Serenity; the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil. I learned that word recently. It's usually associated with death, though. Did you know that? Before now, I never quite understood how such a pretty word can be attached to something so scary and uncertain. But I think I get it now. When you're lying there, dying, everything around you is calm. It's peaceful, and you feel really content. It's like all your senses just shut down right then and there. And it still hurts, but you don't feel it. Well, I guess you do feel it, but you feel it without feeling it, if that makes sense. And you're not really sad, either. Everyone assumes that when you die, you'd feel sad. You'd see your life flash before your eyes and remember all the things you couldn't do, and then you get depressed and die full of regret. But that's not the case at all! When you die, you really remember all the things you did do. Everything that's important to you and that makes you happy. It's all right there in your heart, and it's coming with you to wherever you're headed next. And even though your body is cold, the feeling is warm, like you're snuggling into your blankets for a cat nap.
So, I guess death isn't all that bad. So now I bet you're wondering why I'm crying, right? If dying is all yarn balls and catnip, then why the hell am I crying? It's because I can see you. You're right there in front of me, and let me tell you something; I am so glad that you never wanted to die your hair blue. Seriously, it looks pretty bad. Especially considering your skin is so pale now. It looks like you just died, or something. Which you kind of did, I guess. I watched it all from the vent up there. I know you told me to stay in my room, but when I saw you get attacked I just got so angry! So I jumped out to help you. And now look where it's gotten us? We're on the floor bleeding out, like some lost kittens that were unlucky enough to run into a dog in the alleyway. Oh well, this place always needed some color anyway. Grey is so boring! Blue and green is definitely the way to go.
The numbness is gone. I didn't notice it before, but this really hurts! So much that I want to scream. Too bad I can't anymore. Oops, giggling makes it hurt worse. Did you know, Equius? There's a place for us to go after this. I'm sure you're already there, though. Jade called it heaven! She said that it's up in the sky, past the clouds, but not quite in the stars. I'm not sure where that's supposed to be, exactly, but I guess it has to be somewhere. It's supposed to be the most beautiful place in the entire universe! And apparently, they have an endless supply of catnip! Do you think that's true? I can't wait to find out. It'll only be a little longer until I can see you again. And when I do, I'm sure you're going to yell at me for disobeying you. I'm sorry! I didn't think before I reacted. It was all my fault that things ended up this way. But there's no going back now, I guess.
My vision is blurring. Is that supposed to happen? Everything is getting darker, but my eyes are wide open. I'm scared, Equius. I'm really scared. I need you to hug me, and for you to tell me that everything's gonna be okay, just like you always do. But I can't see you anymore. Where did you go? You're leaving me alone through this scary experience? I can't see, and everything is silent. I don't even feel the ground beneath me, anymore. It's all just pain. Please make it stop. Please, please, please make it stop. I'll wash all your towels for a year. I'll give up all the fish in the world, just for this feeling to go away. I'll do anything, so please.
Please, just help me.
I'm not sure what it is about this time of night, but midnight seems to be my prodictive hour. I wrote this while eating dried fruit and , in the dark of my bedroom while playing Serenade on loop. I hope you enjoyed this little.. thing. Whatever it may be.