Disclaimer- I don't own Star Trek, the characters or the ship. I also don't own the candy Reese's peanut butter cup. I wish I did, though. Then I'd get to eat as much as I wanted. I LOVE Reese's peanut butter cups.
(A/N- This is just a silly story that comes from the commericals for Reese's cups. I got the idea from Lorlie. She did one for the TV show The Man From UNCLE. I'm trying a new writting format. I used to do it in a play format, now I'm writing it like an actual story. I'm still going to do play format, I just wanted to try this out. Tell me what you think! And REVIEW!!)
HOW WOULD JAMES T. KIRK, CAPTAIN OF THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Kirk was going down the corridors of his ship. He was walking in a slow, confident manner.
"Where did it go?" Kirk mumbled to himself. "I'm sure Yeoman Rand said she put that Reese's peanut butter cup on my bed, but it wasn't there!"
He turns the corner and sees 5 Klingons at the end of the hall.
Kirk walked over to them. "Do you know who I am?" He asked them.
The Klingons blinked. There was silence for a few minutes, then Kirk crossed his arms.
"You're supposed to say, 'KIRK!!' and sound all scared!" He pouted.
One of the Klingons stepped forward. "I am a warrior. I am never scared."
Kirk walked over to the wall, and took a deep breath. Then he smashed his fist into the wall. When he pulled his hand away, there was a gaping hole.
The Klingon who had stepped forward whimpered. "Mommmy!"
Kirk whispered to himself, "I'm glad we only had enough prop money to make the walls out of Styrofoam."
Then a Klingon held out a Reese's peanut butter cup. "Do you recognize this?"
Kirk gasped. "My Reese's peanut butter cup! That's mine!"
The Klingon shook his head. "It's mine now."
Kirk looked sad. Then he walked up to the Klingon and punched him in the stomach. He then kicked out with his left leg and tripped the second Klingon. The second Klingon tripped and fell into the third Klingon. Then the fourth Klingon made punch at Kirk. Kirk ducked, but his shirt got ripped. Then Kirk bashed the fifth and fourth Klingons' heads together.
When the dust settled, there were 5 unconscious Klingons on the ground. One of them was still holding the chocolate candy. Kirk was standing and looking at his ripped shirt.
Kirk smiled. "Fifth one this week! I'm on a roll!" Then he walked over to the Reese's peanut butter cup and removed it from the Klingon's grip. He unwrapped it and bit into the candy. Turning to the unconscious Klingons he said, "I warned you. When someone touches my candy, I get mean."
HOW WOULD HIKARU SULU, HELMSMAN ABOARD THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Sulu was in his room. He had a sword in one hand, and in the other he held, guess what? A Reese's cup! He smiled.
"Watch this!"
He threw the Reese's cup into the air. Then, with a flick of his wrist, he raised his sword. All that could be heard was the swish of the blade as it chopped the Reese's cup, in mid-air, into neat fourths. He then opened his mouth and tilted his head back. The pieces of the Reese's cup fell into his open mouth.
"Thank you, thank you." He bowed, and left the room.
HOW WOULD LEONARD H. MCCOY, DOCTOR ON THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
McCoy was in Sickbay. He had no patients since he had just finished his last batch of red-shirts, who had injured themselves in every way possible and some ways that weren't.
Now he was getting a much-deserved break. He was going to fill up that break by eating one of his favorite foods, other then fried chicken. Reese's peanut butter cups.
He had gotten one of the replicators to give him one, though he didn't like the replicators too much. Stupid machines, he thought to himself. They can never get it right. Who knows if this thing is edible? If wish I could have gone to Earth and gotten a real one!
He opened the wrapper and carefully stole a glance around the room. Nobody was there. Good.
He picked up the cup and waved it around, while talking to himself.
"The Starship Enterprise is going through space. Everything is peaceful. Even the amazing Doctor McCoy hasn't started a argument with Spock yet. They are all looking forward to a relaxing day. But SUDDENLY...." (imitating Scotty's accent) Keptan! There is a huge mouth in space. We're being sucked in! There's nothing we can do to stop it!"
Doctor McCoy opened his mouth and took a bite of the Reese's. Then he imitated Spock's voice. "Captain, we have a huge hole in the ship. Life support is failing."
McCoy laughed. "Here's to you, Spock!" He broke off a piece of the Reese's cup. He then held it over his head and imitated Spock's voice. "This is not logical."
He dropped the piece into his mouth. "Ha! Take that, you logical Vulcan!"
Just then, there was a knock on the door. McCoy hastily dropped the peanut butter cup on the table.
"Come in."
Christine Chapel came into Sickbay. "Are you all right, Doctor?" She asked. "I heard you saying something. Were you talking to yourself?"
McCoy turned red. "It's nothing, nurse."
Nurse Chapel looked at him suspiciously. "Well," She said, "I'll be going." She turned to leave. "And by the way, you have chocolate on your mouth."
McCoy hurriedly wiped his mouth on his hand. When he looked up, the nurse was gone.
HOW WOULD PAVEL CHEKOV, NAVIGATOR SERVING ON THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Chekov was in his quarters. He was bending over his desk, cutting something with a knife. There was a brief pause, then PearlGirl's
voice came from backstage.
"Chekov! Hurry up!"
"I'm going, I'm going! Can't you wait just a minute? This is tricky work!"
A minute passed.
"You said it would only be a minute!" PearlGirl whined.
"I'm not done yet."
"Well, hurry up! I haven't got all day!"
About 5 mintutes passed.
"Are you done?"
"Yes."
Chekov raised his head and held up a small knife in one hand and a Reese's cup in the other. The Reese's cup was shaped like the country Russia.
Chekov smiled and said smugly, "I always said Russia was sweet, didn't I?"
Then he popped it into his mouth.
HOW WOULD EUGENE SNODGRASS, A RED-SHIRTED ENSIGN STILL SURVIVING ON THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Ensign Snodgrass moaned and covered his face with his hand. Now everyone knew his name. Who else had a name like Eugene? Why did his mother name him that? Why did everyone else get a normal name, and he got stuck with Eugene? It wasn't fair!
He was walking down a corridor when he saw Yeoman Rand coming his way. She was holding a bag.
"Would you like one?" She smiled sweetly at him.
"What are they?" He dared to ask.
The Yeoman smiled. "You're never heard of them before? How funny! They're Reese's peanut butter cups!"
"Are they dangerous?" Snodgrass asked, eyeing the candies dubiously.
Yeoman Rand shook her head. "Of course not!"
Snodgrass still wasn't sure. "Will they kill me? I *am* a red-shirted ensign. Are you sure they're safe? Have you had one? Did anyone else have one yet? Did they survive? Have you-"
Yeoman Rand interrupted. "No! They're fine! Just eat one!" She was looking like she regretted even talking to the ensign. "I have to go. Bye!" She stuffed a candy into his hand, then strode off in a huff.
Ensign Snodgrass studied the Reese's cup. "Hmmmm. It couldn't be *that* bad, right? Right? RIGHT?" Snodgrass looked around and realized that he was the only one in the hallway.
"I probably shouldn't eat this by myself. That wouldn't be smart. I'd better eat it near where Doctor McCoy can see me and maybe save me if I start dying."
Snodgrass began to walk to Sickbay. Then, he tripped over his shoelaces and the Reese cup went flying out of his hands.
"Hey! I don't have shoelaces! Maybe they're invisible." Snodgrass got to his feet and realized, with some surprise, that he was not seriously injured. Then he saw another red-shirted ensign. He was holding the Reese's cup.
"What's this?" The red-shirted ensign asked.
"It's a Reese's cup. You can have it is you want." Ensign Snodgrass replied.
"Thanks." The ensign smiled and began opening the wrapping. Then, before he had gotten it halfway open, there was a BANG! and a huge explosion, which disintegrated the red-shirt. In a matter of seconds, the only thing left in front of Ensign Snodgrass was the Reese's cup, which was halfway open and sitting there innocently.
"I'd better tell Doctor McCoy," Ensign Snodgrass said as he began walking to sickbay, "We lost another red-shirt, and he should warn everybody that those Reese's cups are dangerous."
As Snodgrass leaves, another redshirt walks up to the Reese's cup.
HOW WOULD NYOTA UHURA, COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER ABOARD THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Uhura was sitting in her room, listening to music. She was trying to decide something, and when she was trying to decide something, she tended to talk to herself.
"Hmmm," Uhura said out loud, "I really shouldn't eat that Reese's cup. I need to keep this gooooorgeous thin waist. Otherwise I might not be able to wear such short skirts. But then again, it's just one. Christine brought it to me personally. She said she had seen Dr. McCoy eating them and so they must be pretty good."
She began to open the wrapping. "Just a little bit." She whispered to herself. "It wouldn't make any difference." She took a bite. "Yummmmmy!" She took another bite. "Just one more bite." She tasted the Reese's again. "Delicious." She looked at the half of the Reese's cup that she had left.
"Oh, what the heck." She shrugged and shoved the rest into her mouth.
HOW WOULD MISTER SPOCK, SCIENCE OFFICER SERVING ON THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
PearlGirl and Spock were in Spock's quarters. Spock looked totally unemotional, and PearlGirl looked exasperated. She held a Reese's peanut butter cup.
"Come *on*, Spock!" PearlGirl whined, "You *have* to eat it!"
The reply was swift. "Vulcans do not eat Reese's peanut butter cups."
PearlGirl was not giving up. "But you have to show how you would eat it!"
Spock sighed. Why didn't humans understand this? It was simple logic. "So you want me to act as I would if I were presented with a Reese's peanut butter cup?"
PearlGirl nodded. At last she was getting through to the Vulcan.
Spock saw a way out, and took it. "The way I would react would be to refuse to eat it. Thus, the way Spock eats a Reese's is simply by not eating it."
PearlGirl moaned. "Come on! Why can't you just eat it? It's just a puny little Reese's cup!"
"Because there is no point in eating it." Spock explained patiently. "Reese peanut butter cups have no nutrients. They are virtually chocolate and peanut butter. Chocolate, of course comes from a cocoa bean plant, while peanut butter comes-
PearlGirl interrupted Spock, "I don't have time for a health lecture, Spock!" She paused. "Do you think I could get Jim to order you to eat it?"
Spock answered, "I see no reason why the Captain should order me to eat a candy."
PearlGirl sighed. "I suppose you're right. But it would do you some good to act more human."
Spock raised his eyebrows. "Did Doctor McCoy inform you of this?"
"How'd you guess?"
"It seemed like something the doctor would say in this situation." Spock answered.
PearlGirl moaned. "I guess I'll have to give up. It doesn't look like you're going to agree with me."
"That is correct, Author."
HOW WOULD MONTGOMERY SCOTT, CHIEF ENGINEER ABOARD THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Scotty was in Engineering, as usual, when a red-shirted ensign caught his eye. The ensign looked very frightened. He was sneaking around, as if he didn't want to be seen.
Scotty went over to him. "What's the matter, ensign?"
The ensign jumped about a foot, then calmed down when he realized it was just Mister Scott.
"Oh, it's just you, Mister Scott." The ensign took a deep breath. "I thought it was Yeoman Rand."
"Why are ye scared into hidin' from some yeoman?" Scotty wanted to know.
"She passing out....." The ensign looked around carefully, then said in a low whisper, "Reese's cups."
"And what's a Reese's cup?"
"Shhhhh!" The ensign hissed, then looked around again. "You don't know what a Reese's cup is?"
"Come on now!" Scotty snorted indignantly. "I'm an engineer, not a dictionary!"
"Isn't that Doctor McCoy's line?" The red-shirted ensign asked. "You can't steal his line! That's plagiarism!"
"I have my rights!" Scotty insisted. "Besides, it's only plagiarism if McCoy copyrighted it...... I think."
"Oh. Well, a Reese's cup is a chocolate and peanut butter candy."
"And what's the matter with a bit o' candy?"
"Well, you see, sir," The ensign explained, "They're killing off red-shirts! Four have died already! If she comes through that door..." The red-shirted ensign pointed to a door over to their left, "I'm going to be out of here faster then a ball out of a shotgun."
Just then, the door opened and Yeoman Rand stepped in.
"Hi, people!" She smiled cheerfully. "Anyone up for a Reese's cup?" The ensign screamed and ran for the closest door. He promptly tripped and fell into the warp core. McCoy came through a door and hurried over to the ensign with his med-kit.
After looking into the warp core for about two seconds, the Doctor walked over to Scotty.
"He's dead, Mister Scott."
"I think that's a bit obvious, don't you?"
McCoy shrugged. "That's my job. Stating the obvious." Then he left.
Yeoman Rand sighed. "That's the fifth redshirt that's died today! I don't know what it is!"
"I don't know either." Then Scotty eyed the candy. "Could I have one?"
"Sure." The Yeoman handed the chief engineer a Reese's cup wrapped in paper. Just then, the communicator turned on. Captain Kirk's voice came out of it.
"Scotty, we need you to fix a hole in the ship!"
"Where is this hole in me ship?"
"In Engineering." Just after Kirk had finished, Scotty noticed a quarter-sized hole in the wall. A blue gas was leaking in.
"Mister Spock said the gas is poisonous." Kirk continued. "We need you to patch it up immediately!"
"It'll take an hour, sir!"
"You don't have an hour, Mister Scott!"
Scotty paused just for a minute. Then he ripped the paper off the reese cup, ran over to the hole, and squashed the candy into it. The gas flow stopped. Scotty began talking into the communicator.
"I'm done, sir."
"What?!" Kirk was surprised. "You're a miracle-worker, Scotty! I'm glad you're on my ship!"
Scotty winked at Yeoman Rand. "Sir, you should be even gladder that I had a Reese's cup with me."
THERE'S NO WRONG WAY TO EAT A REESE'S.
(A/N- Like I said, it's very silly. I hope it's silly in a good way, though. Please tell me how you liked this writing style, and your favorite lines. Don't worry about how five ensigns died in this story. Kirk still has plenty left. REVIEW!)
(A/N- This is just a silly story that comes from the commericals for Reese's cups. I got the idea from Lorlie. She did one for the TV show The Man From UNCLE. I'm trying a new writting format. I used to do it in a play format, now I'm writing it like an actual story. I'm still going to do play format, I just wanted to try this out. Tell me what you think! And REVIEW!!)
HOW WOULD JAMES T. KIRK, CAPTAIN OF THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Kirk was going down the corridors of his ship. He was walking in a slow, confident manner.
"Where did it go?" Kirk mumbled to himself. "I'm sure Yeoman Rand said she put that Reese's peanut butter cup on my bed, but it wasn't there!"
He turns the corner and sees 5 Klingons at the end of the hall.
Kirk walked over to them. "Do you know who I am?" He asked them.
The Klingons blinked. There was silence for a few minutes, then Kirk crossed his arms.
"You're supposed to say, 'KIRK!!' and sound all scared!" He pouted.
One of the Klingons stepped forward. "I am a warrior. I am never scared."
Kirk walked over to the wall, and took a deep breath. Then he smashed his fist into the wall. When he pulled his hand away, there was a gaping hole.
The Klingon who had stepped forward whimpered. "Mommmy!"
Kirk whispered to himself, "I'm glad we only had enough prop money to make the walls out of Styrofoam."
Then a Klingon held out a Reese's peanut butter cup. "Do you recognize this?"
Kirk gasped. "My Reese's peanut butter cup! That's mine!"
The Klingon shook his head. "It's mine now."
Kirk looked sad. Then he walked up to the Klingon and punched him in the stomach. He then kicked out with his left leg and tripped the second Klingon. The second Klingon tripped and fell into the third Klingon. Then the fourth Klingon made punch at Kirk. Kirk ducked, but his shirt got ripped. Then Kirk bashed the fifth and fourth Klingons' heads together.
When the dust settled, there were 5 unconscious Klingons on the ground. One of them was still holding the chocolate candy. Kirk was standing and looking at his ripped shirt.
Kirk smiled. "Fifth one this week! I'm on a roll!" Then he walked over to the Reese's peanut butter cup and removed it from the Klingon's grip. He unwrapped it and bit into the candy. Turning to the unconscious Klingons he said, "I warned you. When someone touches my candy, I get mean."
HOW WOULD HIKARU SULU, HELMSMAN ABOARD THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Sulu was in his room. He had a sword in one hand, and in the other he held, guess what? A Reese's cup! He smiled.
"Watch this!"
He threw the Reese's cup into the air. Then, with a flick of his wrist, he raised his sword. All that could be heard was the swish of the blade as it chopped the Reese's cup, in mid-air, into neat fourths. He then opened his mouth and tilted his head back. The pieces of the Reese's cup fell into his open mouth.
"Thank you, thank you." He bowed, and left the room.
HOW WOULD LEONARD H. MCCOY, DOCTOR ON THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
McCoy was in Sickbay. He had no patients since he had just finished his last batch of red-shirts, who had injured themselves in every way possible and some ways that weren't.
Now he was getting a much-deserved break. He was going to fill up that break by eating one of his favorite foods, other then fried chicken. Reese's peanut butter cups.
He had gotten one of the replicators to give him one, though he didn't like the replicators too much. Stupid machines, he thought to himself. They can never get it right. Who knows if this thing is edible? If wish I could have gone to Earth and gotten a real one!
He opened the wrapper and carefully stole a glance around the room. Nobody was there. Good.
He picked up the cup and waved it around, while talking to himself.
"The Starship Enterprise is going through space. Everything is peaceful. Even the amazing Doctor McCoy hasn't started a argument with Spock yet. They are all looking forward to a relaxing day. But SUDDENLY...." (imitating Scotty's accent) Keptan! There is a huge mouth in space. We're being sucked in! There's nothing we can do to stop it!"
Doctor McCoy opened his mouth and took a bite of the Reese's. Then he imitated Spock's voice. "Captain, we have a huge hole in the ship. Life support is failing."
McCoy laughed. "Here's to you, Spock!" He broke off a piece of the Reese's cup. He then held it over his head and imitated Spock's voice. "This is not logical."
He dropped the piece into his mouth. "Ha! Take that, you logical Vulcan!"
Just then, there was a knock on the door. McCoy hastily dropped the peanut butter cup on the table.
"Come in."
Christine Chapel came into Sickbay. "Are you all right, Doctor?" She asked. "I heard you saying something. Were you talking to yourself?"
McCoy turned red. "It's nothing, nurse."
Nurse Chapel looked at him suspiciously. "Well," She said, "I'll be going." She turned to leave. "And by the way, you have chocolate on your mouth."
McCoy hurriedly wiped his mouth on his hand. When he looked up, the nurse was gone.
HOW WOULD PAVEL CHEKOV, NAVIGATOR SERVING ON THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Chekov was in his quarters. He was bending over his desk, cutting something with a knife. There was a brief pause, then PearlGirl's
voice came from backstage.
"Chekov! Hurry up!"
"I'm going, I'm going! Can't you wait just a minute? This is tricky work!"
A minute passed.
"You said it would only be a minute!" PearlGirl whined.
"I'm not done yet."
"Well, hurry up! I haven't got all day!"
About 5 mintutes passed.
"Are you done?"
"Yes."
Chekov raised his head and held up a small knife in one hand and a Reese's cup in the other. The Reese's cup was shaped like the country Russia.
Chekov smiled and said smugly, "I always said Russia was sweet, didn't I?"
Then he popped it into his mouth.
HOW WOULD EUGENE SNODGRASS, A RED-SHIRTED ENSIGN STILL SURVIVING ON THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Ensign Snodgrass moaned and covered his face with his hand. Now everyone knew his name. Who else had a name like Eugene? Why did his mother name him that? Why did everyone else get a normal name, and he got stuck with Eugene? It wasn't fair!
He was walking down a corridor when he saw Yeoman Rand coming his way. She was holding a bag.
"Would you like one?" She smiled sweetly at him.
"What are they?" He dared to ask.
The Yeoman smiled. "You're never heard of them before? How funny! They're Reese's peanut butter cups!"
"Are they dangerous?" Snodgrass asked, eyeing the candies dubiously.
Yeoman Rand shook her head. "Of course not!"
Snodgrass still wasn't sure. "Will they kill me? I *am* a red-shirted ensign. Are you sure they're safe? Have you had one? Did anyone else have one yet? Did they survive? Have you-"
Yeoman Rand interrupted. "No! They're fine! Just eat one!" She was looking like she regretted even talking to the ensign. "I have to go. Bye!" She stuffed a candy into his hand, then strode off in a huff.
Ensign Snodgrass studied the Reese's cup. "Hmmmm. It couldn't be *that* bad, right? Right? RIGHT?" Snodgrass looked around and realized that he was the only one in the hallway.
"I probably shouldn't eat this by myself. That wouldn't be smart. I'd better eat it near where Doctor McCoy can see me and maybe save me if I start dying."
Snodgrass began to walk to Sickbay. Then, he tripped over his shoelaces and the Reese cup went flying out of his hands.
"Hey! I don't have shoelaces! Maybe they're invisible." Snodgrass got to his feet and realized, with some surprise, that he was not seriously injured. Then he saw another red-shirted ensign. He was holding the Reese's cup.
"What's this?" The red-shirted ensign asked.
"It's a Reese's cup. You can have it is you want." Ensign Snodgrass replied.
"Thanks." The ensign smiled and began opening the wrapping. Then, before he had gotten it halfway open, there was a BANG! and a huge explosion, which disintegrated the red-shirt. In a matter of seconds, the only thing left in front of Ensign Snodgrass was the Reese's cup, which was halfway open and sitting there innocently.
"I'd better tell Doctor McCoy," Ensign Snodgrass said as he began walking to sickbay, "We lost another red-shirt, and he should warn everybody that those Reese's cups are dangerous."
As Snodgrass leaves, another redshirt walks up to the Reese's cup.
HOW WOULD NYOTA UHURA, COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER ABOARD THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Uhura was sitting in her room, listening to music. She was trying to decide something, and when she was trying to decide something, she tended to talk to herself.
"Hmmm," Uhura said out loud, "I really shouldn't eat that Reese's cup. I need to keep this gooooorgeous thin waist. Otherwise I might not be able to wear such short skirts. But then again, it's just one. Christine brought it to me personally. She said she had seen Dr. McCoy eating them and so they must be pretty good."
She began to open the wrapping. "Just a little bit." She whispered to herself. "It wouldn't make any difference." She took a bite. "Yummmmmy!" She took another bite. "Just one more bite." She tasted the Reese's again. "Delicious." She looked at the half of the Reese's cup that she had left.
"Oh, what the heck." She shrugged and shoved the rest into her mouth.
HOW WOULD MISTER SPOCK, SCIENCE OFFICER SERVING ON THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
PearlGirl and Spock were in Spock's quarters. Spock looked totally unemotional, and PearlGirl looked exasperated. She held a Reese's peanut butter cup.
"Come *on*, Spock!" PearlGirl whined, "You *have* to eat it!"
The reply was swift. "Vulcans do not eat Reese's peanut butter cups."
PearlGirl was not giving up. "But you have to show how you would eat it!"
Spock sighed. Why didn't humans understand this? It was simple logic. "So you want me to act as I would if I were presented with a Reese's peanut butter cup?"
PearlGirl nodded. At last she was getting through to the Vulcan.
Spock saw a way out, and took it. "The way I would react would be to refuse to eat it. Thus, the way Spock eats a Reese's is simply by not eating it."
PearlGirl moaned. "Come on! Why can't you just eat it? It's just a puny little Reese's cup!"
"Because there is no point in eating it." Spock explained patiently. "Reese peanut butter cups have no nutrients. They are virtually chocolate and peanut butter. Chocolate, of course comes from a cocoa bean plant, while peanut butter comes-
PearlGirl interrupted Spock, "I don't have time for a health lecture, Spock!" She paused. "Do you think I could get Jim to order you to eat it?"
Spock answered, "I see no reason why the Captain should order me to eat a candy."
PearlGirl sighed. "I suppose you're right. But it would do you some good to act more human."
Spock raised his eyebrows. "Did Doctor McCoy inform you of this?"
"How'd you guess?"
"It seemed like something the doctor would say in this situation." Spock answered.
PearlGirl moaned. "I guess I'll have to give up. It doesn't look like you're going to agree with me."
"That is correct, Author."
HOW WOULD MONTGOMERY SCOTT, CHIEF ENGINEER ABOARD THE USS ENTERPRISE, EAT A REESE'S?
Scotty was in Engineering, as usual, when a red-shirted ensign caught his eye. The ensign looked very frightened. He was sneaking around, as if he didn't want to be seen.
Scotty went over to him. "What's the matter, ensign?"
The ensign jumped about a foot, then calmed down when he realized it was just Mister Scott.
"Oh, it's just you, Mister Scott." The ensign took a deep breath. "I thought it was Yeoman Rand."
"Why are ye scared into hidin' from some yeoman?" Scotty wanted to know.
"She passing out....." The ensign looked around carefully, then said in a low whisper, "Reese's cups."
"And what's a Reese's cup?"
"Shhhhh!" The ensign hissed, then looked around again. "You don't know what a Reese's cup is?"
"Come on now!" Scotty snorted indignantly. "I'm an engineer, not a dictionary!"
"Isn't that Doctor McCoy's line?" The red-shirted ensign asked. "You can't steal his line! That's plagiarism!"
"I have my rights!" Scotty insisted. "Besides, it's only plagiarism if McCoy copyrighted it...... I think."
"Oh. Well, a Reese's cup is a chocolate and peanut butter candy."
"And what's the matter with a bit o' candy?"
"Well, you see, sir," The ensign explained, "They're killing off red-shirts! Four have died already! If she comes through that door..." The red-shirted ensign pointed to a door over to their left, "I'm going to be out of here faster then a ball out of a shotgun."
Just then, the door opened and Yeoman Rand stepped in.
"Hi, people!" She smiled cheerfully. "Anyone up for a Reese's cup?" The ensign screamed and ran for the closest door. He promptly tripped and fell into the warp core. McCoy came through a door and hurried over to the ensign with his med-kit.
After looking into the warp core for about two seconds, the Doctor walked over to Scotty.
"He's dead, Mister Scott."
"I think that's a bit obvious, don't you?"
McCoy shrugged. "That's my job. Stating the obvious." Then he left.
Yeoman Rand sighed. "That's the fifth redshirt that's died today! I don't know what it is!"
"I don't know either." Then Scotty eyed the candy. "Could I have one?"
"Sure." The Yeoman handed the chief engineer a Reese's cup wrapped in paper. Just then, the communicator turned on. Captain Kirk's voice came out of it.
"Scotty, we need you to fix a hole in the ship!"
"Where is this hole in me ship?"
"In Engineering." Just after Kirk had finished, Scotty noticed a quarter-sized hole in the wall. A blue gas was leaking in.
"Mister Spock said the gas is poisonous." Kirk continued. "We need you to patch it up immediately!"
"It'll take an hour, sir!"
"You don't have an hour, Mister Scott!"
Scotty paused just for a minute. Then he ripped the paper off the reese cup, ran over to the hole, and squashed the candy into it. The gas flow stopped. Scotty began talking into the communicator.
"I'm done, sir."
"What?!" Kirk was surprised. "You're a miracle-worker, Scotty! I'm glad you're on my ship!"
Scotty winked at Yeoman Rand. "Sir, you should be even gladder that I had a Reese's cup with me."
THERE'S NO WRONG WAY TO EAT A REESE'S.
(A/N- Like I said, it's very silly. I hope it's silly in a good way, though. Please tell me how you liked this writing style, and your favorite lines. Don't worry about how five ensigns died in this story. Kirk still has plenty left. REVIEW!)