For Now
Have you ever felt so out of control? So out of your body that you don't know where to step next or which direction is the safest?
That feeling where your anxiety is so high hat you turn to the only things you know to cope.
The drinking until you can't see straight or barely string a sentence together. Doing anything to feel something other than the pain in your heart.
The flashbacks happen sometimes. One minute you're in your body at work and the next you're back to five years ago in a room by yourself. In that room you're all alone except for one thing staring back at you, the blade, a blade that's so new, shiny, and untouched. It's perfect.
You can feel it. You can feel the blade sliding across the flesh that hasn't been sliced in years. You can feel the anxiety, the stress and the pain slipping away. One cut, two cuts, three…
All too quickly you're pulled from the thoughts of your past.
Someone is standing next to you. She calls your name three times before you actually turn towards the voice.
You smile when you realize who it is. It's the brunette with the expressive mocha eyes that shine when she smiles. Just like that all those feeling are replaced with the warmth of her smile, her hugs and a light kiss to the crown of your head.
You can see it in her eyes that she knows where your mind just went. You share a sad smile and squeeze her hand lightly to let her know you're okay.
The brunette leads you over to the couch where she pops in your favorite movie. The kitten she bought you for Christmas, Salem, a little black kitten with a white nose, hops into your lap and makes himself comfortable.
Just like that you cuddle closer to your girlfriend and those evil thoughts are gone…. For now.