I cannot be alone anymore.
That's what he said to me in the morning about a week and a half ago while picking feathers off of his jacket. Why? Because you would probably throw the nearest thing at someone after you awaken to find them looming over you, the closest thing I had just happened to be a down stuffed pillow.
But anyways, now I am stuck with him within ten feet of me; all day, every day. Ugh. He follows me around my room, around the house, just basically follows me everywhere. The only "alone" time I get is when I'm in the bathroom changing, bathing, or doing my um…business. But even then he is right outside of the door, his shadow pacing back and forth, his separation anxiety is palpable. And once I get outside of the bathroom, he'll engulf me in a hug for ten minutes, whispering his happiness and love to me and sometimes even crying because his "torture" has ended, then he is even more clingy and on my heels for the next hour.
I hate it! I hate him! But most of all, I hate myself for making him do this.
Yes, I know I'm not technically "making" him do anything but I do know that he is obsessed with me and seems to need me like I need air or sunlight. I know he thinks himself deeply and passionately in love with me, and he himself has said he worships me… so I should have realized a man that brings in top medical professionals and military personnel if I simply have a headache or scratch would act this way to me going outside unaccompanied. I should have never have tried to go outside on my own, I just missed the sunshine after so long; and yes he would have taken me or sent a security team with me or something, but I just wanted to walk in the gardens alone and pick a few measly flowers! We have five sets of security gates, a satellite and an underground security system for crying out loud!
And now I cannot even talk to any of the servants alone anymore, he just has to be there too. God he is so overprotective! And he's possessive! I can't even talk to the women without him wrapping an arm around my shoulders and dragging me into his freaking cloak cocoon. I am unable to be carefree in my conversations anymore, partially because he makes me nervous and terrifies the servants, but because anything beyond short and polite small talk apparently diverts attention from him. Today my hair clip fell out and a young butler guy bent down and gave it to me, and I had the "audacity" to softly thank him with a shy smile. Well, Erik was so butt hurt about it that he had the guy beat up, fired, shipped overseas, and then he dragged me to one of the living rooms to hold and pet me on the couch as he whimpered insecurities into my hair, and about how he should have gotten the hair clip for me instead of the butler. He was just trying to be helpful, he didn't deserve to be sent to Timbuctoo!
He even said "Christine is pure. Christine is a good girl. She does not need friends; she has her slave… her Erik" he held me tighter then and gasped into my neck "he loves her so much he could not bear it!" he started sobbing then, and even with my heart beating quickly I just had to roll my eyes at his dramatics. I would totally need a shower after this, my neck was wet and my hair was probably full of snot!
"I don't belong to you Erik" I mumbled with a pout, then felt my face go red after realizing I had spoken out loud.
He stopped crying and was silent for a few long moments before he leaned back to look at me and gently drag his fingers along my scalp as he looked into my eyes with a gentle softness. "Not yet my darling, not yet…"
I got pretty unnerved after hearing that. I mean, he apparently "doesn't own me yet" and is already in my life twenty-four seven, three hundred and sixty-five days a year! How much worse could he get?! I honestly don't want to know.
But then his eyes morphed into smoldering depths, and his voice warped into that of some fierce yet fond voice, almost furious in its ferocity; "…but I shall remedy that soon, love." These words completely terrified me. I hadn't been this scared of him since he caught me outside alone.
Erik must have noticed the fear on my face and did a complete one eighty into an overbearing and "loving caregiver". He carried me to my room, set out some fluffy pajamas, and had some hot cocoa and marshmallow cookies waiting for me when I was changed after my shower. He then carried me to bed and sat me down in his lap with his arms around me and his back against the headboard before handing me a mug and some of the cookies.
I internally grumbled at being disgustingly coddled like a toddler and tried to enjoy my treats as he softly spun a fairy tale about a young, kind, and beautiful princess whom had gone missing after a witch's curse. The king treasured his daughter above all of his riches and offered his entire fortune and kingdom to whomever could find her. After some months, all of those that gathered from the corners of the world had given up in vain until an ugly musician returned the princess to the king. He had found her in a fit of instrumental inspiration, and discovered that she had been changed into a song.
The king was overjoyed and offered the man the rewards, but the musician refused and instead demanded the princess's hand in marriage as payment. The king was surprised and hesitant to hand over his prized daughter and especially to such an unsightly individual, but the princess broke her silence and told her father about how gentle and kind the musician was to her, about how they practiced music together and fell deeply in love, transforming her back to her original form. The musician was overwhelmed with her declaration and fell his knees before her in tears and apologized for trying to demand marriage from her, that he just couldn't fathom losing her and that he was sorry for being so hideous; and the princess told him that he is the most handsome man in the world. Before the princess can continue, the emotionally moved king brought the musician up and declared him his heir and son in law and the couple was married before the entire kingdom and all of those that traveled in from neighboring lands to take part in the festivities. They brought compassion and prosperity to the kingdom, and lived long, loving, and melodic lives together.
Throughout his story my breathing slows and my eyelids droop, and I can feel Erik take my mug and unfinished cookies and put them on the nightstand besides us. By the end I am barely able to stay awake and am almost certain the reason I wasn't forced to brush my teeth before bed was because my drink was laced with something. He must have gotten sick of sitting in the armchair watching me all night, so he must have plotted to force me into falling asleep in his arms. Ick. The nerve.
My suspicions are confirmed when he draws the blanket around us, turns off the light, holds me close and croons "I am sorry my angel, sleep peacefully and dream of me; all shall be well soon". I want to resist but I can barely even move the tip of my pinkie finger at that point, so I fall asleep against his chest and swear to escape into a land of dreams that is free from his clutches.
"I love you"