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A Day In The Life of Vincent Kennedy McMahon

Vincent Kennedy McMahon awoke from a pleasant dream; a dream where Donald Trump was bald, D-X was dead, and Candice Michelle was his girlfriend.

"Oh, why did I have to wake up?" Vince muttered, knowing that reality was nothing like that.

He was currently staying in a hotel in England, where they were having a few shows in Manchester.

"Shane!" Vince barked at his son, who was sleeping in the other bed of the room.

"Uhhh…" Shane groaned and rolled over.

"Shane? Shane! DAMNIT SHANE GET UP!!!" Vince finally screamed.

Shane moaned. "You know dad, you don't have to do that every morning…"

"Yes I damn well do! If I don't do it, you'll never get up, and we won't make it to breakfast!"

"Then just go without me!"

"Shane, you know you get crabby when you don't eat."

Shane O' Mac let out a long sigh. "Dad, I'm not a kid anymore. Besides, if I miss breakfast, I'll just go find a McDonalds or something!"

"Just get up!" Vince yelled, heading into the bathroom.

When Mr. McMahon returned a moment later, Shane was fast asleep on the bed.

"GODDAMNIT SHANE, WHEN I TOLD YOU TO GET UP, I MEANT FOR MORE THEN A COUPLE OF SECONDS!!!"

"Alright, alright dad, I'm up!"

"Good. Now get dressed so we can go get breakfast!"

"Wait a minute…" Shane said, glancing at the clock. "Dad, it's 3:00 in the morning!!"

Vince looked at the clock. "So it is… back to bed then!!"

Shane was ready to kill someone by that point, but decided that he would rather sleep. He would just try to dream about torturing his father.

When the McMahon's (Well, one of them, anyway) got up again, it was much later.

"SHANE!! GET UP!! IT'S 7:32!! WE'RE GOING TO MISS BREAKFAST!!"

"Ugh… Dad, breakfast didn't start until two minutes ago! We have plenty of time!" Vince's son groaned when he saw the clock.

"I DON'T CARE!!! GET DRESSED!!!"

"Alright. Fine dad. You win. Just go get some breakfast and I'll be down in five minutes." Shane said, getting up and heading for the bathroom.

"Ok." Vince replied. "See you soon, son."

With that, Vincent McMahon left the room. (Luckily, he had already been dressed since 3 o'clock)

Shane took a deep breath. His dad was insane.

No sooner had the door shut and his father's footsteps quieted, Shane came back from the bathroom and flung himself down on the bed.

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Vince McMahon walked down the hallway to the elevator, and took it down to the ground floor, where breakfast was being held.

"I think I'll have eggs and toast this morning." He said to himself, as he went into the enormous lobby, which was currently being used as a dining room for many of the superstars.

Just as Vince made his way to the food, and had grabbed a cup of orange juice, Jonathon Coachman came running over to him. "Mr. McMahon! Mr. McMahon!"

"Damnit Coach, what is it!? I'm trying to get some breakfast here!"

"Uh, sorry boss. But see, we have a BIG problem."

Vince rolled his eyes. He didn't feel like he needed to be dealing with this crap this early in the morning. "Well, out with it!" He told Coach.

"Well, you see Mr. McMahon, uh… How should I put this…"

"Damnit man, spit it out already! I'm hungry!" The boss exclaimed, taking a swig of his juice.

Coach took a deep breath, and then sighed. "Edge, Randy Orton, D-X, and Candice Michelle just got arrested."

Vince spat his orange juice out and all over the Coach. "WHAT!?"

His reply was not from Jonathon. "WHAT!?"

Oh no. Not him. Anyone but him.

"So McMahon, how ya been, ya lousy son of a bitch? Ya never call, ya never write, how's a guy supposed to know how you're doing?"

Him. Damnit, him.

"Austin, since when do you care how I'm doing?"

The Texas Rattlesnake took a big gulp from a can of beer. "I don't. That stupid little SOB just told me it was polite." He said, pointing at Coach.

"And since when are you polite!?"

"Good point Vinnie Mac, good point." Austin stated, flashing his middle finger at the chairman.

"Ugh. Damnit, I don't have time for this. Coach, you told me that D-X and Rated RKO got arrested?"

"Um, yes, and Candice Michelle too, sir."

"Candice too!?"

"Yes sir."

"Well what the hell did they do!?"

"I'm not fully sure, Mr. McMahon. All that the policeman would tell me was that they apparently 'hijacked' a double-decker bus." Coach replied.

"THEY STOLE A DOUBLE-DECKER BUS!? WE COME TO ENGLAND, AND THE FIRST THING THOSE DEGENERATES DO IS STEAL A FREAKIN DOUBLE-DECKER BUS!?" Vince raged.

"Evidently, sir." Coach stated.

"ARGH!! DAMNIT!!" WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY!?"

"I assume they're in jail, Mr. McMahon."

"I know that you idiot, WHERE THE HELL IS THE JAIL!?"

"I-uh don't really know."

"YOU DON'T KNOW!? Coach, are you RETARDED!?"

"Probably, sir."

Vince sighed. "You know, I should just leave them in there."

"I think that would kill the ratings, Mr. McMahon, if they all just disappeared."

"I know that you moron, but, considering the fact that you didn't even think to find out where the police station was, I can't exactly bail them out even if I wanted to, can I?"

Coach let out a sigh. "I'll talk to hotel management, sir. Maybe they'll know where it is."

With that, The Coach departed, leaving Mr. McMahon to get his food and look for somewhere to sit.

The lobby was enormous and comfortable, but there were certain people that he definitely didn't want to be sitting near.

Steve Austin was a great example.

Finally, he settled for an armchair by the fireplace.

"Hey boss. How's it going?" Johnny Nitro asked, from where he and Melina were lying on a couch nearby.

"Terrible, actually." Vince responded. "Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton, Edge, and Candice Michelle apparently got arrested, and I have no idea where the police station is or how much it'll cost to get them out."

Vince didn't know why he was telling this to Johnny Nitro, but why not?

"Oh… So that's what the cops were doing outside…" Melina murmured.

"No, the cops we saw put Jeff Hardy and Chris Masters in their car." Nitro corrected her.

Vince's eyes widened. "Wait a minute, Jeff Hardy and Chris Masters got arrested too?"

"Yeah, and don't forget Kane." The Undertaker stated from the armchair across from Vince.

Vince's face was getting starting to get red. "KANE!!?"

"Oh yeah." Nitro said. "He set one of the cops on fire in the parking lot."

Melina nodded.

"HE SET A COP ON FIRE!? IT'S GOING TO COST ME A FORTUNE TO GET HIM OUT!!" Vince roared.

"Yeah, probably." Nitro agreed.

Vince took deep breaths trying to calm himself down. "So what did Hardy and Masters do?"

"They were spray-painting stuff on the wall in the alley by the hotel." Melina told him.

Vince rolled his eyes, and then frowned. "And how exactly do you three know all this?"

"It's a long story." Nitro began.

Vince was about to say he didn't want to hear it, but Nitro started before he could interject.

"Me and Melina got up at six and came down to see if they would have any breakfast ready in the lobby, and those two came in with cans of spray-paint."

Melina continued the story for Nitro. "They said we had to see what they did, so we went outside to look and a police car was pulling up. Apparently someone saw them and called the cops."

Now, Nitro continued again. "So the cops walked over and started questioning them, and they tried to deny it."

Melina smiled. "Which would have been much easier is they weren't still holding the cans of spray-paint."

"Idiots." Nitro said with a laugh.

"Anyway," Melina continued. "The cops told them they were under arrest for vandalism, and then they handcuffed them."

Nitro smirked. "Then everybody's favorite Big Red Monster comes running out of another alley,-"

"And god knows what he was doing down there." Melina interrupted.

"- Then he pulls out a lighter, and sets the nearest cop's uniform on fire." Nitro finished.

"They eventually had to taser him." Melina added.

Vince groaned. First of all, this was the last thing he needed; all these superstars getting arrested. Second, these two were starting to piss him off, the way they kept finishing each other's thoughts.

"Yo, Vinnie Mac!" Vince looked up to see Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman approaching him. "Sorry to bug ya man, but we need a favor."

"A favor? A FAVOR!? You're asking me for a favor when I already have all these problems to take care of!?" Vince yelled at them.

"Yeah." Dreamer continued, as if Vince hadn't just flipped out on him. "See, Van Dam and Thorn kinda got thrown in the slammer last night, and since we're scheduled to face them tonight, we kinda need them to be there… So… You get it."

"VAN DAM AND THORN!!?" Vince screamed.

"Does he have to repeat everything he hears?" Nitro whispered to Melina.

This was getting out of hand. "Let me get this straight." Vince raged. "I leave you all by yourselves in England for one night, and Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Candice Michelle, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Chris Masters, Edge, Randy Orton, Rob Van Dam, and Kevin Thorn all get ARRESTED!!?"

"Whoa! All those guys got arrested too? That sucks." Tommy said.

"And we didn't want to mention it, but… Uh… let's just say you might never see Balls Mahoney again." The Sandman added before the pair walked away.

That was it. Vince lunged forward and began repeatedly banging his head on the coffee table in front of the armchair, and didn't stop until Taker pulled him away. "Scrambling your brains won't help anything, Vince."

"Hey Melina, you don't think now would be a good time to tell him about Cena, do you?" Nitro asked loudly.

Melina shook her head furiously, but Vince slowly lifted his own head. He looked at Johnny with the most venomous stare the young man had ever seen. "What… About… Cena?" He asked, taking a huge pause between each word.

Nitro looked around nervously. "Um, well, lets just say he may or may not have gotten into a bar fight and FUed the bartender at a club last night, he may or may not have caused an estimated 180,000 dollars worth of damages, and he may or may not be in jail right now."

"So which is it?" Vince asked slowly and angrily, though he already knew the answer. "May? Or may not?"

"Uh… may." Nitro said after thinking it over for a second, confirming that the WWE Champion had, in fact, been thrown in the slammer.

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!!!" Vince suddenly screamed.

"Just him? But all those other people got arrested too!" Melina reminded him.

"I know that." Vince replied. "But they don't matter as much. HE'S THE GODDAMN WWE CHAMPION!"

"Yeah, and that's not exactly the image we want for this business, is it?" Taker commented.

"No it's damn well not!!" Vince yelled. "This is completely unacceptable!"

"So, what're you going to do to them?" Nitro asked.

Vince stood up. "Let's just say they're all going to wish they were never BORN!!" He raged, before turning and walking away.

He walked back to the counter, and, when he didn't see Coach, he started yelling, which probably woke up the rest of the hotel. "COACH!!! COACH DAMNIT!! WHERE ARE YOU!?"

Coach came running a moment later. "You called, Mr. McMahon?" He panted.

"Yes, I did. It turns out that those idiots you mentioned weren't the only ones who got arrested. Did you find out what jail they're in?"

"Um, not quite sir. But I know a few places where they might be."

"Good. Don't come back until you have all of them. John Cena, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Candice Michelle, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Chris Masters, Edge, Randy Orton, Rob Van Dam, and Kevin Thorn. And see if you can find Balls Mahoney. If not, it's no big loss."

"WHAT!?" All of them!! Mr. McMahon, with all do respect, I had plans for today! I mean we are in England after all. Can't you get someone else to do it?"

"NO DAMNIT!!!"

Coach sighed. "Ok Mr. McMahon. I'll try my best to find them…"

"DO BETTER THAN TRY!! FIND THEM!!"

"Ok Mr. McMahon…"

"AND BE BACK BEFORE THE SHOW!! THEY ALL HAVE TO WRESTLE!!"

"Ok Mr. McMahon…"

"AND STOP SAYING 'OK MR. MCMAHON!!!'"

"Ok Mr. McMahon…"

Later that night…

Jonathon Coachman arrived at the arena about an hour before the show, with a van full of superstars.

Vince McMahon was waiting at the entrance when all the of them arrived, and he was thoroughly pissed off.

"I found them, Mr. McMahon… All of them…" Coach practically moaned, walking off to get ready for the show.

McMahon watched with a red face as Rated RKO and Candice Michelle entered first.

He didn't wait for anyone else. "EXPLAIN YOURSELVES!!!" He screamed.

Edge glared at Randy. "I told you we shouldn't have stolen that bus!"

Randy turned to Candice. "Yeah Candice!! I mean, seriously!! That was a terrible idea!!"

She glared at him. "It was your idea, smart guy..."

Vince felt like he was about to explode, then he saw the others entering.

Cena, his clothes torn up, came in first. Then Kane, Jeff Hardy, Chris Masters, Rob Van Dam, and finally Kevin Thorn, who was dragging a very drunk Balls Mahoney.

Vince's eyed bugged out of his head when he saw Balls. The extremist had on only one piece of clothing, and it was an oversized, torn, dirty, wedding dress.

"I don't even want to know." He stated.

"Good. 'Cause I aint in the mood to tell ya." Thorn muttered, letting go of Mahoney and walking off.

Vince didn't even try to get Kevin to come back. He knew better than to piss that guy off. He surveyed the rest of them, and frowned.

"Wait a minute… Where's D-X!?" McMahon finally exclaimed.

Everyone looked around. "Good question." Candice finally said.

It was then that poor Vince heard the sound of sirens. He gritted his teeth, pushed past all of the superstars and headed to the parking lot in time to see Triple H and Shawn Michaels getting put in the back of a squad car.

The others came out, and Edge muttered, "Well that sucks."

They had only been out of jail for a very short period of time, and already they were about to go back.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!" Vince screamed. "THAT'S IT!! THAT'S IT!!! I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!"

With that, Vince made a run for the street. The Superstars and Diva just watched as their boss ran past the cop car and in front of a truck.

One of the cops tackled him out of the road just before he was going to get hit. "NO!! NO!! STOP!! GET OFF ME!! I WANT TO DIE!!! I WANT TO DIE!!!" Vince screamed, throwing punches blindly at the police officer.

The cop couldn't restrain him, so after a minute, tasered the chairman of the WWE.

Vince screamed and twitched on the ground before the cop put him in the squad car along with Triple H and Shawn Michaels and drove off.

"Huh…" Edge grunted after a minute.

"Yep." Randy replied.

"He's lost his mind." Candice said.

"We finally drove the old coot insane." Masters told them.

"Literally." Randy added.

And so, Shane McMahon became the chairman of the WWE, D-X were bailed out by Coach the next morning, and Vincent Kennedy McMahon lived out the rest of his days in a mental institution.

A/N - :) Hope you enjoyed!