mild spoilers for Jinchuu arc!
Fic occurs after the end of Jinchuu, and sometime between the grave scene in Kyoto and Megumi's departure to Aizu.
02/24/05 Sorry, no additional chapter! The fangirl Japanese in this thing had been bothering me. I took it out, leaving in stuff I couldn't translate. I also thought I'd try to experiment with Kenshinspeak. Since he's supposed to speak in a more archaic form of Japanese, I tried to archaicize his English (but left out ponderous things like thees and thous and wherefores and whatnot.) Silly Rurouni. Thanks for puttin up with me, folks!
A Moment of Growth By Marwolv
Kenshin healed steadily, and Kaoru bit her lips daily to keep from fretting at him. Enishi had left his mark on all of them, and the Kamiya Dojo was silent with a tenuous thread of constant, shy smiles from everyone.
Kaoru, to her credit, waited as patiently as she could for her adopted family to find their bearings and did her best to bear their gentle, maddening, hesitant kindness and forced normalcy.
But she was fairly certain that she would go out of her mind if someone didn't tell her something, soon.
This evening, for example: Sanosuke had shown up with dinner from the Akabeko. Tae had sent it, free of charge, and it had arrived at the dojo unmolested and still hot. Sano had offered her the basket with a too-gruff countenance, watching her from behind his smirk for…something. She couldn't quite figure it out. They were all watching her for some strange, unvoiced reason. Eyes followed her when she entered a room; it was as though they expected her to disappear.
"Mou," She muttered into the bowl of rice she was filling for Yahiko.
Yahiko. Now he was a puzzle. Chickenhead playing delivery boy was unnerving, but Sano was cheerful enough, and did what he could to make things lighter (which was very much appreciated indeed). Kaoru pondered, but did not fret over Sanosuke. Yahiko, though, was very quiet. No insults, no complaining (well, perhaps some, but half-hearted growls at best), in fact, he hardly talked at all. Not to anyone. Kaoru was getting worried, but there was no one to speak with about it. Everyone had become so… so strange.
"Kaoru-dono," a soft voice brought her back to the rice and dish at hand, "Are you alright?"
Starting, she glanced up at Kenshin and nodded before handing the bowl to Yahiko, who took it without looking at her. Her slight smile melted, replaced by a worry-frown that creased her forehead between her eyebrows. "Yahiko—"
"Well, Jou-chan, I'm off." Sano said, stretching lazily and unfolding his legs to stand.
"So soon?" She blinked, "Sano, you haven't even eaten!"
"Yeah, yeah; don't start in on me or nothin', Jou-chan. I already ate at the Akabeko."
"Why on earth…?"
He shrugged. "It was free. Ja!" With a wink, he walked to the door, pausing to put a bandaged hand warmly on her shoulder. "Take care."
She watched him, stunned, as he sauntered out, hands shoved in his pockets. 'I don't know why I should be surprised…Megumi's nice to me, Sano's helping out, Yahiko's stopped insulting me…so why am I so uneasy?'
She looked around the table, confused. Kenshin was watching her again, with that same warm, haunted expression he had worn since the island. It made her ache with hurt for him. He had not said much either, nor did he let her out of sight since regaining consciousness, but it was as though an invisible partition had barred him from her.
She left him his space and his silence, wishing she had a salve that would sooth the wounds Tomoe's memory had scraped open. She ached for both of them, and selfishly, in a small corner of her mind, she knew that she ached for herself, as well.
Megumi was right. The older, smarter, and more beautiful Megumi was right, and it tore Kaoru up to think on it: she could never, ever, no matter how hard she tried, be a replacement for Tomoe.
But he was hurting-he had hurt so much for so long. They were all hurting, and Tomoe was dead. 'I could never replace her, but I so want to support him…'
She suddenly remembered the food and ate in the foreign but now-accustomed silence. Well, no harm in trying…
"This is wonderful," she said, perhaps too brightly, "It was so kind of Tae to send over dinner."
"I'll say," Yahiko said roughly, and Kaoru was pleased to have roused him from his silence. Momentarily. "She knows that now you're back someone has to look out for us. I'd feel sorry for us too, 'Shihondai'. Puh."
She could feel her happiness at his regression to picking on her cooking dissolve at the thick, sneering bitterness in his voice. Hurt and confused, she stared at him, trying to figure what in the world was going through the boy's mind. "Yahi…ko…"
"Shut UP, Ugly!" he snapped, slamming his chopsticks on the table with a snarl.
He might as well have slapped her. Kaoru's head jerked up, tears standing in her eyes, admonishment choked off as her throat closed. Kenshin frowned, and opened his mouth to protest, but the boy plowed right through him.
"Just shut up." He repeated, "And if you ever, ever leave us like that again you fat, ugly, tomboyish, no good hag," his voice began to tremble and he stopped and swallowed, "I swear— " It was then that he choked, and a tear wiggled its way down the bridge of his nose, "-I swear I will NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" His voice broke and he hunched his shoulders.
It broke her heart. "Oh Yahiko," She breathed, going and kneeling beside the boy, wrapping her arms around him, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Yahiko, I didn't mean to leave you." A tear of her own pattered into his hair was she laid her cheek against his head, "I didn't want to go."
The nearly eleven year old descendant of Tokyo samurai shook as he pressed his face into her shoulder, fists clutching at her kimono. She rocked him gently as he cried.
"You were dead," he sobbed, muffled by her embrace, "You were DEAD and everyone left me; you weren't here and they all left. You died and I didn't have anybody; they left me, they left me…"
Confused, a little frightened, Kaoru looked to Kenshin. He stared at fists clenched in his lap, eyes obscured by his bangs. Her mind whirled uncomprehending as she maintained a steady stream of soft reassurances and physical contact with the boy. What had happened? Kenshin and Sano had abandoned Yahiko? She was dead? What…?
Kenshin's hands were trembling in their clenched position on his knees. Her heart stuck in her throat and her eyes burned: they needed her. The realization came with an odd lurch of her insides and a flash of raw joy; they needed her just as much as she needed them. But all this pain-that she had somehow been the cause of so much pain made her feel inexplicably small and afraid.
Impulsively, she reached out with her free hand and covered the rurouni's in an attempt to still his shaking. After a moment the fist uncurled under her touch to quietly wrap around her fingers. He held her hand in his briefly, then lifted it to his scarred cheek and cradled it there, head still bowed.
Kaoru's eyes widened as her fingers touched dampness. 'Kenshin, why won't you tell me what happened?' She brushed the moisture from under his eye with her thumb and closed her own eyes to savor the gentle, somehow intimate contact.
It was a near-silent, eloquent picture they made, the child curled against the young woman, who cradled both him and the man who sat with them at the table. And the man, in his own quiet way, accepted and reciprocated the heartfelt touch. For those moments, they were anchored to that woman, drinking in the comfort she offered, each depending on the nearness of the other two.
In those moments, Kamiya Kaoru truly became an adult, although she was unaware of anything but the unruly hair and spirit against her shoulder, and the precious warmth that permeated her right hand from both sides.
They sat like that for a long time, until the cha grew cold, and Yahiko's ragged sobs tempered into slow, quiet exhaustion.
She couldn't feel her left foot.
"Mou," she sighed softly.
Kenshin stirred, releasing her hand. "What is wrong?"
She smiled at him shyly, "…My leg fell asleep with Yahiko."
He chuckled and moved to take the dishes away with his sling-free arm. "We all need sleep, indeed. This one will wash these come the morning."
She nodded and put both arms around Yahiko to steady him as she shifted off her knees to let blood circulate through her lower legs, unwilling to wake him.
"Here," Kenshin came to her side and extended his good arm, "Allow this one to take him to his chamber."
She smiled up at him, "No Kenshin, you shouldn't lift anything heavy with your stitches. Megumi would have my head if I let you tear them, and I'd gladly give it to her." Kaoru re-adjusted her arms and prepared to stand, ignoring the way eyebrows gathered in a frown under red bangs.
"But, Kaoru-dono—"
She straightened her legs, still holding her student, and tilted her head at him with a little smile. "I'm strong, Kenshin."
He stopped and looked at her, a smile of his own curling the corners of his lips. "Yes. You are."
"But you'll have to get the door for me."
He laughed, "Yes, yes." He padded noiselessly ahead of her to slide open the entrance of Yahiko's room before folding back the boy's futon.
After he was tucked in and sleeping, they watched him a moment before slipping quietly out.
"He's a good boy," She mused with a smile, closing the door behind them. The soft expression disappeared when she saw how the man beside her had his eyes closed, an expression of pain on his face. "Kenshin…?"
"This one," his voice was thick with remorse, "This one did not mean to abandon him….he never deserved…he deserves so much more than…"
"Kenshin," Kaoru's voice was a little sharp. She didn't like the vein of his thinking, nor what it was doing to him, " you didn't abandon him. I-I don't know what happened, but if indeed you left, you came back. That's all that matters."
He nodded, obviously unconvinced. They were at her room now, and the two stopped, suddenly without words.
"Kenshin?" she ventured finally, "Soon—well—I mean, when you're ready-will you tell me what happened? Will you talk to me?
His eyes softened. "Indeed. Soon."
She smiled and stepped through the threshold of her room. "Good night, Kenshin."
"Have pleasant dreams, Kaoru." He blinked, and added a belated, "…-Dono"
Kaoru's smile widened, and stayed with her even as she slept.
Author's notes: This is my first fanfic, born out of a horribly boring college Work-study of sitting outside plays and seating latecomers. Which is not so bad, unless the play is Hamlet. Anyway, I have always wondered at Yahiko's reaction to everyone going away and leaving him after Kaoru's demise in the manga. Although very mature, the kid is only ten, and has suffered losses before. Please read and review!