Author's note.

I am posting this because the small BK/BKO fanbase on DeviantArt have been encouraging me (and in some cases pestering me) to.

These are crack fics. Some of the pairings are REALLY crack, and in some cases, they're not, but the way they're written still is.

HOWEVER. I'm still aiming to keep things mostly In character.

Please remember that these fics were written for the sole purpose of the challenge and the humour, and please do not take offense at the pairings. Some are... really crazy XD

Also there are MAJOR BKO spoilers. Do NOT read if you haven't finished the game. The third chapter is probably the only one that's not spoilery to the last dungeon (when i'll finish it , that is)

So, without further ado...

Welcome to the world of BKO CRACK

"I didn't know that kind of machina existed…"

Verus smirked and resumed trying to understand how the green haired malideiter's red skirt came undone. Probably Gena who designed it to stop people with bad intentions… she's learned a lot since I knew her…

"There's machina for everything. As it is, I believe in keeping captives safely held, instead of putting them in random cells in the sewers like Olgan did. I mean, any person could run across them and open them, as you did… So these you will not open so easily."

Sagi swallowed, stopping his futile efforts to open the machina-enhanced handcuffs that held him down. Apparently they could hold the bearer in any position, and he was not curious to see what positions his captor had in mind.

Well, not too curious.

Meanwhile, Verus let out a loud and eureka-ish 'Aha!' and unfolded the many petals of the red skirt. Sagi swallowed once more. Wearing less than four layers of clothes made him uncomfortable.

He coughed a bit to ease his discomfort.

"So… Why are you taking this off? I don't think it'll really stop you if you try to kick me to death…"

The smirk above him stopped him.

"Why, but why do you believe I plan to kick you to death? I only harbour the best intentions towards you…"

And now Sagi had to wonder how his plan to infiltrate Verus's mansion before taking on Baelheit to discover why his mother had a portrait of him under her pillow had ended in him lying on a pink bed whose design he didn't even know existed, tied down by prototype machina handcuffs and now half (well, 1/8) naked.

"So… why don't you let me go? So I can go stop Baelheit and stuff?"

"Forget about Baelheit." Hissed into his neck. Now this was something he had never felt before.

"B… b… but…"

"Let Milliarde and Guillo take care of him. That is, if they're not too busy right now", he added with a smirk.

And it must be taken as a proof of how impossibly innocent Sagi is that he could not for the life of him understand why his friends could be busy. Though they had let him go rather easily when he told them he "had something to check". Apparently Vega's magna-mixed cocktails were good. And since Milly had discovered that Guillo would kill for mountain apple wine, she had been very eager to give him as much as she could.

The sound of his shirt being opened brought him back to reality.

"C… could you drop it? I mean, this outfit takes hours to put on."

Verus dropped the shirt on the ground.

Well that's not really what I meant…

Noting that 1/8 had turned into 7/11, Sagi started to wonder what Verus's intentions were. He obviously didn't want to let him go, so maybe Baelheit was just a decoy to keep him occupied earlier… He apparently didn't want to kill him either, though that was the first thing he'd thought when he'd heard 'welcome 3' and felt the handcuffs being closed around his wrists.

"Erm… V… Verus, Sir", he asked, remembering his good manners." What are you doing?"

"I just thought I should do your education. It would be such a pity for you to risk your life without knowing about life. It's my role after all."

Sagi thought about that for a few seconds. He'd never gone to school, since his mother was poor and needed him to help at the orphanage. His fighting was self-taught, and though he made friends easily, he didn't know anything about life in the world, or such things. He thought back to Milly, and how jealous he had been that she had been to the best school, and known the powerful people.

Well Verus was powerful, wasn't he? He'd be damned if he let Milly stay ahead of him in everything.

"Oh."

A pause.

"Ok then."

Thanks for reading, and please review.