Pleasure Cruise
By Sofri
A/N: This is for Hikari of the Moon's challenge, where you had to write a story that involves someone saying "Why are you all clapping? Nothing's going on!" when nobody is actually clapping. WARNING: contains crack pairings, not-so-crack pairings, het, hinted yaoi, an overdose of fluffy goodness, and horrible singing.
Summary: Pirates and mermaids and Luxord, Oh my! This pleasure cruise seems destined for oodles of fun. (KH and POTC, slight spoilers for At World's End)
Announcement: Sofri is having a challenge too, check her profile for info. Also, Sofri likes talking in 3rd person
Disclaimer: Sofri doesn't own KH, The Little Mermaid, Pirates of the Caribbean, or the songs "Part of your World," "My Sitar," and "Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life for Me"
PLEASURE CRUISE
"We're rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!"
Elizabeth Swann resisted the urge to cover her ears as three horrible, out-of-tune voices raised themselves in raucous singing. Never before, not in her long years of acquaintance with pirates, had the governor's daughter heard the song butchered so badly.
"I knew he'd be trouble. I knew they'd both be trouble," Elizabeth reassured herself. This was, of course, a lie. When the brown-haired boy called Sora and his strange anthropomorphic companions had pulled into Port Royal, she'd been too busy worrying about whether she'd survive an attack of cursed pirates hoping to steal a piece of gold she had been currently wearing around her neck. As a matter of fact, she hadn't realized how troublesome he would be until he acquainted himself with another known troublemaker, one Captain Jack Sparrow.
Jack…Elizabeth's hands tightened on the railing as she thought of the cowardly, humorous, daring, smelly…you get the point…pirate captain that had once been her dearest friend. And thoughts of Jack inevitably led to thoughts of Will…William Turner, the handsome blacksmith's son who had once been her fiancé, until one day he made a terrible confession…
"Lizzie, dear, you've been moping for minutes. Come join the party!" a tall, blonde, extremely inebriated man slurred as he attempted to wrap an arm about Elizabeth's waist.
"Go away," she growled, wincing at the horrible nickname. Sora wasn't so bad—she'd even been kind of happy when he came back after defeating Xemnas and freeing the rest of the Organization, announcing that he wanted to stay in Port Royal for good. He was funny, friendly, and childish—qualities Elizabeth's current friends severely lacked. And the companion he'd brought with him, also to stay—the red-head, Kairi—was a girl with spirit, like Elizabeth herself, and they'd soon become best friends. But when they'd brought with them a member of the Organization—the very same member who had once terrorized her home—she had known he would be trouble.
And he was. Even with the addition of a heart, Luxord was an irritating, annoying, non-humorous, often perverted drunkard…not to mention his horrible singing voice. And the fact that he apparently had a huge crush on Elizabeth, and constantly tried to flirt with her, calling her "Lizzie" and "lassie" and other such horrible nicknames. But Sora and Kairi tolerated him, and Elizabeth tolerated Sora and Kairi, so she became stuck with Luxord.
"ROCK HO!!!"
Thankfully, Kairi's wild, whooping yell startled the governor's daughter from her thoughts as it startled Luxord from his flirtations. Elizabeth grinned slightly as she remembered the reason for this "pleasure cruise"…and the whole reason Sora and Kairi had moved to Port Royal.
It was, as a matter of fact, for this rock.
A rock positioned smack in the middle of nowhere—or, rather, the middle of the Caribbean Sea.
A rock shaped rather like a lumpy, oversized, maggot-infested cabbage being eaten by a llama.
A rock with two occupants.
Two occupants that were not human.
The occupants of the cabbage-being-eaten-by-a-llama-shaped-rock were a boy and a girl, roughly the same age as Sora and Kairi. The girl had flowing red hair and a green fishtail instead of legs. The boy was the same, except his fishtail was a gleaming silver, and his hair was a mullet somewhere in the indiscriminate zone between blonde and brown. He was also dragging a strange blue instrument through the water with both of his thin, pale arms.
They were mermaids. Or, more precisely, a mermaid and a merman. To be further precise, they were Ariel, Princess of Atlantica, Kingdom of the Mermaids, and her new adoptive brother Demyx, once IX of Organization XIII and now, like Luxord, with a heart and a new home. To add further precision, and to explain why the two merpeople were sitting on the rock shaped like a cabbage being eaten by a llama in the middle of the Caribbean Sea, they were Sora's girlfriend and Kairi's boyfriend, respectively.
This, of course, being the reason that the former Destiny Islanders had moved to Port Royal. It was close to Atlantica—with the aforementioned cabbage-being-eaten-by-a-llama shaped rock being an exact halfway point between the two worlds—allowing Sora and Kairi to spend time with their aquatic-dwelling beaus.
Spotting the boat, Demyx and Ariel jumped off the rock to clutch at its wooden sides. Kairi—having always been swifter than the pudgy Sora—reached the side first, and grabbed Demyx's shoulders without a word, quickly pulling him into a kiss.
Elizabeth smiled slightly. Young love…so sweet, really. She'd been that way once…had a true love…but her "dear blacksmith," as it turned out, didn't prefer tomboyish governor's daughters. Turns out, he didn't even prefer girls! He'd told her scornfully and run off…
"And is probably languishing on some deserted island sucking face with that no-good smelly captain waiting to be rescued by sea turtles." Elizabeth whipped around, certain she'd been voicing her thoughts aloud, to meet the grinning face of Luxord, inches behind her own. She sighed. The girl had forgotten the once-time-manipulator's still-existing telepathic abilities.
"While you, lassie, are here on a ship with five friends who'd do anything for you and the everlasting devotion of a handsome gambler," he continued, attempting to flash her a winning smile.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, but her heart did feel lighter. The remarks had cheered her up. She pictured Will in the situation Luxord had described, and a tiny grin graced her tanned features. "Thanks," she told him quietly.
While these words had been exchanged, Kairi had lifted Demyx onto the deck, where he now sat in a bucket of water, his arms entwined around his girlfriend's neck. Sora and Ariel were in the position Demyx and Kairi had just vacated—that is, kissing over the deck railing.
Feeling eyes on him, Sora lifted his mouth from his girlfriend's and turned to Elizabeth, eyes sparkling. "Jealous?" he inquired.
That was too much for Elizabeth. The governor's daughter charged to the other side of the deck, pushing Sora into the gray-blue waters.
As soon as the brunette's trademark clown shoes had disappeared from view, the once-clear Caribbean waters turned a stormy gray. Lightning-laced clouds exploded from the blue sky. A whirlpool appeared where Sora had once stood. His face, gasping for breath, appeared above the water for a moment, then disappeared again. Ariel gasped. Kairi froze.
Elizabeth instantly knew what was going on. "Davey Jones and Calypso!"
Luxord blinked at her drunkenly. "Dirty Spoons and Cawhoso??"
The woman ran toward the other side of the boat even as she explained. "Calypso is the goddess of the sea. When she has arguments with her lover Davey Jones, she likes to drown cute boys and keep them with her to make him jealous."
At these words, Ariel and Demyx went into hysterics.
"OMG SORA'S GONNA DIE!!" yelled Demyx.
"OMG HES GONNA CHEAT ON ME WITH THE SEA GODDESS!" yelled Ariel.
Rolling her eyes, Elizabeth stripped off her boots, hat, and stockings, then dived over the boat into the stormy sea. The whirlpool tugged at her as her hands felt around for the boy's body.
Her lungs were searing by the time she found him. Her limbs were numb as she grabbed his collar and pulled her friend towards the surface. And by the time Sora had been dragged free of the whirlpool, Elizabeth's own strength was utterly depleted. Either she could drop Sora and climb aboard the ship—or push him to the side where he could climb up, and be sucked back into the whirlpool herself—certain death.
Blinking at the ship, Miss Swann saw the concerned faces of Demyx, Kairi, and Ariel.
When she saw the female mermaid's tears, Elizabeth knew her decision was made. Sora has somebody to love him. With the last of her strength, the woman shoved the boy towards the boat, before falling back into the raging maelstrom.
As the pressured water sucked the last breath from her, Elizabeth closed her eyes. I lost Will…I lost Jack…what have I to live for anymore anyway??
Before she could breathe her last, however, arms wrapped around her stomach and began pulling her toward the surface.
"Stop thinking that way, Lizzie my lass. You have everything to live for."
At least, that's what her rescuer meant to say. The words Elizabeth heard as she was pulled onto the llama-eating-a-cabbage-shaped-rock by the mysterious arms, were "Blarghadsf muff dljds glub glub dlhgiub." Elizabeth would have rolled her eyes, except she was nearly unconscious.
(A few moments later)
The voice that pushed Elizabeth from her unconsciousness was not the stereotypical "voice of an angel." It was a young, male, very annoying voice that was asking:
"Is she awake yet? How about now? Now? Now? Huh? Huh? Huh?"
Elizabeth groaned. "I'm awake, Sora," she muttered.
The Keybearer's face broke into a giant grin. "YAY!!!" he yelled.
Within a moment, Elizabeth had regained control of her wayward limbs, and pinned the boy's arms to his sides. "What happened?"
"Well…you went overboard to try and help me…and after you pushed me up you were drowning and Luxord jumped in and well…saved your life…and it kinda looked like me wasn't going to make it back but he did…except the whole storm-by-Calypso and me falling in and really this whole cruise were actually kind of a setup…like Luxord's not really drunk and I wasn't really going to die…because he wants to ask you som…"
Sora's ramblings had been cut off by Ariel's hand over his mouth. "Darn it, Sora," she addressed her boyfriend sternly. "You just kinda gave away our whole plan!"
While the redhead reprimanded the brunette, Kairi helped Elizabeth to her feet, and put her hands over the older woman's eyes. "Not yet. Luxord has to get things prepared."
While Elizabeth waited, wondering what exactly the gambler and his friends had in store for her, she contemplated the last couple moments. He'd saved her life…without a regard for his own life…
Meanwhile, the former number X of Organization XIII was attempting to use his mer-friends and their singing talents to get the proper "mood". "Romantic music, please," he told Demyx.
The merman began to sing the first song that came to mind:
"I like my sitar! I like my sitar!
I play the sitar, sitar, wherever I go!"
Luxord banged his palm against his forehead. "Ariel??"
The female mermaid grinned before complying, while Sora shut Demyx up and Kairi kept Elizabeth distracted.
"Look at this stuff? Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?"
The gambler rolled his eyes. "Fine, no music! Open your eyes, Elizabeth!"
The governor's daughter did as she was told…to be met with the sight of Luxord kneeling in front of her. The drunken glaze—which she realized now had been fake—was gone from his eyes. He was sopping wet from rescuing her, his pale blonde hair seemingly glued to his scalp. He looked like a wet puppy—but in Elizabeth's eyes, he'd never been more attractive.
"Lizzie…Elizabeth," he stammered, his usual confidence deserting him. "Ever since…I've had a heart…I've felt—this whole /feeling/ thing is absolutely amazing…but there's only one person who can make me "feel" this certain way…can make my heart beat so much faster…everyone calls this "feeling"…love. You make me feel even better than winning at poker! And…so I think, even though you probably hate me, I love you, and…" he produced what looked suspiciously like the box in which a deck of cards comes in. Pushing open the top, he slid something small and gold onto his palm.
Elizabeth gasped as she recognized the item: a ring.
"…Will you marry me, Lizzie??"
Sora, Ariel, Demyx, and Kairi held their breath as the blonde woman studied the sopping male kneeling before her. The pair argued so often—though he /had/ saved her life—she said she hated him—what would happen?
Therefore, they were utterly shocked when Elizabeth near-shouted "Yes!" and pulling the gambler to her, kissed him firmly on the lips.
The girls "Aaaaaaaaaaawwww"ed. The boys looked away, every few seconds sneaking a guilty peek back at the couple.
After several minutes of a kiss more wonderful than any she'd shared with Will, Elizabeth finally removed her mouth from Luxord's. The gambler was grinning that goofy, childish smile of a man in love, a grin Elizabeth knew was mirrored on her own face.
But to her surprise, instead of saying something romantic, Luxord surveyed the assembled company and remarked in a slurred voice, "Why are you all clapping? Nothing's going on!"
Ariel, Kairi, Sora, Demyx, and Elizabeth glanced at each other. None of them were clapping. As this glancing was going on, Luxord let out a large burp and stumbled a few paces backward before falling on his black-cloaked bum, right onto the deck.
Elizabeth gasped in horror. "You're drunk!" she accused him. "How could you! Drink and then propose to me, and think I'd be OK with it!" She stepped two paces forward and slapped the inebriated gambler on the face.
Luxord glanced up at her, confusion in his eyes. "So, are we still getting married?"
At his forlorn tone, Elizabeth relented a little. "When you're sober, love," she promised him before giving him a little kiss on the cheek and retreating to the other side of the deck where the crew of the small ship exploded immediately into laughter.
With the exception of Luxord. He glanced around, unable to fathom where he was, why he was there, or why there were three people and two merpeople laughing their heads off a few meters away.
"Oh well," he told himself and began to sing to himself in slurred, off-key tones.
"We're rascals, scoundrels, villains, and knaves
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs
Drink up, me 'earties, yo…
Then he fainted.
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