Chapter One: Permanent

There were some things that left scars, it was that simple. Whether they were visible or not, they were permanent, forever etched into the flesh or the mind. Korra knew this better than most. What she hated about scars though, was not the ugly jagged lumps they became. It was the burden of knowing the pain, it was the memories the scars sealed in. Permanent.

"Sometimes they fade," Bolin said softly, offering her his hand. She brushed her fingers over his lightly, forcing a smile. His voice was warm, as always, but lacking. He'd been scarred too. The kind you couldn't see, the kind that rarely surfaced. Bolin's scars were deep, so deep it pained Korra to hear them when they did rise in his voice. Permanent. He'd never be the same again. Broken.

"It's probably best not to try and cover them up. We could, if you wanted to, but it'll still be…noticeable." Asami smelled of lilies, but what kind Korra wasn't sure. She always smelled of some kind of flower, soothing and sweet. As she ran a hand through Korra's hair, Asami hummed absentmindedly. She relished distractions, cloying smells and ever present music. It was her bandage, Korra knew that. Asami's scars had yet to mark her, she was still an open wound. It was clear as to why. Asami was a fighter. No scars would settle on her. It hurt Korra, to see her friend slowly bleed.

"It is a sign of healing, Korra," Lin said. She was brittle, removed, and couldn't bare to see Korra like this. Lin knew of scars, she knew of permanence, but she had yet to find acceptance. Some part of her remained forever infected, tainted and pus filled. It hit her—every time she looked at Korra—like a punch in the gut. Lin could say things healed, say scars were signs, claim the tides turned and brought with them clear skies, but it would always pain her. Her scar to bare.

"You're making great progress." Tenzin was distracted, his voice always came to Korra over his shoulder. He liked to keep himself busy, work was simple. Paper cuts were a pain that could heal, no matter how much they hurt. Other things did not fade so easily. Other things remained to remind him of his failings, his inability to help those he loved. It was hard, hard to move on, when the past was ever prevalent, marring Korra's face. A daily reminder. Her scars were his. He tried to move forward, make progress a reality. Some things just weren't that easy to fix.

Mako was silent. His touch spooked Korra, rough compared to Bolin's. He carried no scent like Asami, hummed no tunes. He was more distant than Lin, offering even less. Unlike Tenzin, he did little to put his mind at ease. Mako bared no scars, he only had Korra's. He shared them with her as best he could, but he remained a shell. His fault. How could he let that go?
"I'm sorry," he whispered sometimes, lips tickling her ear.
She didn't know how to respond. Sorry didn't change anything. It didn't heal her scars, it didn't bring back her sight, it didn't fix her friends.
"Just let me get it for you," Mako insisted in a heavy tone.
Korra felt him try to pry the kettle from her grasp. Never. He could pull as hard as he liked, but her blindness did nothing to change her stubbornness.
"I can do it."
"You'll burn yourself."
"Have a little faith in me."
She heard him shift uncomfortably. He let go of the kettle and it fell heavily to her side, swinging loosely in her hand. Korra listened for him.
"I do have faith in you," he said, his voice fading from the room.
She waited but nothing more came. Mako left her alone, just like she wanted, to take care of herself. Tears found their way down Korra's cheeks. She nearly dropped the kettle, but caught it with nimble fingers. No point in spilling more water.

Bolin was patient with her, he always had been. It counted now more than ever. Korra did her best not to press her luck though, she had few people to depend on these days.
"Concentrate on the earth. When you put your foot down you should try to feel for the world around, not look for it." Bolin let out a breath and placed his hands on Korra's shoulders. She flinched and nodded slowly.
"I'll try," she said with a croak. She barely spoke anymore. She put too much effort into listening.
"You can do it," Bolin coxed.
Korra wanted to believe him. She wanted to go back to the days when she did feel like she could do anything. When she'd rush off into battle, defy Tenzin to try probending, fall head over heels in love with someone and never regret a moment of it. Back to before the scars.
"Korra?"
Impossible. She was stuck here in this new world, this dark world. A void, the one that was building between her and Mako. Not his fault. How could she convince him of that? His scars were just as permanent as hers.
"Korra? Do you want to take a break?" Bolin rubbed her back.
"I…I don't think I'm ready for this yet," she said.

She missed the water. The feel of it against her skin, tangling her hair, filling her ears, floating her along. How it collected her in caressing hands and kept her steady. Water, always her constant. Not so anymore. It was different now. She couldn't trust it.
Korra couldn't go beyond the shore, the ocean lapping at her toes. She would be lost if she went any further.
"Hey, Korra? What are you doing out here all by yourself?" Jinora. Unmistakably her voice. Old beyond her years, but at the moment timid.
"Thinking," Korra said, wiping tears away. She cleared her throat, observing the crunching of sand beneath Jinora's feet. She was getting better at visualizing the vibrations in the earth, though it still gave her a headache.
Jinora's arm brushed Korra's softly. She was always light, airy by nature. Suited for airbending, naturally gifted in so many ways.
"Do you mind if I ask what about?"
It took a moment for that to sink in and even longer for Korra to calm herself done. It wasn't Jinora's fault for being curious, but how was Korra supposed to explain without choking up? Without saying the wrong thing or placing blame?
"The ocean, mostly," Korra said, flicking at the water with her toes.
Jinora took Korra's hand. "That's nice. The ocean's peaceful. Sometimes everyone just needs a little peace in their life."
Korra smiled. "You're a pretty smart girl, Jinora."
"You're not too shabby yourself."

Meditating seemed to make more sense these days. It helped to get her mind off of everything else, ground her a bit. Korra found herself thinking clearly then and was able to handle the memories, the itching of the scars.
It was always a fuzzy memory, wedged in the back of her mind. Odd how the days where everything changes always start off more normal than any others. Mako giving her a kiss on the cheek in bed. Rohan splashing his breakfast all over Korra. Training with Tenzin in the airbending gates. Sharing lunch with Asami and Bolin before heading into the city to sit in on the council. Teasing Mako for being being her chauffeur as he drove her to the meeting.
Everything simple, everything normal.
Then the grinding of metal, screeching tires, yelling, crying, darkness.
Korra sucked in a deep breath to settle herself. No more crying, no more sobbing alone wallowing in self pity. She was the Avatar. She needed to be strong. But what good was she if she couldn't even see the people she was supposed to help?
"Aang," she whispered. "I need some guidance here."
Nothing.
Just like every other time she tried.
Alone, in the darkness, Korra felt herself fading. She wasn't sure who she was anymore, but it most certainly was not the Avatar.

"I think I know what you need. Some cake!" Pema was very hands-on. She felt the need to touch Korra every time she passed or spoke. It was to make Korra comfortable, but it still annoyed her to no end.
"That's alright. I don't really feel like eating anything." Korra flinched as Pema plunked down next to her, putting a hand on the Avatar's shoulder.
"Well that's no good. We can't have you wasting away to nothing. What will your mother think of me if I don't keep you well fed?" Pema's smile echoed in her voice, just as hollow. Korra was tired of this. Tired of quick fixes trying to fade permanent scars.
"I don't need your food and I don't need you pretending to be my mother! What I need is to be able to see! What I need is for my ability to be the Avatar restored! What I need is for you and everyone else to leave me alone so that I can just have some peace and quiet!" Korra stumbled out of her seat, her arms thrashing at the air. She wasn't sure if she was trying to hit Pema or her problems, but she heard a deafening smack.
Pema gasped and choked back a sob. Korra felt around desperately, guilt raking her heart.
"Pema…I'm so sorry. I—"
"Don't worry about me, Korra." Pema's voice was cold, sad. "I'll leave you alone. Just like you want."

Korra took a deep breath and felt her way into the chair. Just over the sound of her own heartbeat, Tenzin's breathing could be heard. She bit her lip and kept her head bowed. If she concentrated just enough, Korra could visualize the office in her mind's eye. The desk, the rug on the floor, even Tenzin seated across from her. But how much of it was still the same as she remembered? Everything must've changed. The picture in her mind blurred and faded.
"Have you spoken to Avatar Aang yet?"
Korra wasn't sure how to respond. Wasn't he going to ask about Pema? Or had she not told Tenzin what had happened? If not, the responsibility fell on Korra. She had to apologize.
"No. I…I haven't been able to get in touch with my spiritual side for a while…" Korra took a deep breath, ready to spill her guts, when Tenzin cut in.
"I know it's hard, but you must try. Lin has promised to help you with your earthbending training, but frankly…I don't know how to teach you airbending if you can't…" Tenzin caught himself, clearing his throat. Korra could hear him rustling uncomfortably in his seat.
"I get it. I'm working on it. It's just…it's tough. I used to think I could do anything. And when I finally got to airbend, when I got to the Avatar State, it was amazing. I felt like I was finally the Avatar the world deserved. And now…" Korra blinked back tears. So strange to think that she thought that was going to be her life. The next great Avatar, powerful and capable, not this. Not helpless.
"Korra. That hasn't changed. That's permanent, your abilities, your strength, it's all permanent. You are not weak, you still accomplish so much. You amaze me, Korra," Tenzin said. She heard him come around the next and rest by her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. Korra reached for it and squeezed his fingers.
"Right. Sure." She wished she could believe him.

"You look beautiful."
"Good to know."
"Korra, I'm really trying here."
She sighed. "Sorry, Mako. I'm just not in the mood."
"For feeling beautiful?"
"For anything really."
"I still love you," he said quietly.
"I know," she answered in a monotone.
"Do you…"
"I don't know."