His strong arms came around her and folded her into the solid warmth of his chest. She sighed as her body slumped against him. She'd been fighting this thing between them for far too long. It was time, well past it, to just let herself have what she so desperately wanted.
It had taken her over, this thing brewing just under the surface every time she was around him. When he wasn't there, their next encounter was all she could think about. When he was around, every movement he made occupied her brain. It was taking over her life, filling up every spare second of her time.
His lips fell to hers and she let herself get swept away by the feel of him. He was strength and power, stability and safety and she needed all that. She felt so alone, adrift at sea without another soul in sight. She was too young to be so alone. She wasn't ready. And when he was this close to her, she felt protected.
"Annie," her name was a whisper falling from his lips like a prayer and somehow it made her feel empowered, but by what she wasn't sure. This was new territory for her, unfamiliar territory.
She felt suddenly off-kilter, unbalanced and unprepared and it wasn't a feeling she liked. Her previous experiences with this had not equipped her for dealing with him. He wasn't just some guy, he was a man, a virile, experienced, mature man and if this went on, he would know that she was still a child. Any second now he was see and this would be over. His moral compass, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, would kick in and it would be done.
Because she knew that no matter how many times she proved to him that she wasn't a child any longer, she couldn't completely convince him. It was how he saw her, how he had always seen her. Seeing her flustered and unsure of herself right now would do nothing to change that image.
Drawing on every reserve of strength she could muster, she pushed him away and untangled herself from his grasp. Once free she fled to the other side of the room, putting as much distance as she could between them.
He was hot on her heels, refusing to let her run away from him. She stopped when she realized she had no where else to go but refused to turn back to him. His hand fell to her shoulder and she winced against the sudden heat on her skin. His touch burned right through the material of her shirt.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, quietly. "I shouldn't have done that."
It was what he always said when they found themselves in this situation. The way he saw it, it was all his fault. She could hear the self-loathing in his voice and it cut her to the quick. She didn't want him to feel like he was taking advantage of her. She didn't want him to hate himself for wanting her. He already hated himself for so many more reasons.
"It's okay." She tried to force a smile into her voice and hoped it was working. She couldn't let him see how much this constant push and pull was killing her. "Let's just forget it ever happened and get back to work."
She wasn't even sure how they had found themselves making out in the middle of the study room to begin with. It had all started out innocently enough, but then again, it always did with them. Everything was always nice and innocent until someone stuck their tongue down someone's throat.
"Annie, we need to talk," he tried and she steeled herself before turning towards him and stopping his words with a hand on his chest. If they talked about this now, it would be over. Better to just let it go for now. She needed a plan before this went any further. They couldn't have this conversation with the image of her in his mind that he now possessed. It wouldn't go in her favor and she very much needed it to go in her favor.
"Yes, we do," she nodded firmly. "About biology."
He granted her his best crooked smile and her stomach dropped to her feet like it did every time he looked at her like that. "Well, something like that," he quipped.
"No, not something like that, exactly like that. We're here to study and that's what we're going to do, unless you're done. In which case, it's time I went home." She told him with far more confidence than she felt. She had to sell this, to turn him away from the talk about them. It wasn't time yet.
"We can't keep ignoring this thing between us," he pressed, not ready to let it go yet.
"Yes, we can. There isn't anything between us. So there is nothing to talk about," she retorted, quickly.
He looked almost wounded for a moment, like her words had stung him, but he recovered quickly. "Actually, I think that's a good idea. Maybe we should call it a night. I'll walk you home."
And there it was again, the protective, older brother vibe that she couldn't seem to remove from his mind.
"I appreciate the offer, but I can get home myself. It's just a few blocks," she replied before going to the table and gathering her things.
"But I'd feel better seeing you get there safe. It's late," he said, snatching up his own book and tucking it under his arm.
She spun on him, unable to keep the frustration and anger at bay any longer. "I can get home on my own. I'm not a child," she practically shouted the words at him before sprinting out the door and imagining the look on his face as he stared after her.
She barely made it out of the building before her phone was chirping at her from where it rested in the pocket of her yellow cardigan. "What?" she demanded after jabbing at the button and putting it to her ear.
"I don't think you're a child," were the first words out of his mouth and she nearly laughed at their absurdity.
"Can we just let this go, please? I'll see you tomorrow in class. Goodnight, Jeff."
She cut him off before he could respond and dropped the phone back into her pocket a moment before it began to ring again.
She repeated the process of retrieving it with a frustrated huff. "I said, let it go. It's fine. We're fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
"I'm sure you will, and I'm glad to know we're okay. Are you alright?" Shirley asked in her usual, overly cheerful voice.
"I'm sorry, Shirley. I thought you were someone else," she explained.
"Someone tall, blond and unbelievably handsome, perhaps?" Annie could hear the smug smile in her voice.
"I wasn't talking to Jeff," she replied a little too quickly.
Shirley let out a quick, sharp bark of laughter. "I wasn't talking about any one specific someone. I was hoping maybe you'd met a nice boy. But obviously I've stumbled onto something. Is there something going on between you and Jeff that we don't know about?"
"It's none of you business," she spat and immediately regretted it when her friend gave a little squeak like she'd hurt her with her words.
"I'm calling Britta and coming over right now," Shirley announced.
"No, don't do that," she protested.
"What you need is ice cream and girl talk. I can hear it in your voice," Shirley argued.
"No, what I need is some peace and quiet. I'm fine. Everything is fine. I'm just really tired."
"Alright," her friend said after a moment. "if you're sure."
"I'm positive. I'll see you tomorrow. Kiss the boys for me." Then she hung up before any more could be said.
She stepped into her apartment and flipped on the light right inside the door with a thankful smile. The light off meant her roommates weren't home, either that or they were playing some sort of game in the dark, which was entirely possible as well.
"Abed?" she called out to make sure. "Troy?"
She got no answer from the still apartment and her shoulders relaxed instantly.
She needed a minute to herself, a minute of quiet reflection so she could figure out what to do about this problem that seemed to be taking over her life.
She'd just managed to put her books down on the kitchen bar when her phone was ringing again. Instead of answering this time, she flung it to the bar as well.
She listened to it ring as she went to her room and began to strip out of her clothes. It continued through her change, following along like a soundtrack as she slipped into an over-sized 'Hello Kitty' nightshirt and a pair of pink leggings.
Finally, unable to ignore the insistent device any longer she grabbed it and snatched to her ear. "What?" she snapped.
"I don't think you're a child," Jeff began again, as if he were determined to have his say no matter how many times he had to start it.
"Yes, you do," she answered. "And I don't want to talk to you right now."
"Well, I want to talk to you, so we can either keep doing this all night, or you can open your door and let me talk to you," he replied.
"You're outside my apartment?" she asked, nearly jumping out of her skin when she looked down at herself. There was no way he was going to see her wearing what she was wearing.
"I'm waiting for you to buzz me up," he said.
"Well, you're going to have to wait for a while, because I'm in the bathtub already and I'm not getting out," she lied.
"I can see your silhouette against the curtain," he replied. "Why can't I come up?"
She quickly moved away from the window, silently cursing her stupidity. "I think we're done for the night. We can talk tomorrow after class."
"Annie, let me up, now," His voice dropped down to that low level that said he no longer wished to be argued with and suddenly the tone reminded her of her father and she recoiled.
"Goodnight, Jeff. I'll see you tomorrow." She told him through gritted teeth.
She set the phone back down on the bar, taking the time, this time, to turn it off. She was done with Jeff Winger for the night. She needed to think, to plan, and she couldn't do that with him constantly distracting her.
She went to her room and laid across her bed, stretching her body to relieve it of the pent up tension she'd been carrying around since their encounter in the study room. Actually it had been there since the first time she'd laid eyes on him that morning. The steel gray, button-down shirt he'd been wearing made his eyes pop like sapphires when he stepped out of his car, ducked his head at her and smiled with a low, throaty, 'Milady' in way of greeting.
She'd nearly choked on her expected reply of, 'Milord'.
He had fallen into step with her easily and her steps had almost faltered when he glanced at her and said, "Annie, you just get more beautiful everyday. Have I told you that lately?"
It had been a harmless, flirty little comment. One he was just as likely to give Britta or Shirley, yet somehow it hadn't been. Maybe she was imagining it, but when he said those things to her, there seemed to be something heavier in the innocuous, simple statement. Maybe he didn't even realize it himself. Surely if he did, he wouldn't keep torturing her like he was. It was unfair how much he affected her. She didn't want him to see the blush that rose in her cheek when he offered her a compliment, or notice the way her pulse jumped when he inadvertently brushed her hand with his.
Somehow, she needed to figure out a way to bring her body to heel when he was around. There was nothing as childish as appearing to lose her composure every time he was close.
The neat freak in her couldn't just leave her things where they were and she went to the kitchen to retrieve her backpack, books and phone, bringing them to her room where she put everything where it belonged. That was what her room offered her, a place free from the chaos of her life outside these walls. Here everything was simple, easy. Everything had a place, a neat, organized, uncomplicated place that made sense.
All the while, as she went about the mindless task of getting herself ready for bed, she was thinking. She didn't like the idea of planning and scheming to get what she wanted, but the time for waiting was over. She couldn't afford to waste any more time where he was concerned. He wouldn't stay single forever. Being alone wasn't in his makeup. And while he was never serious about the women he constantly fell into bed with, it was just a matter of time before one fell in that held his attention for more than a minute. The law of averages said she only had a small window of opportunity.
It wasn't a matter of getting him into bed. She could do that. It wouldn't take more than a little encouragement on her part to push their relationship into that place. But that place wasn't the one she wanted.
She didn't want to be another notch on his formidable bedpost. She wanted to be the one that caught his attention for more than a minute. She wanted him, all of him. And not for the night, not even for a few nights. Because there was one thing that she had figure out in all this. One thing that she knew with absolute certainty. And that was that she was undeniably, unequivocally, unconditionally in love with Jeff Winger.
Now she had to figure out how she was going to make him see her as someone he could fall in love with as well.
It was clear to her that he saw her as attractive. He was constantly telling her she was beautiful and the kissing her nearly every time they were alone together was a big indication as well. But she needed more than attraction. She needed to make him take her seriously.
She nearly landed on the floor when she jumped at the sudden knock on her door frame. She hadn't heard her roommates return she'd been so lost in thought.
"Come in," she called towards the door and a moment later Abed stuck his head into the room.
"We're going to watch a movie. Do you want to join us?" he asked with a little more animation than was customary for him. She wondered why until she realized it was Thursday night. That meant it was romantic comedy night on the movie schedule. It was one of his favorite nights.
"What movie?" she asked, bringing herself to a sitting position in the middle of the bed.
"Either Can't buy me love or Clueless. We haven't really decided yet. Maybe you could pick for us."
She considered that for a moment. She wasn't even sure she wanted to join them, but romantic comedy night had been added to the weekly movie schedule in her honor. It seemed rude to turn them down. And both movies were favorites of hers. Maybe a movie was exactly what she needed.
Then she heard it. A new voice coming from the kitchen area. A voice that turned her insides to mush and made her heartbeat take off like a rocket.
"Where do you keep the popcorn?"
Jeff was in her kitchen.
"Is that-?" she was about to ask when his face appeared over Abed's shoulder.
"I hope you don't mind. Abed and Troy let me in. I can't believe you didn't tell me it was romantic comedy night," he smiled at her smugly.
"I thought I told you goodnight already." She glared at him before glancing down at herself and wishing desperately a hole would open up in the center of her bed and swallow her. No makeup, hair in a mess and 'Hello Kitty', yep he wouldn't ever see her as a child again after this encounter.
"Well, I wasn't really ready to call it a night," he shrugged.
"I'm going to go make the popcorn. We're starting the movie in five minutes. Don't miss the beginning." Abed announced before ducking past Jeff and disappearing.
Annie sat up a little straighter and snatched the lilac colored, plush throw from the foot of the bed. She quickly wrapped it around herself before bringing her eyes back to him.
It wasn't until then that she noticed he'd stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.
"What?" she asked, pulling the blanket tighter.
"Are you coming to watch the movie?" he replied, crossing his arms over his chest negligently and leaning a hip against the door jamb.
"Actually, I have some homework I need to get done. But feel free to enjoy the movie with Troy and Abed." She smiled at him sweetly.
He unfolded himself from the jamb and took a swaggering step towards her. It only took one for him to be close enough to sit down on the foot of her bed. Then he angled his body towards her. "I didn't come over here to watch a movie with Troy and Abed." He was using that low, throaty voice again, the one that always drove her crazy.
"Then why did you come here? I already told I don't want to talk to you tonight. Why can't you just accept that?"
There was that famous crooked smile again. "Have you ever known me to just accept something? Especially when I want the exact opposite. Why are you so determined not to talk about this?"
"Because I don't want to," she answered and folded her own arms over her chest defiantly.
"Annie, it's hard to not see you as a child when you're acting like one."
She reached for the first thing she could find. It was only luck that it turned out to be a soft, stuffed teddy bear. Otherwise it might have done some damage when she let it fly and it connected with the side of his face.
"Go away!" she almost shouted at him.
He snatched the bear from the floor where it had landed beside his boot. "Alright. We don't have to talk, but come watch the movie. I know you really like both of them."
"How do you know what movies I really like?" she asked, still in a huff.
His eyes turned suddenly very serious and he leveled her with a gaze that caused her heart to stop. "Because I pay attention to you. I know it might not seem like it all the time, but I do."
"Because I'm the adorable, plucky little sister you've always wanted," she fumed, unable to stop the words before they left her mouth. So much for not having this conversation right now.
Suddenly he was way closer than he had been only a moment before, well within her personal space without her even noticing him move. "No, because you are an interesting, adorable, plucky young woman that I care about."
They were both silent for a long time, sitting there on her bed, close enough to touch, both lost in their own thoughts. She couldn't read his from the look on his face. Hers were completely preoccupied with praying. In a moment, whether it was a good idea or not, whether it was time for it or not, whether it would ruin everything or not, she was going to kiss him. This was dangerous. Here, in her room, on her bed, it was worse than dangerous. It was disastrous. She could already see the scenario playing out in her mind. In her mind, this ended with him slinking from her room in shame and guilt and never talking to her again.
He wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready for this. It wasn't time yet. This had to mean more to him than sex for it to have any chance of lasting.
So she prayed. She prayed for something, anything to stop this now before it ever got started because she was only human and despite what she knew was best, there was only so much she could resist.
Her miracle came a moment later with another knock on her door that caused him to jump in surprise and end up back at the foot of her bed where he'd started.
The look on his face, the guilt and doubt written all over him said she was absolutely right about everything.
"Come in," she called to her savior while quickly working her tongue in her mouth to draw in some kind of moisture.
"We picked for you. We're watching Clueless. Come on. It's starting." Abed informed them, paying seemingly no attention at all to the scene in front of him.
"We're on our way," Jeff answered, getting to his feet and holding his hand out for her to take. "Milady?"
She glared at him again, but it was short lived. She couldn't stay mad at him for very long, no matter what he'd done and this time, his only offense, it seemed was wanting to spend some time with her. How could she be mad at him for that?
She extended her hand, resting it gently in his and he helped pull her to her feet. "Milord," she answered with a warm smile before he lead her from the room.
Everything and everyone seemed to be conspiring against her.
First it was her roommates, roommates that she thought had her back, roommates she thought she could depend on to help her out. Both had betrayed her utterly. Abed had taken up residence in his favorite recliner. She couldn't really fault him for that. It was where he always sat, in the recliner with his feet propped on the coffee table. Troy, on the other hand, knew what romantic comedy meant for her and usually he obliged her. Usually, he joined on her on the loveseat instead of taking the other recliner and let her cuddle into his side.
Now she stepped into the room and found both Troy and Abed occupying the recliners which left the loveseat for her and Jeff. If she didn't know better she'd have thought they planned it. But giving either man that much credit was probably more than they deserved. They didn't think in those terms. It wouldn't have occurred to either of them that she might not want to sit in the dark on the tiny loveseat with Jeff.
The lights were already lowered and Abed had his hand resting on the lamp waiting for them to take their places and get settled so he could turn it off as well. It was how they always watched movies. She didn't know why she thought having Jeff join them might change that and if she asked them to leave the light on it would only draw attention to the fact that she wanted it on instead of off.
So she went to her usual spot on the loveseat, passing between her roommates on her way and giving them both a glare they didn't really deserve or understand for that matter.
Once there, the next thing she noticed was how cool the room was. Granted it was December and no one could control the weather. But she couldn't help but feel like the universe was working against her as she grudgingly dragged the blanket from the back of the loveseat and spread it out, leaving enough room for Jeff to slip under it as well. He did exactly that and she couldn't help but notice how close he was.
But then again, of course he was close the blanket was just a throw and in order to have enough to cover them both, he had to be close to her. Still, she tossed yet another glare at the back of Abed and Troy's heads.
That's when another thing on her list of bad occurred to her. Neither of them could see them. They were effectively cut off from both Troy and Abed as they looked forward towards the TV. She and Jeff were well behind them, out of their sight completely. Either man would have to turn around nearly completely to see them from their position. They might as well be sitting in the back row of a movie theater except that, along with the dark, they also had a nice blanket to hide behind as well.
When the movement behind him stopped, indicating that all were settled in, Abed clicked off the lamp and the entire room fell into complete darkness while the movie started.
Annie spent the first thirty minutes of it sitting with her back ramrod straight, her feet planted on the floor and her hands folded in her lap. Jeff had taken a much more relaxed pose, resting with his arm draped across the back of the loveseat and his long body more or less sprawled over his tiny half. His thigh rested against hers under the blanket. The warmth of his body drew her like a moth to a flame, beckoning her to come closer.
Forty-five minutes in found her with her back slumping and her shoulders sagging under the weight of keeping up the tension of her pose.
She almost jumped out of her skin when he turned to her and whispered quietly into her ear, "Relax, it's just a little movie in the dark with a friend."
She might have believed him if it wasn't for the way his lips lingered right there at her ear long after he spoke the words. She felt the shiver they produced run through the entire length of her body and tried to resist the urge to sag against him. It was harder than she expected it to be. Her body wanted him and right then it was pretty much ignoring what her mind was telling it.
He pushed the envelope further still by letting his arm fall from the back of the loveseat to her shoulder. Once there, he used it to draw her into his side until she was helpless to do anything except let her head rest against his chest.
"See that's much better," he whispered again after drawing her hair to the side to get to her ear.
This whole thing was going from bad to worse. Maybe she could just concentrate on the movie and ignore him, pretend he wasn't there, behind her with his chest rising and falling under her head as he took in deep even breaths that lulled her with their rhythmic movements.
He didn't move for the rest of the movie except to shift them just enough so that she was practically laying over him while he cradled her against his body gently.
Eventually she managed to pretend it wasn't him with his arms wrapped around her in a cocoon of safety and warmth. Most Thursday nights she laid just like this except with Troy behind her while she imagined it was Jeff instead. She realized now that her imagination was severely lacking. She had never felt this good, this comfortable in Troy's arms. Still, despite all that, tonight she did just the opposite of her usual routine. She did her best to imagine it was Troy holding her instead of Jeff.
It wasn't until she convinced herself that she really began to enjoy the movie. And that was a good thing. That was when her plan began to take shape.
It was the movie itself that lead her to the right path, helped her to see what she was missing. What she needed was a Christian. It was Cher's interest in Christian that finally brought Josh's real feelings to the surface.
But where would she find a guy to show an interest in. And wouldn't that be wrong, leading some random guy on just to make Jeff jealous enough to see how he really feels about her. It would take more than just a little harmless flirty to make this happen. She'd seen that when she showed a passing interest in Dr. Rich. No, she would have to take this way further than that.
Suddenly light flooded the room and she realized as she watched the credits roll to David Bowie's Modern Love that the movie was over.
Before she could protest the decision, Troy had gotten up and popped the other movie into the DVD player. They were back in the dark and fully engrossed again almost before she realized what had happened. Can't buy me love was the next on the list and again, it was one of her favorites and again, it served to make her plan more clear.
What if she found a guy and paid him to date her? Well, she didn't have money, so she would have to come up with some alternate form of payment, but she could figure something out. She was an excellent student. Maybe she could bribe someone with writing papers for them in exchange for playing along with her plan?
But who? She couldn't afford the risk of using someone in their group. Too much could go wrong. Jeff knew these people. And her only viable options would be either Abed or Troy, neither of which had the acting skills to pull something like this off. No, she needed a stranger.
Tomorrow she would begin her research. Tomorrow she would find the right guy for the role and put her plan into motion.
For the moment, however, she tried to ignore the stinging in her eyes that told her she'd been up far too long past bedtime. A yawn escaped her lips. She thought she felt the arms around her tighten, arms she was still steadfastly pretending belonged to Troy. The illusion was shattered through when he moved just slightly, shifting into a more comfortable position beneath her and causing his scent to assault her senses. Troy never smelled that good, not that he stank, but he never smelled THAT good. There was something so earthy and manly about the aroma. Something that just seemed to call his name like a whisper on the air every time she breathed.
She couldn't keep herself from snuggling in closer to him, letting him envelope her in the warmth that radiated from him.
She was blinking slowly now, each time taking more effort to reopen her eyes until she gave up the fight and let them close.
A tiny nap wouldn't be so bad.