Hello! This is MadameSporker, reporting for duty! I would like to announce to y'all that this is my sporking of My Immortal, the so-called worst fanfiction ever. By the way, this is not mine. Totally not mine! But, I wasn't able to get the original one (y'know, the cringy, horribly spelt one) Sorry for all who I will offend in this sporking.

Disclaimer: My Immortal does not belong to me. Harry Potter (even if it was oh-so-canon-raped) also does not belong to me. Only the remarks in bold do.

AN: Special fangz Fangz? What kind of special fangs are you giving us? Sabertooth Tiger fangs? (get it, coz Im goffik) No, I don't get it cuz I'm not goffik and I believe goffik isn't a word. 2 my gf Oh, you have someone. Lucky you. (ew not in that way) In what way? Specify. raven, bloodytearz666 Damn, that must've been a lot of blood if your 666 tears were that bloody. 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. And now, I blame Raven. U rok! Nope. I rock. Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing Zzzing. I'm zzzleeping. life u rok 2! Oh 2, you rock! Go number 2! MCR ROX! Learning how to spell rocks!

XXXXXXXXXXXXX Yawn. XXXXXXXXXXXXX Done yet? XXXXXXXXXXXXXX Finally!

Hi Why hello there, my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and my name is Ivory Bright'ness Sanity Dove Away and I'm your long lost twin! and I have long ebony black hair Obviously.(that's how I got my name) Thank you Captain Obvious. No problem, Sergeant Sarcasm. with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back If I ever had a baby with that kind of hair, I'll freak out. and icy blue eyes like limpid tears Oh. and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee Yeah, sure. And who are those people?(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). How rude. No manners, this girl has. [[I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. Uhuh, so you love incest? I'm a vampire that sparkles? but my teeth are straight and white. How the fuck would you suck blood then? I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, A cackling, big-nosed old hag with a pointy hat and a rickety broom and a creepy black cat. and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts What hogwash. in England Oh, so Hogwarts relocated? Damn. I'm going to get lost... where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I know. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) In this case, I could tell, and I wear mostly black. cause you're a goth. How stereotypical. I love Hot Topic Blimey, and I thought you were a Brit. and I buy all my clothes from there. So you fly to America just to buy clothing? You, lady, are one rich b- witch. For example today I was wearing nothing. a black corset which I don't care about. with matching lace around it Yawn. and a black leather miniskirt, Are you aiming to be a prostitute? pink fishnets that can catch tons of fish. and black combat boots. which doesn't fit you. I was wearing black lipstick, to look creepier. white foundation, I thought you were pale already. Are you aiming to be a ghost or be the White Lady? black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking or crawling maybe. outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining Just say sleet, for gods' sake. so there was no sun, What?! What?! NO Sun?! That's it. I'm leaving to another solar system with a SUN to continue living. Well, after I bury Sun. which I was very happy about. Fuck you, being happy over the death of the Sun after what it has done for all of mankind. A lot of preps preparatory school kids? stared at me. Well, I would also if I saw someone dressed like a prostitute. And doesn't wear robes in Hogwarts. I put up my middle finger at them. How dare show such a vulgar gesture to children! You should be ashamed!

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. towards the sky. It was…. Dun. Dun. Dun. Dun... (insert suspense bg music)

Madame Sporker, holding the Holy Spork of Hogwarts to vanquish your Mary-Sue existence! Draco Malfoy! NOOOOO! Our first sacrifce... We shall honor you, oh brave soul.

"What's up Oh, just the sky and the snow and the rain. R.I.P Sun... Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." What?! You're going to remove the sky and the precipitations too?! You... You... You ghastly immoral being! he said shyly. Shit. Draco Malfroy has just got infected by the Canon-Rape Plague...

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. Thank you friends! Thank you! Alright, Extraction Team, get Draco and let's get out of here!

XXXXXXXXXXX Sigh.. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I need to sleep. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Finally.

AN: IS it good? If you want me to be nice (blunt), it's the most amazing (horrible) piece of fanfic (shit) I have ever seen in my life. PLZ tell me fangz! fangz!

Alright, everyone! Please R&R my spork and more comments to help improve the sarcasm!