Tenshi was sat on the grass, next to Iku, looking up into the sky. "… I wonder if you'll ever tire of hearing my complaining about how boring life is."
"I admire your ability to articulate sentences as well as you do."
"Anyways, I'm bored."
"Quite obvious."
"…"
"…"
"All right!" The celestial stood and turned to the youkai. "I have the best idea to alleviate my boredom. Let's take over the Human Village!"
"What do you mean?"
"Let's recruit some friends to help us occupy it, maybe toy with the humans while we're at it. You know, mess with their schedules, maybe change their prices, set unfair and ridiculous rules…"
"That sounds an interesting idea."
"You'll help, then? Wonderful!
"I didn't say-"
"Let's go!"
Iku sighed and stood as well. "Anything for some recognition."
Sakuya began heading for the Human Village as soon as the sun had set and most people were withdrawing to their homes. Any normal evening of shopping wouldn't have included Tenshi jumping in front of her and making a proposition.
"Join us."
"?"
"Are you tired of paying these humans for their goods?"
"No…?"
"Would you love it if you received all your stuff for free?"
"Anyone wou-"
"Then it's settled! Welcome to the team." Tenshi took her hand and shook it.
"Forget it, she's rolling," Iku said, resigned.
Sakuya shrugged. "Maybe Meiling can help. I'll ask her tomorrow afternoon."
"Afternoon is just when we were planning to take over this Village!"
"What? Take it over?"
"Well, anyways, let's carry on!"
"Komachi Ononzuka! We've heard great things only about you, you fantastic shinigami!"
Komachi yawned and turned to them. "Hmm?"
"Help us take over the Human Village!"
"Why?"
"Because Tenshi wants to. You try reasoning with her, a Hinanawi."
"Is referencing my family in such a way meant to be an insult?"
"It shouldn't be, but I suspect you'll take it as one anyways." Iku hummed and looked away.
"Whatever! It's no matter. Are you in?"
"Sure. What are we planning to do with the humans?"
"Make their lives hell! I should know how to do that, my life is heaven!" Tenshi declared, in spite of how boring she found her life anyways.
"Well, I should know how to make their lives hell, being a shinigami... or maybe I'll just clean up after you."
"Yes, I'm sure you'll find my manipulation skills quite handy." Yukari grinned. "I'll join you. … Ah. Sakuya. It's nice to see you again."
"I'm just in this for the money, or saving it, I think," she said, waving and sweating a little.
"Aren't we all…"
"Reisen!"
"Hmm?"
"Want to bully humans more? Remember how they attacked your homeland just a few decades ago?"
"Yes, yes I do."
"Time for our own attack on them!"
"Sounds quite reasonable."
It was the afternoon, and Meiling was sleeping as always.
Sakuya nudged her shoulder a bit, sort of a half-hearted effort to wake her up.
It worked.
"Yes?"
"We're going to take over the Human Village, and don't ask questions."
"… anything to break up the monotony of the time I spend here…" She yawned and stretched before standing and waiting for Sakuya to lead.
"All right, we're all here. I'll lead the way, of course, next to Yukari. Reisen and Iku will followed behind, then Sakuya and Meiling, and Komachi at the back. You will follow the motions I make with my hands, arms, feet, and legs exactly. Okay?"
"Why does taking over the Village need to be complicated thusly?"
"Let's roll!" Tenshi boomed, leading everyone in formation, marching perfectly.
Children running around. Men and women walking around, carrying things, or standing around, having a chat. The day began like any other day - oh, no, wait, it didn't.
"..."
"Who are they?"
"H-hey... isn't that Yukari Yakumo with them?"
"What is she doing with them?"
Everybody seemed to be stopped in their tracks, watching the seven marching down the main road of the village.
"Attention, humans! I'm quite certain you know who I, Tenshi Hinanawi, am. I am declaring this village and everyone living in it under my control! If anyone has any objection to this, speak!"
"I do!" Rinnosuke spoke up.
"Komachi?" Tenshi said, with a rising tone, though maybe it wasn't really interrogative. Komachi took a few steps toward Rinnosuke, who stood his ground.
"..."
"I don't care," Komachi yawned. "He doesn't look like a problem."
"Problems usually don't."
"Anyways, I will take that as a no from everybody else!" Tenshi smiled brightly. "It's time to go back into your homes!"
Everybody immediately scrambled to reach their own.
"Except you, Rinnosuke. You own a shop, right?"
"I do."
"That will be our first stop, I think! And after that... maybe Mr. Kirisame's, to take all his money and such."
"Wait. That's the only reason you bothered to occupy the village? Just to take our stuff?" Rinnosuke clenched his fist and glared.
"Maybe! Maybe not." Yukari gave him a sweet smile in return.
"Blame Sakuya," Meiling offered.
"Hey!" Sakuya pouted.
"Well! What a development." Aya took one photo, or maybe two, before heading off with ridiculous speed to the Hakurei Shrine.
"What? That's... nothing like that has ever happened before."
"Which means it's sure to sell more newspapers!"
Reimu leaned on the wall of the shrine and thought for a moment. "They probably won't let you sell it."
"Why not?"
"They may not like the content. If they're controlling the village, they're controlling what people know and learn and do and all that... your newspaper may have info that they don't want the villagers to know."
"Oh... you're right... dammit." Aya kicked the donation box. "That's proper annoying!"
"Hey! Don't do that."
"There's nothing inside, though."
That struck Reimu as always. "Still..."
"Still, nothing. I imagine you have a plan?"
"I'm thinking about it. If I know anything, right about now..."
Marisa strolled over. "Another incident, Reimu?"
"Seems so. Incidentally, I don't believe it will be too hard to solve."
"Mm."
"Ah, don't take that..."
"I think I will, just for that- hey! Meiling! You're supposed to be on guard duty! If Reimu and her friend(s) were to show up..."
"They'd kick my ass."
"But you've fought them before! You know how it works, you gain more experience, you level up, your stats improve: you become stronger."
"I suppose that's true. Maybe I can take her out with my bare hands for once, dodge her Spell Cards and everything."
"That's the spirit..."
"Don't take that either."
"What is it?"
"Nothing of importance to you."
"I'll take it!"
Rinnosuke groaned while Meiling headed outside. Everybody still seemed to be inside their homes, not daring to leave them.
"We don't have to stand for this!" Unshou declared.
"No, we don't!"
"We can fight back!"
"No, we can't!"
"..." He sighed and put his hand over his face. "If we put our minds to it, we can!"
"Yes, we can!"
"That's the spirit..."
"What will we use?"
"Sticks!"
"YES!" The men and women roared at the idea of fighting back against the invaders with... sticks.
Crap.
"You don't need me anymore, though, do you, Miss Hakurei?"
"Nope! And that's why I'm taking you with me today. Don't you miss the heat of battle?"
"... anything is better than this lake for the rest of my life." Genjii slowly exited the water, looking up at Reimu. "Let's go."
"Let's." She sat on his back, and he flew her towards the village. Marisa followed on her broom, while Aya went after them, content with running. Strange.
"This became quite boring, quickly." Tenshi sighed as she exited Kourindou.
"I have an idea."
"Iku? Hmm."
"Let's go door to door and see how badly we can scare the villagers."
"Perfect!" She ran over to the first few houses.
"Yukari, Sakuya, Komachi, Reisen, patrol the roads in the village, make sure nobody is doing anything stupid."
"Ah, if only Ran and Chen were here..." Yukari sighed a bit and was off.
"I'll see how Meiling is doing." Sakuya ran towards where Meiling was (supposed to be).
"Reisen, you and I can look around the area near the forest," Komachi offered.
"Sure..." She followed after her.
Meiling looked to her side after hearing a door open. "Hey!" she called out, seeing an old man carrying a large stick. "Get back inside."
"You 'get back inside'! Charge, men!"
"And women!"
"Yes, and women!"
Unshou's division let out a yell as they ran in formation, holding sticks like swords and lances, straight at Meiling.
"You wish to fight me, I see. Well, then!" Meiling put herself into fighting position before Reimu flew in, put her hand out, and knocked Meiling over. She continued on, not paying much mind to Unshou or the "armed" villagers nearby, Marisa following right behind.
"Hey, it's what's-her-face! The one that never gets donations!"
"Yeah!"
The division cheered for a minute before Unshou ordered them to head down the nearest street.
"Hello, Sakuya," Reimu quickly greeted as she flew by her, not really wondering why she was walking down this street.
"Reimu, Marisa, afternoon," she added before looking forward and seeing Meiling lying on the floor. At that, she sped up and knelt down near her.
"I lost... again, huh." Meiling chuckled.
"I'm not surprised. I think it's time we go back to the mansion. Remilia must be worried."
"She? Nah. She probably hasn't even noticed." She sat up and put her hat back on. "This was a bad idea after all, wasn't it?"
"Very much so, and I'm sorry for dragging you along."
"Nah, it was fun! Someone has to be the first casualty." She stood up and dusted herself off.
Aya jumped out of a bush and took a picture of the two. "First casualty, I see! Do you mind if I interview you?"
The second division marched down one street and was met by Yukari, who almost didn't see them. "Hey... shouldn't you all be inside?"
"Not anymore!" the man with the hat declared. "We're the Resistance, and we are going to retake control of the Village, for the Villagers!"
"That's nice." She grinned and slowly walked towards them.
"...!" The hat man began to shake a bit.
Yukari jumped onto a nearby roof and yelled, "Barrier Sign: Curse of Dreams and Reality!"
And soon there were green and blue bullets flying at them all.
"Spread out!"
"Hey, is that legal?"
"All's fair in love and war!"
The villagers broke their formation just as Reimu flew in and had Genjii ram Yukari off the roof.
Cheers from the villagers.
"Here comes the Heavy Brigade!"
A group of burly men and women holding pickaxes and hammers charged in, and ran at Komachi and Reisen when they were in sight.
"Ah! Wh-what do we do?"
"I'll take them on!" Komachi ran and swung at one with a sickle, before realizing why sickles aren't weapons, and was knocked over by Unshou's division. Reisen put her hands up immediately.
"Who's left, Marisa?"
"Just Tenshi and Iku, it seems!"
Iku jumped and flew right at Marisa when one of the villagers, who had previously climbed to the top of a nearby store, jumped and tackled her to the ground.
"H-hey!" She jumped out of his embrace and went to kick him when another villager hit her in the face with the blunt end of her stick.
"Haha, thanks."
The female villager winked at the male one.
"Back in formation, you lovebirds!" Unshou led his men towards Tenshi, who was herself now on a rooftop, waiting for them to come to her.
"Marisa! Are you ready?"
"I have no reason not to be!"
"Good!"
The two flew next to each other and locked hands before rushing at Tenshi
and knocking her off the roof.
A white flag appeared out of nowhere and was raised over her.
The celebrations lasted into the night.
"Where are Sakuya and Meiling?"
"I think they left..."
"Ah, well. I can't be too angry at them. As for the rest of you..."
"Tenshi convinced me to," Reisen, Komachi, and Yukari stated simultaneously.
"Iku?"
"I went along with her initial idea..."
"Well, I can't be too angry at any of you, especially Yukari..."
"Of course not."
"Don't try anything like this again."
"Okay..."
The villagers encircled Reimu and Marisa while the five, chastised well, dispersed.
"What are you doing...?"
They raised the two over their heads and cheered. "Thank you for helping us!"
"You were amazing out there!"
"So surprising how you took them all out without any effort!"
"You have to teach us how to do that!"
"Who wants stew?"
"I DO!"
Reimu thought about it for a moment. "I'll pass-"
"And sake?"
"YES!"
"... yes." She smiled a bit. "I want sake."
"Time to make the newspaper!" Aya took one last photo before heading off to do as she said she would.
And from that day forward, seeing two humans dressed in blue and red and carrying wooden swords - it was the only real material they could craft them from - was as common as... a common thing I can't think of that is quite common. Every hour of the day, they patrolled, but they seemed rather laid-back while at it, convinced that all was well and an incident such as the one from just a few weeks ago wouldn't happen again.
Incidentally, Iku came to the village one day and into the view of the nameless male and female villagers.
"Evening!"
She smiled a bit. "Evening. Are the villagers still resentful of us?"
"Nope!"
"... haa... strange..."
Who are those two? I just made them up. They have no names for a reason, which I have yet to make up
If I made you laugh or at least smile my job here is done
It's meant to be a joke
as are all of my other various works