*Andrew Garfield as Remus Lupin *Ben Barnes as Sirius Black
*Aaron Taylor-Johnson as James Potter *Kimberly Whalen as Lily Evans
*Shelley Hennig as Cass Winters *Nina Dobrev as Marlene McKinnon
This corner of the library was never, ever, ever occupied. It was always empty, just how I like it. I may or may not have put a few wards over it so the lesser mind would simply not want to go near it, my favorite quills, and a few of my favorite muggle books sent from my cousin from America.
So tell me why I shouldn't be shocked when a body slumped over my desk, in my chair, head resting on my books.
"Oi!" I couldn't really articulate much after I saw who it was. His head shot up, the scratches that everyone always whispered about glinted in the afternoon sunlight. He blinked a few times, some hair falling into his eyes. He smiled blearily up at me as he put a name to my face.
"Hello, Cass. D'you mind?" He hadn't even spoken the whole sentence before his head dropped back to his arms and he promptly resumed his nap. He looked so damn peaceful that I could hardly ask him to move; I grabbed a quill and squeezed into the chair in front of the bookcase, right next to Remus Lupin. I gave an exasperated sigh as I tried to set my mind to Professor Binns' essay about the Statute of Secrecy erected in 1689, but I found my mind was more preoccupied on the boy napping peacefully right next to me.
Everyone knew Remus Lupin. He paraded around with those pranksters Black, Potter and Pettigrew. I love a good laugh just as much as the next Gryffindor, but man those boys just don't know when to stop. It pissed me off a bit, especially when Remus was involved. I always thought that Remus was too much of an intellectual for those hooligans, but they were all quite good friends.
I stopped my thoughts in their tracks, shaking my head at them. I had no control over what Remus did, how he spends his time, or who he spends his time with. With the determination of my good friend Lily Evans, I picked up my quill once more and took the scrolls from my bag while I thought about which books I needed as the three references for this Merlin forsaken essay. I summoned them, absentmindedly catching them as they zoomed to me. I arranged them in the order I needed and began the essay. I tried desperately hard to be a part of the Slug Club, an exclusive group of sixth and seventh years that had shown their academic strengths (as well as their political/successful family connections). I wasn't nearly as smart as Lily, or anyone in Ravenclaw really, but I did my best. I guess that that wasn't enough for Professor Slughorn, or my Ministry working parents.
"Did you know that you raise your eyebrows when you concentrate? It almost looks as if you're making fun of the material you're reading." My hand flew to my racing heart as I leaned back in my chair.
"Remus! I thought you were asleep?" He shrugged as his neck colored slightly, chuckling as I stabbed him with an unused quill. He held his hands up as a sign of surrender as I slowly put down the quill, my eyes watching that nerdy slow smile stretch his mouth even farther.
"You also mumble snide comments, which I then realized that you were actually making fun of the material you're reading." He laughed as I lay my head down to continue writing, the cool table soothing my blushing cheek.
"I think it's cute." I whipped my head up to stare at him, but he was already walking away, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his robes. I shook my head, forcing myself to focus on my essay, but after nearly falling asleep on my books myself, I decided to return to the Common Room. After a quick moment's decision, I decided to bring my possessions up to my room with me, dreading someone not so kind as Remus to stumble upon the haven within my heaven.
I couldn't fit everything into my bag, forcing me to carry my schoolbooks in my arms. I hoped to Merlin I wouldn't be run down by some first year galloping to wherever first years go. I left the library and was walking up the stairs when they began to change, jolting me so that one of my books not only tumbled out of my grasp but right over the edge of the railing.
"Incoming!" I yelled down, hoping someone would look up and not be bludgeoned to death by the falling text. I heard two thuds, a groan, and male laughter as I realized the book had hit someone. I let out a small laugh as I hoped I would somehow get my book back and gathered the rest of my things. I made my way to the top of the stairs, waiting for them to stop. I hurried before anything else could happened and I trudged, rerouting, the rest of my way to the Gryffindor common room. I tried to wave to Marlene McKinnon and Lily as they sat near the fire. They both made their way over to me, Lily taking few of the textbooks from my arms and Marlene taking my bag as we made our way up to our room.
"Merlin, Cass, what the ruddy hell do you have in here?" Marlene huffed as we got to our landing. I chuckled as I opened our door at the very end of the hall and took my things from her, collapsing on my bed with them in my arms. The window my bed sat in front of had a view of the Quidditch pitch and the goal posts had always made me smile. Play Quidditch? Hell no. Fan of Quidditch? Hell yes. Marlene was the first one to break the silence.
"Are you doing better? Since…" I nodded, eyes becoming unfocused at what she was mentioning. I saw her tilt her head slightly and quirked a delicate eyebrow. That would be her I-know-all-your-secrets-don't-try-to-lie-to-me look…it made me uncomfortable.
"Okay, so I'm not. It's only been two months, Marlene. Should I be okay? Please, tell me what I should be feeling, because there are a million emotions inside of me. Anger, grief, fear…but no, okay is not one of them." I bit out, trying to keep my voice level. I sighed, knowing that I should not have taken it out on a good friend who was only looking out for me.
"Marls, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"No! This is good! You need to talk about what you're feeling!"
"No, I don't." She sat at the foot of my bed as I pulled my knees up to my chest and turned away from her. Lily sat behind me and began to rub my back. She did not move away when I flinched at her touch.
"We hear you when you cry yourself to sleep at night." She began softly, and hesitatingly continued. "I see the haunted look in your eyes when you wake up, and the way you avoid the Prophet like it carries the plague. You were one of the only people I knew who would vouch for the Slytherins, but now you can't even look at them…we know how much you're hurting Cass. Let us help you." Her voice was so soft and caring as she spoke, as if I would break if she were to speak any louder.
I hate vulnerability.
'I'm fine, really. I'm dealing, and I'm managing." I pushed off my bed and pulled off my uniform and a pair of jeans. I tugged on an old pair of Chucks and let an old sweater of my brother's swallow me whole as I grabbed a jacket and my scarf.
"I'm going for a walk, to clear my head." Lily jumped up and over to her own bed, mouth already going a mile a minute.
"Great! Let me-"
"Alone, Lily." I said quietly before shutting the door softly and jogging down the stairs. I was shaking, I realized, as I tried to get my gloves on. I cursed as I dropped one and bumped heads with someone as I bent to pick it up.
"Bloody hell, watch where you're going man." I growled out as I snatched my glove back from a surprised James Potter. He replaced it with a smirk in no time.
"I can see why you fancy this one, mate. She's got spunk!" I was not in the mood for his teasing, nor was I in the mood to be the butt of one his jokes. Been there, done that one too many times. I shoved past him and whoever was standing behind me nastily. I no longer cared about being nice at the moment.
"She must be ragging!" Potter spat out. I whirled around, my wand in my hand and pointed at his face.
"Don't make me hex you." I said lowly. For a second, I could see the spark of confusion and shock in his eyes. I was not a violent person, nor was I on bad terms with Potter. We had grown up together, we had never been close, but we've known each other since we were young. He grinned and opened his mouth to say something else, but the end of my wand began to glow red hot.
"Not today, James." The boy beside him finally spoke. My heart leapt into my throat as my eyes met Remus's. I lowered my wand and left the common room without a single look back. I heard footsteps follow me, heavy ones, as I made my down the staircase, tugging my hat over my ears. I picked up my pace, throwing a "leave me alone" over my shoulder before exiting the castle. I walked quickly through the grounds and towards the Black Lake. As I reached my destination, the sun began to show signs of setting. I conjured a blanket and wrapped it around me as I curled up at the base of a lone willow tree.
"Sunset is always the loveliest time of the day." A voice mused gently behind me, as if to not scare me with their presence; a male someone that smelled of chocolate, cinnamon, and parchment. Remus.
"If you're into that sort of thing, sunsets." I sighed out, too miserable to be surprised by his sudden appearance. He chuckled as he settled down beside me, our shoulders brushing.
"I don't know what it is, whatever's bothering you…but I'm sorry." I was barely listening, my eyes glazed over as I tried to keep my emotions under control, but to no avail. Hot tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes as I buried my head in my hands. I sat there, shaking like a life with my head in my hands.
Remus made no sign that he heard me, but he placed an arm around my shoulders and leaned us against the tree. I stiffened, hot embarrassment striking through me momentarily, but I let it slide away in favor of allowing someone to comfort me, finally. My hands clenched and unclenched the blanket around me as Remus rubbed my back in sure, gentle circles. It was silent besides the wind that whipped through the branches of the willow tree we sat beneath. I was thankful for the heat that was radiating off of Remus, and also for the silent show of support I was receiving from him. I couldn't even cry in front of my own best friends without feeling silly and ashamed, but I felt so…at home with Remus. I've always just felt slightly uncomfortable around people, even my friends, but I had realized that I never felt that way around Remus Lupin. It made me wary.
"You can talk about it if you want, I'll listen, but it's perfectly understandable if you don't want to. I'm here for you either way." His voice rumbled deep in his chest, and it reminded me of a cat purring. I pulled out of his arms and settled against the tree and back to our original resting position.
"My dad was an Auror, has been ever since my brother and I were born. It was two days after Christmas when we got the news. My dad had only gone out to the market to grab Jammy Dodgers and a bottle of mead. It's this Muggle cookie, anyways, but he had been gone such a long time that my mom had started to worry. We waited six hours, frantically sending owls to everyone who lived in Godric's Hollow, but they had all stated that they had not seen him. We started to fear the worst. You-Know-Who has been sighted so many times near Godric's Hollow that we could only think of the worst. Dad was gone for three whole days before they found his b-body. The Death Eaters got him. The Prophet has kept it quiet, Mad-Eye Moody says it's because the public doesn't want to see that even the Aurors aren't safe from them. But nobody is safe, Remus. They got my dad. They took him away from me." My voice broke as the reality of my words hit me. The grief of losing my dad sat on my chest like a Bludger. I felt Remus's arms enclose around me again but I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and took a few steps away from where he was sitting.
"I've already made plans to become an Auror-in-training. I leave right after N.E.W.T.S." My voice was full of quiet rage as I wiped my face and turned around to face Remus. His expression was not one of pity, just one of compassion. He stood up and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his cloak. I tried to crack a smile. "I promise I'm not always that emotional." HE didn't laught at my half-hearted joke. His hazel eyes were intense as they watched me gather myself.
"I think you'll be an amazing Auror." He whispered, and I was so grateful that he had not said "I'm sorry" that I wasn't sure if I laughed or sobbed he engulfed me in a hug. I could not ignore the warmth that was spreading from my belly to the tips of my fingers and toes. I pulled away and looked toward the horizon over the lake. Dinner would be starting soon. As if Remus could read my mind, he said "We should head back to the castle."
I nodded and vanished the blanket before we began the journey through the wind up to the castle.
"You're much less… Potter than I thought you would be." I was instantly embarrassed and was just about to apologize for my comment when Remus laughed, an action that made him throw his head back and shook his frame. I want to capture a picture of him like that. It was actually kind of beautiful just how whole heartedly he always laughed.
"Thank you, I think."
"No, I just mean…he's kind of arrogant. No offense." He laughed again.
"None taken, I know he's arrogant. He's an arrogant, immature, sarcastic prat, but he's loyal to a T, and clever, and quite kind when he thinks no one is looking. He's one of my best mates. It's the same with Sirius. The two of them will be the death of me one day, but they're my most trusted friends." His voice had gone softer the longer he talked, and I admired his honesty. A thought occurred to me.
"You don't, um, have to explain anything to me, just because I kind of broke in front of you." I became so flustered when he looked at me with that soft smile, the one that he uses when he's watching the boys wrestle, or when he's reading a good book by the fire in the common room. It made my knees turn to jelly.
"I know." I smiled to myself and tried to hide the blush creeping up my cheeks, and was secretly pleased to see he was trying to do the same thing.
We slipped into the castle just in time to meld with the students rushing to dinner. I saw Marlene and Lily wave me over and I shot a smile back to Remus, who was nowhere to be seen. I tried not to feel rejected, but I could not ignore the small lump in the back of my throat.
"To be continued, Remus Lupin." I mumbled under my breath before walking back to my friends, my heart a little lighter and my cheeks a little warmer.