Title: Miss Avalon
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and sexual references (hey, the play involves a
whorehouse...how can it not be above PG?)
Summary: Uh...yeah...it's kinda the cast of the Mists of Avalon and their
attempt to perform the musical Miss Saigon...I'm just asking for chaos.
I'm not sure if it's the book or the movie yet...probably leaning more
towards the book version of Mists of Avalon, but all of the main characters
are in both, so who cares?!?
Disclaimer: I don't own it...I don't own "Mists of Avalon" or "Miss Saigon". I'm just an obsessive teenage girl with a twisted imagination. Don't sue me! Please! I'm really a nice person! However, I do own the director and the crew and stuff...
Also, I know that "Miss Saigon" and "Mists of Avalon" are not comedies...trust me, I really love the play, and I also love the movie and the book (I cried at the end of all 3 of them). This is in no way meant to be offensive or degrading or any of that. If you're offended, please forgive me (please!).
(Actions are in ^^'s)
%%%%% Miss Avalon %%%%%
Director: All right! Quiet down everyone! I have a cast list, and I can now announce who you are playing! But first, here are your scripts ^passes scripts around the circle of acting people^ Okay...let's start...
Morgaine: ^leaning over to whispers to Lancelot^ Look at this Kim person...she's such a wimp...
Director: Kim will be played by Morgaine.
Morgaine: Oh shit.
Director: Chris with be played by Accolon.
Accolon: Hey, look on the bright side, Morgaine. We're the main couple.
Morgaine: ^grins at Accolon^ That's all right then.
Director: The Engineer will be Mordred.
Mordred: Okie dokie.
Director: John will be played by Lancelot. ^no one interrupts, so he continues^ Gigi will be played by Elaine. ^no one interrupts^ Three of those random "Queen's Ladies" people will be playing Mimi, Yvette, and Yvonne. ^no one says anything^ Uh guys...don't any of you have complaints or comments of something?
Elaine: Actually, we don't care because everyone except two stupid people ^glares at Accolon and Morgaine^ have decided that they're not going to read the script yet.
Director: Okay...right...going on...Ellen will be played by Gwenhwyfar.and Thuy will be played by Arthur. Any problems? Okay...let's start rehearsing...
(A/N: Uh...everybody mystically knows all of the songs.)
Bar girls: One of us will be Miss Saigon.
Mordred: I've spread the word, it's Miss Saigon!
Elaine: Who's left to screw who hasn't gone...uh...I don't like that line...it's kinda...weird...
Gwenhwyfar: That's a vulgar comment! I don't think it's proper. You shouldn't make her say it...it's dis -
Director: Listen, people! Most of the first act takes place in a whore house!
Elaine: He said that word! Ick!
Director: Listen, you'll have to get over that problem if you're going to play the head whore -
Elaine: I'm the head whore?!? Me?!? Is that supposed to suggest something?!?
Gwenhwyfar: If you're trying to suggest something, you should use Morgaine as the head whore.
Director: No...I need her as Kim because she's the only one of you girls who sings! Now, keep going!
Mordred: Shut up and get your hot pants on!
Elaine: Each day more GI's disappear...whatever a GI is...
Mordred: There's still some left and they'll all be here!
Bar girls: A girl can trust the Engineer!
Mordred: Surprise! I found this new girl...^shoves Morgaine at the girls^ get her dressed. From the country...untouched!
Elaine: Wait! I'm playing a whore and Morgaine is the sweet innocent one?!?
Director: Just say you're line.
Elaine: Just give that virgin act a rest...seriously...
Bar girls: You are my first American!
Mordred: Allez, allez, allez...uh...what does "allez" mean? He says it an awful lot...
Director: ^banging head against a wall^ Can we just skip to the next song?
Americans: The heat is on in Saigon, the girls are hotter than Hell! One of these slits here will be Miss Saigon...God, the tension is high...not to mention the smell. The heat is on in Saigon. Is there a war going on? Don't ask, I aint' gonna tell.
^Accolon and Lancelot enter and are greeted by Mordred^
Mordred: Hey, Monsieur Chris, Monsieur John, you've come to win Miss Saigon!
Lancelot: I gotta get my friend laid as a last souvenir.
Accolon: I love you pal, but your bullshit I've had up to here!
M/L/A: The heat is on in Saigon!
Lancelot: But 'til they tell us we're gone, I'm gonna buy you a girl!
Accolon: You can buy me a beer.
Mordred: Showtime!
Director: This one is going surprisingly well...
Random Queen's Lady: Eww! I'm not saying that line!
Director: Knew that was gonna happen. Let's skip to the next line that you guys don't find offensive.
Elaine: Skip a couple of pages. ^turns pages^ Skips some more...and some more...and some more...
Mordred: ^interrupting^ I'll start...you buy more tickets from me! The winner gets her for free!
Accolon: The meat is cheap in -
Elaine: I strongly object to being sold!
Accolon: Ahem! I was just about to burst into my solo!!!
Elaine: ^ignoring him^ This concept in completely barbarian!
Director: It's only a play!
Accolon: LET ME DO MY SOLO!!!!
^Instant silence^
Accolon: Thank you. Now...^clears throat^ The meat is cheap in Saigon. I used to love getting stoned, waking up with some whore. I don't know why I went dead, it's not fun anymore.
^Mordred pushes Morgaine downstage^
Morgaine: I'm 17 and I'm new here today. The village I come from seems so far away. All of the girls know much more what to say but I know, I have a heart like the sea! A million dreams are in me!
Accolon: Good Jesus, John, who is she?
Director: See?!? Why can't you all be professional like them?!? You don't see them complaining about their parts, do you?!?
Accolon: Actually, I object to the "Good Jesus" thing. I'm not Christian.
Morgaine: All the gods are one.
Accolon: Okay...that works for me. Problem solved.
Director: Let's skip a bit. Go to...uh..."Why God Why."
Accolon: Okay...Why does Saigon never sleep at night? Why does this girl smell of orange trees? How can I feel good when nothing is right? Why is she cool when there is no breeze? Vietnam...you don't give answers do you friend? Just questions that never end... Why, God? Why today? I'm all through here.on my way... There's nothing left here that I'll miss, why send me now, a night like this?
Lancelot: ^whispering to Gwenhwyfar^ This guy sure is confused...only two of the sentences in this song so far haven't been questions.
Accolon: Who is the girl in the rusty bed? Why am I back in this filthy room? Why is her voice ringing in my head? Why am I high on her cheap perfume?
Arthur: You just answered one of your own questions.
Accolon: ^blinks^ I did? ^looks in script^ Where?
Arthur: That whole "Why does this girl smell like orange trees" thing. You just said that she was wearing cheap perfume -
Accolon: ^confused^ I did?
Arthur: Yeah...right here...see? You got high on it.
Accolon: Oh...that perfume...
Arthur: So it must be citrus flavor.
Accolon: Maybe...hey, Morgaine! What kind of perfume are you wearing?
Morgaine: I don't think I wore perfume today.
Accolon: Then what am I high on?
Morgaine: How would I know? I just lying here waiting for you're solo to end so we can have a sappy duet.
Director: Okay...this is getting ridiculous! Just skip that song!
Morgaine: Can we please skip the sappy duet?
Director: Fine! But we'll go back to it later. That means we're on the phone song. Lancelot! Get up here!
Mordred: ^looks around^ Uh...he's not here.
Director: What?!?
Elaine: And Gwenhwyfar is gone too!
^silence^
Mordred: Doesn't that bother you, Arthur?
Arthur: Actually, no. I don't really care.
Mordred: But she's your wife!
Arthur: Oh, I didn't want to marry her in the first place.
Mordred: Who did you want to marry?
Arthur: ^blushes^ No one...
Mordred: Oh come on, you can tell me...I'm your son!
Random Tech Crew Member: I thought you were Morgaine's son.
Mordred: Yeah...so?
RTCM: OMG! Are you suggesting that your parents were brother and sister?!?
Mordred: You want to make something of it?
RTCM: You're a bastard sprung of incest! Eww!
Mordred: Stop it! ^draws sword and chases RTCM out of the building^
Director: Shit...we needed him for the next scene.
Accolon: Should we just skip ahead?
Director: Yeah...go to the wedding ceremony... %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
A/N: Well? Love it? Hate it? I already have quite a bit more typed up, so if I get nice reviews, more will be up very soon. Also, please give me feedback on if you think I put it in the right section (ie should it be in "Movie: Mist of Avalon" or should it be "Musicals and Plays"? Or did I do the right thing by putting it here?). One more note about reviews, please don't flame me! And don't swear at me either...I'm a very sensitive person ^dramatic pose^
~Happy Belated Holiday Season Saranha
Disclaimer: I don't own it...I don't own "Mists of Avalon" or "Miss Saigon". I'm just an obsessive teenage girl with a twisted imagination. Don't sue me! Please! I'm really a nice person! However, I do own the director and the crew and stuff...
Also, I know that "Miss Saigon" and "Mists of Avalon" are not comedies...trust me, I really love the play, and I also love the movie and the book (I cried at the end of all 3 of them). This is in no way meant to be offensive or degrading or any of that. If you're offended, please forgive me (please!).
(Actions are in ^^'s)
%%%%% Miss Avalon %%%%%
Director: All right! Quiet down everyone! I have a cast list, and I can now announce who you are playing! But first, here are your scripts ^passes scripts around the circle of acting people^ Okay...let's start...
Morgaine: ^leaning over to whispers to Lancelot^ Look at this Kim person...she's such a wimp...
Director: Kim will be played by Morgaine.
Morgaine: Oh shit.
Director: Chris with be played by Accolon.
Accolon: Hey, look on the bright side, Morgaine. We're the main couple.
Morgaine: ^grins at Accolon^ That's all right then.
Director: The Engineer will be Mordred.
Mordred: Okie dokie.
Director: John will be played by Lancelot. ^no one interrupts, so he continues^ Gigi will be played by Elaine. ^no one interrupts^ Three of those random "Queen's Ladies" people will be playing Mimi, Yvette, and Yvonne. ^no one says anything^ Uh guys...don't any of you have complaints or comments of something?
Elaine: Actually, we don't care because everyone except two stupid people ^glares at Accolon and Morgaine^ have decided that they're not going to read the script yet.
Director: Okay...right...going on...Ellen will be played by Gwenhwyfar.and Thuy will be played by Arthur. Any problems? Okay...let's start rehearsing...
(A/N: Uh...everybody mystically knows all of the songs.)
Bar girls: One of us will be Miss Saigon.
Mordred: I've spread the word, it's Miss Saigon!
Elaine: Who's left to screw who hasn't gone...uh...I don't like that line...it's kinda...weird...
Gwenhwyfar: That's a vulgar comment! I don't think it's proper. You shouldn't make her say it...it's dis -
Director: Listen, people! Most of the first act takes place in a whore house!
Elaine: He said that word! Ick!
Director: Listen, you'll have to get over that problem if you're going to play the head whore -
Elaine: I'm the head whore?!? Me?!? Is that supposed to suggest something?!?
Gwenhwyfar: If you're trying to suggest something, you should use Morgaine as the head whore.
Director: No...I need her as Kim because she's the only one of you girls who sings! Now, keep going!
Mordred: Shut up and get your hot pants on!
Elaine: Each day more GI's disappear...whatever a GI is...
Mordred: There's still some left and they'll all be here!
Bar girls: A girl can trust the Engineer!
Mordred: Surprise! I found this new girl...^shoves Morgaine at the girls^ get her dressed. From the country...untouched!
Elaine: Wait! I'm playing a whore and Morgaine is the sweet innocent one?!?
Director: Just say you're line.
Elaine: Just give that virgin act a rest...seriously...
Bar girls: You are my first American!
Mordred: Allez, allez, allez...uh...what does "allez" mean? He says it an awful lot...
Director: ^banging head against a wall^ Can we just skip to the next song?
Americans: The heat is on in Saigon, the girls are hotter than Hell! One of these slits here will be Miss Saigon...God, the tension is high...not to mention the smell. The heat is on in Saigon. Is there a war going on? Don't ask, I aint' gonna tell.
^Accolon and Lancelot enter and are greeted by Mordred^
Mordred: Hey, Monsieur Chris, Monsieur John, you've come to win Miss Saigon!
Lancelot: I gotta get my friend laid as a last souvenir.
Accolon: I love you pal, but your bullshit I've had up to here!
M/L/A: The heat is on in Saigon!
Lancelot: But 'til they tell us we're gone, I'm gonna buy you a girl!
Accolon: You can buy me a beer.
Mordred: Showtime!
Director: This one is going surprisingly well...
Random Queen's Lady: Eww! I'm not saying that line!
Director: Knew that was gonna happen. Let's skip to the next line that you guys don't find offensive.
Elaine: Skip a couple of pages. ^turns pages^ Skips some more...and some more...and some more...
Mordred: ^interrupting^ I'll start...you buy more tickets from me! The winner gets her for free!
Accolon: The meat is cheap in -
Elaine: I strongly object to being sold!
Accolon: Ahem! I was just about to burst into my solo!!!
Elaine: ^ignoring him^ This concept in completely barbarian!
Director: It's only a play!
Accolon: LET ME DO MY SOLO!!!!
^Instant silence^
Accolon: Thank you. Now...^clears throat^ The meat is cheap in Saigon. I used to love getting stoned, waking up with some whore. I don't know why I went dead, it's not fun anymore.
^Mordred pushes Morgaine downstage^
Morgaine: I'm 17 and I'm new here today. The village I come from seems so far away. All of the girls know much more what to say but I know, I have a heart like the sea! A million dreams are in me!
Accolon: Good Jesus, John, who is she?
Director: See?!? Why can't you all be professional like them?!? You don't see them complaining about their parts, do you?!?
Accolon: Actually, I object to the "Good Jesus" thing. I'm not Christian.
Morgaine: All the gods are one.
Accolon: Okay...that works for me. Problem solved.
Director: Let's skip a bit. Go to...uh..."Why God Why."
Accolon: Okay...Why does Saigon never sleep at night? Why does this girl smell of orange trees? How can I feel good when nothing is right? Why is she cool when there is no breeze? Vietnam...you don't give answers do you friend? Just questions that never end... Why, God? Why today? I'm all through here.on my way... There's nothing left here that I'll miss, why send me now, a night like this?
Lancelot: ^whispering to Gwenhwyfar^ This guy sure is confused...only two of the sentences in this song so far haven't been questions.
Accolon: Who is the girl in the rusty bed? Why am I back in this filthy room? Why is her voice ringing in my head? Why am I high on her cheap perfume?
Arthur: You just answered one of your own questions.
Accolon: ^blinks^ I did? ^looks in script^ Where?
Arthur: That whole "Why does this girl smell like orange trees" thing. You just said that she was wearing cheap perfume -
Accolon: ^confused^ I did?
Arthur: Yeah...right here...see? You got high on it.
Accolon: Oh...that perfume...
Arthur: So it must be citrus flavor.
Accolon: Maybe...hey, Morgaine! What kind of perfume are you wearing?
Morgaine: I don't think I wore perfume today.
Accolon: Then what am I high on?
Morgaine: How would I know? I just lying here waiting for you're solo to end so we can have a sappy duet.
Director: Okay...this is getting ridiculous! Just skip that song!
Morgaine: Can we please skip the sappy duet?
Director: Fine! But we'll go back to it later. That means we're on the phone song. Lancelot! Get up here!
Mordred: ^looks around^ Uh...he's not here.
Director: What?!?
Elaine: And Gwenhwyfar is gone too!
^silence^
Mordred: Doesn't that bother you, Arthur?
Arthur: Actually, no. I don't really care.
Mordred: But she's your wife!
Arthur: Oh, I didn't want to marry her in the first place.
Mordred: Who did you want to marry?
Arthur: ^blushes^ No one...
Mordred: Oh come on, you can tell me...I'm your son!
Random Tech Crew Member: I thought you were Morgaine's son.
Mordred: Yeah...so?
RTCM: OMG! Are you suggesting that your parents were brother and sister?!?
Mordred: You want to make something of it?
RTCM: You're a bastard sprung of incest! Eww!
Mordred: Stop it! ^draws sword and chases RTCM out of the building^
Director: Shit...we needed him for the next scene.
Accolon: Should we just skip ahead?
Director: Yeah...go to the wedding ceremony... %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
A/N: Well? Love it? Hate it? I already have quite a bit more typed up, so if I get nice reviews, more will be up very soon. Also, please give me feedback on if you think I put it in the right section (ie should it be in "Movie: Mist of Avalon" or should it be "Musicals and Plays"? Or did I do the right thing by putting it here?). One more note about reviews, please don't flame me! And don't swear at me either...I'm a very sensitive person ^dramatic pose^
~Happy Belated Holiday Season Saranha