This is my first time writing a story like this . Please note that I am not the best at spellings and other things like that . I am in the bottom set for English so yeah. Just want to say I do not own these characters Suzan Collins does.
I am sat in the meadow were me and my best friend would sit every Sunday after we went hunting 4 years ago. I am rubbing the small delicate pearl Peter gave me in the 75th hunger games, I find it very comforting and soothing rubbing it against my hands, trying to remember the feel of Peter trying to remember what the real Peter was like before everything happened with the lightening tree and my arrow, it was all my fault with what happened to him and if I had stayed with him he wouldn't of been hijacked by the capital. Many people have died for me, prim, coin, Cinar, Finick, people of the districts and it's all my fault. If I could have just eaten the berries in the first games this wouldn't have happened, Peter would have won and everything would have just gone back to normal. Everyone would still be alive . Prim was just too young, she had her whole life ahead of her. She could have been working in the hospitals helping people like my mother is doing in District was all my fault that my little sister was dead, it should have been me. I always seem to get other people into more trouble than myself and it always effects the people I love most around me .I know Prim would of never of wanted me to be like this but I can't control my emotions . My mother decided to stay in District 2 and become a nurse. I think it's because she doesn't want to face District 12, it has too many memories off the games, my father and Prim. She probably wants to just forget and live a new life. She rings once a month checking up on me. Seining as there is not much electricity in 12 not like we had much before anyway. Only me and Heymitch remained in District 12 seining as half the district are in 13 and the rest dead all because of me . District 13 helped get it back to how it was before but it still reminds me too much of before. The only place that I feel save is in the woods or in my house in victor's village so that's where I spent most of the day. Heymitch is still drinking but not as much as he had in the past ,he can remain sober for a couple of weeks before he goes insane. I guess one good thing has come out of all this. I don't speak to Gale any more not after what he had done, I can't ever forgive him not after what he had done. He killed my sister and they were his bombs, he designed them. Even if he didn't meant for them to go off he still made them. The amount of pain and loss after Prim died I can never explain how much that hurt. He knew how much Prim meant to me, I treated her like she was just like my own child. I raised her ever since she was young after my mother would just ignore her after my father died. I helped her with her nightmares in the middle of the night, I bought her a goat just because she wanted to help the family with a small income of money for selling the milk and chesses . But this wasn't any ordinary goat, it was very badly injured and she made it better. I was going to sell it because it was going to die anyway but she begged not to so I kept it. It turned out that it survived and with the small amount of cheese and milk I was able to trade it with other things such as medicine at the black market .Not having her around is lonely and lifeless. I can only blame myself for her death and for others. I try to forget but that's all I like about in these gloomy days .I look up, there is a beautiful orange sun set with mixes of pink added in. It was breath taking and it filled the hole sky .This was Peters favourite colour and now I can understand why. I decide to head back to my house in victors village to get some sleep . I trudge back and make it in the darken house. The nights are always the worst, all my biggest fears and memories come back and I have to re live my past again. I have to go through the pain again that I spend the whole day trying to forget. I have no clue if anyone else gets nightmares like mine but I will never now. I get into my cold bed and try my best to fall asleep but I don't want to see what will lie ahead tonight. My feet are freezing cold and my body aches .I feel myself drifting away into the war zones of my one mind. I am standing watching the bombs going off, Prim is shouting my name calling me for help. She locks eyes with mine , they have fear written all over .Just seeing her in my dreams is as rewarding as it would in real life , she always takes something bad and changes it to good but that will not happen . I rush to her aid, running as fast as my legs can carry me. I reach her but that's when the bomb start to fall filling the whole sky with ash and fire. It feels so real that I think that life if flashing right before my eyes .Then I see Peter with president snow, he is torturing him. Peter is screaming and shouting my name, I try to run forward and save him but there is a glass wall in the way of him. I can never forget his blue eyes that seem so lifeless. I can see all of his features of his face, he looks tired and beaten up not only outside but also outside. His face is so slim that you can now see cheek bones that he never had before, he has big purple and blue broses all over his body. He looks beaten but he is still living .He looks so real, I place my hand over the glass were is face is to look like I am cupping his face. Tears run down my face, knowing that he is in this pain because of me. I am the reason why he is like this and I can only think that it has all been my fault. I look over and Snow is injecting him with the tracker jacker venom, tears run down Peters face when the venom starts to kick in .Snow smirks as he sees pain in Peter's eyes. I am not surprised that he doesn't drink children's blood instead of water. Peter's whole face turns white like chalk and he is trying to escape the harmful pain, you can see it in his eyes. His body becomes stiffen as he tries to reject the pain. Anger rises in Peters face and he launches at snow but snow reacts quickly and lashes him with a leather rope. Peter jerks back from snow and sits helplessly on the floor like a match slowly going out .Snow signals to one of his assistance, a large man with muscles comes in and starts to drag Peter away. Peter is trying to get away but the man digs his nails into Peters skin harder .I start to bang on the glass violently hoping that the glass will eventually shatter. You can tell that Peter is slowly becoming more week as the venom is becoming stronger . Before Peter gets to the door way he shouts to president snow with as much will power he can and shouts to Snow to not dare touch me. Tears steam quicker down my face, I scream his name hopping that he will be able to help me. I scream and scream until my throat is as dry as sand paper. Then the large man drags him away and locks Peter into a small compacted cell. I awake quickly after that screaming and panting heavily. I am covered in sweat and tears cover my face .My heart beat is beating 100 miles per hour. I long for the big strong hands and blue eyes to come and reassure me that everything is okay and it was just a dream, but it never does. I sit in the same spot for a couple of minutes when I realise that the sun is peeping through the window . I decide to get up and take a quick bath. I pour fresh cold water over me that I got from the pond were my father used to take me , the cold water makes me gasp as it hits my bare skin . It feels nice when you have the couple of seconds of adrenaline rush through your whole body. I am standing in the mirror looking at my battered body. It has become very thin, you can see my rib cage and my hip bone. Its visible were my collar bone is and my face has become much thinner. You can see every imperfection in my body that you couldn't see before .My memories of the games marked all over my body reminding me to live and not just give up because I fought for something important . I have a large scar on my arm were Johanna cut out my tracker. My clothes hang loosely now but District 13 send me and Heymitch life packs which is filled with surprise that will keep us alive not like we don't know how . At the moment I don't enjoy the taste of food, I crave the feeling of not having anything in my body . It makes me feel better about my self-knowing what it was like all those years when I went starving .What it must have been like for Peter. I force the food into my mouth knowing that it's good for me but I don't like it .I end up eating a mouthful before feeling full and put the rest of away. Today I was going to see Haymitch because I haven't seen him in a week, our relationship has become better . I think it's because we have both been through the games so we know what each other has been through so we tend to just not talk about it . We give each other good company even if we don't speak .I have gained to love Heymitch as a part of my family , he kept me alive twice throughout the games and without that I wouldn't be here today and for that I can never re pay him for my generosity . We are both so suborn which it makes us more alike and we can relate to each other. I would of never of thought that I would be so close to someone who is publicly known to trail onto the stage drunk and fall off into the crowd.