Chapter 1
Cartman
"And so then I put my finger up my but whole, right, and I walked up to Kelly Nelson, and said 'hey do you smell lemon grass?' She smelt my finger and puked." I told the gang "hahaha, guys you should have been there!"
Someone poked me, so I turned round and it was that stupid ginger Jew the hall monitor "Eric, I have to bring you to the principles office" he told me.
"What?" I answered him. "I didn't do it, Kelly Nelsons a liar" I back chatted angrily
"I've been instructed to bring you to the principles office" he said once again calmly
"Oh suck my balls, you ginger Jew, rat hall monitor" I insulted him. "Punk ass Jew who the fuck do you think you are?"
"Im just doing my job" he said, I repeated him in a mumbling voice!
"You know why your hall monitor, because you don't have any friends, you should kill yourself, you should kill yourself"
The speakers spoke loudly and the voice that came out of it was the principles telling me to go to the principles office right away. "Oh god damn it" I screamed so the whole hall heard me, it was funny I walked over in silence as the little ginger followed me there. What does he think? That im going to run of or something? I knocked on the door. "Come in Eric"
"Im sorry principle Victoria, I didn't mean to do it, and I shouldn't have been so foolish" I breathed out calmly. "Eric the reason we called you in here, is because it is your turn to be the school hall way monitor". The Jew took of his band I gave it to me. "The hallway monitor, me?" I asked her. Mr. Mackey butted in before she could fit a word in. "You need to watch for bad behaviour, and make sure anyone in the hall during class has a hall pass" he gave me the powers as he spoke. "If anyone doesn't you have the authorities to bring them to me". Now I felt like a super hero, like Spiderman or batman or cat woman
"Now Eric, being the school hallway monitor is a big responsibility, okay, it is important you take the job seriously, and you don't abuse the trust." Mr Mackey babbled on!
I walked through the hall ways during class, and im loving it! There was a kid behind me when I turned around I ran as fast as I could over to hi, pushed him against the locker and asked for his pass, he didn't answer he just went into his back pocket and pulled one out "its right here" he shivered.
"Okay, cool brov" I let him go.
"What, you can't just push me up against the locker…"
I kicked him away without even looking and he left me alone.
"Oh my god" I whispered to my self. "What the fuck is this?" There was litter on my hall way, I picked it up, it was a drawing of miss teacher with Kyle's little brother Ike's name on it. I went to the door of that class, slammed over to the door and shouted "Ike Broflovski, have you been littering on my hall way, brov?"
"What are you doing" the teacher interrupted me. "I found this in the hall way, looks like your student has a crush on you miss." I showed her the picture he had drawn. "you got a crush on your teacher, brav, well keep it out of my hallway, yeah" the whole class laughed at ike I didn't feel sorry for him at all he shouldn't of left littler on my floor.
The bell went!
Chapter 2
Ike
"Okay, everybody" teacher said. "Off you go, Ike could you stay a minute, please" she asked me.
Everyone went "Ike im very flattered by all your love notes and everything, but I need to be clear. See there's been a lot of female teachers on the news lately sleeping with there students, and people may get the wrong idea" she explained to me. "Even though I do admire you, and you're so mature for you age" she added
So I said "I don't like messing".
"You listen, and you really care about what I have to say, you make me feel things I've never felt before". She held my hand, then after a few seconds she pulled it away "this isn't right we can't do this.
"Cant stop these feelings for you" she told me. We ran up to each other and hugged and from that day forward we went on a few dates, after a couple of days one afternoon she invited me over and having sex with her was incredible.
Chapter 3
Eric
I barged the door open in the boy's toilets and butters was in there having a piss. "where's your hall pass" I raised my voice,
"I...I...I... Just had it" he shrouded
"I knew it" I knocked him out by throwing his head against the cubicle, he fell to the floor and I dragged him to the principles office with his penis out!
We waited outside her office "look brov I had to bring you in, but I have nothing against you aright" I explained
"Huh" he looked confused.
"Hey you want a smoke brov?" I asked him.
"Err, yeah, go on then" he answered me.
I stuck a cigarette in his mouth and lit it up for him because his hands are cuffed behind his back. "You gotta give yourself over to Christ dude."
"I do I do" he shrouded again.
Chapter 4
Kyle
"Kyle I need you to go to Ike's teacher's house" my mum told me.
"Huh" I didn't know what she was going on about.
"Tell the teacher im sorry, but I forgot he has a dentist appointment today" she added.
"What's he doing at his teacher's house?" I asked her. "He's been going there in the afternoons for private tutoring" she finally described to me.
I walked over there, it was snowing as usual. There was music on in the house but I wasn't sure if that was the house but I thought I'd try it just incase he is there, he might be having a brake with a cup of tea and some music. I knocked. No answer. "Hello" I walked in "excuse me, im here to pick up Ike" it was her house there was pictures of her and her family on the wall and in frames. "Err hello, is Ike here?" I heard laughter from the bathroom so I walked in. "hello". Miss teacher sat up and screamed and covered her tits with her arms and hands, "oh god, im sorry I didn't mean to, and I was looking for my brother". My brother came up from the bath, "Ike, what the hell is going on?"
"Oh, what's the use Ike? Were caught"
I got my brother and set of out of the bathroom. "Hold on, you don't understand"
She tried to get me to stop" "really, what's there not to understand?" I questioned her. "You're brother and I, are in love." She answered. "He's a little young don't you think" I shouted at her.
"No" Ike let go of my hand.
"Ike is very mature for his age, and you know it" she tried to explain again. "He makes me feel like nobody else does, he loves me and only me, and I know im a goddess to him, and when we make love
He can give it to me hard or soft and gentle…"
"Aright were getting the hell out of here" I grabbed my brother and went. He tried to pull away and he started crying. "Come on Ike, you can't possibly want this, we have to tell mum"
"Is it too hard to believe that true love exists…" she tried to finish but I interrupted her. "This is nuts" I talked to my self.
When we got home from the dentist tea was ready, we sat down to the table, when we started eating I started to talk, "mum, dad, have you ever met Ike's kindergarten teacher?" I asked them, trying to put the feelers out. Ike gave me a look. "Miss Teacher, yes, she's very nice." She told me. "Yeah, well she likes Ike a whole lot."
"Great" she didn't get what I was going on about. "Yeah it's not perfectly great" Ike gave me another look. "Because to some degree, I think Ike and miss teacher are having…" Ike interrupted me.
"Spiderman" he used to interrupt.
"Yes ike you like Spiderman, dot you?"
He gave me another look. "Mum there might be something you might want to look into about Ike staying at his teachers after school all the time" I put the feelers out again. "Mummy, I love you, I love you" Ike interrupted again. He gave me another look. "Will you excuse us for a second" I and Ike walked over to the living room. We argued for about 5 minutes. We went back into the dining room. We sat back at the table and I advised to mum that she should talk to Ike about love and sex.
"sex, I think Ike's a little young to know about that.
That next day, I went to the police station, to report what I had seen yesterday. "Ex-excuse me" they all looked at me. "My name is Brad and im here to report a crime, anonymously" I explained.
"What's the crime" a ginger officer asked me. "I go to south park elementary, and one of the teachers is having sex with a student." They all looked at each other, and ran over to me like oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. "You did the right thing in coming down, now what's his name?"
"It's not a male teacher, it's a woman"
"Women" they mumbled to each other.
"Yeah, she's having sex with a boy"
"Oh, bet she's ugly right" they asked me.
"Well no, it's the kindergarten teacher." I described her.
"Some young boys having sex with her?"
"Yes" I answered them.
"Nice" they answered back
"What, no you don't understand" I tried to get them to listen. "Has she formed oral sex on him." they asked.
"Yes I think so"
"Nice" they repeated again. "So wait, what's the crime" the ginger one said.
"The crime is she isn't doing it with me" another one said
"Hahaha" they all laughed.
"Hey, he's totally underage, she's taking advantage of him" I raised my voice
"Your right, were sorry, we need to track this boy down and give him a medal ASAP." They laughed and joked.
I walked off…
Back at school, I walked over to Stan and Kenny, "hey guys, can I talk to you"
"Yeah dude" Stan said.
"I need you to stay quiet about this okay," they nodded" my little brother and his…
Carman butted in "hey, its time to get to class now" he demanded
"Not now cartman, I have really serious problems." I huffed at him.
"Dude what's the matter" Stan asked me.
"The kindergarten teacher is having sex with my little brother." They all looked shocked.
"Wow" Stan said.
"Really" Kenny mumbled under his coat.
"That's pretty cool" cartman would say that though. "It's not cool; Ike's too young to understand.
"I don't know what the problem is" Stan just said. Cartman walks away. "They have sex during lunch brakes, they pass notes to each other in class, and they sneak out during class and kiss in the hall ways." I told them. Cartman stops walking away form me. "They what" he says.
"They sneak out during class and make out in the hall ways" I pointed to were they do it. "Hang on a second; making out in the school hallways is totally against school policy. "Well there doing it" I said to him. "Well, now it's personal."
Chapter 5
Ike
"I just need to step out for a second, errm Ike will you help me out please?"
I walked out with my lover. "Oh Ike, I just had to have a second alone with you"
"Babababa" I said back to her.
"I got your love letter and I wrote you one back, can I have one kiss to hold me over till the end of class?" she asked me. I agreed. We kissed in the hallway.
"Hall inspection" cartman shouted.
"Oh, we were, err, just heading back in."
"You got a hall pass brov" he asked my lover. "I don't need a hall pass, im a teacher." She tried to get out of it.
"Yeah well, where's his hall pass?" he still questioned. "Just let us go back in" she demanded. "Get down on the floor" he raged. "LET US GO BACK INSIDE" she shouted at cartman.
Chapter 6
Cartman
"That's what I saw principle, these two were in the hall ways making out." I explained to the head of the school.
"You're having a relationship with him, miss?"
"Yes, they are" I said.
"This is unbelievable" she said. "Miss, I will need to inform the police." She deeply said. "Oh god" miss teacher said.
"You just messed with the dog b**ch. I emphasized.
A crowd surrounded the school, of police and citizens of South Park.
Chapter 7
The crowd
"What's going on" Stan's dad asked.
The bus driver answered him with "the kindergarten teacher has been sleeping with a student".
"A student, but she's a woman." Stan's dad said confusingly. "Yeah I know" he answered back. "But she's hot" they had a conversation about what was going on!
Chapter 8
Kyle
I was sat in my room and my brother came in, he looked angry.
"Ike I didn't tell on you, you got busted by the hall way monitor." He kept a straight face. "Okay, okay, I did have something to do with it." I confessed to him. "But someday you will think it was for the best" I carried on "you are dead to me" he answered back to me finally. "What" I asked him did he really just say that?
"I said you are dead to me" he repeated.
Chapter 9
Teacher
"Im at the police station, they say they have some evidence, im scared." I told Ike over the phone. "Listen, I want you to know im okay, if anyone tries to talk to you, you dot have to say anything. Just leave it to me; I know a way out of this" he still was silent when we talked to each other.
Chapter 10
Kyle
Ike where are you? I walked into his room. He wasn't their. I looked out of his window and there he was with miss teacher. How dare she take my brother? He left a note, I went to show my mum and we went to the police station but they wouldn't do anything like before they just laughed.
I sat on my porch to my back garden when cartman came in. "Hey Kyle what you doing, come on we can't give up now can we?" he actually felt sympathy once.
"Well what's the point there in Malone" I cried. "No there not there flight leaves tomorrow." He explained to me.
"That still wont is enough time to get there" I thought and said.
"Yeah well in my crew we'll be there in no time." He told me about his crew. There was:
Leeroy – dawgs assistant.
Earl - dawgs driver
Beth dawgs bitch
Kyle broflovski – Jew
Okay let's go I thought to myself.
Chapter 11
Ike
"Is that all you're going to do Ike, is watch TV?" miss teacher asked me and moaned
"I like TV" I told her not standing for her moaning voice!
"What about me, I want to talk" she moaned again.
I carried on watching TV…
Chapter 12
Cartman
"Okay lads this is who were looking for, the dirty slut!" cartman showed everyone.
"Beth found out that they are staying at a hotel called Hilton at the airport, they will be staying there!"
We got into the hotel and looked round 911 were called for the disturbance. We all split up Kyle and Leeroy went together and I and Beth my bitch went together while earl went on his own.
"Earls found them" said Beth.
"What floor" I asked her
"Floor 4" she told me.
Chapter 13
Eventually miss teacher got caught and she was thrown in prison for sexual abuse and kidnapping also she was a sex addict and she had a drugs and alcohol addiction. Ike had to have counselling and he had to see a psychologist for the damage of his brain he had to go to mentoring classes which either his mum Kyle or dad went to with him. Kyle was there for him the whole time were as the police did SHIT ALL! The end!