Movies are bullshit.
TV shows are bullshit.
Books are bullshit.
No two best friends fall in love with each other effortlessly as it does in movies, TV shows, and books. No two best friends confess their deep, adoring feelings for each other and end up all lovely and cheerful in a cute fucking relationship. That's not how it works. It's never mutual when someone likes their best friend. And if it is mutual, it only fucks things up in the end because being friends again is too awkward when you've sucked their dick or had your tongue down their throat. It's just not right. It just isn't real.
I'm in love with my best friend. I have been since early middle school. He has no idea. Hell, he's still downright oblivious to the fact that I drool like an anime schoolgirl when I look at him for more than a few seconds. He doesn't know that I hug my pillows at night and pretend it's him. He doesn't know that my heart melts when he speaks my name. He doesn't know that he's the one on my mind when I touch myself at night. And a piece of me hopes it stays that way because, as I said, mutual romantic feelings between best friends just doesn't exist.
My name is Tweek Tweak, and I'm in love with my best friend.
The friend that walks me to all my classes because I'm too afraid to walk alone. The friend who's stature of 6'2" towers over my 5'1" body. The friend that I grew up playing "Spacemen" with. The friend who punched a kid square in the jaw after he called me a spaz. The friend who, by sophomore year, has a lip, septum, eyebrow, and countless ear piercings (the lobes being stretched to 00 size gauges). The friend who got his first tattoo at the age of 16 and now has numerous. The friend who has stuck by my side for the past eight years.
My name is Tweek Tweak, and I'm in love with my best friend, Craig Tucker.
I don't see why Craig has put up with me for all of these years. In seventh grade, I was sent to a mental institution for having an angry outburst in class which led to me pounding my head repeatedly against my desk and wanting to until my skull cracked or the desk broke, whichever came first. In our freshman year, I was sent to a rehabilitation center after I began using drugs to take away the pain (such as LSD, marijuana, cocaine, and occasionally heroin if I was feeling extra blue). Now, we're in our junior year of high school and I'm on five different medications (three I take daily, and two are "if needed"). And yet, Craig has stuck by me. I don't understand. I'm fucked up so severely in the head.
He doesn't agree with that, though. He still walks me to all of my classes because I'm too afraid to walk through the crowds unaccompanied. He still sits by me every day at lunch and lets me interlace my fingers with his when I'm on the verge of a panic attack or have been having a shitty day. He's made out to be this horrifying, colossal monster who will strangle anyone who does him wrong (don't get me wrong, he may actually do so) and has no heart whatsoever. However, they're all erroneous. If you're on his good side, he's the most caring person you'll ever encounter. He puts his friends before himself and will embrace you tight if you begin to cry.
This is why I love Craig Tucker.
This is why I hate Madison Silver.
…
I sat by Craig, along with Clyde, Token, and Kenny. I had my hand in Craig's like it is every morning before school. It's become a routine since the thought of school makes me want to break down and cry (mainly due to all of the noise and people). It was a coping mechanism and Craig didn't care because everybody knew that if they called us gay, Craig wouldn't hesitate to beat the shit out of them.
Token was trying to endeavor Clyde and Kenny's insufferable shouting in order to frantically study for an exam he had in math today. He has always been an AP student and put his schoolwork before anything and everything else. Everyone envied his flawless GPA and the high test scores he manages to achieve (even in AP and honors classes). One thing was for sure: he was one smart motherfucker. Or maybe just not a very big procrastinator.
All while Token was trying his best to study, Clyde and Kenny couldn't stop shrieking their inappropriate, dirty jokes. Despite us all now being seventeen years old, the two still have yet to lose their dull and dirty sense of humor. Craig and I didn't mind it much, though. We didn't talk too often and preferred to only listen in on their conversations and laugh along.
We were an odd group to look at; a nerd who does nothing but study, two boys who act like sex fanatics, an emotionally and mentally unstable kid who can't be away from his best friend for more than five minutes, and a punk kid who takes shit from not a single soul. Again, quite the odd group to see. But we were all content with each other, and that was all that mattered.
"Dude, did you see that new chick? Her name is Madison or Maddie or some shit. Whatever it is, she's fucking hot!" Kenny shouted to the point where nearly half of the cafeteria could hear. I really wish he knew how to control his volume.
"I heard about her, but I haven't seen her yet. What does she look like?" Clyde asked excitedly. Kenny's face lit up at the opportunity to describe a woman he found incredibly attractive.
"Man, you have no fucking idea! She's like a goddess or some shit. She curls her brown hair all wavy and stuff, her face is gorgeous, and don't get me started on her bod," Kenny raised and lowered his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"Get started, boy," Clyde said.
"She could be a fucking porn star for all I know. Her thighs are thick as fuck, and the same goes for her ass. Curves in all the right places, I swear! Her tits have got to be at least double-D's, man. The best part of it is that she wears the sluttiest clothing every single day. I'm talking booty shorts and tank tops, too-tight blouses and skirts above mid-thigh, and heels that make her ass look," Kenny stopped to lick his finger and press it to his body while making a sizzling noise.
"We get it, fuckboys. You want to put your dick in her," Craig stopped Ken before he could go any further. God knows he could go on for ages on this shit.
"You bet your sweet ass I do," Clyde winked. Kenny's infatuated face was replaced with a scowled look.
"Excuse me, fine gentleman, but who said you would be the one plowing her? She would obviously choose me over you, fuckface," Kenny argued. Clyde only rolled his eyes and shook his head, all with a cheeky smirk on his face. We then heard Ken say "Speak of the devil. Or God. Thank you, Jesus," Kenny pointed behind us and sure enough, a brunette wearing a black dress too tight for her and matching heels was standing not even ten feet away from our table talking to what was a few of her many friends I would assume. A whistle came from Clyde. I still don't understand how Token can focus on math when there's shit like this going down.
I have to confess, she was gorgeous. She was just as Kenny had described her. She was the definition of perfect. Flawless body, perfect hair, faultless face, everything. I'm gay, but even I have to admit that she was really fucking hot.
After what seemed like an eternity of staring at this girl, we had caught her attention. Once her gaze met ours, everyone quickly turned away, pretending they were never checking her out, although we were being quite obvious. However, me being the awkward fuck I am, kept staring. I wasn't interested in her, I was only trying to figure her out. It was when she began to walk towards us did I turn away and hurriedly tried joining in on my friends' discussion. My heart stopped when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Oh, hi," Madison giggled when I turned around shocked. I was stunned and didn't know how to reply. A simple "hi" would have sufficed for fucks sake. I turned to Craig and squeezed his hand, hoping he would know what to do. This only turned Madison's attention towards him. Fuck.
"Oh, hi to you, too. I uh- didn't see you there," she fake-stuttered flirtatiously. Already, I could tell that Craig was dumbfounded.
In the end, Madison (who goes by "Maddie") asked Craig if he wanted to catch a movie with her this weekend. He said yes without thinking, as he seemed to have completely forgotten about our plans to spend the weekend together as we always do. Instead, he's going to be spending it with some whore. That sounds overdramatic and immature, but it's true! He knows I can't stand to be away from him. It makes me feel worthless, unwanted, paranoid, etc.
I've learned to read people well after spending so much time in institutions. Believe me when I firmly say that Maddie is a whore.