"This can't be happening." Leia had said to herself, for the hundredth time in just the last half hour.
A confirmation of pregnancy, via a trip to the Rebel base, had been given a little over two days ago. The shock had worn off, replaced with a blinding fear, and an unrelenting nagging.
She'd never been in this particular predicament before, but, she had seen many women back home on Alderaan go through it.
That in itself, was enough to scare the potential joy right out of her. Being as busy as she was, it had taken her a bit longer than most women to realize her cycle had all but disappeared.
Even then, she was adamant for three standard weeks that it was simply due to the stress of her job.
After all, when she had decided to take Luke up on the offer to train her in the ways of the Jedi, she hadn't thought it would be nearly as hard as it was.
Then, when she had decided to join Luke, in rebuilding the Jedi Order, she had found that training young children was even more exhausting than having been a Padawan herself!
Six standard months had passed, since Leia had finished building her lightsaber, and yet she still recalled the annoyance and frustration with perfect clarity.
First, came finding the right Kyber crystal, which took a standard, month and a sweep of nearly every planetary system in the galaxy.
Luke had said she was being far too picky, but Leia refused to give up until she had found the one that called to her. Finally, in a last ditch effort Luke had taken Leia to Ilum.
The crystal caves had mostly been emptied out by then, but Leia ventured in anyway. Her deep chocolate eyes, sharp and attuned to any little movement.
She moved carefully, feeling along the walls of the caves with practiced ease. Until something in the Force caught her attention, it was practically humming.
She'd searched so many caves, and almost a million planets, she was beyond certain of what she was looking for and what it should feel like.
Yet, nothing had prepared her for this feeling, this certainty of knowing she had found it.
Vying for her attention among everything else, she reached out toward it, following the feeling back into one of the deepest recesses of the caves. She found one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen.
A kyber crystal, the deepest shade of purple known to any species within the galaxy. It called to her, and she willfully followed its command. Freeing it from the wall, she held it tightly.
This was the one, she just knew it without a shadow of doubt. She returned to Luke, a triumphant grin claiming her face, as she held her new kyber crystal out for him to inspect.
"Its perfect, Luke! I can just feel it." Luke smiled appreciatively and nodded, leave it to Leia to have an absolute Force connection with her kyber crystal.
They made their way in silence back to the rebel base, where Han was waiting anxiously to hear from them. He still didn't fully believe in the Force, but seeing what Leia and Luke could do with it… Almost made him believe.
Their X-wing entered the hangar, Leia appearing only moments later, kyber crystal still held tight in hand. Han rushed forward to greet her, a curious smile claiming his face.
"I found it!" She exclaimed joyfully, holding out the crystal for her… for Han, to look at. They hadn't quite covered what they "were" yet. And her inner monologues clearly suffered a bit.
Han looked over the crystal carefully, of course, he hadn't the slightest clue what made this one so much different from the dozen or so, of other ones she and Luke had come across in the last month.
Yet, the way the Princess smiled, showed exactly what the difference was. This one, was hers. "That's great, Sweetheart!" Han tried to match Leia's level of enthusiasm, knowing how important this was to her.
And thus, began Leia's three week long journey, of assembling her lightsaber. Pulling out of her thoughts, she glanced across the room at said Jedi weapon, and smiled proudly.
It hardly ever left her side now, it was as if she and it were connected. "Oh, Force," Leia groaned out when a fresh wave of nausea knocked that thought right out of her mind.
She had been miserably sick near constantly for days now, which, given her current condition made all the sense in the galaxy.
Leia hadn't been able to tell at first, what the small but powerful presence was. Within its first few days of appearing in the Force, it had split and become two separate, but similar presences.
So, when Leia had discovered today, that she was in fact carrying Han Solo's… fetus, because even now her brain refused to acknowledge that it would be a baby.
She immediately asked if it was twins, the ultrasound they had performed did show two small gestational sacs.
The doctor did mention that they usually waited until 10 to 12 weeks to diagnose twins officially, but Leia had known before she had even recognized her situation.
Reaching out with the Force, Leia tried to feel for the growing nuisances, as she had come to "affectionately" call them.
She had yet to sense more than two powerful flickers in the Force, when it came to the fetuses. Considering they were no more than a month along, that made sense.
She had scheduled another appointment for two weeks out, that would give her plenty of time to talk things over with Han. And see how they both felt about the situation.
On the one hand, Leia felt perfectly healthy, albeit tired, a bit cranky, and she was virtually living in the fresher these days. However, the doctor had assured her, that so far things looked normal with the-
Her mind stopped suddenly, unable to connect the word pregnancy to this situation just yet. Because, while she felt fine, and supposedly that meant the fetuses were fine… A pregnancy would result in babies, babies that would grow.
Grow into what, exactly? With her as a mother, Vader's blood coursing through both her's and the fetuses veins… Monsters were the only surefire outcome.
If she didn't get attached, fought to keep herself separate from these incredibly Force-sensitive beings, then it wouldn't be nearly as traumatic when she and Han ultimately decided to do what was best, right?
She wouldn't get to see Han for another few days, he was away on a supply run, and she was busy training the younglings.
Which, unfortunately gave her plenty of time to overthink, and fret about her situation… "Whoa, Lei, you okay?" Leia's head snapped up, and instantly she regretted it.
A dizziness she had never quite felt before, overtook her, even as she tried to push herself up out of the half-kneeling position she was in against her bed.
There was Luke in the doorway, leaning out as if he could some how catch her if she fell. Her eyes slammed shut, breathing deeply she tried to steady herself.
"For kriff sake!" The Corellian curse word slipped from her lips easily, clearly learned from Han. After a long moment, she rushed past the worried stance of her brother.
Heading straight for the fresher, barely making it before the entirety of what little she managed to eat that morning reappeared. Luke was behind her in an instant, reaching out to sooth her in any way possible.
"Leia, I think you should head back to base. Clearly you need to be seen in the med-ward." Her head shook, her long braid gently smacking Luke's side as she stood up.
"Already have, its just a bug…" She knew she was lying, but she couldn't tell Luke before she even told Han. "I'll be fine, lets just get back to the training day."
Her twin looked at her uncertainly, and she wondered, fleetingly if the fetuses would one day share this strong Force bond too. If Luke already knew, and was simply playing along for her benefit.
He couldn't, she reminded herself, she'd been clear minding him all day. Putting up wall after wall of defense until she was certain he couldn't get to her well kept secret.
She brushed past him and grabbed her lightsaber, placing it carefully into its holster on her belt. Then turned back to look at him expectantly, he still held that suspicious look in his eyes but he knew better than to argue with her.