Rating: PG
Spoilers: I wish – but nope, no spoilers.
Summary: Carter, Abby, and a new family member – but if you know me you know that it can't be as easy as it seems. ; )
Disclaimer: I don't own anything … ; )
Feedback: Sure, I'd love to know what you think! nette_mails@yahoo.de or use the review button. ; )
Author's notes: So … this happens when I'm writing angsty fic but when I can't make it angsty in the end. ; ) But the angsty fic will follow later, don't worry. ; )
Don't ask where this came from … it just came. I hope you'll like it a bit! : ) Please let me know what you think. : )
And thank you Tracey for beta reading – even though you were busy! ::hugs::
SeanI'm amazed when I look around the room.
There were times when I thought that this family would never sit happily together around one table, being friendly, smiling, laughing. Times when I thought the hurt they caused in each others lives, was too strong to ever be overcome.
And God knows they've had hard times. It was never easy for them. I experienced and still experience the heartache through Abby. She always tried to protect me from all this. Our relationship almost broke apart because of the role her family has in her life. But she couldn't hide it from me completely. I caught glimpses of the scars on her soul every time she let me in – every time she needed me, when everything was too much for her to handle on her own.
She and Eric never had a carefree childhood due to their mother's disease. It was the beginning of a life full of hurt. Then their father left them – which didn't make it easier for any of them. Subsequently Eric got the same disease, he disappeared …
And this is surely not the end of the trouble – but over time we've both learned to cherish the happy times and survive the hard ones.
And at the moment we're experiencing one of these happy moments.
It's nice to be proven wrong – this family can be together happily.
And it didn't take much to make them gather at Maggie's house.
Well, maybe it was that much, that made them all come here to celebrate. Some people call it a wonder, a miracle.
Maggie has become a grandmother.
She's literally beaming, her face lights up every time she looks at the baby – she's so proud. I think she gave up hope for becoming a grandmother. Probably like I gave up hope for ever becoming a father. At least for becoming the father of Abby's child.
But Maggie was wrong.
And now we're all happy about the new little family member. Joy is written all over our faces. But as I look around I notice that I haven't seen the – at least for me – most important face of the family for a while.
"Where's Abby?" I ask.
Eric and Maggie look at me with a smile. "I think she's upstairs with the baby. She can't take her eyes off of him," she tells me with a grin.
I can't help but think that there's more she wants to tell me than where Abby is. But I decide to ignore it for now – I want to see Abby. I miss her already, even though it can't be more than an hour ago that I saw her the last time.
"I'll go see how she's doing," I tell them before I get up.
They just nod before they stick their heads back together to continue looking at books full of pictures of Abby and Eric as babies. They're debating rather loudly whom the baby looks more like. I – personally – think the baby has something from all of them.
But their aim is it to find out whom he has the most from.
"Tell her we'll have dinner soon," Maggie adds before I disappear.
I have to smile while I go up the stairs when I think of what I'll see when I reach the bedroom and I catch myself taking the steps a little faster to reach her sooner.
Will she be singing for the baby? Or changing the diaper? Or just rock it in her arms?
I knock at the door softly when I reach it. It's not really closed but not really open either.
"It's me," I whisper, in case the baby is sleeping.
"Come in," she whispers back. I guess the baby really is sleeping.
But she doesn't have to tell me to come in twice and the smile on my face turns into a grin as I see her sitting in the rocking chair with the baby in her arms. She looks beautiful.
"Hey, how are you two?"
She just smiles. "We're doing good."
"I've missed you downstairs," I tell her as I walk over to her and kneel down to be at her eye level, stroking the baby's head.
"I've missed you, too," she says as she leans forward to kiss me softly on the cheek.
"He's beautiful," I whisper as I look down at the baby in her arms.
"Yeah, like his daddy."
I fake a frown. "I hope he has lots from his mommy, too."
She looks down at him and strokes his cheek gently with her index finger. "Yeah, I hope he does. He can be lucky if he gets his mother's beautiful eyes."
We both have to laugh slightly. We would surely be in trouble if his father could hear us.
We admire him for a moment longer before I remember what Maggie told me.
"Hey, we should put him down in the crib. Your mother said we'll have dinner soon."
"Okay," she says and smiles as she moves to get up.
"Let me take him," I say as I see that she's struggling to get out of the chair.
"No, it's okay," she says as she manages to get up. "I'll put him down."
I have to smile. I knew she wouldn't let him out of her hands.
"What if I want to hold him, too?" I tease her.
It amuses me to see her thinking, trying to come up with a reason why she has to put him down in his crib.
"Well, he's not yours."
I chuckle. "He's not yours either."
"I … But I'm at least related to him. You're not. At least not really."
I have to laugh again. "Abby, we're married, I am related to him, too."
Before she can come up with an answer Eric comes in and interrupts our playful banter.
"Hey, I see you're really taking good care of my son," he says and smiles at us. "You should really have a baby. It suits you."
I look at Abby, trying to hide the hint of sadness I feel. I wish we could have our own baby and hold it like our little nephew. But I have accepted that we'll probably never have this. That Abby is just not ready to take the risk.
I'm expecting her to change the subject as she always does, to avoid the having children discussion – but this time she surprises me.
"Would you recommend it?" she asks Eric as she hands him the baby.
"Abby … ," he begins as he looks down at his son. "I understand your fears. I understand them maybe even better than you do. I was both in and outside of the disease. I know how hard it can be with a bipolar family member – how hard it can be to be bipolar yourself. But since Sean was born … my life has changed completely. There was a time when I was like you. I thought no woman could ever love me – not with the disease. I thought no woman would ever be willing to have a child with me. I thought I would never want children myself. But then I met Emily and I knew she was the one. She's the love of my life. And I'm hers. It took me a while to accept it – to believe it. But I'm glad I took the risk in the end. And she gave me this beautiful baby and I know it was worth it. Not that we wouldn't have been happy without him. But he made us complete. And we never want to miss him again." He leans forward and kisses Abby's forehead. "And I hope that one day you will be able to experience this as well."
I don't know how we've become so serious suddenly, but I have to swallow hard and I can see tears gathering in Abby's eyes.
"Anyway," Eric says. "I'm going to take him back to Emily. She hasn't seen him in a while. I think she misses him."
"How is she doing?" I ask him worriedly. She felt a little tired earlier, so she'd gone to take a nap. But it was probably just the long journey and the fact that she gave birth only a few days ago.
"She's doing great," he tells us and I sigh in relief. "Thank you for taking care of him," he adds before he turns around and leaves the room.
"He's great with the baby," I say to Abby as I notice that she's pretty quiet since Eric's "speech" and put my arm around her.
"Yeah, really great," she answers as she walks towards the window to stare out of it.
I follow her, wrap my arms around her from behind and kiss her shoulder. "Everything okay with you?" I ask her worriedly. She seems like a million miles away.
She nods. "Yeah, I was just thinking … about Eric, and the baby."
"What do you mean?"
I feel her take a deep breath. "He took the risk."
I smile into her hair. "Yeah, and he's happy now."
"But for how long? The baby could still be bipolar. He could still refuse to take his meds again. So much could happen."
I tighten my embrace around her. "But they'll always have each other and get through everything. They'll always love Sean, no matter what happens. And Emily will always love Eric. That's why it'll work. That's why they'll always be happy in the end. I'm not saying that it wouldn't mean hard times, too. But they would survive them because they love each other, like I love you … "
"John … ," she interrupts me.
But I turn her around in my arms and put my finger on her lips gently to make her stop. I know what she's thinking but that's really not what I meant. "I'm sorry," I say. "I didn't mean that. I'm not trying to convince you again … I have accepted that you're not ready – at least not at the moment. And I won't push you. I love you and I'll manage to live without children as long as I have you."
Her eyes look watery again as she begins to speak. "John, I didn't mean that either. I know that you've accepted my decision and I'm glad that you love me enough to do so. I needed to hear again that you'd love me no matter what. I know how much you want children, but you still stayed with me … "
"Because I love you," I interrupt her.
"I love you, too," she says before she wraps her arms around me and I hug her. "That's why you're the only person I'd take this risk with."
I try not to get my hopes up. I wonder where this is going. I know how much this pains us both. I know she wants a baby. So I wonder why she's talking about his now.
But before I can say anything she speaks again.
"Do you want to tell her?"
"Who?" I ask her confused.
"Maggie."
"Tell her what?"
"That she'll become a grandmother."
I chuckle slightly. "Abby, I think she already knows. Remember? We were all at the hospital when Emily gave birth to Sean."
She tightens her embrace around me. "That's not what I meant. I didn't say you should tell her that she became a grandmother. I want you to tell her that she will become a grandmother – again," she says with a grin as she pulls back slightly. "Do I really have to draw you a picture?" she adds as she looks at me and sees the probable confused look on my face.
My mind is racing – Emily can't be pregnant again. But Maggie only has Eric and … and Abby. I can't help but grin and I can see that she knows I got it.
"But this time it will be you and me who will make her grandmother."
"But … I thought," I stammer, still not really believing what she's just telling me.
"I know, I didn't want to … and without Sean I might still have had the same opinion. But when I see Eric and Emily … how happy they are – I know they'll make it because they love each other. And if they can, then we can, too. I would probably still not plan it, but it happened. I found out yesterday, I'm only four weeks along … but I really want this baby with you. Especially now that I see my brother – I know everything will be okay, I know we can make it, too."
"We will," I say happily, pulling her into a tight hug, never wanting to let her go again.