The Truth About Jayson: By Jayson
I lie in my bed at the thought of being left alone. That feeling of loneliness, that's what I hate. It feels good but at the same time, I hate it. It's unhealthy for me. It's unusual for any human, actually. But some people don't think I'm human at all. I agree. I have no self esteem.
Some people think I'm cold. That's because if I'm too nice, I'm leaving myself open for bitter betrayal, backstabbing and being used, again and again. I hate that. I don't blame them. That's what the definition of "friend" is in this generation's eyes. I only have quite a few, more than you think. They're the only ones I can be myself around. We may not seem like the best group of friends since we insult each other regularly, but that's just how us guys do it.
Rewind back to that "They're the only ones I can be myself around" and "us guys" part. Here's some corrections on that: Almost all of them I can be myself around, and only one of those guys is a girl. I don't want to say any names, but she is that one "guy" who I can't seem to be myself around. I immediately turn into some awkward Romeo from some Shakespeare novel. Weird huh? I guess that's what puberty does to you. I think. Don't even get me started on the "places where hair has never grown before" part.
Let's just say she's a sweet energetic girl who doesn't friendzone you just to use you as a lap dog. She just, becomes friends with you. Not the bad backstabbing friend, but the kind friend who you'd risk something for. Like that one time in 4th period where I risked my decorum points for her when she wouldn't stop talking. She still owes me a lot to this day, but I don't think girls are supposed to "owe" you back. That, or she's taking advantage of me. Eh, we'll find out.
I turn my pillow's side to the cooler one, and put my head under it. I think about some creative thoughts I'm bound to forget the next morning. As slowly as a snail, I realize how hopeless I am to reach for that one girl. And that thought I'm sure I won't forget. I slowly cry myself to sleep, my shitty life down the toilet.