Thanks Dad

After Master Splinters death Leo, Mikey, Raph and Donnie need advice. Each of them have their own problemes, but who to aks? Their father is dead and who else could help them, reassure them, make the pain go away? But turns out, sometimes you don't need an answer. Sometimes it's enough to talk as long as you know the other listens. And that's what they do - talk in front of Splinter's grave, knowing he listens. (Rated T because I'm paranoid)

Hey guys!
This is a little OS that plays after Splinter's death (between season 4 and 5 to be exact).
It's the first thing for me to upload here and I hope you'll enjoy it!
In case I make mistakes (English isn't my first language, sadly...) please tell me about it in the reviews.
Thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT. If I did, it'd be way too dark for kids... XD

Mikey

Slowly Mikey walked over to the grave of his father. He sniffed quietly before stopping and sitting down in the grass. He sat there quietly for a few seconds before he buried his face in his hands. "M-Master Splinter..." he whispered and tears dropped to the ground.
Mikey lowered his hands and let them fall to the ground.
"I-I don't know what to do!" he shook his head.
"Everyone is so sad... all I want is to be happy again, but how am I supposed to? Without you? I-it feels like none of us is ever gonna be happy again... and I am afraid of that..." he murmured and sniffed again, a tear wandering over his cheek.
"Donnie doesn't talk to us anymore, Raph is always angry and Leo... he just isn't the same anymore. He does his best, I can feel that, but everytime he talks I can basically hear the guilt in his voice, like it was all his fault! And I... I wake up in the middle of the night... s-so many nightmares..."
Mikey shuddered at the thought of reliving the death of his father and sensei. As he was impaled by the shredder's claws, as he fell from the building slowly, slowly before landing with a sickening crack, blood on the concrete. Mikey screamed at the picture and grabbed his arms with his hands.
"S-sensei... Father... how am I supposed to ever be happy again? Am I even allowed to be happy again without you? After all..." Mikey's gaze wandered over his father's grave, "wouldn't that be unfair? Being happy even tho I know that you are..."
He didn't finish his sentence. It hurt too much. He swalloed before continuing.
"Donnie spends most of his time in the laboratory with the chemicals and his inventions... Leo says that it isn't healthy. Raph thinks we should leave Don alone so he could deal with the pain in his own way. Leo doesn't act very differently, except that he seems very tired. I'm not sure why... maybe he's got nightmares too? But I don't think that. Leo doesn't get nightmares. Even when we were kids he never had a single one. I can't help but be jealous... Then there's Raph. He's angrier than usually... but also nicer. I know, that sounds kinda strange but it's true. Whenever I wake up from a nightmare... he talks to me 'n stuff... But..." Mikey sobbed quieltly, "it's still not like you used to do it... I miss you Master Splinter. I miss you... Dad..."
And Mikey sat like that in the tall grass, talking about the things that bothered him until he was too tired. He stood up and walked away, glanced a last time to the grave. He felt... better than before...
"Thanks dad!" he whispered and smiled before returning to the little house.

Raph

His feet left little footprints in the wet grass. I had been raining during the last week and Raph's mood was even worse than usual. He wasn't sure if that was because he had been fighting with Leo constantly or because of the rain. Now the rain had stopped but Raph didn't feel better at all. He was fuming and his fists were clenched. Suddenly he found himself in front of Master Splinter's grave. He couldn't deny it, he was very surprised. He didn't think he'd been walking that far. He hesitated for a moment and remembered something he said maybe a year ago. Leo had been talking to the hologramm of Master Splinter for help and Raph had said that it wasn't healthy before being told that it helped Leo. Let's see if that stuff actually helps... he thought before sitting down in the grass. It was quiet for a few moments.
"Hey, Master Splinter..." Raph murmured, unsure of what to say.
But before he could think any longer, the words were flowing out of his mouth.
"Everything's so fu-... stupid now Sensei!" He murmured and clenched his fist further.
"Why did you leave us. It feels like you simply didn't want us anymore and just left so you didn't have to care for us anymore!"
A few seconds passed before Raph realised just what he said.
"I-I didn't mean it that way. S-sorry..."
Raph couldn't believe how difficult it was for him to say sorry, even to a gravestone. He sighed once more. It was quiet for a few moments.
"Why do I feel this way?" he whispered suddenly. "I am... so goddamn angry. And at the same time I'm sad... it's so confusing. Remember when Slash disappeared? I was sad and disappointed but... not angry. Just like all the times when you disappeared or died. Of course, I was angry at Shredder... but never... just angry. It doesn't feel right. And there was always this kind of determination to set everything right again. This time there's just... nothing. Like there's nothing to be set right. And at the same time everything just feels... incorrect and not real!"
Raph sighed.
"I'm not good with all this stupid feelings stuff. I wish I knew how to deal with this crap..."
He shook his head. He stood up and walked over to a singe tree, a few meters away from Master Splinter's grave. He took out his sai and started carving random things inside the bark. He worked a few minutes like that until he was done and took a few steps back. Others would see nothing more than a few scratches, placed randomly. But Raph saw a little more in that. He saw pain, sadness, anger, hatred and maybe even a little bit happiness... The ghost of a smile flashed across his face as he slowly walked back to Master Splinter's grave.
"I guess it's just easier if I can see what I'm trying to fight. Urgh, that sound way too cheesy... just do me a favour and don't tell the others about this, okay?"
Raph waited a few moments, wind brushed against his face. He nodded before walking back to the house.
A "Thanks dad..." could be heard

Donnie

Donnie just stood there, doing nothing. His brown eyes were scanning the gravestone in front of him and he bit his lip. He sighed.
"This is stupid!" he murmured and shrugged. "I should continue my experiment instead of just standing here..." he slowly turned around and started walking back to the house.
But suddenly the mere thought of going back inside the cold labroratory with no more company than a car and a few of his inventions seemed unbearable.
"What am I thinking? It's not like I'm not alone here..." Donnie murmured and shot a glance behind himself. "And why do I keep talking to myself?"
A few minutes of silence followed in which Donnie just stood there, thinking. Finally he sighed and turned back to his sensei's grave. He sat down in the grass and stared at the stone. Nothing happened.
"I have no idea what I'm waiting for. It was Leo's idea. He said it would help me. Yeah right, like talking to a stone helps me in any way..." Donnie murmured. "And I'm talking to myself again. Why do I keep doing that? Nobody's here to listen to me anyway... April and Casey are inside, Leo's training and I have no idea what Mikey and Raph are up to. Maybe they're behind one of these trees, recording me or something... blackmail maybe..."
Donnie didn't say anything anymore, just sitting there. Then he raised his voice once again.
"Maybe it's okay to do this. According to my books it's a good way to deal with sadness. Talking to someone... even if nobody's here."
It was quiet once again. But it wasn't an awkward silence. It was perfect to Donnie, he loved silence. And he liked being alone... but sometimes even he needed company. He shook his head. Not like he had any here. Right?
"Who should be here? Except Mikey and Raph... yeah, I'm sure that's it. Mikey and Raph are somewhere in the forrest, listening. That's the reason why I keep talking..."
But Donnie was unsecure.
"That's it, right? Mikey, Raph you can stop hiding now. Nobody has to hide... I'd talk even in front of someone right now..."
Donnie smiled a sad smile, but nobody came out of the forrest. Then, after a few seconds the purple clad Turtle sighed.
"Who am I kidding? Master Splinter, I think I'm... talking to you? Urgh, that sounds strange... but... correct at the same time..." Donnie shook his head. "Why is it so difficult to talk to someone I can't see? I mean... I know that magic exists... but ghosts? It's just... not normal, not logical!"
Donnie waited once again, searching for the right words. "But this time... I guess I can live with it. At least this time!" Donnie smiled and suddenly he felt something hot on his cheek. His fingers searched for the source and found a tear wandering down his face. Donnie choked. He sat like that for seconds, maybe minutes, maybe hours. Then, finally, he stood up. He smiled, his tears had dried.
"Thanks dad!" he murmured before walking back to the house.

Leo

His expression was stony as he walked through the grass. He had to talk to his father, once again. It was the third time this week that he had to aks his sensei, his father for advice. He didn't expect an answer anymore, but he couldn't aks or tell anyone else. He was in charge now. Finally he stopped in front of the grave.
"Master Splinter. I am sorry but I believe to be in need of your advice once again. Mikey still has nightmares. I know that Raph tries helping him and I believe that he does a good job, but maybe it's not good enough. I am still guilty that I didn't even realise it until recently... but that can't be changed now. I'd like to know what I could do in order to help him!"
Leo just stood there like that, waiting. He didn't know what to wait for. He wouldn't get an answer, he didn't expect one. He was the leader, he was the sensei now. He had to come up with ideas, with help. Thinking about that hurt. A single cherry blossom flew across the sky and landed right in Leo's hand. He shook his head as he slowly felt his facade break. And he couldn't take in anymore. His knees just gave up and he found himself sitting in the grass.
"I'm sorry Master Splinter!" he whispered. "If I had just told you that I thought it was a bad idea to split up... this mess is my fault. And now I have to be in charge, I have to be the leader. I know I've been the leader for so long now... but this is different. I can't aks anybody for help. And I need help. I don't need help with training techniques or strategies of how we are supposed to fight the villains. I need help... with everything else. I feel so guilty like it's all my fault. But I don't want to make it worse by telling the others about my problemes; it feels like it's my responsibility to help them, but how am I supposed to do so if I can't even help myself? And that's not even the worst of it... I can't aks anybody for help. How could I do that to them? Destroy their picture of a perfect new sensei just because I'm too weak to deal with all this alone?" Leo shook his head. "I wish you were still here. I don't feel ready for this. I don't think I'm ready for this, I don't even know if I'll ever be ready for this. Being a leader, a sensei, is one thing but being a big brother? Without your help? And as if that wasn't enough, I have to deal with nightmares too... I tried hiding it from the others, but I think Donnie and Raph know... And I... killed..." Leo bit his lip. "I killed the Shredder. I know, he probably deserved it... but... it still feels like I disregarded everything you ever taught me. I'm sorry sensei... for failing so badly..." Leo whispered and just sat there like that. Then, a single sad smile crept on his face. "You... forgive me... don't you? You were always like that..." Leo laughed silently and stood up. "Maybe I should've talked to you sooner. Not about the others... but about myself!"
He slowly turned around and walked away.
"Thanks dad!" he whispered. "For everything!"