Other Warnings: SPOILERS

Also this story was "inspired" by Silent Taboo by MissTeak (Allen x Lenalee).

s/5155319/1/Silent-Taboo

-o0o-

He heard another cry from her, in the room just next door. They were at it again…damn Moyashi…it had been two weeks. Two despicable weeks without an ounce of sleep because the stupid Moyashi and his stupid girlfriend decided that sixteen was a good age to start doing that!

How did it begin again? Oh, yeah, it was the Chinese girl's fault. Who on earth watches a VCD in the middle of the night?

Though, Kanda had to admit that the order can get pretty boring sometimes.

Another cry snapped his attention back to real world. Yeah, he was known for being alert, which wasn't a good thing when he had such noisy neighbors. Curse teenage hormones.

He heard their gasps and the girl's cries, though by the sounds of if, she did try to be silent.

A vein popped up his forehead. He really needed to sleep. He was having a mission the next day, damnit! But he would not go to that room. He would not let them know he was listening. Not because the Moyashi might be embarrassed, but because that was nothing of his concern…not much…

"Damnit, baka Moyashi!" he hissed, took his coat and Mugen and silently left the room. Where to, he had no idea, but he was not going to stay there any longer.

His steps echoed in the deserted hallways like some terror story of a haunted house or something.

"Che. Why must I leave my room?"

After not so much of a walk he stopped. He was one floor above his own, before the same door of his. This room belonged to someone he did not understand and didn't want to…okay, that was a pitiful lie. The girl currently sleeping behind this door was someone Kanda never hoped to feel so much for, he didn't want to either. He didn't need to. He had to go searching for someone and this kind of feeling was only hindering him…

Another lie.

She didn't stop him from doing anything.

Sol Avila, the eighteen year old exorcist he found years ago, fighting for her sister's life…General Tiedoll took her under him immediately and taught her the meaning of being an exorcist, though she had second thoughts at first because of her sister. Finally the General just took them both to the Order so that Sol's sister could also "work" there.

"Lame…"he muttered.

Truth is he fell in love with her. She knew of his goal, the person he was searching, she knew of his curse, she knew about him and she never told him to stop. Never tried to protect him and few times got in his way.

"Too good to be true…" but still…

There he stood for god knows how long, in front of her door, just thinking about pointless stuff while he should be sleeping.

"Are you going to stand there forever or come in already?" the owner of the room called form inside startling Kanda out of his skin.

He shook his head and pushed the door open a light tint of pink on his cheeks that the girl inside ignored for the sake of her health.

Kanda closed the door and looked inside. It wasn't the first time he stepped into the room, but the last time had been so long ago. It smelled like her, a faint tropical smell and something like avocado or was it coconut?

Sol was sitting in the bed, just below the window and looking outside. The light of the moon bathing her with a silver glow that made her almost ethereal. He didn't like it.

For a moment they just stood like that, silently thinking about this or that, pointless things, as Kanda would call it, but in the end just thinking about each other.

"What brought you here, Kanda?"

That was another trait he liked about her. She didn't call him Yu. She never even asked. Maybe because he threatened every living (and dead) soul who dared to call him by his given name. Only one person did that with his consent…one that could no longer do it. Maybe he could let her call him Yu?

"Kanda?"

He looked at her, startled again. Damn, he'd been spacing out way too much. Maybe it was sleep deprivation?

"Che."

Sol smiled at the lack of response from him. She knew him already, too well to wait anything more than that in a situation like theirs.

"I heard that Lenalee and Allen are together now." She commented making him snap.

Dead on the nail.

Kanda frowned and turned to the side to hide yet another blush.

"I have a spare futon, Kanda." She offered, just looking out of the window again. "It's in the closet."

"You…" Kanda was at loss of words. Damn that girl and her I-don't-care-don't –be-embarrassed silences.

He took the futon and spread it next to her bed, then sat on it and watched her for a while. The silence was overwhelming, but he wasn't going to be the one to break it. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't pleasant either. He wanted her to go to sleep first for some reason.

Sol looked at him with wide eyes. She thought he was already asleep.

"What's wrong?"

He just looked at her clearly making her fidget. His blue eyes piercing hers as if looking for something. He wanted to understand her.

"Kanda?"

How could she stand him? Him, with his pissy moods, his half assed answers, his rudeness, his superiority and his downright cruelness? Why didn't she go on her own like Daisya and Marie had done? Sol had a sunny and joyous personality, very much like Lavi's. In fact they would both hand around when they could to play some pranks here and there or just simply laugh their lungs out…so why…?

She frowned for a moment and then sighed. Her dark friend was in a pensive mood besides not being able to sleep, which she believes is the cause of him not sleeping in the first place. It happened a lot, not only him but Marie too. Hell, even she was unable to sleep sometimes for over thinking.

So, she decided to ignore him and rest. She had a mission in the morning.

"How do you do it?" Kanda finally asked.

"Eh?" she sat up so she could face him. Her honey colored eyes looking into his dark blue ones.

"How do you do it?" Kanda asked again. "Doesn't it bother you? Isn't it painful, somehow?"

"What, Kanda?" she was truly confused now. Yu Kanda wanted to know something about her? Maybe she pissed him off? No, if she had he would have left already.

"How can you stick with me for so long? Why do you, Sol?"

To say she was surprised was an understatement. She was bewildered. For a moment they eyed each other, one frowning, and other surprised. Then, she laughed.

It was Kanda's turn to be confused. What had he said to make her laugh?

"Sorry, Kanda…I'm sorry." She apologized, calming down her laugh. "I didn't mean to…it's just…why do you ask that?"

"You're just like baka Usagi and Moyashi but you're not. Baka Usagi just wants to annoy me in every way he can and you don't. You don't try to call me by my name neither get me pet names of sorts and in battle you never complain about my ways like Moyashi does." He explained, now plain confused. "Do you not care or are you afraid?"

"Kanda…" she smiled at him. A gentle smile, so sweet that made him sick yet so bitter it burned him. "If I was afraid I would have gone with Marie or Daisya or the General. I choose to stay with you, Kanda, because I care." Her explanation made him even more confused than before.

"But you are so different from me yet you submit your will to mine."

It was her time to frown. "I don't do that! I don't do anything I don't want to just like you, baka. I am far from submissive!"

The silence that followed that statement was long. Both were thinking about the situation at hand. It wasn't like Kanda to ask so many questions but he couldn't help himself. She did seem to bend to his wishes, never bothering him, just like he demanded from everyone and even in battle it was her who adapted to his fighting style, supporting him…almost…invisible.

"I don't want to bother you, Kanda." She spoke and the dark haired exorcist looked at her. "You said it yourself, didn't you? You don't care about endangered comrades and you don't want anyone getting in your way. That's what I do. That's what I want to do. I want to be able to be there for you when the time comes that you need help and give it to you. So I try to be strong and not bother you."

Sol changed her position on the bed to another more comfortable that allowed her to look straight at him.

"You have your own goals in life, your own darkness and it's your own. I won't butt in nor try to rescue you from whatever battle you may face unless you explicitly say so. I don't want to need to be saved by you because that would only hinder your path, slow you down. I don't want to be slowed down from this goal either. I don't want anyone prying into my business or what I do, just like you."

Kanda's eyes widened, then yet another frown made its way to his face. There was no such person in the world. Everyone was different and their needs always collide with someone else's. She wasn't making any sense.

He voiced those thoughts.

"You must have a goal in life, too. Like save humans and akuma or protect your friends or something equally noble and great."

To which she laughed again.

"Sure one would think that way. Truth is, Kanda, I've never had any great goal in life. I used to live for my sister, solemnly for her sake. That's what you found, right?" Sol closed her eyes and faced the ceiling, sighed and faced him again. "When you found me I just thought of ways to kill you as soon as you touched a thread of hair of my sister's, but when you asked about my weapon with such curiosity I'd never seen in anyone you undressed me of my defenses. Sure, I want to save the world, kill the Earl and destroy all akuma 'cause Allen did convince me they are saved when we destroy them and I also want to protect my friends. But my main wish is to be by your side."

"Why?"

Sol looked at him again.

"I had a reason for that. One that didn't sound so 'submissive' as you kindly put it." She smiled at him. "Now the reason I have is that, instead of my sister, I have you. Of all people, even General Tiedoll and my sister, you, Kanda, are the one I am attached to even if I want to look independent. You are my cage. One with an open door at that too."

Kanda looked down trying to process that information. There was no way such a person existed, indeed and yet…Sol was very much real, human and alive. Now he couldn't help but think he was the one on a cage. Maybe one made of water that he could get through. He'd never thought someone would give their lives for someone like him.

"Kanda, I don't want to be a burden. Think of me as you ever thought, okay? Disposable even, if it's easier. I managed till now, I'll ever do."

It was true. Of every exorcist he ever worked with this girl was one he never had to turn around to go fetch or slow down his pace. He helped the Moyashi countless times on his own accord and Lavi…even Krory, but not her.

"I never thought of you as disposable. I never thought of anyone as disposable." He confessed. "Not even the finders."

"I know, Kanda." She told him.

"You know a lot about me, some of my…darkness…if you must name it, and you don't run away…" he muttered. "It's something I have since long ago and I didn't notice."

She just smiled.

"The real reason why I came here in the first place was because of that damned Moyashi and his stupid girlfriend and ended up not being able to sleep just the same." Kanda said and sighed.

"Sorry."

"I'm not."

She turned to him so fast that it almost hurt her neck and her eyes widened like saucers at the smile Kanda flashed her. A true smile, small but true nonetheless.

He was looking at her with those intense blue eyes. She blushed.

"L-let's sleep, then…good night, Kanda." She shuttered and turned to the side listening to Kanda moving around until she felt something on the bed. Her eyes snapped open when a strong arm made its way to her waist and hugged her close to a toned body. Her heart raced sending lots of blood to her cheeks at a scorching temperature.

Then she heard Kanda's low voice.

"Let's sleep."

Kanda didn't know what possessed him to do that. He had a futon for him. Never had he shared any kind of close human contact like this before. At least with anyone than wasn't battling or that wasn't him. So it was only natural that his heart was beating faster than ever before and a blush appeared on his cheeks. He felt Sol turning around, to his great horror and faced him, an even darker blush on her face and a truly happy smile.

"Good night." She whispered before closing her eyes.

That night was the first night in a very long time that Kanda didn't hear a thing outside and wasn't even aware of the world. It was the first time in years and years of true sleep that Yu Kanda ever had feeling completely safe and rested.

The next morning they woke up late and were late to report to Komui.

The supervisor thought strange the little blush on their faces for a moment but, deciding that Kanda's less potty mouth and more polite responses were a good thing, he didn't say a thing.