Virginity
Jean Valjean was sat in his living room one night brooding, his precious child Cosette was getting married in a week but he was already feeling like he was losing her. He had been feeling like this for some time but now that the wedding was so close it was hurting him to think about it.
It wasn't just the fact that she was getting married; it was the fact that she wouldn't be his daughter anymore, she wouldn't be his little girl, she would be someones wife and it killed him to think about it. In one week she would be married, and he knew what she would be expected to do on her wedding night. He had been thinking about that a lot, more than was probably appropriate in fact, but he couldn't help it.
He sat looking at the fire that night and started thinking about her and that boy, Marius, and how he would take his daughters virginity. He could see them together in his bedroom, him kissing her, touching her all over her body, him lying on top of her in bed, opening her legs and…
"Snap out of it! Stop thinking about her like that!" He suddenly thought to himself before that image went any further, "She was never mine to keep".
As much as it pained him to think it, he could see how happy Marius made Cosette, and who was he to tell her that she couldn't be happy? Was he supposed to lock her in this house forever with him and never let her go anywhere or meet anyone? Of course not. Despite how hard he had tried to keep her a part of himself there was some part of him that knew one day she would want a life away from him, and now it was happening.
Valjean sighed sadly, continuing his self-induced sour mood he had put himself in that night. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even hear the door open behind him.
"Papa?" Cosette said quietly
Valjean turned in his seat, surprised to see his daughter out of bed so late at night.
"Cosette? He said "What are you doing up at this hour?" To see her there made him think of when she was a little girl and she would wake in the night because of a bad dream. It had been years since she had needed him to comfort her.
"I need to ask you something" She said timidly, and he beckoned her over to come sit by him.
She sat down next to him and tucked her feet underneath her like a little girl, which made Valjean smile sadly. "How can she be getting married? She's just a child".
Cosette didn't say anything straight away; she looked a bit apprehensive in fact of what she wanted to ask him.
"What do you need to ask me Cosette?" He asked as it was clear she was nervous about something
"I want to know something papa, I just don't know how to say it" she said
Valjean took her hand; he was getting slightly worried now about what was on her mind. Over the years she had asked about her past many times and she had asked about his too, but he had always managed to avoid the issue, he was hoping she wasn't about to ask him about anything like that tonight.
"Whatever it is my dear, you can say it". He simply said to her, calming her a little.
"I'm getting married next week papa" Cosette said
"I know that Cosette" he replied "Believe me, I know" he thought to himself
"Well…um….my wedding night Papa, what will I have to do?" She asked, which took Valjean by surprise.
He just stared at her for a moment, "Oh God, is she really asking me this?" He never imagined she would ask him about that. What was he supposed to tell her?
"Well, Um….." he began, a bit blindsided by this question. "You have to give yourself to your husband Cosette" He said, hoping that would be a sufficient answer.
"I know that Papa, but what do I have to do?" She asked again.
Valjean stood up and walked over to the fireplace; he looked down at it and wished he wasn't having this conversation right now. Cosette was his daughter, and he loved her, but there were certain things he just couldn't tell her about.
"Papa?" she asked, "Are you mad at me for asking about this?"
Valjean turned to her again, and smiled sadly.
"No I'm not mad, but….I don't think I'm the right person to ask. What about Toussaint? Cant you talk to her about this?" he suggested, thinking of their housekeeper who was the closest thing Cosette had to a female role model.
"You're my father, I trust you. Please tell me papa". Cosette said to him, melting his heart a little.
"Well Cosette, um….on your wedding night you have to…I mean your husband will…." He was stuttering over his answer and looking at the floor, trying to find the best way to tell his daughter about sex. This may have been one of the most uncomfortable conversations he had ever had. He looked at his daughter again as she looked at him with so much expectation in her eyes and he felt himself fail her.
"No, there's no way I can talk to her about this" He thought to himself
"I'm sorry Cosette, I can't. I'll have Toussaint talk to you tomorrow. Now please, go back to bed, you need your rest". He said, ending this awkward conversation he was trapped in.
Cosette looked at him in disappointment, but nodded at him knowing she shouldn't have asked him about this. She stood and went over to him, kissing him goodnight softly.
"Goodnight papa" she said, still with a slight hint of disappointment in her voice.
"Goodnight" he said back to her, and then he watched her walk out of the room again.
Valjean sat back down again and continued looking into the fire, feeling even worse about the whole situation than before. He wanted to be the kind of father who could look after his daughter, and for the last ten years he had done that and he had done it the best he could. But he just wasn't the kind of father who could tell his daughter about marital duty.