So I got to tell you all something. If you read some of my one shots you will know that they are quite sad. I turn the pain that I feel into a story, one I have never experienced but one that I can imagine feeling. This time I wrote something that is about me. That is so personal that I didn't even want to upload it. But I feel like I should. So here it is, a story about me.
Realisation
I sat there in my class and looked around, studying the faces around me. Everyone is so different and yet the same. The groups fitting perfectly together.
To my right sat the popular kids. The ones that go to every party and make fun of everyone. They don't care because all they think of is their selfs and their lives. They are unconsciously busy with impressing everyone. Even though they seem so forced, they smile and they laugh. Because aside the gossip, they still love each other.
In front of them is the group with the sweet and yet in their own way popular girls. They are a tight group that love each other for who they are. They do things together, spontaneous.
In front of me is a little group consisting of some friends of mine. A friend that never says much but shares the same opinion as you do. My ex-best friend and her friend. Sometimes a friend of mine joins in who understands what I am going through and the other way around. Yeah we are a heap of all different kinds of people.
Right next to me are the group of friends I hang out with. They have a way that they connect with each other in a way I never will. They have this crazy connection binding them together. I changed myself to fit into their group. In the end I sorta did and sorta didn't. All that effort for nothing, only to lose myself.
I look back down at my hands. It has been a while and I finally found myself again. Only in a million pieces. I am broken, I did that to myself and now it is time for me to piece myself together. Piece by piece. I still got a long way to go because no matter what I will always feel like I don't fit in, that I am not good enough, that I am too ugly to even be on this earth, that I am too different to have friends.
Don't you worry I have friends but I don't have that one friend you can share everything with. Not that one best friend everyone needs. I guess that is my own fault. I am just that unsocial bitch who hides her pain behind an attitude. It took me a while to figure out but the realisation hit me like a train.
I am depressed.