Title: How to turn him straight
Summary: It was the day when Yamamoto and Gokudera turned to Shamal for love advice. Why it led to pornography, Gokudera had no idea. /8059/
Pairing: Yamamoto/Gokudera
Warning: This is my first shot at BL (I mean writing, haha), so please go easy on me ^^" Not pretty sure with my characterizations so yeah~.
Rating: T – cursing and implied sex.
Notes: Written for the sake of my sanity. Thanks to neko11lover for the wonderful beta! You've taught me a lot, and I just have to say that I truly am grateful.
0.0
Gokudera plopped himself onto a stool, his eyes staring ahead as he thought of how fucking pissed off and distracted he was. It might not surprise most people – after all, he always had a pissed look on his face – but it would be a different story if he was disturbed enough to not have been able to attend to the Tenth's summons. He repeatedly apologized (bowed and kneeled) a while ago as the Tenth had to go through the trouble of reaching for his shoulder and shake him just to pull him out of his dreamy state.
"I told you, I don't accept male patients."
The silver-haired teenager huffed as the doctor entered the Health room.
He guessed it didn't really matter; he came there to see the perverted, old, Shamal after all. "I didn't come here because I wanted to, so don't give me shit." Gokudera glared as the doctor made his way towards a chair.
"Oh yeah?" Shamal raised a brow with renewed interest. "Did your beloved sister want to talk with me?"
Gokudera knew it was pointless. Why he chose to talk to this person was beyond what was written in his books and theories. Talking to this doctor was no different from talking to a child. "Not that," he stalled.
He must have gone insane; the stupid cow must have had infected him when he came to babysit it for a whole day – as per usual, under the Tenth's request. A sigh escaped his lips as he found the older man scrutinizing him. Of course, he was under no impression that this would make any sense, but life is hard and he knew no one who could help him besides the perverted doctor.
"It's about that stupid bastard," he started, his face slightly turning pink.
Don't get him wrong; there's no way that he was embarrassed talking about this subject matter. He was just overwhelmed by his irritation that he had to get through all the efforts just to figure out some solutions to this annoyingly petty predicament.
"Get to the point, kid. You're wasting the precious time that I should be spending for girls," Shamal said with a hint of irritation, followed by an amused grin as he watched Gokudera struggle for words that he could not mutter.
"A man confessed to me what the fuck should I do?" the teenager said in one breath, his face flushing redder – again, not because he was embarrassed. He had to make it clear that he was in no way bothered by the fact. He was just … angry.
For a moment, the doctor just stared at him, his mouth slightly agape and his facial muscles unmoving. But as soon as the words sunk in, a thunderous laughter erupted throughout the room.
How fuckingly aggravating. He knew he shouldn't have come. What was he thinking, really? Coming to the health room to see the least rational person he had ever known, just to confide his problem with a guy – a homosexual, in fact – who just confessed his love to him not so long ago. He had thought of coming to the Tenth but that would be too much troublesome for his boss and, surely, his sister and Reborn-san would not be any better, either. Anyway, he was just too stupid to even hope for a sensible and normal conversation with this man.
"I'm fucking serious here. This is your entire fault." He had to endure this or else, he wouldn't get his answer.
At that, his hand instinctively reached for his pocket. That stupid baseball freak, he thought begrudgingly as he produced a cigarette and lit it. Nothing really comes out from being with stupid people, he decided. He would bet his right hand that Yamamoto did not even understand a thing that he said earlier.
"I love you, haha." The rain guardian scratched his head along with his confession.
Gokudera almost sputtered the tuna that he had just popped into his mouth. His eyes widened as he gasped for air, unconsciously slapping his companion's arm, an unspoken demand for water.
"Are you all right, Gokudera?" Yamamoto leaned forward, his head cocked innocently to the side as his hand rubbed the back of his friend.
"Of course, I'm not!" Gokudera spat back and swatted the hand that settled itself on his shoulder when it was done rubbing his back. "What the fuck are you saying?" he said whilst wiping off the droplets of water that slipped off his mouth.
"Oh," the baseball enthusiast said in realization. "I'm confessing to you. The school doctor said that I should be more aggressive and attack you head on since you don't seem to notice my advances," he smiled amiably.
Gokudera need not to think twice. That advice did come from Shamal.
It really was a wonder to him. How come it was him who was getting problematic when it was the other party who just confessed and got rejected? He technically did not reject the baseball freak but punching him as soon as the embarrassing words came out from his mouth already seemed a clear indication for Gokudera. It just frustrated him to no end how such words left Yamamoto's mouth easily and why…why on earth did the stupid baseball freak decide to come to Shamal for advice?
"Hold it, hold it," Shamal raised both of his hands as he tried to suppress his laugh. Heaven knows that was almost five minutes. "You're coming here because of love problems? Didn't know you had it in you." And with that, the older man laughed.
"And a man - Hayato, you must be really good-looking," Shamal managed to say in between his laughter.
Gokudera frowned. Maybe it was not really a good idea to spare the perverted doctor's life and ask for his stupid advice. His advice, after all, was the very thing that got him into this situation.
"Are you done yet?" He had to admit, his hands were itching to get his bombs and plug them right into that annoying, guffawing mouth.
"Fine, fine," Shamal waved a hand as if to calm the puffing man in front of him. "Since you used to be my lovely student, I'll let it pass this time. I'm the cause, you say…" he trailed off as if trying to make the situation a little less hilarious and confusing.
"You got that right," Gokudera replied as he put out his cigarette. "Whatever you told that baseball freak. Take responsibility."
Once again, the room was heavy and thick with the trident mafioso's sudden silence. It didn't surprise Gokudera that this time, Shamal ended up banging the table to keep himself from snickering right after.
"You see…that kid likes you. It's normal; I can't do anything about it," the doctor shrugged as if it was not a big matter at all.
"What you see right now in front of you is a man," Gokudera pointed out as he tried to put some sense into Shamal's trail of thinking. "The situation screams abnormal, you dope."
Oh, how he wanted to erase that smug grin on the doctor's face. He was obviously enjoying it and he probably intentionally gave the advice just for the sake of annoying him.
"So…how did you respond?"
The question took Gokudera by surprise. There was obviously no other way he would respond. "I punched him, of course," he said almost immediately. He wasn't, in any way, trying to be defensive here. That was how he responded after all.
"Hn," Shamal glanced at the ceiling, as if really giving the situation a thought. Of course it was bullshit (like always). "Well, he likes you. Everyone is free to like whomever he wants so I see no reason to interfere," was his conclusion.
"Don't fuck with me. You just turned that person into a homo so do something about it." Gokudera thrust a finger into the man's chest.
"Should I throw that back at you? He has a thing for you, not me. I merely gave him a push." At that, Gokudera had no response.
He had to admit, Shamal indeed had a point.
"You're taking this more calmly than I thought you're capable of." Shamal touched his chin thoughtfully. "But if you're desperate enough, I guess I have no choice." he stood up from where he sat and reached down for his drawer. "Here you go," he said as held out a pack of, oddly enough, CDs.
"I'm not desperate," Gokudera replied as he stretched his arm and examine the materials that the man gave him.
It wasn't long until Gokudera's face broke into shocked –bricked – expression. "Wha-What the fuck," he stammered his curse as he recognized what the CDs were for. "Why the hell are you giving me porn, you retarded, perverted, old doctor!" he sputtered in disbelief.
"Hoi, hoi." Shamal scowled at the nicknames insults. "How about some appreciation? I'm being kind here." He shook his head in disappointment.
"What am I going to do with porn?" Gokudera grunted, feeling himself getting impatient as the time passed.
"Use your head, Hayato," Shamal spoke as he tapped the Storm Guardian's temple with his ballpen. "The content is erotic enough to make every living homo forget about their male fetish!" he said patronizing. "Watch it with him. Brilliant idea, eh?"
"What?"
"Not 'what?' you dimwit." The doctor grinned as he amused himself with priceless facial expressions from the teenager. "If you won't watch with him, you won't be able to confirm if he would indeed watch it."
It sounded like a very good idea, not to mention that it made complete sense – or maybe not – to Gokudera. If he wouldn't be able to stop the baseball maniac from having feelings for him, he might as well just turn him straight and let him divert his attention to something – someone – more appropriate.
"This better work," he warned the doctor. "If this goes wrong, I'm going to kill you." With a final glare to further emphasize his threat, Gokudera stood up and closed the door of the Health room behind him with a bang.
"Oh no," the doctor faked a gasp as soon as the door was securely closed. "I think I gave him the wrong CD." His hand slapped his forehead.
0.0
The bell of the school rang indicating the end of classes. Many would have thought that today was any ordinary tedious day, but the Storm Guardian had to admit that it was nothing short of typical. If he were to put it into words, he would probably say it was shitty and troublesome.
"Yo, Gokudera!"
Speaking of the foolish devil.
As planned, after the repulsing confession from the baseball freak and the pointless talk with Shamal, Gokudera thought that it would be best if he and Yamamoto would walk home, that is, under the condition that the Tenth would not know. How Yamamoto lightened up at his suggestion made him cringe. The prick was really a creep.
He had to end this once and for all.
"We'll do this at my place," he said, almost to himself, and wondered why it sounded so wrong.
Unfortunately, Yamamoto was attentive enough to hear it, "Do what?"
The question, however, was ignored as Gokudera turned around and started walking. It would be better if the baseball freak would not know what they would do until they reached his apartment. Yes, his apartment, because it wouldn't be pretty if Yamamoto's father would catch them watching porn. It would be a bright idea to lock the door but not so as Yamamoto's father might think that they were doing something suspicious. Well, that is, in Gokudera's point of view.
So he decided that he had no other choice but to bring the idiot to his apartment and get the thing over with. He knew it could be dangerous and Yamamoto could get the wrong idea – he was the very first person in the family, after all, that Gokudera would bring inside his dwelling – but he always had his babies ready to kill his companion if the worst case scenario came. At the very least, he would have the time to hide the body without anyone knowing it.
"Gokudera." The silver-haired teenager's thoughts were cut sharply by his acquaintance's beckoning.
He glared sideward only to find the hair-raising beam of the man. "What?" he spat in the most annoyed tone he could muster.
"Let's hold hands?" Yamamoto proposed as he scratched the side of his face lightly.
"Do you really want to die?" He knew that Yamamoto was stupid enough to get the wrong idea but why did he want to hold hands so suddenly? "If you want to stay alive, shut your mouth," he warned as he walked faster, purposely getting a few steps ahead from his laughing companion.
He thinks I'm joking, Gokudera thought exasperatingly.
"We're here," he said as he stopped in front of his apartment's doorsteps, inserting the key in the process. "Stop gawking and come inside." He pulled his companion by the arm when the other seemed to have lost his brain to command his body to move.
"I'm the first person right?" Yamamoto asked as soon as Gokudera locked the door behind him.
"What?" Gokudera asked, as he removed his shoes, a little uncertain what the baseball freak was talking about.
"Hahaha, I'm right," Yamamoto laughed as he stared down at Gokudera's bent figure.
"Shu-Shut up!" Finding no words to reply, Gokudera settled to pushing the Rain Guardian. "That makes no sense," he said as he trudged his way towards his room. "I'm changing clothes. Don't you dare touch anything or I'll kill you."
He glanced one last time to the place where he last left Yamamoto to make sure the man understood the words that he just uttered. He was not disappointed though since his hunches were never wrong. His words only fell on deaf ears as he found the man already arranging and picking up his mangas and clothes which were sprawled messily on the floor. The opened snacks which were long forgotten at a corner and the empty cans of coke scattered on the glass-covered table finally found their way to the trash bin. How chivalrous.
So much for the warning.
"Tsk," Gokudera muttered in annoyance as he irritatingly entered his room. "Talk about respecting ownership." He sighed as he put on a white tank top and blue jogging pants.
"Oi," he said as soon as he opened the door and found Yamamoto hunched over a table. "What are you doing?"
"Ahahaha, can I have this?" he said as he pointed to the picture (of Gokudera playing the piano) settled atop the table. The picture just gave him the chills as it reminded him of his sister's cooking – the Dark Ages.
"No," Gokudera flatly declined and turned the picture so that it would face down. "Stop messing with my things," he continued as he settled himself in front of the television. "We're going to watch a movie, so shut your filthy mouth."
"Really?" Yamamoto replied with sudden eagerness, positioning himself so that he would be close to where Gokudera was. "It's like a date."
It took almost all of Gokudera's willpower not to punch and kick Yamamoto out of his apartment. "One more word," he said with a glower. Really, watching porn for their first date. How comical. Not that he really was considering the situation as some sort of date, definitely not.
"I really love you, haha." The words took Gokudera aback, literally; his face blushed against his will even if the words were pronounced un-quixotically (if such word exists) and slickly like a joke.
"What the fuck are you saying, you idiot? At a fucking time like this." He pushed the man away as he put the CD inside player.
Just you wait, idiot. You'll become straight soon. Gokudera grinned at the thought.
"Watch properly," he said and grabbed Yamamoto's chin, willing him to face the flat screen.
The scene started with a blank screen and it gave Gokudera the jitters. He wasn't in any way nervous. It was just that, even if the screen was void of any pictures, the background sound was pretty loud and clear (and did he even need to add erotic in the sentence?) with low grunts and moans. Why the moan sounded like it was coming off a man's mouth, Gokudera had no idea. Odd, he thought, he always pictured a sex where the woman was loud while the man took control.
Slowly, the scene became clear. Starting off from the foot of the bed, the camera gave an anticipatory feeling as it gradually rose its vision atop the bed where two…
What the fu-, were the only words that Gokudera managed to think before his jaw dropped on the ground as the loud sound of release from both males – yes, from specie that of spermatozoa – erupted throughout his apartment. The fact that the speakers were unusually at their maximum volume didn't help at all.
"Th-This is…" Gokudera stammered as his slender fingers fumbled through the controls of the player to shut it off.
"Should we do it again?" the husky voice from the video said.
"Fuck that Shamal," Gokudera cursed the moment he successfully turned the movie off.
Gokudera let out a relieved sigh. I'm really going to kill him. At that very moment, the silver-haired man already knew how he wanted to kill the doctor. The most excruciating and slow possible way – torture and decapitation… and then reducing his corpse into ashes with his bomb...
However, killing Shamal didn't make his situation any better as Yamamoto was, well, alive. "You," Gokudera said to an equally surprised Yamamoto. "Forget what you saw," he said and grabbed the Rain Guardian's collar with the thought of intimidating him.
"I," Yamamoto started as his gaze focused on the man before him, "…think you'll do it much better."
Gokudera had no idea how on earth he was pinned and trapped on the floor a few seconds later.
~End