This is not a serious fic. I repeat: This is not a serious fic. It is nonsensical and was made out of incredible boredom, with the assistance of Snape's Lingerie and Effeminate. Now, for those people who didn't read the warnings or didn't look at the rating, and wish not to be scarred for life, this contains SLASH and is rated R. Ok? Ok. But, disregarding all of that, flame all you want.
Good day.
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WHOLE-Y SHITE.
So, once upon a time, there lived a beautiful prince-ss named Draco Malfoy (who fell arse over tit in love with a prince-ss named Harry Potty—Potter!). This is their story. Stark raving bonkers, if you ask me…
*random smiley face here, please*
One day, judge (???) Hermione (lacy ß you don't want to know about that one…) went out to play. She spotted Draco Malfoy wanking with a tree. She said, "I will give him a living mate who is alive and human. (…) Not like the tree who is trunk-ish and green leaf-y." Just then, Harry Potter climbed up the tree to watch Draco's… uh… willy… ting-a-ling, whatever you want to call it… Hermione thought it would be nice to see Ron in a shower (attention: we are now totally OT). And she wanted Draco and Harry to be physically connected (erm…) beside them. Meanwhile, Draco saw a caterpillar on the tree. The caterpillar was traumatized because there was this BIG, FLESHY THING intruding in its cosy (termite-y) home. Suddenly, Harry felt the branch under him giving way and he fell and KO'd Draco.
The Next Day… Or Fortnight, If The Former Was Too Short For You…
Hermione made squidgey-looking cookies. The cookies had stonking amounts of a Freak Magical Herb Toenail Thingy™, which made every bloke who ate it into a nancy boy. Harry took one and ate it. Harry started to feel hot and his clothes melted. Harry ran to get some new clothes. While Draco was above him in the sky, flying (for no apparent reason…). His arse was round (No shite, Sherlock). Then Draco was scandalized in seeing Harry naked! But then, he got all mushy and then he twisted his panties and THEN he fell arse over tit in love with Harry (as stated above. way above.) and after that wanted to make out with Harry's John Thomas EVERY day. Hour. Minute. Second. And then Harry started to float and fly next to Draco and they made the expression 'flying fuck' into reality. So, Hermione lived happily ever after, taking pictures and having pleasurable intercourse with Ron.
The End.***
By the way, we don't own Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, etc. We're just monopolizing the characters for our own dastardly deeds.