Pendant
"Heh, have you been wearing this all this time?" Rin teases.
I say nothing, only frowning with an unsettled noise. What she's referring to is the gem she used to save my life. Once I found out it was hers I tried to return it but she just said it was mine now. I never really understood why she gave it to me but I accepted it. The gem is attached to a chain like a necklace and it holds significance to me so I felt I should keep it with me-and maybe it had a little to do with the fact that it was Rin's-but it would be embarrassing for Rin to know I've been wearing it so I always keep it hidden under my shirt.
Thinking back on it, there really was no hope of not being caught with it. The chain is exposed because I wear V-necks. And of course Rin, without any sense of boundaries, came up and just pulled it out from under my shirt. Well, at least she didn't do it on day one. There were definitely signs that she noticed it there. Sometimes I would catch her looking at my neck curiously but I didn't even consider that it had to do with the necklace. I really am an idiot.
Well, it doesn't seem that she immediately realized it either because she made a surprised face before making that comment. Rin just noticed that I'd been wearing something new. Maybe she suspected it but she must have brushed it off, thinking she was reading too much into it or something. Anyway, it seems her curiosity led to her deciding to find out for herself. It couldn't be helped. Rin is like that and it would be more surprising if things didn't turn out like this. I just wish I realized that sooner.
"Well, I, uh... mm..." I struggle to come up with something to say and end up looking away before continuing. "I'm alive because you used this right, so..."
"Ah... Geez. Don't respond so seriously when I'm teasing you." Rin sighs.
"Wha...! What else am I supposed to say?" I retort.
"I don't know. Anything, I guess." Rin shrugs.
Her response kind of irritates me. This really is important to me and well... I wish she wouldn't brush those feelings off so easily. Gah! It's not like I didn't know she was teasing me. But well, if I don't say so honestly I'll end up not saying anything at all. If that happens, I'll just feel awkward afterwards. No, I'll feel awkward either way but it will leave sooner. Geez, why does Rin enjoy teasing me so much anyway?
Ah, Rin has been standing rather close to me for a while now. She got up close and personal to take a look at the necklace. I bet she only did that because she knows how uncomfortable it makes me. Either way, she doesn't usually stay in my personal space without a reason. Gathering my composure, I manage to look at her again. I am somewhat startled to see her fingering the pendant with a thoughtful expression.
"Huh? Is something wrong, Rin?" I ask.
"Eh? Oh no, it's nothing." Rin smiles and withdraws. "Still, I'm surprised. I really didn't expect you to be wearing that."
"Yeah, well... I explained that already..." I mutter.
"I know, I know. Do you really wear it all the time though?" Rin returns to her teasing. "I was only joking."
"Don't lie. You've known I've been wearing this for a while now." I say.
"Ah, what are you talking about?" Rin asks, honestly surprised.
"...Rin, I would have to be blind not to notice you staring at it randomly throughout the day or," I take this opportunity to jab at her, "are you going to tell me you've been staring at me for some other reason?"
Rin is silent. I guess you could interpret this as either an admission of either but I know Rin. She's only silent like this when she can't retort back. Wait... that could still make my last comment right. Well, she wouldn't be glaring so intensely at me right now if that were the case. Sometimes I really wonder what's worse; being on Rin's bad side or being teased by her. I look around, searching for some kind of escape route.
But then... Rin uses that sweet voice of hers that means I'm in trouble. She asks if I need to be anywhere. I immediately look back at her and swallow thickly. I can only deny so in a timid voice. Rin appears a little satisfied by my reaction. Of course she is. I'm terrified and that's just how she likes it. When she's mad anyway. I cough awkwardly and wonder what I should do. I can't think of anything to talk about in this situation.
Oh man, I need to think of a way to calm Rin down and fast! There must be some way to appease her. Something... something... something. Dammit, how am I supposed to come up with anything when Rin is looking at me like that? She has a crooked smile on her face and her eyes are screaming murder. This isn't going to end well for me.
To my horror, Rin suddenly rises to her feet and walks over to me. Ah, this is bad. This is really bad. But there's nothing I can do. There's no escape. I swallow the lump in my throat as she saunters up to me. I tense up and try to get away but it doesn't work. Then she leans over me and all I can do is accept my fate. My heart is hammering in my chest. Rin is really scary.
"Oh? What would I be looking at you for, Emiya-kun?" Rin asks darkly, her voice as sweet as honey.
A shiver runs down my spine. Rin is really, really scary. And the way she says my last name like that, that's really bad. When she called me by my first name before it used to make me uncomfortable and at times like this I never regret commenting on that fact more. She has taken to saying my last name like that when bad things are going to happen to me.
"I... I don't know?" I say.
"Oh, I think you do." Rin says.
"Ah!" I gasp as she pushes me on my back.
Rin is still leaning over me and I don't know what to do. There is a slight pain in my chest. It's because her palm is digging the gem into it. I make a soft sound, not saying anything. Yes, I know what I was implying but things can only get worse if I admit to them. Erm, although... the same can be said if I say nothing at all. Dammit! This is bad! Really, really bad. How can I calm Rin down?
Then, suddenly, I'm saved.
"Shirou? Rin? What are you doing?" Saber asks, sounding surprised.
We both look over to her, only just realizing she's there. When did she come in and more importantly, why is she blushing like that? I look back at Rin who also appears confused. Well, it looks like she's calmed down at least. Then Rin looks back at me with a look that says she's trying to understand why Saber is acting like this.
At the same time, we both freeze. We stare at each other and then look down. Somehow, neither of us were aware of our positions. Rin is sitting on top of me and both her hands are pressing into my chest. This... This must look really deceiving to Saber. Before I know what's happening Rin is off me, standing some feet away with her arms crossed. I awkwardly sit up and wonder how to explain this to Saber.
I look up at Saber, opening my mouth to explain but no words come out. Making a dissatisfied sound, I frown at myself. Saber is looking between the two of us in obvious confusion. Suddenly, Rin says that it was nothing and makes an excuse to leave, telling us she's going to her room. That leaves me and Saber alone together. Somehow, that just makes me feel even more awkward.
"Shirou-! You two weren't about to-" Saber says seriously.
"No! No, it's not like that." I say hurriedly. "Rin was just angry with me."
"Angry? But you were..." Saber tilts her head, not understanding.
"Uh, yeah... That wasn't her intentions." I scratch my head sheepishly. "She just got caught up in scaring me and wasn't thinking. That's all."
"I see..." Saber says with a thoughtful expression. "But..."
"But?"
"Rin does not seem the type to make such a mistake."
"Hm? What do you mean, Saber?"
"It's true that Rin enjoys complaining, teasing, and tormenting you in some way but that seems to be directed solely towards you."
"Uh... Saber? What are you trying to say?"
"Rin is not relaxed enough around people to slip up like that. From how she acts around you, you would think out of all of us she gets along the least with you but... that might not be the case."
"...What? Are you saying she closest to me or something?"
"It's possible."
"Well, I don't know about that but now that I think about it... she doesn't seem to be close to anyone. Rin seems to have some connection to Sakura but... other than that... If something like that had happened with anyone from our school... Well, everyone would know about it before the day was out."
"What? People at your school are so indecent as to share such things publicly?"
"Erm... It's something that would happen at any school. Well, Rin is practically an idol at school. She's really popular so something like that would spread fast. You would know about it whether you wanted to or not. Well, it's fine. Nothing like that has ever happened before."
"I see. That is good."
All of a sudden, after nodding, Saber turns and leaves the room. Mm... but what Saber said is still bothering me. Ah, even my own realizations are bothering me. I never really thought about it before but does Rin really have any friends? I'm not sure Sakura counts... Well, it's more like I've only seen them interact here and from what I can tell, it looks like Rin is still holding back to me. Maybe it's different when it's just them. I don't know.
I can tell Sakura is important to Rin but... if what I've seen is the closest relationship that Rin has then that's really upsetting. It's definitely true that Rin isn't what she makes herself out to be at school but at the core of her false persona is the kind heart that is in the real Rin. Well, her coldness is there too but let's not think about that. Anyway, it is really troublesome to think of Rin being on her own. Ah... but if I ask her about it I think it would end badly.
In that case-...Wait. I'm really overlooking something crucial here. No matter how many friends she had-or lacked-in the past, she has Saber, Archer, Illya, and me now. Even Fuji-nee. Sakura is already there. Hell, maybe I could even get Issei to warm over to her too. The point is, even if she was alone before she isn't anymore. I nod to myself, satisfied with that.
"Phew... I was worried over nothing." I say to myself.
Ah... but there's still what Saber said. She was saying something about Rin being closer to me than her attitude would lead me to believe. Saber thinks that she might even be closest to me... I find that hard to believe. Regardless, I can't ignore the fact that if we weren't closer than I thought then we wouldn't have ended up in that compromising position.
Rin... I finger the pendant hanging around my neck. I had a small crush on the image she has up at school but I always brushed those feelings aside. I'll admit that I was dumb enough to believe the illusion but I always saw my feelings as fleeting and wrong. Er, wrong isn't the right word here. It's more like... I understood that there was more to the person I liked and that acting on feelings that weren't based on her as a whole didn't feel right. It felt like I wouldn't be interested in her as a whole and only the her on the surface.
Anyway, I was just friendly with her because of that. We never really talked but if I happened to run into her unexpectedly or something I would always greet her at least. I've never had any real conversation with her. Actually... I don't think she ever replied to me. Erm... or maybe I always walked off before she could? Hm... No point dwelling on it now I guess. Well, it isn't a simple crush anymore. I've definitely grown feelings for her. I like this Rin better than the one she portrays at school. I'm glad I got the chance to know her. Ironically, it never would have happened if not for the Holy Grail War. Probably.
I glance at the time. Ah! I've been daydreaming for too long! I need to prepare dinner now! Scrambling to my feet, I rush to the kitchen. Opening the fridge I'm relieved that I bought everything for dinner this morning. Quickly setting everything on the counter, I take a deep breath to calm myself. I have to take my time. If I rush myself then it won't turn out as well. Patience is a must when it comes to cooking. Nodding to myself, I calmly prepare the food.
It's 6:00 exactly when I'm done. I nod in satisfaction and arrange the food on the table. Today I've prepared rice, miso soup, sushi such as kappa maki and sake nigiri, ohazuke, and shoyu ramen. A few minutes later everyone is piling in to eat. I'm relieved to find Rin is back to teasing me like before. Because she ran off like she did I was a little worried things might be awkward. Saying that, I wish she would stop now. I guess I can only be thankful that there's a good atmosphere.
When we've finished eating I clean everything up. While putting everything away I glance out at the living room. Rin is lounging around, watching TV. Saber is there too. Er... It doesn't look like she's doing anything in particular though. Illya is here too. She looks bored. Once I leave the kitchen Illya perks up immediately. She runs over to me and grabs my hand, telling me to play with her. Well, this is normal. Illya always asks that after dinner unless she's tired.
Hm... well, I haven't spent any time with her today so I guess I should. Besides, it's not like I had anything else planned. Illya's face brightens up when I agree and she pulls me away. Feeling like I'm being stared at I glance behind me but nobody is paying any attention to us. I must have just imagined it then. I'm being pulled out of the room and I give all my attention to Illya.
Playing with Illya is really simple. She's easily entertained. Actually, to her it seems "playing with her" only adds up to us doing something together. We could easily end up spending the time just talking or something just as mundane. Since Illya never got outside much before I try to do things outside with her most of the time. I've shown her soccer and was surprised when she found something as simple as playing catch enjoyable. It wasn't so much that she enjoyed it as she had never played it before. Geez, what were those people doing to her?
Anyway, we stopped once she got tired. Illya went inside after that. I decided to remain out here. The sun is just setting so the sky looks really beautiful right now. I sit on the porch and stare up at the sky. I'm content here. It reminds me of the peaceful days of my childhood, when Kiritsugu was still alive. Then I hear the sound of approaching footsteps and look up. It's Saber.
"Oh, hey Saber." I greet.
"Shirou." Saber nods to me.
Saber sits down next to me and glances over at me. No, she's looking at the pendant. Is it really that interesting? A scuffling sound. Is someone else here? I look around, trying to see if that is the case. It doesn't look like it. I look over at Saber. Hm... It doesn't seem like she heard anything. Then it must just be me.
"You aren't hiding it anymore?" Saber asks.
Huh? Oh right, the pendant. I guess anyone would be curious about that. Hm... I wonder why Rin didn't use that as a reason to tease me at dinner. Maybe she isn't as unaffected by what happened earlier as I thought.
"Yeah, I don't have any reason to anymore." I smile. "I was only hiding it before to keep Rin from teasing me about it. Well, I guess that was kind of pointless. She was bound to figure it out at some point."
"Indeed." Saber says.
A brief silence fills the air.
"It must be important to you." Saber comments off-handedly.
"Well, yeah. I'm alive right now thanks to Rin." I say. "I wouldn't have even gotten to the point of summoning you if she hadn't used this on me. I always had it on me before too. I just, I don't know, felt like wearing it now I guess."
"I see." Saber nods.
"Geez. What would I do without her?" I wonder. "I would be lost without her. I definitely wouldn't have made it this far without her."
"Yes. She is very informed and tactical." Saber says. "Rin is very helpful."
This time, I know I heard something. Saber looks over too. We look at each other in confusion. Then we get up to see what is happening. All we find is a confused and startled Illya standing there sleepily. I try asking her what happened but get no answer. It's a bit worrisome but it looks like nothing happened. Then Illya mutters something about being thirsty so I take her to the kitchen and get her a glass of water. She goes back to bed after that and I decide to retire for the night as well.
The next day, Rin is acting strangely. I don't know why but she's definitely acting weird. She rarely looks at me and doesn't talk to me either. Not even to tease me about anything. It isn't even that she's just not talking to me. I feel like whenever I'm near her she becomes less talkative in general. Did I do something? When Rin left the room even Saber asked me if I did something to upset her. Because I'm wondering that myself I couldn't deny it wholeheartedly. But... what could I have done?
It's Illya who ends up revealing it to us.
"Oh, didn't you know?" Illya asks. "Rin was listening to your conversation last night."
"Eh?" Saber and I say.
"Whaaaaat?!" I cry.
Illya complains about my yelling but I don't care about that right now. Honestly, Rin eavesdropping on us doesn't really bother me. I doubt she was even thinking about it when she was doing it. Rin is the type who will silently listen to something when it catches her interest. She probably didn't intend to stay hidden like that but then she realized what we were talking about and kept quiet about it. Shit! Shit, shit, shit! She heard everything I said last night!
Ugh, that's so embarrassing. It's no wonder she's been acting weird. Oh man, why couldn't she have overheard some other conversation? One that didn't have anything to do with her. That would have been so much better. I groan deeply and get up. Both Saber and Illya have confused expressions. Do they really not understand? Well, I don't have time to worry about that right now. I have to find Rin!
Quickly excusing myself, I leave the room. I search throughout the house for her and I find her outside. It's only as I'm about to call out to her that I realize I don't know what I want to say. This isn't good. Things will be awkward if I don't think this through... but I can't just stand here like this forever. Dammit! Why didn't I think this through first? I don't have any idea what I should say. When I think about it, while it's embarrassing to have Rin hear all that I don't know why it is affecting her so much.
Should I just ask her straight out? I'm not sure that's the smartest thing to do. Even if I do ask, she isn't too likely to tell me. It could even make things more awkward. Oh man, what should I do? Rin makes an exasperated sigh and I look over at her. Ah. She's staring at me. I've been caught. Wait, how long has she been staring at me like that while I've been internally panicking? No actually, that doesn't really matter right now. It's now or never I guess.
"Rin." I say.
"Hmph." Rin turns her head away from me haughtily.
Uh? Well, never mind that. I go and sit next to her.
"Eavesdropping is really in your character." I say.
"Wha...?!" Rin turns to me in surprise.
"Well, it's true, isn't it?" I smile.
"Of course not! You shouldn't suggest-"
"But you were. Last night."
"…Sh-Shut up! That was different! It was an accident."
"You can't accidentally listen to an entire conversation."
"…"
The dark aura coming from her tells me I need to shut up now. Well... This isn't as embarrassing to talk about as I expected it to be. Maybe I'm too comfortable with being honest. Er, no... That isn't right. I'm too comfortable with people knowing what I think of them. The only time it matters to me is when that opinion will get me in trouble.
Rin has crossed her arms and is glaring at me. Hm... It looks like she's back to normal. I can't be sure though. I thought she was back to normal already so I could easily be wrong. I can't really do anything but say it's fine and act normal unless she tells me what's bothering her. That isn't too likely to happen. I guess all I can do is hope this helped and see what happens next so I smile at her. Rin makes a surprised face and looks away from me.
Huh? I tilt my head in confusion. What just happened? Then she flicks her hair with a "hmph" and turns to me with her usual expression. I don't know what it means so I just stay silent. We stare at each other and then Rin's eyes trail down to the pendant. She stares at it thoughtfully. It seems like she's debating on something. I want to ask her what it is but I know that isn't the right thing to do right now. I have to silently wait.
"It's embarrassing to see you wearing that so proudly." Rin says abruptly.
"Eh?" I blink in surprise.
Rin crosses her arms and glares at me. It makes me a bit uncomfortable. What should I do now? It looks like I made her mad. Um...
"Uh... Do you want me to stop?" I ask uncertainly.
"…..."
"Um... Rin?"
"N-No. That's not what I meant."
"Huh? Then...?"
"Never mind. Forget I said anything."
Rin looks away again. She's blushing a little. I don't understand. What's going on? All I can manage is to say, "Uh...". I guess the truth is I don't want to forget what she said. Rin says it's embarrassing and she won't tell me why but at the same time it isn't something that she dislikes. I want to understand what she's thinking. On top of that, I want to make this awkwardness disappear. There has to be a way for me to fix things. Er... actually, is there something for me to fix? Geez. I don't understand at all.
Silence fills the air. Rin apparently has nothing to say. Well, I'm not too sure she has nothing to say but something is holding her back. I want to say something too but I'm not sure what. The atmosphere is awkward and going nowhere fast. I glance at Rin periodically, unsure of what to do. Rin won't look at me. Erm... I guess that isn't really weird since we aren't saying anything. I mentally sigh. I wish I knew what I should say or Rin would just tell me what's wrong.
In the end, Rin sighs. She looks at me and I silently stare back at her. I wait for her to speak. It would be really great if she explains things to me now. Then a gentle smile is directed towards me. Eh? What? I blink in surprise and confusion and my heart starts pounding rapidly in my chest. W-Why is she looking at me like that? I desperately beat down my blush. Rin is really pretty and that smile just makes her look all the more beautiful.
"I'm glad that it's that important to you." Rin says. "I like seeing you where it and I don't regret eavesdropping on your conversation with Saber."
I almost make the stupid comment that she just admitted eavesdropping is in her character. Almost.
"Um, I, uh..." I don't know what to say and at this rate I'm not going to be able to suppress my blush.
Then Rin reaches out and lightly grabs the necklace. Yeah, I'm doomed. I can feel my cheeks starting to heat up. Rin's staring at the pendant and not at my face thankfully. I swallow thickly. Has Rin gotten closer? I can feel her fingers faintly on my chest with the pendant still in her hand. Rin's getting closer to me. Too close. I don't think she's conscious of it. She's slowly leaning towards me, her eyes trained on the pendant around my neck.
Can she not hear my heart hammering out of my chest? Maybe I should be glad she doesn't notice. If she did she would surely tease me. Ugh, or maybe not. I never thought I would want her to notice but she would put some distance between us if she did. Rin would make me more embarrassed and my blush worsen but she isn't mean enough to stay so close to me. Damn, how is it possible for her not to notice?
"Shirou will carry this forever, huh." Rin makes an unreadable face.
And I, Emiya Shirou, can do nothing but continue to panic.
"I, u-uh..." I say unintelligently.
"All because it saved his life." Rin smiles. "You're hopelessly sentimental, aren't you?"
"…"
"I like that about you. I find your hopeless personality rather endearing. But you still don't get it do you? Even after all that."
"Huh? What...?"
"Figures. Everything about you is so hopeless. You are even hopelessly clueless."
Hearing those words, I should want to protest but I don't. Rin is saying that with such a fond smile and her voice is so warm and caring. Her words are insulting but her tone is loving. Even though I'm utterly confused, I understand that I will never forget what she said today. Rin looks up at me with that unreadable expression and that same fond smile and clarifies everything with one simple action. Rin gently presses her lips against mine.
Even if I had the sense to respond, it is too brief for me to do so. Rin is still smiling at me with an almost shy expression. I am so stunned that my response is delayed. Rin seems to understand as her eyes sparkle with amusement. I can't bring myself to care. As I absorb what just happened and process what that means and how the meaning of everything she said changes. Everything makes sense now. I get it. I relax but on the inside, I'm still panicking but I think it doesn't show on my face anymore. What is the appropriate response to this?
I decide that thinking it through is stupid and will result in nothing. Thinking it through will take too long. So I just react. A pure reaction without holding anything back. My heart is still thundering away in my chest. My breathing is ragged just from one little kiss and being close to her. My brain isn't functioning properly. My body is on fire. And I love it. I love it all and her. I kiss her while hugging her tightly against me. I ignore the fact that she's smirking during the kiss and only pull her closer to me when her lips respond to my own and her hands caress my hair.
It's only when I pull away, our foreheads pressing together, that I realize I pulled her into my lap. I make an embarrassed sound and my blush deepens. Rin giggles softly but she's blushing too. I bet my blush is worse though. Then she drops her head to my shoulder and I feel her warm breath ghost over my neck. Rin is warm. The feeling of her against me almost feels like a dream. I almost don't believe this is real but I wouldn't have such convenient dreams so it has to be.
I close my eyes and relax with her in my arms. I say relax but my heart is still trying to jump out of my chest and the only other sound besides its beating I can hear is Rin's breathing. I'm flustered and maybe more affected by all this than I should be. I'm sure Rin has noticed but she is thankfully not commenting on it. I guess she must just want to enjoy this too. I rest my head on top of hers and slowly manage to calm down.
"You understand that you're mine now, right Shirou?" Rin comments lightly.
"I-Eh? What?" I'm lost again.
"This pendant is proof of that." Rin says, as though that's all the explanation needed.
I still don't understand and her explanation sounds more like some kind of excuse but I guess its fine. This is Rin so I doubt this would end in any other way than me agreeing with her. As that's the case, it really can't be helped. Besides, I'm sure what she's saying holds some significant meaning that I'm just not grasping. Since Rin isn't explaining it to me she won't even if I ask. So, if me "being hers" makes her happy then so be it. I'll be hers.
"Ah... I understand." I say, nodding.
A silence. Then...
"No, you don't. But that's okay." Rin says.
It's sounds like she's smiling so I'm happy regardless. It's okay that I don't understand because I can tell just from her voice that my answer will never change.