Erin stared at the Chicago skyline for a minute longer before she felt the tears starting to sting her eyes. She turned away and walked to her car, got in and started the engine. She couldn't stay here any longer. She knew if she stayed for just one more minute, she would never leave. She had to leave. If she didn't her job was on the line, and possibly intelligence as a whole. And then there is the issue of Jay. God how could she tell Jay? She couldn't. That was final. She knew if she looked into his eyes one more time that would be it. Those eyes would make her stay, no doubt. Erin turned on the radio, and a song she hadn't ever heard before came on. "As I'm leaving, a change comes on my eyes." She wasn't even sure where this song was coming from because there was no way she would have chosen a radio station that plays such sad songs. But she couldn't stop listening. "These streets persuading me, with mumbled strange good-byes" Why was this song playing?" and for the love of god why won't she just change the damn station?! "Through the water, through the rain..." And now, she could no longer fight the tears back anymore. Tears streamed down her face, leaving little trails behind. "To the soul of everything. I throw my heart out on the stones, and I'm almost gone…"
Why did she go in with her gun? Why did she let this case get to her so bad? So many why and what if's going through her head, she couldn't stop them. "And there's no meaning, in clothes and coffee cups. Cheap hotel furniture. Where silence never stops." The tears were falling harder now, and she couldn't see. "Through the water, through the rain. To the soul of everything. I throw my heart out on the stones, and I'm almost gone." She saw her phone ring again, and tried to calm herself enough to answer the phone. She tried to steady her breathing, and managed a choked "hello?" as she answered the phone. "Hey Erin, where are you? I thought you were meeting us at Molly's? We have to celebrate your review board hearing." She took a shaky breath and replied "I—Jay I can't. I didn't…" her voice trailed off. She couldn't find the words. How could she tell him that she screwed up so bad that even Voight couldn't fix it? How could she tell him, that after all the time they shared together, and how close they had become, that she was just going to leave for New York, and never look back? She couldn't. "Ok, well then we can drown our sorrows instead. Just, come meet us at Molly's. We need to have a little fun after this week. Plus, I miss you. I screwed up, and I need to talk to you. I need to see you and tell you how sorry I am. Please Erin, come. Even if It's just for one drink."
The tears stung at her eyes again. She swallowed hard, not allowing them to spill over. "Jay, you don't understand. I can't come. You guys have fun without me. I'm busy tonight." Her voice sounded fake. She knew it. She knew he could tell that she had been crying. She knew that he could tell she was hurting. And she knew that he was seeing right through her eyes. She heard him sigh on the other end of the line. "Erin please. I will come and get you if you need me to. Just come please. Erin I love you." She couldn't hold the tears back after he said it. How could he love her? She was a screw-up, a mess. She didn't deserve him, and he deserved way better than her. Why couldn't he just listen to her? It would be better for them both if she just left without a good-bye. "Through the water, through the rain. To the soul of everything. I wash my heart out, on the stones, and I'm almost gone."