A/N: This is my first foray into publishing something on FF, I've had a blast reading through lots of stories on here since recently discovering the site and couldn't resist having a go too after finishing Season 2 on Netflix (wow... just wow). Spoilers for the season so go carefully! Deep breath in... all strapped in folks? let's see how this goes eh?
Matt's cane skipped across the side-walk in a wide swaying arc, a constant swing, steady as a metronome tick. In the crook of his elbow he carried a lumpy brown paper bag, clenched protectively tight. The contents were light enough, but the weight of deciding to bring it today had been immense. He'd made the call to Karen two hours earlier, an enigmatic request to meet... please, and she'd reluctantly agreed. So the course was set and he had to see it through.
The occasional tap-scrape of the cane barely registered in his heightened senses against the trip of his own heartbeat. A private drum lurching heavily against his bruised and aching ribs, old ships under siege. All the while his mind constantly turned over the potential outcomes, none of them spectacular.
At least he was feeling something, time had blurred since the funeral, ever since the rooftop battle really. Only yesterday he had stood at the fresh grave, side by side with Stick, head bowed throughout the lonely brief ceremony.
His fingers twisted around the crackling brown paper, tracing the outlines of the contents. Head cocked distractedly to the side as doubt crept unwelcome through his thoughts again.
Faltering to a stop he dragged in a slow lungful of the bitterly cold December air, trying to steady his resolve. Pedestrians dodged around him, sidestepping the curiously battered blind man as he pulled his cane in tight to his body, knuckles white around the handle. Someone placed a hand lightly on his shoulder "hey pal, need some help?", which he shrugged off with a small shake of the head. A muttered thank you... a firm no.
"C'mon Matty"
Huffing out a sigh he lifted his chin a fraction. Like the rumble of his father's voice could just about be made out, a much needed encouraging murmur slicing through the cold air.
He gritted his teeth, swaying slightly as if rooted to the ground, so tempted to just turn around and offer yet another weak excuse for the no-show. But this was inevitable, he reminded himself, Karen was resourceful and smart. She'd piece the clues together eventually. Better this way... better she found out the truth directly from him. Whatever happened he owed her that much.
"Cut 'em loose, for their sake". The echo of Stick's voice drawled roughly, like a devil crouched on his shoulder, whispering vindictively in his ear. Brutal advice, but he could appreciate the truth in it now.
"Break their hearts if you have to"
He had to, for their sake. So here he was, with one last tie to cut.
With a resigned roll of the shoulder and an agitated flex of fingers around the handle, he tapped the cane back out into its steady tentative arc. Resuming the determined walk, trying to slowly release his tense death-grip on the now crunched down brown bag.
High above the streets of Hell's Kitchen, a few spiralling snowflakes had begun to drift down. Only a light flurry, a hint of the storms predicted to come, but enough to make him hunch into his coat a little. He could trace each random pattern of descent, feel each collision as they landed in his hair, hear the subtle momentary hiss as they melted against his skin. The merciless frigid air brought each bruise and laceration marking his face into sharp focus. Black and blue scattered liberally over pale skin, each wound smarting in the chill breeze, still nowhere near healed.
A sharp waft of pine resin and scraped bark seared suddenly across his senses. A distraction from the relentless memory of holding Elektra in his arms, from the scent of her blood, from how frail her voice sounded at the end.
Just a family unloading and wrestling a fresh Christmas tree across his path ahead.
Jesus, it was Christmas already.
He held his breath as he walked through the cloudburst trail of scent that hung vivid in the air. This season could so easily become a sensory overload. There was the inescapable static background buzz of hundreds of electric lights everywhere. Little regimented strings of glowing embers in his world on fire. Wafts of hot mulled alcohol and rich spiced food could swell to choking point, sticking in his throat. The streets packed tight with the impatient jostle of shoppers during the day and in the evening spilling over with rowdy drunks and fighting, noise cascading in on all sides. So many festering arguments brought to light by the season and so many sirens...
He'd never felt more disconnected from it all.
Matt grimaced slightly, feeling a tired hollow emptiness rising so easily within himself as he weaved his way slowly between the other pedestrians. Around the corner, across the street, with a familiar click and creak of the front door he was through into the quiet hush of the semi-deserted office block. Three flights up and second door on the left, even without his abilities he could have easily found his way here, having trod the path so often.
But now... now this would be the last time.
Matt paused outside, the briefest of tremors running through his hand as he rested it on the door handle.
He could already feel Karen's heartbeat ahead. Slow and steady. Judging by the halo of heat pooling around the light-bulbs he judged she had been waiting here no more than half an hour already. Probably saying her own final farewells to Nelson & Murdock.
Stepping into the half-light of the office, he folded his cane down with a snap, tossing it aside onto the old chair by the door.
"Thanks for meeting me..." Karen swung around at the resigned note in his voice.
"What am I doing here Matt?" She hung back, lingering by the far window. What other kind of greeting had he really expected? He could sense the subtle shrug of her shoulders, the soft whispering spill of her long hair as it shifted with each movement.
"I uh... have something for you..." His hands pulled at the rustling brown paper bag, holding it forward slightly into the vast gulf of empty space yawning between them.
"No.. I don't..." Exasperated she recoiled a step "I don't want to.." Her usually warm voice clipping short, taking on an impatient edge for being summoned here just for a damn Christmas present.
"I have something... that I need you to see" With determined effort he kept his voice and his hand steady as he lifted the horned mask slowly from the bag.
"I'm Daredevil"
There was a long pause, a sharp hitched breath, then he could feel her heartbeat stutter and gallop as she looked bewildered from him, to the mask, then back again.
"I... I wanted you to know..." he pushed on as the silence stretched out "you deserved the truth" His heart was rocketing too "You needed to know in case.. in case anything happened, in case anyone else found out. I uh... say something... please?" He felt an idiot for holding the mask out still.
"How? How is it possible?" Her voice cracked, barely above a broken whisper. He could feel her head twitch accusingly towards the folded cane on the chair beside him.
"When I had the accident, my..." he winced, thoughts spinning sickeningly back to the argument with Foggy. Are you even really blind? "my sight was lost, but my other senses were enhanced. There's so many things I can sense... things I can do"
He took half a step forward "I'm not blind, not like you think.. I.. it's hard to explain"
Karen stalked softly across the room, reaching toward the mask, her heart rate still pounding, hovering her hand close but not quite touching the tough material.
She was transfixed by disbelief and confusion.
Matt tilted his head to one side "I.. I read your article" a low murmur offered with a ghost of a smile.
Her attention seemed to snap back to him after a moment, her gaze taking in the bruises and cuts on his face anew. She reached unthinkingly to brush his hair back from his brow, his head dipping down as if to avoid the touch, unworthy of her tenderness. Hiding behind the glasses he so often wore like a shield.
"But... he saved my life... that was... you?" Her voice was soft, full of wonder as they stood inches apart. "You saved my life... and, that was you... fighting... like that? Every time I came to visit, all the excuses, all the times when you couldn't make it in to work?" She leaned in a moment, eyes dancing, studying his expression, voice dropping low "all of your injuries? There was never any car crash was there" She laid it out as a statement of fact, not a question.
Matt could only shake his head.
She spun away, hand lifting to cover her mouth as she staggered slightly to lean against the edge of her old desk. Her breath coming in a gasp as the full realisation hit home, as understanding finally clicked into place. One big lie hidden by a thousand mediocre small ones.
"Karen..." He moved as if to reach for her, to reassure her, but held himself back "Karen, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"
"Why..." her voice shook "why do you do it?"
Unseen behind her, Matt grimaced, his voice firm and reasonable, as if he were trying to woo a hostile jury "Every second I'm awake, I'm aware of so much... I can't just... ignore it. I can help, I really can. I can stop terrible things happening, I have stopped them." At this Elektra flashed painfully through his thoughts, that was a lie and the guilt almost took his breath away, he hadn't been able to stop that. Not that... It took him a moment before he could continue. "There's so much happening in the city Karen, things that you... you just wouldn't believe. The cops can't handle it alone"
"Why does it all have to fall on you?"
"You sound just like Foggy.." it was a throwaway comment, but from the way Karen's heart suddenly lurched he knew instantly it was the wrong thing to say.
"Did he know?" She wheeled around, head snapping up to peer at him, a sudden hard edge to her voice "Tell me the truth Matt"
He nodded slowly "he found me in the suit, I hadn't meant for him to find out when he did but-"
"He found you? What does -that- mean?" the accusation in her voice was raw with concern.
"It wasn't his fault, I didn't mean for it-"
"So, all this time" Karen cut across him "he's been what... covering for you?" He could feel the shift of tension in her stance, the sting of confusion and wounded pride in her voice. "You made Foggy lie for you... to me? All this time? Did you laugh about it together?"
"No, Karen.. no, it's wasn't like that. It was never-"
"How long has this been going on for? No.. in fact.. don't tell me"
She pushed herself away from the desk, away from him, pacing around the edge of the room in an agitated arc "I asked you... I was talking about you" She flicked out a hand, gesturing to the mask still in his grip "about him.. you... about this, to your face, and still you never said anything?"
Her voice evaporated, anyone else would have missed her next words "I thought I knew you"
Matt dipped his head, "Karen, I'm so sorry" the weight of his guilt plummeted through him with a sick swoop, at least the truth was out now though. If Fisk or anyone came after those around him, the ones he truly cared about, at least they'd understand the danger. Maybe in time they'd understand the need for the distance and walls he was throwing up to protect them.
He could withstand her confused anger, hell he deserved it. If she needed to rail at him then he wasn't going to stop it. One thing the Murdock boys could always do was take a hit.
Karen paused, deflating slightly "Was everything an act with you?"
It struck him that she meant them, their friendship, their relationship as intense and short lived as it had been. The revelation of all these lies was cutting her deep.
Are you even really blind?
"If we had been together, would you ever have told me?" her tone became fragile with regret. "How long would you have lied to me Matt? Why did you think you couldn't tell me?"
He lifted his chin, "I wasn't planning on telling anyone...but Foggy and Claire just... found out" he shrugged suddenly lost for words.
Karen blinked, "is that her name? the woman who was in your apartment? ...in your bed?"
Elektra... Matt winced tilting his head away, unable to say her name, knowing Karen would misread the expression but unable to stop the defensive reflex. Her heart rate lurched in response, heat rushing through the capillaries in her skin as she flushed red, ears burning, anger igniting once more.
Turning suddenly, she hooked her bag up over her shoulder, striding past him to the door, pausing only to look at him with red rimmed eyes and a hitch in her breath.
As the the door clicked quietly shut behind her, he could track her steps as she hurried down the corridor, fast, on the verge of running. Already punching at the buttons on her phone, there was only one person she'd be calling right now.
He flicked the lights off in the office one by one, before sinking onto Karen's old chair, his features scrunching up with a twist of raw emotion that he subdued with a slow exhale.
"Cut 'em loose, for their sake".
That was it then, Nelson and Murdock were truly finished.
"C'mon Matty"
Eventually he lifted his head slowly from the cradle of his hands, dragging his fingers roughly across his face, wiping briefly at his eyes.
"Get to work"
A/N: If you'd like to know what happens next, please let me know. I hope you enjoyed it so far! :)