A/N: I decided to expand a one shot I did a while back. I did change some stuff though so it's different. But this first chapter is the only thing that's really the same so I'm posting chapter 2 back to back with this one. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter One

It'd been months since Rey had shut the door of the Falcon on him. He knelt before her clutching the golden dice that used to belong to his father. They disappeared in his hand and Rey along with them. She'd shut him out as everyone else in his life had but this time he couldn't help but feel as though he deserved it. The ones around him, feared him and they obeyed him because they had to. In his role as Supreme Leader, he could dictate how people felt about him. He didn't have to earn their affections or their respect. He liked it that way.

Kylo Ren sat aboard his ship alone. He'd dismissed his crew and sent Hux away. He wanted the solitude after his failure at Crait. He'd been circling the galaxy alone since that day leaving General Hux to do whatever he wanted with the First Order army. He knew Hux wouldn't be able to find the Falcon without him so the war would be on a stalemate until he returned anyway. If he returned.

He had shut himself off from the force. He didn't want his uncle coming to taunt him from beyond the grave. He could feel Rey trying to connect with him every so often but he shut her out too. She was a reminder that he'd squandered his last chance. It hadn't been too late before but it was definitely too late now.

He threw his clothes aside and climbed into bed. He allowed his thoughts to torture him until he was worn out enough to sleep. He tossed and turned restlessly amidst his black, satin sheets. How ridiculous they were. All of the accoutrement was ridiculous.

Ren thought that when his uncle died, the night he burned the temple would disappear from his dreams. But it replayed over and over again in his mind. He always woke up right before Luke swung his lightsaber to kill him. He could hear Luke's voice in his mind, 'Ben, no!'. He heard the familiar screams that followed and then he jolted awake in a cold sweat. He looked around the room. Visibility was limited in the dark but he could see that all of the furniture in his chamber was hovering above the ground. He sat up in bed and tried to regain his breath. He looked around him, feeling the presence of another. It was probably his droid.

He turned to have a look and was shocked to find a figure asleep in his bed next to him. The shock it gave him caused him to release his force hold on everything in the room. All of the furniture crashed to the ground with a loud thud and the figure beside him jumped up in fright. It was Rey.

"What am I doing here?!" she yelled, pulling her blaster out in one swift movement.

"I'd like to know the same," Ren said, trying but failing to summon his lightsaber.

"You've cut yourself off from the force," Rey observed. "You're weak."

"I'm not weak," Ren replied. "I just didn't want unexpected visits from you or Luke Skywalker but obviously it's not working. I guess I can't control it in my sleep."

"What were you dreaming about?" Rey asked suspiciously.

"Not you," Ren snapped. "What were you dreaming about? You're the one that appeared in my bed."

Rey put her blaster away and stepped closer. Ren flinched. He took a step back.

"Are you afraid of me? Don't lie to me. I can sense it," she said.

"No. But you're stronger now. I can feel it. Why?" Ren asked.

"Because you've abandoned the force. I don't have you to balance me out," she replied.

Ren looked Rey up and down. She was still wearing her Jedi knight uniform.

"Is that how you sleep?" Ren asked.

"Yes," Rey replied, offended. "Not everyone has their own ship. Up until I joined the Rebellion I lived in an abandoned AT-AT walker in the middle of the Jakku desert. I don't exactly have a lot of things and certainly no time to go buy them. Or should I sleep naked like you?"

Ren gave Rey a disapproving look and didn't justify her question with an answer. She was implying that he was a spoiled brat and he didn't like that. He'd been raised by a princess and a smuggler. He'd gotten anything he wanted as a child except for their love. He wasn't charming or smooth-talking like his father and he wasn't refined like his mother. He was tall, brooding, awkward and had more power than he knew what to do with. His parents feared him and so they sent him away to an uncle that tried to murder him in his sleep.

"I'm tired, Rey. You can leave if you only want to insult me," Ren said.

"Ben," Rey whispered. "I'm sorry."

His ears perked up at the sound of his name.

"You're sorry!" Ben growled. "For what? For disturbing my sleep? I think there are other things you should be sorry for!"

Rey went over to Ben and took both of his hands in hers. He flinched at the contact but he didn't pull away.

"I abandoned you. I'm sorry, Ben. But you must understand why," Rey pleaded.

"I killed Snoke for no other reason than me not wanting to see you die," he said. "I betrayed my allegiance to him. I betrayed my mission and the dark side. And for what? You left me. Hux wants me dead, the Rebellion obviously wants me dead. Even the force wants me dead. It's tearing me apart and you're sorry?!" Ben barked.

"You killed Han Solo!" Rey cried.

"Yeah and he was my father. Not yours. He was mine to lose and he's mine to mourn. My relationship with him is none of your business! Must I remind you that you've killed too, Rey. The whole Rebellion has killed. Don't play the moral high ground here because we'll both lose," Ben spat. "You think you all are so great and fight for the light but Luke tried to murder me in my sleep. I was a child! He failed me and I'm sorry to say it but he failed you too."

"He did," Rey admitted. "I didn't care for him. He was angry and cruel and he was too consumed by his own mistakes to help me."

Ben was surprised by her reaction. He expected her to be in love with Luke like the rest of the universe was.

"You trained me, Ben. More than Luke ever did," Rey said. "You're the first person I ever saw use the force and the first person I ever saw wield a lightsaber. You even offered to teach me several times and I said no. But I didn't need teaching. I've been fighting my entire life. I needed someone to support me and nurture me while I was figuring all of this out. You did that for me. You showed me how to use the force and you showed me how important and how strong I actually am. You've never underestimated me and you've always been patient. I've never had anyone before. It killed me to leave you but I had to. I hope you understand why."

"Whether I understand or not, you still left." Ben said. "You have to understand why I couldn't join you too."

"I do," Rey said. "But where does that leave us?"

"Nowhere. There's no future where we end up together." Ben said.

Rey contemplated his words. They were harsh but he was right. There were two sides and they were on either one. If either of them deviated, the force would be unbalanced and the destruction they'd cause would be unmatched.