A/N: This is my first SpongeBob fic, so I hope you like it. Also, it would've been out sooner, but I kinda lost inspiration for it.
Rocky's Funeral
Patrick Star was in his house, rummaging through all his junk and trash. Soon, he heard his rock open and his best friend, SpongeBob SquarePants came in.
"Hey Patrick!" SpongeBob said. "Wanna go jellyfishing?"
"Not right now SpongeBob." he said absentmindedly, still digging around. "I'm a little busy." He then decided to look under his bed. He began throwing random objects from under his bed, such as underwear, moldy pieces of food, and a variety of sports equipment, which kept on accidentally hitting SpongeBob.
"Patrick, just what are you looking for?" SpongeBob asked as he removed a football from the side of his head.
"My pet snail, Rocky." the pink starfish replied, still throwing random items. Eventually, he realized he wasn't going to find Rocky, so he got up from under the bed and started looking under the sofa.
"You mean that rock?" SpongeBob said. "So," Patrick said indignantly. "He still had nerves of steel!"
"Gee Pat. Sorry." the sponge said and then began to help his friend find his pet rock. "Hey Patrick," he began. "when exactly was the last time you saw Rocky?"
Patrick just sat there with a blank expression, thinking. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
He then finally asked, "When was the snail race again?" Patrick looked to his friend, who apparently fell asleep while he was thinking. "Uhh... SpongeBob?" He gave SpongeBob a nudge.
"SpongeBob?" He gave him another nudge, a little harder than the one before. He was still asleep. He then grabbed his friend, lifted him into the air and shook him violently.
"SPONGEBOB!" SpongeBob finally woke up. "Huh?"
"When was the snail race again?" Patrick repeated.
"Six months ago." SpongeBob answered. "Oh, OK. That's when I last saw him."
SpongeBob stared at his best friend, eyes wide open and mouth left ajar. "So Rocky's been gone for six months and you're barely looking for him now? Why are you even looking for him?"
"For the new snail race this Sunday!" he said. He then took out a poster from his shorts. It said 'Big Bikini Bottom Snail Race 2!' in big, red letters. Under it showed a few snails racing to the finish line and waiting at the end was a big, shiny trophy of a snail.
"Wow Patrick! That's a pretty neat looking trophy!" SpongeBob said excitedly. "Yeah, I know!" Patrick said with an equal amount of excitement in his voice. Then SpongeBob realize something.
"Wait a minute. So you're only looking for Rocky just so you can enter a race?" Patrick nodded his head. "So will you help me look for them?" he asked.
"OK!" SpongeBob said, completely forgetting his key point. They began searching every nook and cranny of Patrick's house. They looked in cabinets and drawers, under chairs and tables, and even inside the TV somehow, not finding anything.
"Gee Patrick, where was the last time you saw Rocky?" SpongeBob asked. Patrick thought for a while, eventually falling asleep, snoring loudly. SpongeBob snapped his fingers in front of Patrick's face. "Patrick?"
No response. He tried again. "Patrick!" he shouted. Still no response.
SpongeBob sighed in defeat, not sure of what to do. Eventually, he left Patrick's house.
*One hour later*
SpongeBob peered into Patrick's house, finding Patrick still standing where he was just an hour ago, fast asleep. SpongeBob sighed again. He pushed the rock up and went inside, dragging his alarm clock with him. He turned it on and the alarm clock blared the sound of a foghorn. After it's first ring, Patrick suddenly woke up with a panicked expression on his face.
"THE APOCALYPSE HAS COME UPON US!" he shouted. "RUN AWAY! SAVE YOURSELVES!" He began to run in circles, then hit a wall.
"Patrick!" SpongeBob exclaimed, rushing to his best friend's side. "Patrick! Are you OK?"
"What happened?" he said stupidly.
"Oh yeah," SpongeBob said, remembering his previous question. "When was the last time you saw Rocky?"
"Umm... I think it was after I won the snail race." Patrick replied. SpongeBob stared at his best friend.
"That long?!" he exclaimed. "We should hurry and go to the coliseum now!"
*At the Coliseum*
"I can't find him!" Patrick shouted, sweat trickling sown his forehead. They searched everywhere in the coliseum, but were unsuccessful in finding his beloved pet rock.
"Don't worry Patrick." SpongeBob said. "We'll find him. Do you remember what you did after you won?"
Patrick thought for a while. "Um… After the race, I went home."
"Maybe we just didn't search hard enough at your place." the sponge said. "Let's go back."
*Back at Patrick's House*
"Are you sure he's going to be here?" Patrick asked.
"Of course I'm sure." SpongeBob replied. "Just think. Where haven't we checked?"
Patrick thought for a long, long time. "Um… I don't think we checked the trash can."
SpongeBob went to Patrick's trash can and picked it up. He flipped it upside down, pouring out the contents. Candy wrappers, moldy pieces of food, and a rubber ducky came out of the trash. The last thing that came down was a large, dome-shaped, red rock covered in dust and gum.
"Is this him?" SpongeBob asked. Patrick approached the rock, then burst out crying. "Yes! This his him!" he sobbed, his hands on his face.
"Patrick, why are you crying?"
"B-Because Rocky d-died!" he answered. Still crying, he picked up Rocky and hugged him tightly.
"What are you talking about?" SpongeBob asked. "He's a rock."
Patrick suddenly stopped crying and stared at SpongeBob grumpily. "What do you know about rocks, Squarepants!" he scolded. "You think you're some kind of rock expert!" Then he started crying again. "Besides, just look at him!" He showed SpongeBob the dust-and-gum covered rock.
"Patrick, he's just dirty." SpongeBob told him. "You just have to clean him up."
"No he's not." Patrick sobbed. "He's dead! And this is his rotting body." He set him down gently on the table. "I must prepare his body."
"What are you talking about?"
"I need to wrap him in toilet paper and put him in a big box in a pointy building." Patrick said, getting the toilet paper.
"Patrick only Egyptians do that."
"Oh." Patrick said, throwing away the toilet paper. "Then I need to burn him and put the black stuff in a jar." He took out a flamethrower.
"Wait Patrick don't do that!" SpongeBob shouted.
"Why not?" he asked, turning on his flamethrower. "Isn't this what you're supposed to do when someone dies?"
"Well…" SpongeBob said, thinking. "I just think… it would be better to… bury him."
He turned off the flamethrower. "You mean put him underground?" Patrick asked. Then he scoffed. "That's not what you're supposed to do when someone dies!"
SpongeBob face palmed. "Yes you are. You hold a funeral and bury him"
"You do? Then I wanna hold it on Sunday."
"What?!" SpongeBob exclaimed. "But Sunday's the Great Snail 2!"
"But Rocky would have wanted you to come." Patrick said, about to start crying again. SpongeBob, not wanting to see his best friend crying again, said, "OK then. I'll be there." He then left and went to spread the news of Rocky's death.
*Sunday*
"I can't believe Patrick dragged us out here just to bury a rock!" Squidward said angrily, his arms crossed. "I could have entered Snelly into the Bikini Bottom Snail Race 2 and won that trophy!"
"What happened to Snelly, anyways?" SpongeBob asked.
"Oh, I gave it to mother."
"Well, we're here now." Sandy said in her Texan accent. "No point in arguing now." Instead of the usual pink flower on her air dome, she had a black one of the similar style.
Patrick came up in front of everyone. "Thank you all for coming to this service." he said grimly.
"Service? Patrick, we're in your backyard!" Squidward complained. "And we're not even dressed properly!"
Patrick didn't seem to hear Squidward, so he continued his speech. "We are all here to honor the death of Rocky the Snail."
"You better come to work extra early, Mr. Squarepants." Mr. Krabs muttered to SpongeBob. "Time is money. And since you wasted my time bringing me here, you're wasting me money!"
"Everyone, hush up." Sandy said. "They're bringing out the body."
Tom and Fred, two of the Krusty Krab's regular customers, came from Patrick's rock, holding a large block of wood, since Patrick had no money to buy a proper- er, thingy you put dead people on. On it lay Rocky.
Rocky was cleaned, as you would do with any other corpse. Laurel wreaths and flower petals were scattered around him. A bouquet of flowers were placed in front of him and a picture of him and Patrick together was behind him. Patrick appraoched him and began to speak.
"Rocky, you were the best pet snail I ever had. You helped me win The Great Snail Race, and I was very proud of you. We've had some good times, and I just wish i had the chance to say... To say..." Patrick's eyes began to water. "To say I love you. You lived a long life, because although you were a rock-" Patrick couldn't take it anymore. "-he had nerves of steel!" He collapsed on to Rocky, causing the board to break in half, falling on top of Tom and Fred.
"My leg!"
Patrick wasn't paying attention to them. He was too busy cuddling with the corpse of Rocky. "OH ROCKY!" he sobbed. "I"M SO SORRY! I"M SO SORRY!" He was crying and crying, eventually drowning in his own tears.
"Worst. Funeral. Ever." Squidward muttered.
Patrick got up and held Rocky in his hands. Suddenly, he smiled. "Rocky? Rocky! You're alive!" Squidward's jaw dropped.
"Are you kidding me! You wasted our time and your stupid pet rock is still alive!"
Patrick didn't seem to hear him; He was to busy rejoicing. Everyone except SpongeBob left his backyard so they can continue with their lives.
"Congratulations, Patrick!" SpongeBob cheered. "Rocky's still alive."
"I know." he said. "It's a good thing The Great Snail Race 2 is moved until next week."
"What are you talking about?"
"They changed the date to next Sunday because Lightning Larry Luciano got sick."
Aw, man!" SpongeBob said, disappointed. "Next Sunday's laundry day. I can't miss it this time."
"Oh well." Patirck said. "And now I will make sure Rocky never gets lost again! Come on, Rocky." He carried him into his house, put him next to the recliner, then fell asleep.
*One hour later*
Patrick woke up and looked to the side of his recliner to see Rocky wasn't there. "Rocky?"
What he doesn't know is that Rocky was in his snailhouse, the trash can.
A/N: There ya go! I hoped you like it. Besides Pokemon, SpongeBob was a big part of my childhood, so expect other fics about it.