I wish hated you.

I wish hated when you kiss me.

I wish hated when you touch me.

I really wish I hated when we have sex.

Would you care to know why? I'm sure you wouldn't unless I used the word bet, that seems to get you going.

Fine, then I bet you wouldn't care about the why's but you would listen just the same as when I tell my stories. That half listening that if called upon later you wouldn't even remember what was said.

Now to the why's.

I wish I could hate you for the reason of I can see hate deep in those green pools when you look at me, when you think I don't notice.

And because of that hate, that's why I hate when you kiss and touch me, since you do it just to make me happy.

I would say I don't know why you bother to make me happy, but I'm not as stupid as you wish I was.

You only keep me happy so you can pound into me to get rid of your aggression and lust. That is the only reason you want to have sex with me and I know this, even though it near kills me inside.

You think I don't know about the night you and Rochelle fucked, but I do.

She couldn't take it how hard you needed to give it to fully release every bad emotion in you, that's why you came to me.

Why did I do it if I didn't want to be treated like a whore? Why did I do it when being treated like a blow up doll that actually moves, make me want to puke.

Because somewhere along the way I found myself falling for you. I didn't want it to happen, but it did.

So even though you don't feel it, I can close my eyes and pretend that when you're fucking me into a mattress, the floor or a couch; it's with love.

I know it's never going to be that way and I know I should stop what we have, but I'm stubborn.

I want you to change.

So every day I put on a smile and act like nothing is wrong and hopefully one day nothing will be.

For now though all I can be is your dirty little secret.

And I'll take that, since it lets me be close to you, even if it hurts me in the end.

~*~*~*~Author's Note~*~*~*~

Some random angsty Nellis before bed?

Why yes I do believe so.

Ugh my head and throat are killing me something bad.

I'm now going to bed.

Valve owns the boys.