Title: Composure
Pairing: Jack/Nathan, Jack/Allison, Nathan/Allison
Rating: G
Disclaimer: If they were mine, that would NOT have happened!
Warnings: Slash, Unrequited, Cannon Character Death, Angst.
Summary: A coda to 304: I Do Over.
-
-
He holds his composure as he comforts a distraught Fargo, who just lost the closest thing he has ever had to a father, who looses his own composure as they drive to the wedding, but regains it before they arrive, with Jack's help.
He holds his composure as he tells Allison what happened and consoles her as she weeps.
He holds his composure as he is forced to tell everyone gathered for the wedding to go home and explains why there won't be a wedding. The jeer from Larry about the bride's cold feet nearly breaks him in anger, but if his voice waivers at all when he says Nathan is gone, no one notices.
He hold his composure as he tells Thorne, who tries to drag him in for a debriefing. Then again, something must have slipped past his façade because he doesn't say anything before she changes her mind, rescheduling their meeting for tomorrow morning.
He holds his composure as he asks Henry for the device Jason used on Kim, asks him to erase the memory of Nathan's final moments. He even holds his composure as he begs a firm and unyielding Henry, who sends him home empty-handed.
He holds his composure as he hugs a red-eyed Zoë, her compassion for a man she barely knew filling him with awe. He kisses her forehead lightly as she sleeps. He also stops to watch Lexi in her sleep for a moment, grateful she is there to help him fill his mind with something other than worry and loss.
It is later, in a darkened room, curled under the covers and shaking, that Jack's composure breaks, silent tears dampening his pillow. His mind fills with a single moment—a soft, wistful grin and that deep voice for the first time, the last time, speaking his name.
It is the moment before he's gone, and also the moment Jack realized he was in love with Nathan. He chokes on a sob as his brain begins to replay every excruciating detail of the moment, one nanosecond at a time, until he's cried over them all. He isn't sure he can move past this one, horrible moment, no matter how long he cries over it tonight.
But tomorrow, when the town needs him, when Allison needs help with the funeral arrangements, when Fargo needs a shoulder, when Thorne questions him, when Henry refuses him again, when his family needs him, Jack will hold his composure. Because it's what he does for the people he loves. He holds his composure.