersed the images. It was useless to think of the past now. What happened in the past was part of the past. He cannot live piteously and somberly; He had to face the world, even if it meant being alone. But still, heaviness tugged at his heart. He closed his eyes and a sensation returned to his thoughts.

Memories betrayed him. And worst, it brought back the same emotions. Memories usually remind images, scenes—never feelings. But his case proved otherwise. He remembered everything: the bluish light that reflected in a pair of intense deep ocean eyes, the shadows that betrayed his emotions, the feeling of lips pressing against softness. He remembered the way his mouth explored another's in a fiery passionate dance. He recalled the kiss, as vivid as it happened yesterday even if it occurred five years ago.

Snap out of it, Yuuki. It's just one kiss…

"Hey, you okay there?" Taka broke Keisuke's reverie. "Your cigarette is already out." The man, his friend, walked toward the veranda while Keisuke lit another slightly crumpled stick. He offered him one but he shook his head. "I stopped smoking when Toru was born."

"You changed a lot when you got married and when you had that kid." Keisuke stated, trying to get his act together in a short amount of time. He was not sure whether to thank Taka for cutting the flow of thoughts or to hate him for ruining the only moment he allowed himself to wander. It was not often that he gave in to simpler pleasures, though most of the time he regretted doing so.

"I guess things happen even if you have plans." He smiled at him, his eyes gleaming. "You're thinking of her aren't you?"

Keisuke' did not bulge. "Who?" He asked nonchalantly.

Taka sniggered. "You know who." Keisuke stood silent, relishing his stick of nicotine. "Don't tell me you've forgotten about her…after that searing kiss…" Taka teased.

This caught Keisuke off guard. "What?" How did he…?

Taka sighed. "Don't deny it, man. I've seen it myself." Taka whistled. "That one was better than the movies."

"Stop it." Keisuke said, pulse racing. He was unaware that anyone knew his secret. He kept it for years—the feeling, the kiss, everything. Even Miaka never recognized the changes, never noticed it as they grew up.

He put the cigarette in his mouth and inhaled deep. Bitterness spread throughout his tongue. When he let go of the smoke, white wisps enveloped him. "It didn't make her stay." He whispered before he can control himself.

Taka sighed. "But maybe it's enough to make her come back."

"What?" Keisuke looked at him, eyes widening with surprise and curiosity. Questions appeared in his thoughts but he couldn't voice them out. Maybe he would never ever voice them out.

Taka laughed. "Stop smoking, it's time for dinner."

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Edited as of February 7, 2009 at 11:12pm by Slavedriver2008

Author's notes: Everyone might be surprised that Keisuke smoked here. Well, the explanation is simple, he looks gorgeous when he smokes and it adds a badboy appeal—perfect in establishing his character for this piece. I also added some details and descriptions. Hope it reads better now.

Thanks to Ayriel who really took effort to go through this piece months back. And for Dianapotter, Princess-of-doctors, and Hydra-Star, thanks again! For those who have not written down their thoughts on this piece, please be a sweetheart and drop one. ;)