Name on a Finger
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Harry Potter but if there was is a give away, I have soooo already called Sirius!
I wrote this while my friend breathed down my neck and it was not a very comfortable thing to experience. I would also like to mention that if you would like to read this play within a story please look up the fic, Beauty and the Prat, because it is an awesome story and you will like it a lot.
And finally, before you even begin, look up Mallard in the dictionary because otherwise you will feel really, really stupid.
"I'm sooooooo bored." Moaned Sirius from his position, face down on the couch.
"We know already! Now will you please shut up because after the 50th time it started to get old." Remus yelled from his bed across the sixth year boy's dormitory. He was annoyed at being jarred out of his book… Again. James and Peter laughed from their own beds.
"C'mon. We have GOT to do something. Please. I'm dieing over here." Sirius pleaded as he jumped around the room. He (a/n: surprise, surprise!) ended up on James' bed. Sirius transformed into his Animagus form, a big shaggy dog, to create his famous puppy pout. James tried to avoid Sirius' puppy dog eyes, but was unable to stay firm against his best mate.
"Yeah Remus. Can we? Can we?" James said. Using his puppy dog eyes. Sirius and James bounced around Remus on his bed so he couldn't ignore them.
"Fine, fine! Just…" But Remus never got to finish his sentence because the thing he had been dreading happened and he fell of the bed to come crashing to the floor.
Peter, oblivious to others as usual, stood up and questioned, "What should we do?"
"I know," Sirius said after thinking for a total of about two seconds. "We should have a puppet show!" Sirius looked around eagerly at his best friends. They stared back at him with dumbfounded looks on their faces.
"Are you nuts? We're 16! We can't play something as stupid and immature as that!" James informed him. The other two nodded their heads in agreement, being too stunned by Sirius' suggestion to do much else.
"Why not? No one will know. There's no one else here, incase you haven't noticed." Sirius countered, gesturing around the room.
"I guess you're right. Maybe it would be fun." James thought out loud. Peter and Remus came around more slowly, but eventually they were all agreed. But just to be sure, Remus placed a spell on the door so that no other humans could enter the room whilst the spell was in action.
James, being a born leader, immediately took charge and gave out parts. "I know a great play." He smiled knowingly. "We can do last week in the Great Hall, remember?" he quickly recounted the event so they would all be on the same page. "Sirius and I will be ourselves. You, Remus, are girl… Um… What number was it again?"
"67" Sirius piped up.
"You don't remember her name, just her number?" Remus asked, shocked.
"Yeah that's about right." James replied, nonchalantly. "So, like I was saying, Remus you're girl number 67 and Peter you can be girl number 68. Now everyone should find something in this mess to use as a puppet." They all looked around with strained looks on their faces. They had not cleaned their dorm since the start of school, 5 months ago. Their floor was totally hidden from view and something smelling of old cheese wafted from the corner opposite the window.
But despite what every one else who saw the room said and thought, it wasn't total chaos and disorderly mess. The four Marauders could tell you exactly where their dirty clothes were decaying, or under whose bed lay the stash of melting chocolate frogs. It was in the immortal words of Albus Dumbledore, Orderly Chaos.
James eyed something first and dived to scoop up a slightly damp pencil with bite marks around the edge. Remus almost as quickly grabbed an eraser stub from a mountain of used parchment and held it up triumphantly for them all to see. Peter had merely slipped something out of his pocket and stood clutching it in his palm. The three boys turned to Sirius, who had been making no attempt to even look for something to use.
"What are you going to use?" James asked quizzically.
"I'll just use my finger."
"Which finger?'
"This one."
"That one?"
"NO! This one!"
"Oh" Remus turned his eyes to gaze at Peter. "What are you using?"
"Oh it's nothing." Peter said, shrugging off the question. But the other three Marauders would not be put off. They wrestled Peter to the floor and snagged his puppet piece. For a full four minutes, James, Sirius and Remus sat dumbfounded on the floor. Until finally:
"A RING? Where did you get one of these?" Sirius shouted. It was a good thing that a special feature of Remus' spell caused the room to become sound proof.
"I… Uh… Found it." Peter said lying through his teeth. Sirius was going to wrestle a real answer out of him but Remus nudged him and shook his head.
"Let's get started." Remus said as he stood up.
"No. Wait." James said suddenly as he ran to his dresser and pulled out a bottle of ink. He then ran over to a pile of discarded quills and rummaged around till he produced a dull-ended pen. Then ignoring the confused looks of his friends, grabbed Sirius index finger of his left hand and scrawled, Sirius along it.
"Hey, that tickles! What did cha go and do that for?"
"Cause it'll help you remember which one it is."
"Hey I resent that." Sirius swung at James who, having had years of practice dodging Bludgers, easily side stepped. James made a stunning leap across the five feet separating them and tackled him to the floor, resulting in what would have been the wresting match of the hour, had Remus decided not to intervene.
Remus took out his wand and shouted, "Wrestlus Stoopus". A fountain of water erupted out of the end of his wand and drenched the tussling pair.
"Is that even a real spell?" Peter asked confusedly, in his naïve way.
"Yes! Shhh. It's real." Remus responded quickly. He then muttered under his breath: "It's not my fault the author doesn't know any Latin and if forced to improvise with stupid sounding, fake spells."
"Ohhhhkay…Let's start!" Peter continued perplexedly. James and Sirius, who had no idea what was going on, got over the shock of icy cold water and commenced yelling at Remus for drenching them in the first place.
"You're both wizards, aren't you! Did you forget…again? Just yesterday, you two were locked in a closet for five hours, before you remembered that you had your wands and could Alohamora (sp?) your way out." Both boys looked extremely embarrassed and began to mutter excuses that made no sense at all. Something along the lines of, "Yes, well, um, we just, uh, yeah, so you see…" Then having a desperate thought, Sirius yelled:
"Ah, Remus, but you can't move forward, if you keep living in the past." (A/n: I don't own this I give the credit to Full Metal Alchemist.)
"Just…whatever. Let's get moving." James said into stunned silence. The four marauders jumped onto Remus' bed.
"Why my bed?" Remus put forth.
"Because it annoys you." Sirius said slyly. James laughed at Sirius' joke, but Peter who hadn't got the funny part, just sat there, looking from one to the other of the laughing boys.
"First I must flex my finger to get ready." Sirius began. He spoke in a fake macho tone, "Look at me. I am sooooo strong. I flex my muscles." He said as he bent his finger repeatedly. James grabbed girl number 67 from Remus and said in a high falsetto:
"Oh Sirius. You are so strong. You are my hero. Ahh" He made the eraser stub 'faint' at this point and grinned like an idiot.
Remus grabbed his puppet back. "You guys are so immature!"
"You're one to talk. You're playing puppets with us. If we're immature then you're immature, too." Sirius said back.
"Let's just start."
Five seconds later…
"So are we started yet?"
"I dunno…are we?"
"Ok. We're gonna start now."
"Now?"
"Yes. Now."
"Are you sure?"
"YES! Ok start. One, two, three go."
Puppet Show
By: Messers' Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs
(This is not for the view of the general public because it may cause mass panic)
Three days prior to this event, James was going out with girl number 67. Then they stopped talking. She is an idiot, and still presumed that they were going out, even though he never actually said they had broken up, she had the gall to think that they still together.
Great Hall at lunchtime. Girl number 67 is somewhere in the room. Who cares where she is. (James said that)
James walks in with another girl, girl number 68 to be exact. He has his arm around her shoulder ("But James, you don't have an arm." "Pretend. C'mon. You have to have one." "One what?" "An imagination, stupid.") and they are clearly flirting.
Girl number 67 practically shoots out of her chair and stalks over to the couple. ("She has no feet!" "Oh my god." "Why do we bother?" "C'mon guys, stay focused and leave Peter alone.") Righteous fury was evident on her beautiful face. ("But…um…ah…" "Just shut up!")
Girl number 67: What do you think you're doing! We're still going out, you Bastard! How could you do this to me!
James: I haven't talked to you in three days. Just get over it.
Girl number 67 runs sobbing from the Hall. (Remus launched the unfortunate eraser into the decaying pile of dirty clothes. More specifically, a pair of moldy boxers.)
Sirius: Really. You don't want her?
James: Yes.
Sirius: Really, really?
James: Really, really.
Sirius: Really, really, really?
James: YES! Now shut up! I'm going to go snog now.
Sirius: Yeah! Free girl!
(Sirius dives into the pile of dirty clothes, finger first. Searching desperately for the unfortunate, and now very stinky, eraser stub.)
End Play
"Are we really done?"
"Yeah. That's it."
"It was too short."
"Well…Next time…"
"Whoa. Who said anything about a next-time? This is a onetime gig. I don't think my dignity could handle it again"
Sirius, having recovered the eraser stub at long last, began causing his finger and the eraser stub to make out.
"That's gross Sirius. You don't know where that's been."
"Yes I do." The boys pulled disgusted faces and turned their heads away from the strange couple.
At this very second, a mallard (a/n: this is a male duck. If you didn't already know this then you should go and read a dictionary. Not that I spend my time doing that, no, not at all. Hahahaha, laughs the author nervously.) walked serenely into the room. Sirius was so astonished by this sudden appearance, that he dropped the eraser stub onto the floor at his feet.
The duck waddled over to the stub and swallowed it in one gulp. Sirius just stared at duck, which was now licking his beak.
Remus turned to James on the bed. "Isn't that Lily's pet duck?"
"Yeah."
End
R&R! Please. I will resort to begging, and it is not a pretty picture.