Buffy was walking along on the street on her way to the Magic Box when
something caught her eye. Could it be? She spun around. She found her self
in a sea of peroxide blondes. Buffy looked from one place again another
thing caught her eye.
Spike? Could it be?
Loosing all reason she started to towards the vampire. Completely
forgetting that it was sunlight she stopped right in front of him, "Hey,
babe!" he said in a slang and an unmistakably AMERICAN accent. Buffy
blinked. The vision of the blonde vamp melted away to reveal a preppie
quarterback that tried to pick her up.
She felt her heart sinking - no tumbling to her feet. How could I have
gotten Spike from this guy? She thought walking away. Passing Anya and
Xander who we're sitting in absolute silence reading she ambled down the
stairs and straight into the bathroom to change out of her street clothes.
Bathroom, that night. Why did Spike keep showing up in her thoughts? It's
not like she loved him but why was she obsessing? There's something wrong
with her brain. Why did he ever take her crap? She treated him like dirt
and yet he still offered her a shoulder to lean on whenever she needed it.
Even thought he had no soul he created a soul for him self so he could be
perfect for her. Why did he have to be so goddamn caring? Why couldn't he
act like the Spike in the guidebooks so she beat him in to dust and feel no
remorse? Instead he had stuck by her and proved he was worthy of her love.
God, she hated him. God, she needed him. Whoa! When did that happen? She
thought.
She looked into the mirror but instead of her reflection staring back at
her she saw Dawn smirking. "A long, long time ago, Buffy!" she said smugly.
"Where have you been?" Buffy looked horrified at her sister.
"What are you?" she stammered.
"I am just a physical representation of you dependence of the once
antagonistic being in you life brought on by your psyche." Buffy just gave
her a what-the-hellmouth-are-you-taking-about look. "I'm here to remind you
that you LOVE Spike! You NEED Spike! You WANT Spike! You can't LIVE without
Spike!"
Buffy stared at the smirking teen for a moment and then let out a shriek
that shook the Magic Box. Up in the SHOP part of the Magic Box Anya looked
up from counting her money. "She's in denial." She said but for her obvious
desperate attempt at conversation, she only received a cold stare from
Xander.
"You know I try." Anya said throwing a coin into the neatly stacked up
piles of money.
"Maybe you should stop trying." Xander replied icily.
"Hey. Could you be civil for at least a day?" she pleaded.
"Hey, I'm being pretty civil for someone who found out his ex-fiancé is a
sex buddy of dead boy jr." he said. "Any other guy I would at least be
civil but you had to go for the first non- guy you saw right?"
Anya looked appalled. "You left me at the alter construction boy!" she said
infuriated. "What would you have done?"
"Not this." He said crossing his arms.
"The difference between Spike and you is that he understands, Xander." She
said willing him to understand.
"Understands what? That you're a demon? Like I couldn't see that? I was
with you for three years Anya!" Xander yelled.
"He understands how it feels to be inside the circle and yet be out of it."
Buffy frantically searched for her brown jacket even though summer nights in Sunnydale where usually hot it was unseasonably chilly today 'where is it??' she thought roughly pushing aside items of clothing; a little too roughly something fell at her feet. Buffy slowly bent down to inspect it. The recognition hit her like a knee to her gut. A black leather duster, Spike's duster. The one he had left that day. Hesitantly she picked the leather garment, which she rarely saw the peroxide blonde vamp without, as if it would bite her. (a/n: That's irony for you) She gently touched the leather; it was soft and shiny, almost like it had not spent six months in her closet. She slipped it on wanting to feel the leather on her skin. It felt like Spike had his arms around her. His scent lingered in the folds of the long coat oddly it comforted her. That was wrong. The scent of him should have repelled her; caused her to vomit after all that had happened that night. The night he had left his Duster. Had it really been six months since she had last saw him? Six months since he had left town? She knew how she should have felt to his departure, relief. After all, over the years how many times had she told him to leave Sunnydale and to let her and her friends alone? How many times had she threatened to stake him I he did not leave her be? But this time was different. She should have felt disgusted with him, angry at least but no! She breathed in his scent once more. She had long since forgiven him and she missed him. NO! She thought pushing those thoughts away; she was going patrolling, now. Buffy shook her head as if to clear away any lingering thoughts of the vampire and left her room. "Going patrolling, Dawn!" she called out to her little sister. Dawn emerged from her room. "Ok, Bu-"she trailed of staring at what her sister was wearing. "What?" Buffy asked. "That's Spike's duster." She said accusingly putting her hands on her hips. "Why are you wearing it?" After Dawn had heard what had happened she was furious at him. Obviously her anger hasn't cooled. "Are you looking for a match to burn it with?" she added. True when she found it Buffy wanted to burn it as if she could burn out all trace of him from her being. But soon her anger had cooled and she had realized that she was partly to blame for that night, she knew all this but she did not have to take it from her sister. Buffy just turned and walked down the stairs but the younger Summers girl followed her and as Buffy was about to exit the door Dawn cut her off arms akimbo. "Well?" she asked. Buffy snapped. "Look, Dawn if this coat annoys you so much I'll leave it here!!!" she yelled peeling off the coat and throwing on the couch before pushing past her shocked younger sister and slamming the door behind her. Dawn looked over to Buffy's retreating figure sadly. When Dawn knew Buffy was out of earshot she walked over to the discarded duster and cried.
***** *****
Buffy was standing in a gloomy alleyway. As soon as she had peeled off the duster she felt the overwhelming crush of her problems crash on to her like an avalanche. She really would have loved to see Spike right now. Whenever she had problems he was always there to help her. A quality she had overlooked. Whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on - NO! She was not going to think about this! He's an asshole! He tried to rape you and he's a vampire! And He's gone; he's not coming back! DEAL WITH IT!!!! Mentally she made a note that she was going to clobber the next vamp she sensed. As if on queue she felt a vampire close by and was coming closer. Exactly what she needed, a punching bag. A stress ball. She crept up behind it and took it by surprise, kicking and punching as hard as she could. After about a second she realized the vampire wasn't retaliating it wasn't even defending itself. She punched again this time near the groin. "BLOODY HELL!!!" Buffy's head snapped up; she squinted in the dim light of the alleyway. "Spike?" she asked tentatively. The vampire emerged from the shadows, Buffy gasped. He didn't look like the Spike she remembered. His peroxide locks were now chestnut brown and natural soft looking curls had replaced the 70's gelled back look she was used to as well. He had left his trademark black for a pair of khakis and a blue shirt that brought out the crystalline blue depths of his eyes. He looked. "Spike?" Buffy said taking a closer look at him and then rearing back and slapping him full force on the face receiving no complain from the.from Spike. "I guess I bloody well deserve that." He mumbled. "That is for NOT being here." She said. He looked at her like she was crazy. He was obviously still thinking about that night. "For what? Why would anybody need me?" he asked almost bitterly. "We could have used you! Willow went all homicidal and tried to kill us all! We could have used another fighter!" Buffy yelled kicking him and punching him once again using him as her punching bag. "I'm so sorry." He apologized but Buffy didn't hear it. She continued kicking and punching him. "And now Tara's dead and Willow is in England and.and." she trailed of pounding on his chest. He knew this game. She played it all the time. Whenever she was frustrated she loved to play kick the Spike. "Shhhhhhh, Quiet, Luv." he said slipping his arm around her shoulder trying to ease the petite blonde out of her frustration. She erupted into sobs still clutching and pounding his chest. "And - and Xander left Anya and I lost my job and now I owe the bank all this money AGAIN." She wailed. "And-a-and Dawn has a boyfriend!" That last one got Spike's attention "Nibblet?" he asked. Buffy just sobbed again. Clinging to Spike now like he was her last shred of sanity. "I needed you!" she said between her sobs. Her words touched him. He looked down at her. "Come again? I thought you never needed me?" he said looking into her tear stained face. She looked down at her feet. "I lied." She whispered. He could sense her confusion and pain so he drew her nearer to him. She melted into his embrace. "There has been so much going on lately I think my head is going to explode." She said her head pressed into his shoulder she started to cry again she felt like all the tears she had been hiding from Dawn and Xander and Anya came out whenever she was with Spike. "I know the feeling, pet." He said slowly stroking her hair. "Where did you go, Spike?" she asked him. "Africa." He said looking down at her. "Why, Slayer? Could have used me?" he asked, more bitterly than he had meant to. Buffy held him tighter. "No." she said, "I missed you."
Buffy frantically searched for her brown jacket even though summer nights in Sunnydale where usually hot it was unseasonably chilly today 'where is it??' she thought roughly pushing aside items of clothing; a little too roughly something fell at her feet. Buffy slowly bent down to inspect it. The recognition hit her like a knee to her gut. A black leather duster, Spike's duster. The one he had left that day. Hesitantly she picked the leather garment, which she rarely saw the peroxide blonde vamp without, as if it would bite her. (a/n: That's irony for you) She gently touched the leather; it was soft and shiny, almost like it had not spent six months in her closet. She slipped it on wanting to feel the leather on her skin. It felt like Spike had his arms around her. His scent lingered in the folds of the long coat oddly it comforted her. That was wrong. The scent of him should have repelled her; caused her to vomit after all that had happened that night. The night he had left his Duster. Had it really been six months since she had last saw him? Six months since he had left town? She knew how she should have felt to his departure, relief. After all, over the years how many times had she told him to leave Sunnydale and to let her and her friends alone? How many times had she threatened to stake him I he did not leave her be? But this time was different. She should have felt disgusted with him, angry at least but no! She breathed in his scent once more. She had long since forgiven him and she missed him. NO! She thought pushing those thoughts away; she was going patrolling, now. Buffy shook her head as if to clear away any lingering thoughts of the vampire and left her room. "Going patrolling, Dawn!" she called out to her little sister. Dawn emerged from her room. "Ok, Bu-"she trailed of staring at what her sister was wearing. "What?" Buffy asked. "That's Spike's duster." She said accusingly putting her hands on her hips. "Why are you wearing it?" After Dawn had heard what had happened she was furious at him. Obviously her anger hasn't cooled. "Are you looking for a match to burn it with?" she added. True when she found it Buffy wanted to burn it as if she could burn out all trace of him from her being. But soon her anger had cooled and she had realized that she was partly to blame for that night, she knew all this but she did not have to take it from her sister. Buffy just turned and walked down the stairs but the younger Summers girl followed her and as Buffy was about to exit the door Dawn cut her off arms akimbo. "Well?" she asked. Buffy snapped. "Look, Dawn if this coat annoys you so much I'll leave it here!!!" she yelled peeling off the coat and throwing on the couch before pushing past her shocked younger sister and slamming the door behind her. Dawn looked over to Buffy's retreating figure sadly. When Dawn knew Buffy was out of earshot she walked over to the discarded duster and cried.
***** *****
Buffy was standing in a gloomy alleyway. As soon as she had peeled off the duster she felt the overwhelming crush of her problems crash on to her like an avalanche. She really would have loved to see Spike right now. Whenever she had problems he was always there to help her. A quality she had overlooked. Whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on - NO! She was not going to think about this! He's an asshole! He tried to rape you and he's a vampire! And He's gone; he's not coming back! DEAL WITH IT!!!! Mentally she made a note that she was going to clobber the next vamp she sensed. As if on queue she felt a vampire close by and was coming closer. Exactly what she needed, a punching bag. A stress ball. She crept up behind it and took it by surprise, kicking and punching as hard as she could. After about a second she realized the vampire wasn't retaliating it wasn't even defending itself. She punched again this time near the groin. "BLOODY HELL!!!" Buffy's head snapped up; she squinted in the dim light of the alleyway. "Spike?" she asked tentatively. The vampire emerged from the shadows, Buffy gasped. He didn't look like the Spike she remembered. His peroxide locks were now chestnut brown and natural soft looking curls had replaced the 70's gelled back look she was used to as well. He had left his trademark black for a pair of khakis and a blue shirt that brought out the crystalline blue depths of his eyes. He looked. "Spike?" Buffy said taking a closer look at him and then rearing back and slapping him full force on the face receiving no complain from the.from Spike. "I guess I bloody well deserve that." He mumbled. "That is for NOT being here." She said. He looked at her like she was crazy. He was obviously still thinking about that night. "For what? Why would anybody need me?" he asked almost bitterly. "We could have used you! Willow went all homicidal and tried to kill us all! We could have used another fighter!" Buffy yelled kicking him and punching him once again using him as her punching bag. "I'm so sorry." He apologized but Buffy didn't hear it. She continued kicking and punching him. "And now Tara's dead and Willow is in England and.and." she trailed of pounding on his chest. He knew this game. She played it all the time. Whenever she was frustrated she loved to play kick the Spike. "Shhhhhhh, Quiet, Luv." he said slipping his arm around her shoulder trying to ease the petite blonde out of her frustration. She erupted into sobs still clutching and pounding his chest. "And - and Xander left Anya and I lost my job and now I owe the bank all this money AGAIN." She wailed. "And-a-and Dawn has a boyfriend!" That last one got Spike's attention "Nibblet?" he asked. Buffy just sobbed again. Clinging to Spike now like he was her last shred of sanity. "I needed you!" she said between her sobs. Her words touched him. He looked down at her. "Come again? I thought you never needed me?" he said looking into her tear stained face. She looked down at her feet. "I lied." She whispered. He could sense her confusion and pain so he drew her nearer to him. She melted into his embrace. "There has been so much going on lately I think my head is going to explode." She said her head pressed into his shoulder she started to cry again she felt like all the tears she had been hiding from Dawn and Xander and Anya came out whenever she was with Spike. "I know the feeling, pet." He said slowly stroking her hair. "Where did you go, Spike?" she asked him. "Africa." He said looking down at her. "Why, Slayer? Could have used me?" he asked, more bitterly than he had meant to. Buffy held him tighter. "No." she said, "I missed you."