Author: JAGfreak
Title: Friendship ...Revisited.
Disclaimer: don't own it.am not making money off of it. Would I own it given the opportunity??? OH YEAH!
A/N: This is my take on how the scene in Harm's apartment could have gone.w/ alternating POV's..hope you enjoy!
Harm's Apartment North Of Union Station (Harm's POV)
((Intro()*is playing his guitar, letting his frusteration out through his music* Fired.with no job and no idea what the future might hold, he can only hope that everything will turn out alright. His friends, colleagues in the JAG office for years he had not spoken to in months..5 months to be exact. Bud and Mac had tried calling, but when he WAS home to hear the phone ring...his pride kept him from answering. Although, he did call Bud to congratulate him on the new baby.
He missed his old life, but his resolve was to move on and forget the past..and he was doing a pretty good job of it so far. His pain existed only in the memories of his former life..but then...why could he not escape them in his new one? Why was it that everytime Mac's voice came over the answering machine his heart broke all over again? He wanted to forget her..and forget the pain she had caused him..but she was making it increasingly difficult. He had even considered moving..or changing his number, anything to guarantee his sanity.
It was almost if he was forcing himself to change..to be someone who could move on with no attatchments..to break free from everyone, start over...and be happy..but his heart denied him that luxury. Still though, his mind kept telling him to try harder..and maybe..just maybe ..he could.
***BACK TO THE STORY**
*Harm's POV*
I hear a knock at my door..so, I stop playing and cross the room to answer it. I am totally unprepared for what I see. There stands Mac...the very person I had been trying to avoid.I thought I'd never see her again. God, I've missed seeing that face...But yet, I have half a mind to slam this door in her ungrateful face.
*Mac's POV*
I knock and wait; I had heard him playing his guitar, so I know he is home...*sigh* for now. I hated not knowing whether he was safe or risking his neck in some dangerous mission for the CIA.well, I hated a lot of things these days: I hate walking over to his office to enjoy some friendly banter as usual, only to be greeted by the sight of Sturgis occupying Harm's chair. I hate the fact that the man I considered my best friend is no longer even speaking to me. I hate that he could so easily forget me and move on, and yet his name is always on my heart and soul. I hate the fact that I now call knowing that he won't answer, but yet am content with just hearing his voice before the beep...needing to hear it..missing it.wanting it...Yes, I hated a lot of things these days.
He opens the door..I fake a smile and say:
"Took a chance you'd be here." I let my eyes travel over him quickly, checking for anything that has changed..anything I'd missed.
*Harm's POV*
I force myself to smile back as I say arrogantly:
"Well, ..where else would I be?"
*Mac's POV*
"Out of town?..I've left 17 messages in the last 5 months." I try not to let the pain creep into my voice..I fight the urge to ask emotionally :'Why haven't you called me back you bastard?'
*Harm's POV*
I know Mac...believe me, I know..I've got them all memorized by heart. I smile and say:
"Yeah...I guess I have been gone a lot." I then open the door wider and move to go sit down in the living room, knowing she will follow.
*Mac's POV*
That's the understatement of the year..I pick up the box of files and come in, shutting the door behind me and setting my umbrella on the top of his book shelf. I decide to just get to the chase..so I say it as bluntly as I can:
"I know you're mad at me.." I hold my breath..waiting for his answer.
*Harm's POV *
*thinks sarcastically * 'Well, isn't that the understatement of the year?' I decide to be nonchalant.
"I'm not mad at anybody."
*Mac's POV *
Denial. ..I then ask him bitterly: "so..what? You just decide to move on . leave the rest of us behind? I walk to the coffee table and set down the box.
*Harm's POV *
*thinks sarcastically * Ding! Ding! Ding! Tell her what she's won! I respond by saying: "I'm just trying to get on with my life, you know?"
*Mac's POV *
JUST ADMIT IT, DANG IT. I tell him again in other words: "Look.I.I know you're upset."
*Harm's POV *
I'm getting angry now..what'd she come her to do? Pick at my wounds? See how much pain she was able to inflict? Well..she wasn't going to get what she wanted. I shoot back angrily:
"You don't know ANYTHING about what I'm feeling!"
*Mac's POV *
Yeah, well..why is that? Because you shut me out and won't even talk to me!!!! I scream at him in my head. I calm myself before giving him a pointed look and saying:
" I would know.If You would TALK to me."
*Harm's POV*
Yeah, right.like I'd do that after the talk we had in Paraguay. I can still feel the sting of your words. I deliver a blow of my own before taking a swig of my beer:
"Hey..I thought we'd done all our talking.you made that pretty clear."
*Mac's POV*
ouch. That hurt.I'm through talking.it's only increasing the pain in my hear; Let's get down to "why" I'm here.well, more like my excuse for being here..I straighten my jacket and move to sit in the chair diagonal from him.
" I need your help. You remember Cmdr. Imes?"
*Harm's POV *
'Go ahead.change the subject. I knew there was some hidden agenda for you being here anyway.'
I smile arrogantly: "Beat her six times running."
*Mac's POV *
'God, he's so arrogant..and sexy..' *snaps out of it*..I smile:
"Not that you were keeping score..Well, I have bad news.all of her cases are being overturned."
*Harm's POV *
Now, I'm confused:"Why?"
*Mac*
" She's not a lawyer."
*Harm*
*chuckles * "I could've told you that.I'm kidding."
*Mac's POV*
He can be such a child sometimes. I tell him seriously: "She never passed the Michigan Bar."
*Harm's POV*
*gets serious* "Really?..so now they're reviewing all her cases?"
*Mac's POV*
"Yep." I get up and open the box, pulling out a bunch of case files. "Harmon Rabb's Greatest Hits." I hand them to him.."So, will you help me?" I sit back down and ask teasingly: "Or do you have some secret mission to fly?"
*Harm's POV*
I just glare at her incredulously before asking:
"Webb didn't tell you?"
*Mac's POV *
I smile smugly: "We don't spend a lot of time talking about you."
*Harm's POV*
I wear a disgusted look and say bitterly: "That's a surprise..He
canned me."
*Mac's POV*
He's fired? Webb canned him?
"What?.But,I just saw you all over the t.v."
It dawns on me
."ohhh."
.I give him a sympathetic smile before asking:
"He really Fired you?"
*Harm's POV *
Does she enjoy hearing me say it or something? I retort bitterly:
"Yeah..ask him next time you two are together, it will give you two a
chance for a little pillow talk."
*Mac's POV*
I'm not going there with him...I glance at him again.letting my eyes
take in his handsome features, missing the closeness that we once
shared..I allowed myself to be vulnerable..just for a split moment,
and I ask softly:
" Do You ever miss it?"
*Harm's POV*
yeah.no.yes...I wish I didn't.but I do. But, I don't dare tell her
this:
"Being a lawyer?"
*Mac's POV*
I gaze at him intently and reply:
"Everything." Me, Harm, me.I need to know..da** it.
*Harm's POV *
Yes.I miss everything.and who's to blame for that? I did it for you
...I did it ALL for you...and da** it I miss you.
"Things change Mac." I can feel the hurt my words cause as soon as
their out of my mouth.and I'm ashamed to say that it feels good.
*Mac's POV *
I try not to let my hurt show..da** you Harm.I can't do this.I need
you.
I say softly: "so I've noticed...and I don't like it."
*Harm's POV*
I take a deep breath.'Is she really willing to go there with me right
now?' Cause believe me, I have A LOT to say!'
"Too bad." I say more sharply than I intended..I continue in a sad
voice: "You can't have everything you want Mac..that's something I've
had to learn."
*Mac's POV*
I close my eyes slowly, turning my face slightly away to hide the
tears threatening to spill.
"Harm." I try to protest, but he cuts me off.
*Harm's POV*
"No Mac, I'm not finished!" I'm raising my voice now, but I don't
care. "I give up my career for YOU, hop on the first flight I can to
go to God-forsaken Paraguay for YOU, am willing to risk my life for
YOU, and what do I get in return?!? A front row seat to "kissing
101"!!!
AND then, do I get a simple thank you?!?!?! NO!!!!!! .You demand I
tell you why I came, although the answer was so 'in your face' you
CHOSE not to see it!!!
YOU KNOW, I thought 'Actions speak louder than words' applied here,
but apparently not!!!
I KNOW I was wrong for trying to put off what we'd put off for so
long already..BUT YEAH, I am scared as heck of screwing things up that
I don't even want to try!
And then you deliver the blow!!!! You run a knife through my heart!!!
What I did isn't good enough! NO MATTER WHAT I DO IT WON"T BE GOOD
ENOUGH!!!! YOU SAID THERE WILL NEVER BE AN "US", AND AFTER PARAGUAY I
HAVE TO AGREE!!!!
THEN I COME BACK AND THE ADMIRAL DISMISSES ME AND YOU WATCH ME PACK
UP MY STUFF AND LEAVE AND STILL YOU DENY YOUR PART IN ALL THIS!!!?!?!
WELL, LET ME CLEAR IT UP FOR YOU, I DID IT FOR YOU!!!! I DID IT ALL
FOR YOU!!!! AND THE WORST PART IS I'D GLADLY DO IT AGAIN!!!!! DO YOU
LIKE TO SEE ME HURT?!?!? DO YOU LIKE TO MAKE ME CRY?!?! YOU ASK ME IF
I'M UPSET??? YES I AM.. AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE!!!
I am up out of my seat by now and staring out my window, letting my
angry tears run down my cheeks.
*Mac's POV*
I have been crying ever since he started yelling, but by the time he finishes.the realization of how he felt and how big of a mess this was hit me hard..and I was sobbing.
I say emotionally through my sobs, shaking my head "no" again and yet again. "No Harm.No...No.I don't. Please Harm..don't think that of me. I don't deny my part in this.I blame myself.I do Harm.God, I hate myself for what I've done to you..what I've done to "us"."
*Harm's POV*
I close my eyes painfully, brushing away my tears with my hand.
I reply quietly and with a hint of bitterness:
"Do you miss me Mac?"
*Mac's POV*
I calm down and whisper quietly: "More than you'll ever know.."
*Harm's POV*
I let bitterness evident in my tone as I retort: "you know, that's funny b/c Bud.told me that you said you didn't."
*Mac's POV*
I look down guiltily:"I.I..was hurt Harm..I didn't mean it.I miss you so badly I find it hard to breathe."
*Harm's POV*
"I'm "unpleasant"?" I ask angrily.
*Mac's POV*
I can't take it anymore.I love him.I need him.I need to touch him.to know that he's really here..but I can't...the damage is already done.
"at times" I say wearily.
*Harm's POV*
"I'm tired Mac, I believe you know where the door is." I start to walk past her to the bedroom.
*Mac's POV*
*stands up blocking his path and coming almost nose to nose with him* Tears are running down my cheeks as I whisper:."I miss you Harm.God knows I do.I know you're hurting..and I am too."
*Harm's POV*
"You can't possibly imagine the hurt I feel, Mac.."
*Mac's POV *
I interrupt him before he finishes: I look him straight in the eye and tell him emotionally: "I can't stop thinking about you, when I'm awake I hear your voice echo in my thoughts as memories of us together play out in my head, when I'm asleep I dream of us together only to wake up and remember how it ended..but more importantly how we ended..and cry the rest of the night. I can't concentrate at work, and am making stupid mistakes..I call Webb by your name on accident..and I was beaming like a kid at christmas after just a glimpse of you holding that girl on ZNN. YOU are imbedded in my soul.I can't escape you or the memory of you.I'm so sorry Harm...so so sorry.*starts to cry again* I want to thank you for saving my life..but, without you it's not worth living..*I gaze intently into his eyes* I'm in love with you, Harm."
THE END
A/N: I'm not sure if I'll post more.but, we'll see. Please Review and let me know if you'd like more!!
Title: Friendship ...Revisited.
Disclaimer: don't own it.am not making money off of it. Would I own it given the opportunity??? OH YEAH!
A/N: This is my take on how the scene in Harm's apartment could have gone.w/ alternating POV's..hope you enjoy!
Harm's Apartment North Of Union Station (Harm's POV)
((Intro()*is playing his guitar, letting his frusteration out through his music* Fired.with no job and no idea what the future might hold, he can only hope that everything will turn out alright. His friends, colleagues in the JAG office for years he had not spoken to in months..5 months to be exact. Bud and Mac had tried calling, but when he WAS home to hear the phone ring...his pride kept him from answering. Although, he did call Bud to congratulate him on the new baby.
He missed his old life, but his resolve was to move on and forget the past..and he was doing a pretty good job of it so far. His pain existed only in the memories of his former life..but then...why could he not escape them in his new one? Why was it that everytime Mac's voice came over the answering machine his heart broke all over again? He wanted to forget her..and forget the pain she had caused him..but she was making it increasingly difficult. He had even considered moving..or changing his number, anything to guarantee his sanity.
It was almost if he was forcing himself to change..to be someone who could move on with no attatchments..to break free from everyone, start over...and be happy..but his heart denied him that luxury. Still though, his mind kept telling him to try harder..and maybe..just maybe ..he could.
***BACK TO THE STORY**
*Harm's POV*
I hear a knock at my door..so, I stop playing and cross the room to answer it. I am totally unprepared for what I see. There stands Mac...the very person I had been trying to avoid.I thought I'd never see her again. God, I've missed seeing that face...But yet, I have half a mind to slam this door in her ungrateful face.
*Mac's POV*
I knock and wait; I had heard him playing his guitar, so I know he is home...*sigh* for now. I hated not knowing whether he was safe or risking his neck in some dangerous mission for the CIA.well, I hated a lot of things these days: I hate walking over to his office to enjoy some friendly banter as usual, only to be greeted by the sight of Sturgis occupying Harm's chair. I hate the fact that the man I considered my best friend is no longer even speaking to me. I hate that he could so easily forget me and move on, and yet his name is always on my heart and soul. I hate the fact that I now call knowing that he won't answer, but yet am content with just hearing his voice before the beep...needing to hear it..missing it.wanting it...Yes, I hated a lot of things these days.
He opens the door..I fake a smile and say:
"Took a chance you'd be here." I let my eyes travel over him quickly, checking for anything that has changed..anything I'd missed.
*Harm's POV*
I force myself to smile back as I say arrogantly:
"Well, ..where else would I be?"
*Mac's POV*
"Out of town?..I've left 17 messages in the last 5 months." I try not to let the pain creep into my voice..I fight the urge to ask emotionally :'Why haven't you called me back you bastard?'
*Harm's POV*
I know Mac...believe me, I know..I've got them all memorized by heart. I smile and say:
"Yeah...I guess I have been gone a lot." I then open the door wider and move to go sit down in the living room, knowing she will follow.
*Mac's POV*
That's the understatement of the year..I pick up the box of files and come in, shutting the door behind me and setting my umbrella on the top of his book shelf. I decide to just get to the chase..so I say it as bluntly as I can:
"I know you're mad at me.." I hold my breath..waiting for his answer.
*Harm's POV *
*thinks sarcastically * 'Well, isn't that the understatement of the year?' I decide to be nonchalant.
"I'm not mad at anybody."
*Mac's POV *
Denial. ..I then ask him bitterly: "so..what? You just decide to move on . leave the rest of us behind? I walk to the coffee table and set down the box.
*Harm's POV *
*thinks sarcastically * Ding! Ding! Ding! Tell her what she's won! I respond by saying: "I'm just trying to get on with my life, you know?"
*Mac's POV *
JUST ADMIT IT, DANG IT. I tell him again in other words: "Look.I.I know you're upset."
*Harm's POV *
I'm getting angry now..what'd she come her to do? Pick at my wounds? See how much pain she was able to inflict? Well..she wasn't going to get what she wanted. I shoot back angrily:
"You don't know ANYTHING about what I'm feeling!"
*Mac's POV *
Yeah, well..why is that? Because you shut me out and won't even talk to me!!!! I scream at him in my head. I calm myself before giving him a pointed look and saying:
" I would know.If You would TALK to me."
*Harm's POV*
Yeah, right.like I'd do that after the talk we had in Paraguay. I can still feel the sting of your words. I deliver a blow of my own before taking a swig of my beer:
"Hey..I thought we'd done all our talking.you made that pretty clear."
*Mac's POV*
ouch. That hurt.I'm through talking.it's only increasing the pain in my hear; Let's get down to "why" I'm here.well, more like my excuse for being here..I straighten my jacket and move to sit in the chair diagonal from him.
" I need your help. You remember Cmdr. Imes?"
*Harm's POV *
'Go ahead.change the subject. I knew there was some hidden agenda for you being here anyway.'
I smile arrogantly: "Beat her six times running."
*Mac's POV *
'God, he's so arrogant..and sexy..' *snaps out of it*..I smile:
"Not that you were keeping score..Well, I have bad news.all of her cases are being overturned."
*Harm's POV *
Now, I'm confused:"Why?"
*Mac*
" She's not a lawyer."
*Harm*
*chuckles * "I could've told you that.I'm kidding."
*Mac's POV*
He can be such a child sometimes. I tell him seriously: "She never passed the Michigan Bar."
*Harm's POV*
*gets serious* "Really?..so now they're reviewing all her cases?"
*Mac's POV*
"Yep." I get up and open the box, pulling out a bunch of case files. "Harmon Rabb's Greatest Hits." I hand them to him.."So, will you help me?" I sit back down and ask teasingly: "Or do you have some secret mission to fly?"
*Harm's POV*
I just glare at her incredulously before asking:
"Webb didn't tell you?"
*Mac's POV *
I smile smugly: "We don't spend a lot of time talking about you."
*Harm's POV*
I wear a disgusted look and say bitterly: "That's a surprise..He
canned me."
*Mac's POV*
He's fired? Webb canned him?
"What?.But,I just saw you all over the t.v."
It dawns on me
."ohhh."
.I give him a sympathetic smile before asking:
"He really Fired you?"
*Harm's POV *
Does she enjoy hearing me say it or something? I retort bitterly:
"Yeah..ask him next time you two are together, it will give you two a
chance for a little pillow talk."
*Mac's POV*
I'm not going there with him...I glance at him again.letting my eyes
take in his handsome features, missing the closeness that we once
shared..I allowed myself to be vulnerable..just for a split moment,
and I ask softly:
" Do You ever miss it?"
*Harm's POV*
yeah.no.yes...I wish I didn't.but I do. But, I don't dare tell her
this:
"Being a lawyer?"
*Mac's POV*
I gaze at him intently and reply:
"Everything." Me, Harm, me.I need to know..da** it.
*Harm's POV *
Yes.I miss everything.and who's to blame for that? I did it for you
...I did it ALL for you...and da** it I miss you.
"Things change Mac." I can feel the hurt my words cause as soon as
their out of my mouth.and I'm ashamed to say that it feels good.
*Mac's POV *
I try not to let my hurt show..da** you Harm.I can't do this.I need
you.
I say softly: "so I've noticed...and I don't like it."
*Harm's POV*
I take a deep breath.'Is she really willing to go there with me right
now?' Cause believe me, I have A LOT to say!'
"Too bad." I say more sharply than I intended..I continue in a sad
voice: "You can't have everything you want Mac..that's something I've
had to learn."
*Mac's POV*
I close my eyes slowly, turning my face slightly away to hide the
tears threatening to spill.
"Harm." I try to protest, but he cuts me off.
*Harm's POV*
"No Mac, I'm not finished!" I'm raising my voice now, but I don't
care. "I give up my career for YOU, hop on the first flight I can to
go to God-forsaken Paraguay for YOU, am willing to risk my life for
YOU, and what do I get in return?!? A front row seat to "kissing
101"!!!
AND then, do I get a simple thank you?!?!?! NO!!!!!! .You demand I
tell you why I came, although the answer was so 'in your face' you
CHOSE not to see it!!!
YOU KNOW, I thought 'Actions speak louder than words' applied here,
but apparently not!!!
I KNOW I was wrong for trying to put off what we'd put off for so
long already..BUT YEAH, I am scared as heck of screwing things up that
I don't even want to try!
And then you deliver the blow!!!! You run a knife through my heart!!!
What I did isn't good enough! NO MATTER WHAT I DO IT WON"T BE GOOD
ENOUGH!!!! YOU SAID THERE WILL NEVER BE AN "US", AND AFTER PARAGUAY I
HAVE TO AGREE!!!!
THEN I COME BACK AND THE ADMIRAL DISMISSES ME AND YOU WATCH ME PACK
UP MY STUFF AND LEAVE AND STILL YOU DENY YOUR PART IN ALL THIS!!!?!?!
WELL, LET ME CLEAR IT UP FOR YOU, I DID IT FOR YOU!!!! I DID IT ALL
FOR YOU!!!! AND THE WORST PART IS I'D GLADLY DO IT AGAIN!!!!! DO YOU
LIKE TO SEE ME HURT?!?!? DO YOU LIKE TO MAKE ME CRY?!?! YOU ASK ME IF
I'M UPSET??? YES I AM.. AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE!!!
I am up out of my seat by now and staring out my window, letting my
angry tears run down my cheeks.
*Mac's POV*
I have been crying ever since he started yelling, but by the time he finishes.the realization of how he felt and how big of a mess this was hit me hard..and I was sobbing.
I say emotionally through my sobs, shaking my head "no" again and yet again. "No Harm.No...No.I don't. Please Harm..don't think that of me. I don't deny my part in this.I blame myself.I do Harm.God, I hate myself for what I've done to you..what I've done to "us"."
*Harm's POV*
I close my eyes painfully, brushing away my tears with my hand.
I reply quietly and with a hint of bitterness:
"Do you miss me Mac?"
*Mac's POV*
I calm down and whisper quietly: "More than you'll ever know.."
*Harm's POV*
I let bitterness evident in my tone as I retort: "you know, that's funny b/c Bud.told me that you said you didn't."
*Mac's POV*
I look down guiltily:"I.I..was hurt Harm..I didn't mean it.I miss you so badly I find it hard to breathe."
*Harm's POV*
"I'm "unpleasant"?" I ask angrily.
*Mac's POV*
I can't take it anymore.I love him.I need him.I need to touch him.to know that he's really here..but I can't...the damage is already done.
"at times" I say wearily.
*Harm's POV*
"I'm tired Mac, I believe you know where the door is." I start to walk past her to the bedroom.
*Mac's POV*
*stands up blocking his path and coming almost nose to nose with him* Tears are running down my cheeks as I whisper:."I miss you Harm.God knows I do.I know you're hurting..and I am too."
*Harm's POV*
"You can't possibly imagine the hurt I feel, Mac.."
*Mac's POV *
I interrupt him before he finishes: I look him straight in the eye and tell him emotionally: "I can't stop thinking about you, when I'm awake I hear your voice echo in my thoughts as memories of us together play out in my head, when I'm asleep I dream of us together only to wake up and remember how it ended..but more importantly how we ended..and cry the rest of the night. I can't concentrate at work, and am making stupid mistakes..I call Webb by your name on accident..and I was beaming like a kid at christmas after just a glimpse of you holding that girl on ZNN. YOU are imbedded in my soul.I can't escape you or the memory of you.I'm so sorry Harm...so so sorry.*starts to cry again* I want to thank you for saving my life..but, without you it's not worth living..*I gaze intently into his eyes* I'm in love with you, Harm."
THE END
A/N: I'm not sure if I'll post more.but, we'll see. Please Review and let me know if you'd like more!!