A/N: This started as a request from retro mania. He asked me to do a crossover with the Charmed sisters and another show, but I am not a fan of the other show, so we compromised and I was able to come up with this. I originally was going to make it a one-shot comedy piece, but it was getting really long and I'm running out of steam tonight. I've had a really bad week and an even worse day today. But, I still came up with this and this is part one. I'll try to come up with and post part 2 sometime between tomorrow and the end of the weekend before I mark this as completed.
I borrowed very heavily from the episode "Still Charmed and Kicking". It's not easy and more than just a little annoying jumping from screen to screen trying to keep things as close to the episode as possible before getting to the parts that I'm changing for the purpose of this story. I would like to once again put in the disclaimer that I do not own any writing that I did borrow from the episode in order to get my part set up, nor do I own the characters. I'm just trying to have a bit of fun here. I promise that I'm not making any money off of this, and if I did, I'd give it to the ones who deserve the credit.
Also, before I let you go to the story, if you haven't checked out my other story titled "Darkness Falls" which is another Charmed fanfic, please do so. It's getting really close to a climactic part of the story and I have some really cool and epic things planned for that piece that I'm sure you'll enjoy. So, without further ado, here is part 1. Enjoy!
The Halliwell Home was full of mourners, many offering Victor, the father of Piper and Phoebe, their condolences as they made their way to the tables on the far side of the house. On these tables were the pictures of the ones they had come mourn: Piper and Phoebe Halliwell, and Paige Matthews, their younger half sister. Many of the mourners left white roses on the tables next to the photo of the one they came to say goodbye to.
One attractive brunette walked up to Victor and said, "Quite a turnout, huh?" Victor turns to her and quietly asks, "Phoebe?" "No dad, it's me, Piper," she points at another brunette walking up to them and says, "That's Phoebe."
"I can't believe how many leprechauns are at my urn," she says to Victor and Piper. Piper says, "Well, they always did have the hots for you." "That's kinda creepy. But, I guess you can't be too picky when you're dead..." she trails off.
"You guys are driving me crazy, you know that?" Victor says to the girls.
"Keep your voice down a little, will ya?" Piper asks of her father. "And could you look a little more bereaved? Agent Keyes is watching." She turns and looks towards the door where a man is standing and watching everyone as they move around the house and interact with others.
"Piper, don't worry. He'll never figure us out. How could he?" Phoebe asks with confidence.
"Hell, I still can't figure it out," Victor chimes in.
"Well, at least we're alive and, more importantly, free," Piper says.
"Yeah, but do you have to keep changing your looks around all the time? I mean, just pick one and stick with it, would you?" Victor asks of the girls.
Phoebe turns and looks at her dad with a mischievous glint in her eyes that spread to her face, "Why? It's fun."
Piper turns and looks at Paige's table and says, "Poor Paige. Not a lot of people at her urn." "I know," Phoebe says. "Good thing she's not here to see that."
The group turns to look at a woman entering the room, making a small scene. "Excuse me," she says as she walks in the door. Phoebe looks at her with her mouth slightly agape and asks, "Woah! What is Janice Dickinson doing here?" They continue to watch her as she makes her way to Paige's memorial.
"Oh, Paige!" she cries out and continues, "You were my best friend! What am I going to do without you?" as she wipes a tear from her eye with her handkerchief. Various guests of the funeral exchange impressed and questioning words with each other, nobody knowing that Paige was friends with someone famous.
Piper and Phoebe walk over to Janice and ask, "Can we talk to you a minute? In private?" "Excuse me, what are you doing?" she asks as the girls whisk her away to the kitchen.
"What is the meaning of this?" Janice asks after they leave the room. "Do you have any idea who I am?" she asks again, without any real venom to her voice.
"Yeah. As a matter of fact we do," Phoebe says as she drops her glamour spell. "Paige."
"I'm sorry, who?" she asks yet again.
Piper then drops her glamour spell as well and says, "Nice try. Jig's up."
"Oh alright then, fine," Janice finally says with a snip to her tone as she drops her glamour as well to reveal that it was indeed Paige in disguise. "Well SOMEONE had to cry at my funeral, didn't they?"
The sisters then share a quiet chuckle together before Piper says, "We were supposed to be keeping a low profile. What were you thinking?" "I was thinking that I obviously spent too much time in the magical world because nobody even cares that I'm dead!"
"That's not true," Phoebe says. "You have mourners. I mean, there are lots of leprechauns out there..." "I mean real people!" Paige retorts.
"Well, there was your friend Glenn," Piper adds in. "Yeah!" Phoebe says. "Glenn was at your urn. And Ruthie, our neighbor."
"No," Piper says. "She was just going to get coffee."
"Oh. Really?" Phoebe asks.
"My point exactly," Paige states. At that moment, a man enters the kitchen. The sisters' hearts all stop beating in a panic. "Oh my god," Phoebe spurts out quickly as she reaches for her forehead. Busted. "We can explain," Paige begins. "You see some..."
Piper motions with her hands to Paige to stop talking. "Don't bother," she says as a glamour spell on him drops as well to reveal her husband, Leo. There is a big sigh of relief as Phoebe says, "Oh, you scared me. I thought we were busted."
"Well you're going to be if you don't change back. What are you doing?" he asks.
"Apparently having an identity crisis," Piper answers as she looks at Paige knowingly.
"Oh, so it's okay for you to change your husband into…." Paige begins before she stops talking and grasps her head in pain. "Ow."
"What's wrong?" Phoebe asks.
"It's a jingling in my head," she answers. Phoebe turns to Piper and Leo and asks, "Does that mean that the Elders know that we're alive?"
Piper gets a confused look on her face and says, "No. They can't. We cloaked ourselves from them." "It could be a new charge," Leo puts in. "You know, a Whitelighter's connection is automatic."
"Okay. Well, just ignore it," Piper tells Paige as if it is that simple. Paige is quick to reply, "Easy for you to say, you are not half Whitelighter, okay?" She gets a deep look on her face then continues, "Maybe it's one of the mourners."
Piper and Phoebe look at Paige and shake their heads no to her and she continues by saying, "Could be a demon out there." She then turns towards the kitchen door and looks out to the sun room as Phoebe runs behind her and says, "No, no, no, no, no. No demons!" when she looks out and sees a very attractive man standing at her urn and mourning for her. She hesitantly closes the door and goes back to the kitchen.
"Why not?" Paige asks. "It makes sense, doesn't it? They probably want to find out if we're really dead or not."
"It doesn't matter. We're retired and we don't do demons anymore," Phoebe states.
"She's right. You're just going to have to forget about it." Piper says. "Not so easy when you've got a jingle jingle going on in your head," Paige continues to argue.
Phoebe has already reopened the kitchen door and is looking at the man at her urn again. "What is he doing here?" she wonders out loud. "He, who?" Piper asks as she and Paige turn to look at what Phoebe is looking at.
"I didn't think he even knew I existed!" Phoebe says.
"Who is he?" Paige asks.
"I don't know his name, but he's some guy that I used to see in the elevator all the time at work," Phoebe responds as Paige looks at him as well.
"He's kinda cute," Paige says with mild approval in her tone.
"Yeah," Phoebe says with longing in her voice.
"Okay, people," Piper interrupts. "Morph now, oggle later. Come on, we can't risk being caught. Chop, chop!"
Victor is speaking with the attractive gentleman Phoebe was watching earlier, so Phoebe walks up as fast as she can to them and catches the tail end of his statement where he was explaining to Victor how amazed he was that someone as beautiful as she was could be so insightful. "You don't say?" she says to him as she tilts her head to the side in a flirty manner.
"Do you mind?" Victor asks of his daughter with mild disapproval in his tone.
"It's alright. I got this," she tells him as she turns back to the attractive man. "You were saying?" she asks again, tilting her head to the side again. "About Phoebe?"
"Just that, uh, I thought she was great," he replies to her. She nods at him and gives him a big smile. He chuckles slightly and says, "Really great."
"Then why didn't you ever ask her out?" Phoebe asks him under her glamour disguise.
He gets a really confused look on his face and asks, "What?" Phoebe was about to answer his question when Piper comes in and says to him, "Thanks for coming. Sorry you have to go, okay? Buh-bye." as she grabs him by the arm and ushers him out of the door.
"Piper, what are you doing?" Phoebe asks her with anger in her voice.
"What are YOU doing?" Piper asks her. "You can't pick up a guy at a funeral!"
"Why not?" Phoebe asks again. "It's my funeral!"
Wyatt starts crying in the parlour, so they drop the argument and go to comfort him. "It's okay, sweetie. Mommy's right here," Piper says to Wyatt in her glamour. Wyatt continues to whine, so Piper kneels down to his level and says, "Wyatt, honey. What's the matter?"
"He doesn't know it's you, Piper" Victor chimes in. Paige and Leo walk in without their glamours and Leo hugs Wyatt and says, "It's okay, buddy. Alright? Daddy's here. Okay? We're all here." Phoebe and Piper both drop their glamour spells and Wyatt looks at his mother with love and says, "Mama."
"Poor little guy," Phoebe says. "He's confused."
"Yeah, he doesn't know what's going on," Victor states. "Neither does baby Chris. All this changing makes him nervous, I think."
Paige raises her hand a little bit in admission, "Yeah, I think maybe we didn't think this all the way through."
"Well, we didn't have time to think it through," Piper says.
"It's too late to go back now, so what do we do?" Leo asks the room.
"I think I have an idea. Follow me," Phoebe states as she starts walking up to the attic. "Okay, it's a good thing we kept this," she says as she pulls the Book of Shadows out of a trunk they were hiding it in underneath a bunch of blankets.
"Yeah, but we're not supposed to be using it. The more magic we use..." Piper starts.
"The more likely the demons are to find us out," Paige finishes.
"We didn't say we'd never use magic again," Phoebe defends. "Besides, I really think we need this spell," she says as she turns the pages of the book.
"Why? What will it do?" Leo asks.
"End our confusion, hopefully," Phoebe answers. "I've been thinking about this for the last couple of days and all we need to do is each of us has to come up with one look. One disguise that we want to project to the rest of the world."
"You mean like a permanent, permanent one?" Paige asks uncomfortably.
"That's the idea," Phoebe confirms.
"How is that going to end the confusion? Especially for the boys" Victor asks.
"Because they won't see the disguises and neither will any of us. Okay? Just trust me. You guys have a look in mind?" Phoebe says.
"Wait a minute. Hang on. We haven't been dead that long. I don't think I'm ready for a permanent new look. I think we need to have a little bit of fun first. I mean, we've been witches for years now and have never really gotten to have any fun with our magic. We've always been out fighting demons or having spells backfire on us. The only time we ever got to have any semblance of fun was when we turned evil. Now, I'm not saying let's be like demons," Paige says, holding her hands up defensively to stop the barrage of questions from the family. "What I am saying is that we have saved the world how many times now? We deserve to have SOME kind of fun before be put up our brooms and hats for good, so just hear me out. Why not make ourselves look like a famous celebrity?"
"Oh, you mean like you've already done today?" Piper asks with sarcasm dripping from her voice.
Paige gives her a dirty look and says, "Yes. In a way. I'm thinking we should change our appearances to celebrities we really admire. Be their dopplegangers. We don't actually try to take their identies like some creepy people. That's just wrong. What I'm saying is, we make ourselves look just like a celebrity we most admire and improve their image while we enjoy a little bit of fame, ourselves?"
Phoebe stares at her for a moment and finally says, "Actually, I think I kind of agree with her. I've been having a lot of fun changing my identity these last couple of weeks. Not being the same person for long. I think I'd like to have fun really being someone else for just a little bit. Not long, though. Just a little bit."
Piper looks at her sisters as if they've grown tentacles from their faces. "You two have gone completely insane! We are supposed to be laying low! We have fought too hard for too long for the demons to find us now!"
Paige shrugs and says, "But demons are never going to guess that the Charmed Ones are still alive when we are pretending to be celebrities, are they?"
Piper looks at her for a second and says incredulously, "I guess you have a point there. But this is still a really, really bad idea! We are so going to be caught!"
"How? We act all the time! We pretend to be normal people when we are most definitely not!" Phoebe says. "I actually think this could work. At least for a few days. I doubt they'd even really notice us, especially if we do what they do and try to keep a low profile on the streets and just improve their image a little bit. Maybe attend a couple of fundraisers for some really good causes. I've always wanted to be like Alyssa Milano, myself."
"And I've always wanted to be like Rose McGowan. I've always felt connected with her as a person and her story," Paige states.
"We are so going to get busted doing this. Fine. I've always loved Holly Marie Combs," Piper finally states exasperatedly.
"Then we have a plan. Leo, dad, you guys watch the boys for a while. I think we're going to have some well-deserved fun," Phoebe says as she finally pulls up the page she was looking for in the book. "Okay. Just to keep the confusion down a little bit, let's say this spell so that we can see our real selves but nobody else will. Are you ready?"
"Yeah!" Paige exclaims. "As I'll ever be," Piper mumbles.
"I call upon the ancient powers,
to mask us now and in future hours.
Hide us well and thoroughly,
but not from those we call family."
All three recite the spell and they look at each other. "You don't look a thing like Alyssa Milano, Phoebe. I'm telling you this was a bad idea!"
Phoebe shakes her head and says, "Look in the mirror." All three look in the mirror and looking back at them are the actresses Holly Marie Combs, Alyssa Milano, and Rose McGowen.
"Cool," Paige says. "Let's go take a walk, ladies," she says as she rushes out of the house with her sisters in tow.