Gansey was dead. Lifeless body limp in Blue's arms, spattered with rain.
Adam's face was so "other" now. How did she not see it before? He was so very unlike the rest of them, less human, unknowable. Ronan, twisted with rage, his reckless untethered with Gansey gone. Leaving Blue. What was she now? Without Gansey and the quest, what was she now? Glendower had been everything. Gansey had been everything. Foretold her entire life he would die; but it had meant nothing until she'd known him. Now it was too much. It meant too much, hurt too much to take in.
Nothing was the same. Nothing could ever be the same. What were they without Gansey and his Welsh obsession?
-
Adam finished school, graduated and left. He quietly slipped out of their lives; retreating more and more into his otherness until they hardly noticed his absence - just a dull ache to join the hole Gansey had left in their lives. Not surprisingly Noah vanished entirely. Gansey had given him strength and courage as much as Blue had given him the physical energy to be visible. He wouldn't be reappearing.
Blue, broken Blue turned to the last of the group left. Ronan. She remembered how he'd kept her from falling in the cave and saved her on countless other occasions and that was comforting at least. She knew she needed to be there for him now, to save him now, to tether him in place of Gansey. It wasn't hard.
After the funeral she'd buried her head into his chest. He'd held her close and tight. This was the Ronan who was loyal to a fault, Ronan the dreamer the Gray Warren, not the dangerous Ronan always on edge. He'd held her close and kissed her. Without thinking she'd kissed him back. It wasn't like is had been with Noah. Not awkward or weird. It wasn't like it had been with Gansey full of fire and unsustainable. It was different - comforting and warm. No fire, but then no one had died this time.
They found they enjoyed each others' company without the needing the others. It wasn't love but they could pretend. It was easier that way.
-
"Babe, remember we are helping bartend tonight. Try to be there on time. And remember black only" Ronan said.
Blue sighed. She really didn't want to but they'd agreed and it was for a co-worker of Ronan's so she really couldn't say no. He didn't ask much of her. She sighed, it might even be fun. "Yeah I remember" and added, "I can take directions you know." She said playfully hooking her finger into his waistband.
"I know" and he pulled her into him, close her bare skin tingling at his touch. He slid her bra strap down and kissed along her collar bone. She sighed happily. It wasn't love, but it was fun. Blue laughed and pushed him away but not before he slapped her butt.
"Now go get dressed."
-
It might not be traditionally what bartenders would wear but it was black and that had to count, Blue thought as she observed her crochet jumpsuit and platform stilettos in the mirror. Plus I'm here so that definitely counts. She adjusted her bra. She was showing a lot of cleavage, more than usual, but was hoping it would result in additional tips. She steadied herself. "Ok Blue time to kill em."
Behind the bar things were easier than she'd anticipated. Although now she couldn't remember why she'd thought this would be difficult in the first place. It really wasn't all that different than it had been when she lived at 300 Fox Way, even if that was a lifetime ago she still retained the skills of being able to carry multiple conversations in loud areas and still getting things done. This really was no different - just a little less comfortable as she was regretting the height of her heels. On the plus side the people were friendly enough even if they were posh. But perhaps she was on the rich side now that she'd been with Ronan for so long...
She looked up as a man walked up to the bar. He sat down on the far stool and slumped his head into his hands. Just there in this light Blue thought he looked familiar somehow. There was an air about him like someone she'd known him, always known him. She looked closer, nope no one she knew...at least not nowadays. She walked toward the end of the bar where the man sat slumped against the wall.
"What's your poison?"
He sighed and waived a hand. "Whiskey, vodka...they all get the job done"
This was unhelpful but Blue poured him a glass of whiskey and left him to stew.
Later that evening she glanced back at the slumped man. He was still there. Albeit slightly more crinkled now. There really was something familiar about him. He was looking around the room now, observing in a disinterested way. She watched him watching the others. Something clocked. She felt the earth shift slightly. The world was off kilter. Gansey.
It couldn't be. She'd seen him die. Held his dying body years ago. She looked closer. It was. How could she have missed it? But he was very different now. This Gansey didn't have the fire, the drive of the boy he'd once been. But then Blue mused if you died and came back to life twice in one lifetime you were bound to be change at least a little.
The party was winding down now and there were fewer people at the bar.
"Dick Gansey" she called in her best Kavinsky imitation, which had improved from living with Ronan for so many years. They'd become accustomed to making Kavinsky jokes. Gansey's head slowly turned, eyes dull. She held his gaze challenging him. Slowly his gaze focused, sharpened, his eyes grew wide in recognition. The fire rekindled. She saw him come back to life. He wasn't the slumped crinkled man anymore but the Gansey he'd been or at least a version of himself and more like someone she knew.
"Jane" he breathed.
She sauntered over and struck a voila pose.
"The very one" she was trying to hard to hide the feelings crashing over her. She had to play cool. She couldn't risk Ronan finding out Gansey was alive. She didn't want to share him again.
"Blue" he said. This time dangerous and with an edge. She grabbed his hand and led him outside to the back alley of the club.
Out here things seemed even less real. She couldn't make the world right itself. Everything was off. Gansey was alive. Everything in her body yelled at her that he was here in front of her even though she had held his dying body so many years ago.
She stumbled on the uneven asphalt in her admittedly ridiculously high stilettos. He caught her. His body was warm against hers. Fire welled up inside her. She burned for him.
"Blue" he said again his voice gruff and uneven with desire. His eyes were drinking her in like he'd never be able to get enough. She trembled in his embrace. This was so different than with Ronan. This was so right. She'd forgotten how his touch made her feel - like an earthquake or a tornado. Gansey was right. There was no pretending now.
Pushing his body against hers against the brick wall of the club with Ronan inside, he held her to the alley wall with one hand, while the other reached out and locked the back door. He slid the straps off her shoulders. She shivered in the night air and stepped out of her jumpsuit. It was all fire.
-
After Gansey had died things changed. With Noah and Adam gone Blue and Ronan had moved to Arlington. Ronan was involved in some variety of secret governmental type spy activities. She never was totally sure what it was he did. But then she didn't ask and he didn't tell. It had worked for them that way.
Blue had had to get out of Henrietta anyway. She couldn't bare it any longer. It broke her heart with everything the same except for the gaping hole where Gansey had been. She'd left with Ronan for Arlington and become a physical therapist. It was the furthest thing she could think of from psychics, leylines, Welsh kings and magic. Plus it wasn't a desk job and paid well which were all positives in her book. And better yet, she could wear what she wanted and keep her hair spiked. No suits required.
-