This is set during Zel's brief desert scene during Try, episode 26, a predecessor to another fic I'm writing. I am trying to make this as close to canon as possible, so expect Z/A and slight L/G. I have tried to make Zelgadis's thoughts and actions, expressed in first person, as true to his character as possible. I feel that he slips out of character a little, and if you have an opinion about this, or the work as a whole, please leave a review or drop me a line.
Only a small amount of time has passed since we parted company after Dark Star's defeat. I have naturally occupied this time in search of my cure. I find myself walking in an almost endless desert plateau. I did so without taking advantage of my chimera speed, as I almost always do, as it makes me seem human, after all. The leisurely pace also allows me to think.
I usually spend my time thinking of my cure, but lately I have been thinking of my companions, particularly Amelia. In the midst of the battle against Dark Star, she asked me to return to Seyruun with her. I did not want to hurt her feelings or give her a false hope, so I told her I would think about it. Naturally, I gave the question some thought. But the opportunity to look for my cure should not be wasted, and Amelia said she understood. She gave me her bracelet to remember to keep in touch. I promised to do so, a promise I have not yet fulfilled. Perhaps I would do so at this next temple.
I allow my thoughts to occupy my mind. After all, I am the only living thing as far as my eyes can see. No need to concentrate on walking in a straight line. I do not yet think of Amelia, rather, the first person I think of was the first person still living that I've met: Lina Inverse. If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about her, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life. Her appetite left no doubt of this, her zest for life is paralleled by her zeal for food.
She possess an extraordinary gift for hope. I allow myself a slight smile as I contemplated her statements. Her most recent pep talk was not directed at me, but at Filia, who at that moment was being oddly stubborn. "Filia, if you won't kill Valgaav, save the world, or do something, you may as well lie down and die! But that isn't going to make anything RIGHT!" Her statement contrasted dramatically with my feeling of helplessness at the situation. That statement I'm sure will motivate me in my pursuit of a cure.
Another of her oddly reassuring and deep words were spoken just before she, Gourry, and I faced against Shabranigdo. "Even if you have a one percent chance of victory, if you fight with that kind of attitude, that one percent becomes zero! I don't want to die. So when I fight, I fight to win!" Odd, just before I heard that, I thought that the rumors about Lina Inverse the Bandit Killer were false, that she indeed was never afraid. Just before that statement, she implied she would not fight Shabranigdo. But the statements were characteristic of the Bandit Killer indeed. More precisely, Lina Inverse, slayer of Shabranigdo, Kopii Rezo, Hellmaster Phibrizzo, and Dark Star.
Her happy go lucky attitude, complete with a cheerful appreciation of life, was present in spades. I smiled slightly again at the numerous times she cried "Lucky!" in reaction to opportunities ranging from Rezo's chief magic labs and libraries, to ordinary bandits. She even managed to make me, the heartless magic-using swordsman, laugh. The only time I've truly laughed while under this curse.
My thoughts drift to Gourry Gabriev, the now-former Swordsman of Light, the greatest swordsman in the world. The self-proclaimed protector of Lina Inverse, who is in possession of great strength and loyalty. What most distinguishes Gourry, though, is his personality and intelligence. He does not possess a great intellect, to say the least. His memory is likewise flawed. However, I cannot help but think that he exaggerates his faults. He seems to truly enjoy Lina's explanations. His eyes often seem to glaze over as he does not process what she has to say, but enjoys the fact she is taking the time to explain something to him, enthusiastically no less. Perhaps he enjoys these explanations so much that he claims ignorance more than he truly needs to. Perhaps he likewise enjoys Lina's gestures of affection, despite the fact those gestures are almost always violent.
No matter his faults, Gourry is certainly observant. One could not be so capable a swordsman without developing the senses. He can quickly make deductions, as well. I remember most particularly him calmly saying that "But I figured out that Xellos was a mazoku a long time ago." Perhaps it was only a sort of animal instinct, as I observed at the time, or perhaps it was something else.
I smile slightly as I think of what the pair are likely doing now. Perhaps they are simply walking together as a couple, as they did after Lina slew Shabranigdo. Perhaps they are not content with that gesture, and are doing something more demonstrative. More likely, they're eating. I can't be sure without asking either of them, of course, but I'm fairly sure something happened to their relationship after our little group broke up following that wedding. The unlikely couple of the immature ruler Martina and the stubborn bounty hunter Zangulus. I'm sure that whatever Lina and Gourry were doing together then is what they are doing together now.
My thoughts unwittingly drift to Martina and Zangulus. I can only assume that their feelings for each other matured during the Phibrizzo incident, perhaps after my death of sorts. Quickly moving through a relationship may have worked for them, but I doubt it would work for me.
With the thought of romance inevitably comes the thought of Amelia. Our first encounter was not a typical meeting of potential lovers. I wince again as I hear her call me "creepy and suspicious looking." Not the worst that anyone has said to me, by any means. And I doubt I would have responded to a more enthusiastic greeting, either. No, her initial description of me was probably accurate to a degree at the time. I had just jumped through a window and killed people, while covering my chimeric face, after all. Even Lina was startled.
While we were in Sairaag, Amelia was somewhat immature. But I grew to like her to some degree, and it is obvious that she has similar feelings, though hers were much more heightened. One particular moment stands out in my mind: after I managed to enchant Slyphiel and Lina into a Raywing bubble and fly them to safety, I could feel her eyes on me. When Kopii Rezo attacked me, she jumped in front of me and took the blow with only a small shield. Were it not for Gourry's Sword of Light, she would have been severely injured. Now that I take the time to reflect on that act of instinctive bravery, I realize that her feelings for me are probably not those of a simple crush.
I cannot deny my own feelings, simply because of my actions. When Chaos Dragon Gaav swung at her, a blow that I knew would kill her, I instinctively flew in front of her and took the blow myself. I could have pulled her aside, or attacked Gaav, or done some other action to defend her, but my instincts were content to take the blow. As was I. I drifted into unconsciousness content that she would live. When I thought Hellmaster Phibrizo killed her, I clutched her close to me until the horrible reality of her fate sunk in. I assumed she would never come back to life, and decided to end my own. I did not bother to think of a way to perhaps attack Phibrizo, or escape his oddly childlike wrath, because deep down I knew either action would almost certainly be futile and I was too enraged to try anyway. I suppose I will have to mull over a possible relationship in the back of my mind for quite awhile before my feelings become apparent.
However, I have thought about her objectively. She is far from an unattractive person. She is beautiful, powerful, intelligent, and brave. Her only flaw, I suppose, is her justice speeches. I'm sure that these are the result of her father's protectiveness and insistence. After all, Phil's wife was killed in front of his eldest daughter Gracia. I'm sure his method of comfort was teaching her about justice. Or at least, that's my best guess as to the reasoning behind their very unique personality. They could simply be weird.
My thoughts turn from Amelia to another shrine maiden, Filia the Golden Dragon. A good and powerful friend. I had hoped she might have known of some Holy Magic that could cure me, but my luck was of course not good enough. If I hadn't been expecting a negative answer, I would perhaps have been disappointed, maybe even snapped at her apology. The somewhat naive dragon is similar to Amelia, except more powerful even while in human form. Further, she has matured during the short time I've known her. She is certainly not as naive as she once was. Because of Xellos' assistance against Dark Star, she probably can stand his presence a bit more. I'm certain that she's setting up a home for herself and Val. Perhaps even a store, relating to either tea or pottery.
When thinking of Filia, I for some reason cannot help but think of the namagomi Xellos. Priest to Beast Master Zelas Metallium, Xellos is the fourth most powerful mazoku in existence. His superior claims of "That's a secret" were incredibly annoying, which is of course intended. The fact that he helped us several times is his only saving grace. That and the fact I am now fairly certain that the Clair Bible manuscript he destroyed was related to Zannafar, rather than a chimera such as myself, and would therefore be useless to me. Of course, I still doubt he would help me with his curse. He would certainly not appreciate the feelings of elation that would result within me for probably the rest of my non-cursed life. Hell, he could be following me around for a snack this very instant. I reflexively glance around the desert landscape before realizing he's probably still explaining things to his mistress Zelas Metallium.
On that note, I start to think of the villains I have encountered. I call them villains perhaps because of Amelia's influence. I start by thinking of my most recent foe: Valgaav. His anger was perfectly understandable. However, his angry actions were far from perfectly understandable. Aiming to cleanse the world was a foolish thing to do. Likewise, the feelings of Rezo, Eris, and Kopii Rezo were understandable. Kopii Rezo was frustrated at being a copy, never being seen as an individual. Eris was extremely struck with grief at Rezo's death. And Rezo. My hated great-grandfather. His frustrations were all to easy for me to understand. However, I would not risk the world for a cure, and I would certainly not ask mazoku for assistance. Not to mention curse my last living family member. But I'm sure Shabranigdo had some influence on his decisions, though the fact they were Rezo's decisions is, in my mind, irrefutable.
I know by now that the pride of the villains led to their death and their ruin. And I know I will never make such a mistake. Even if I remain cursed for years or even decades to come, I will continue pursuing a cure. I will never give up on my goal of humanity. My only vice is my anger, but I must attempt to restrain it. Rezo's anger almost certainly led to his alliance with mazoku, and Valgaav's anger undoubtably lead to his death of sorts. I would not make the same mistake they did, I would remain human. Here, in the middle of the desert, I vow to leave the temple that is my destination intact, despite the fact it probably does not hold my cure.
The short mental pep-talk over, I return to thinking of my relationship with Amelia. I'm sure that were I not cursed I would allow our feelings for each other to take their course. However, because I am cursed there is a large problem. The people of Seyruun would not support a union with a monster. Even if by some miracle they did, and Phil and Amelia were comfortable with it, my curse may have made me sterile. The main long-term duty of royalty is to provide a line of succession. Amelia certainly deserves a better life. Should I allow these problems, and probably others I have not yet considered, to prevent a relationship? I cannot tell. I only care what the people of Seyruun think in so far as their thoughts affect Amelia. What would my friends think?
I can instantly tell that Lina and Gourry would approve of a relationship with Amelia. Phil would likely give his blessing, and for that matter, most others who took note of the fact I helped protect Seyruun from Kanzel and Mazenda. What would Zolf and Rodimus think? Before I met Lina, they were my closest friends. They were great men, their loyalty and ability without question. But for all their positive traits, Shabrangdo effortlessly killed them. I did not allow myself to dwell on that pain. Instead, I think about my original question. What would they think of Amelia? Rodimus I'm sure what instantly like her, and Zolf would certainly approve of her abilities. I think that the two of them would want me to be happy, as well. With that, I conclude that the people whose opinion would actually matter approve of a relationship and disapprove of the lack thereof. However, I still do not truly know what I should do.
I have reached the end of this plateau, and sit down at the cliff's edge. Another plateau of desert is all that even my chimeric eyes can see. I pause for a moment and take a drink from my canteen. This makes me feel human, a feeling that will always be welcome. I look at Amelia's bracelet, the pink material and light blue sphere contrasting greatly with my dark green canteen and indeed my entire appearance.
This contrast is similar to the contrasts between Amelia and myself. I am generally morose, while she is generally cheerful. Despite the fact that we have both faced tragedies in our lives, our responses have been different. I respond with hatred towards Rezo, convinced that he or the world at large, maybe even the Lord of Nightmares herself, had it in for me. She responds with justice speeches. She is convinced that the world is as black and white as a fairy tale world, while I realize the world is mostly grey. Most of these somewhat negative personality traits are fading, perhaps even because of the presence of each other.
Even our appearances contrasted with each other. The clumsiness that Amelia has always demonstrated, particularly in the Zoana before I drew my sword against her, contrasts with my chimeric grace. She is a beautiful princess, who had great opportunities available to her. I am a chimera, greeted with suspicion, disdain, and hostility. I allow myself a slight grin as I realize that opposites attract.
Author's Note:
Though the ending is open-ended, my next fic will pick up where this one left off and make my views on Z/A clear, if you cannot tell what those views are already. I also applied Fitzgerald's description of Gatsby to Lina, because I thought of Lina when I read those two sentences. Now that I think about it, this work is similar to that first section of The Great Gatsby. Please review my first Slayers fic, and my first fic in quite awhile.