Chapter One: Elf in Denial and the Diddles Dilemma
To me, there's two kinds of moving. Sometimes peoples will tell you that you're going to live somewhere else. You have no choice, no way to stop the change, no way to make time slow down so you can have the last moment in the place you've always known. That's how I felt when my parent's told me I was moving. But I eventually got over it. There's the other kind of moving. The kind when you actually get a choice.
The kind where you can choose is the hardest a lot of the time. You never seem to think about the weight of your decision till it's over. It's like picking out a candy bar, in a way. Your favorite might be Crunch, but you really want a Hershey all of a sudden. You feel like you should get a Hershey, but get your favorite instead. You wonder what would happen if you'd gotten the Hershey. That's only a small thing though. Where you live is an entirely different thing.
Now, as I trudged along the crest of the fiftieth hill, staring at the Elven figure in front of me, I wondered what would have happened if I'd went home. One thing led to another, and I found myself remembering my family. Without warning, tears started to prick at the edges of my eyes. I pushed them away. I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry...I'm going to cry. Emily, who is walking beside me, looked over as I let out a quiet sniffle.
"Katie Diddles, it's not the end of the world," Emily said.
"A, my name is NOT Katie Diddles, and B, then why does it seem like it?" I asked.
"Sure thing, Katie...Diddles. And it's because you're in shock or something. I think it's normal," she replied.
"Here we go with the double conversations again. Emi Lou. And I don't like shock syndrome."
"The Double Conversations shall live on, Katie Diddles! And who does like it?"
"Stop it, you're making me happy again."
"Isn't that good?" she asked, slightly confused.
"Not really. Aren't you supposed to be sad after these things?"
"Not necessarily. Wouldn't people want us to be happy? Yes they would," she said, answering herself.
"Well I think it is necessary to be sad after things like this."
"Fine, go into denial, see if I care." I didn't reply, but I did stop crying. I suppose she did have a point though. I tried looking on the bright side after that. It sort of helped, but not really. Emily and I ran to catch up with the other three. We skidded to a halt just as Aragorn stopped, bending over to look at something. He reached down and picked a shiny object from the trampled dirt.
"Oooo...it's shiny..." I said suddenly, my wave of homesickness and sadness gone.
"Can you please get a life?" Emily asked with a groan. I shook my head slowly.
"The leaf of Lothlórien would not be left behind lightly," Aragorn commented.
"Merry or Pippin must have left it, hoping we would find it," Legolas added.
"Hurry, they may be a day ahead of us if we don't quicken our pace," Aragorn urged and took off again. Legolas followed, then Emily and me, then Gimli in the rear. I could hear him huffing and puffing the whole time, even though I was sometimes more than ten feet ahead of him.
Unexpectedly, an image of a crouton appeared in my mind. Where did that come from? I have this "addiction" to croutons and now it was coming back, pulsing stronger than ever...Croutons...croutons...croutons...I could almost hear the sky rumble at the sound of those words. Or maybe that was just my stomach.
"Emily, do you think they have croutons in Middle Earth?" I asked her while we ran behind the long legged Elf. She glanced up at me.
"I worry about you. I really do," was her only reply as she sped up. I did too in turn. Legolas dashed ahead to the crest of the hill, gazing off into the distance.
"They are far away..." he said, trailing off disheartedly. Aragorn stepped up behind him, sighing.
"It took you that long to notice?" I asked irritably. My craving for croutons was very strong by now. "Say, do ya'll know what a crouton is?"
"A what?" Gimli asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.
"Never mind..." I replied with a moan. I need croutons! I needed them RIGHT THEN too.
"Aragorn, do you think we'll-" Emily started to say but was cut off by Aragorn's urgent shushing. He pulled us all behind a tall rock, peeking over the side. I heard the sound of hood beats. So, the horse boys have finally come. Maybe I could throw a few rocks at them...Hmmm...
Aragorn's face suddenly looked relieved, and he jumped out as the last of the riders passed us by.
"What news from the North, Riders of Rohan?" he yelled at their retreating backs. Emily winced as his voice echoed slightly. I darted out and stood next to Aragorn.
"Horsies..." I said with a smirk, just to annoy him. He glared as the men on horseback returned, forming a tight circle around the five of us. I glared as one shoved a spear in my face.
"What business does an Elf, a Man, a Dwarf and two girl children have in Riddenmark? Speak quickly!" he added coldly. I couldn't help but notice he said the word 'girl' with scorn as if he thought we didn't belong here. Stupid man. This was the least of my worries though, because suddenly the tip of a spear point was brought up to my face.
"Get-the-sharp-pointy-spear-out-of-my-face," I said through gritted teeth. "Understand?" He glanced at Eomer, who only shook his head. The guy kept that flipping spear in my face despite my efforts.
"Who are you, and what is your business is Rohan? " he asked again.
"We travel from Lothlórien, and are tracking a band of Orc that have taken two of our friends captive," Aragorn replied politely. "I am called Aragorn. My companions are Legolas the Elf, Gimli the Dwarf, and Lady Katie and Lady Emily."
"Except I was an Elf in my last life, I swear. AND FOR THE LAST FLIPPIN TIME, I'M NOT A LADY," I said for the heck of it. Legolas carefully swatted my head. I glared at him, still fending off the spear guy.
"Few have escaped the Lady of the Golden Wood. If you have freed yourselves of her, then you may be sorcerers and net-weavers as well," Eomer said, pausing, voice still cold.
"We are neither of those," Aragorn said firmly. Eomer nodded a little. Suddenly, he looked to Legolas and Gimli.
"Why do neither of you speak? Even your young friends seem particularly outward," he asked.
"I'm not outward," I said in protest. "Wouldn't you get mad if someone jabbed a sharp, pointed objects are shoved in your face?" I looked meaningfully at the horseman who held the spear to my cheek.
"You're outward," Legolas told me softly so only I could hear.
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"NO, I am NOT."
"Fine, have it your way filthy mortal."
"I will, woman," I hissed. Legolas glared at me, then looked at the horsemen, to see if they heard our argument. They didn't, much to my dismay. I love embarrassing that Elf in front of everyone...So much entertainment I smirked to myself.
"I still have heard neither of you say a word on this matter," Eomer said stubbornly.
"Silence is golden as long as I don't have to do it," I said offhandedly. This got me a jab in the side from Emily.
"Give me your name, horse-master," Gimli said, just as mulishly. "And I will give you mine, and more besides that."
"The stranger should declare himself first, but I am Eomer, son of Eomund, Third Marshal of Riddermark," Eomer announced grandly. I could help but think of a peacock when he said it. Don't ask why.
"Then Eomer son of Eomund, Third Marshal of Riddermark, let Gimli the Dwarf Glóin's son warn you against foolish words. You speak of evil of that which is fair beyond the reach of your though, and only little wit can excuse you," Gimli replied icily.
"That was harsh..." Emily said quietly but I privately disagreed. Galadriel is not evil, because she gave me the power to insult Legolas in Elvish. That is a heroic deed. So more power to the ones who diss Galadriel haters! Eomer looked ready to kill, which I assumed was what he dearly wanted to do. The men of the Mark tightened their circle, and the annoying excuse for a human shoved the spear closer to my face. I growled, muttering under my breath.
"I would cut off your head, beard and all, Mast Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher off the ground," Eomer said finally, hard gaze piercing Gimli's squarely. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Legolas's eyes narrow.
"He does not stand alone," he said, defensive of the Dwarf. He bent his bow with one quick movement. "You would die before your stroke fell." I couldn't help but crack a grin. Wouldn't it be fun seeing these men turned into pin cushions...Eomer and the other horse-men began to draw weapons, some spears, some swords. The guy dug the tip of his spear into my cheek.
"HEY, I said quit it! Fiend from he...heck" I hissed loudly, catching myself again, and grabbed hold of the spear, shoving it away from me. "I demand you get on your knees and beg for forgiveness or I may just get angry. You do not want to chance might wrath!"
"Forgive my companions, Eomer," Aragorn said quickly. "We are friend with the Lady of the Wood, and some of our number don't take lightly to offensive words." Eomer glared at Gimli and Legolas, but seemed to agree on peace.
"Have you and your men seen any Orc in your country?" Aragorn asked Eomer.
"Yes, we took down a party of them two nights ago. We burned the bodies," Eomer replied.
"Did you see any hobbits? Or Halflings, as they are sometimes called," Gimli asked hurriedly.
"They would look like mere children to you," Aragorn added.
"We saw no children or Halflings," Eomer answered apologetically. "We burned the Orc bodies just up there." He pointed to a thin tendril of black smoke. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Lord, I swear I smelt it all the way to where I was standing. I heard Legolas's sigh beside me.
"Thank you for your help, Eomer," Aragorn said with a crest-fallen look. "We shall continue to search, and the information you gave us was much help."
"Go and look for your friends," Eomer said carefully. "But do not let your minds fill with hope. Tis forsaken in these lands. I will grant you these three horses of our fallen comrades." He said and a brown, a white, and a gray horse were brought forward. The company filed into a group behind Eomer and they charged slowly off.
"Cheerful lot, aren't they?" I said finally. Legolas raised his eyebrow, then shook his head, leaping onto the white horse. Aragorn did the same to the other. I glanced at the gray and pulled myself onto it, wondering how long it would take till I fell off. Horse camp was seven years ago after all. However, my mind hadn't completely forgotten everything and I gathered the reigns gently into my hands.
Emily and Gimli were left standing on the ground, looking up at us. I nudged my bow into a more comfortable position on my back, looking at Aragorn and Legolas.
"I will not a ride one of those beasts," Gimli declared. "I trust my own two feet more than I trust those."
"Come, Gimli, you may ride behind me," Legolas said with a smirk. Gimli stared uncertainly at the horse, than let the Elf pull him up behind him. Emily glared at me.
"I am not riding with her," she said firmly. "I know that's what you all are thinking, but I'm bound to get two inches of room and get smacked in the face with all the branches." She held her chin stubbornly up and I groaned.
"God, you are an-" I began.
"Emily, get up behind me. Just let us be off NOW," Aragorn said, cutting me off. I glared at Emily but didn't say anything else. Aragorn and Legolas easily nudged their horses into a canter. I tried to do the same, but the horse just locked his legs under me in an obstinate stance. I narrowed my eyes.
"Listen, pal, it's not like I enjoy being on you either," I grumbled. "Can we just GO, please?" The horse tossed its head then surged forward, quickly catching up with the others. This startled me. Woah, can I talk to animals? I thought with a grin. Sure, Katie, are you positive you haven't been reading those fantasy books too much? In the two seconds my mind had wandered, my horse was butting his head into Legolas's. The white turned to grabbed at mine with its teeth and I quickly moved my fingers before I would become to the victim.
Ah, this was the life. Top speed, the wind in your face, bugs in your teeth-wait a minute, bugs in your teeth? I gingerly moved my tongue around then let out a sigh of relief. Thank the Lord, no bugs in your teeth. Where did that come from anyway?
Soon we rose up over one of the numerous hills to look at the burning pile of Orc carcasses. Can we say gross? The putrid smell was unbearable, at least to me. I grabbed the front collar of my shirt and burrowed my nose into it in attempted to escape the smell. Behind me, Emily did the same. I led the horse over to a rock, and slid off his back carefully. Not wanting the little devil to get away, I wrapped the reigns around a low branch and trotted up to the other four, still holding my nose.
Legolas and Gimli and Emily both held similar expressions of disgust. Aragorn looked quietly at the pile of dead Orc, then grimaced. I looked down, only to jerk my head back up as Aragorn let out a shout of rage. Poor guy. Emily gingerly patted his shoulder, looking at me pleadingly. I narrowed my eyes and gave her a look that said, "Don't say a word." I knew she wanted to tell him that Merry and Pippin were still alive, and they were in Fagorn with Treebeard. But there was no way I was going to let her change the events.
Aragorn straitened himself, suddenly staring at the ground. His eyes widened suddenly. He began following a faint track of some kind, sometimes crouching other times walking or running. We followed him curiously, until he stopped at a pile of cut rope. A foot or two away was an Orc blade. Nearby was also a mallorn-leaf, with crumbs of lembas in it and nearby. I bent over and picked up the sword.
"Ooo... this thing looks mighty evil," I said with a smirk. Its handle was carved in a shape of a gruesome head. Aragorn thought for a moment.
"It looks as though someone, an Orc, carried either both Merry and Pippin to this spot-" he pointed to the area where the ropes were. "-and then was probably killed." He gestured to the blood splattered in small amounts over the ground. "They used the fallen Orc's sword to cut themselves free, and decided to eat some lembas here." He pointed to the lembas packet and crumbs.
"Lembas taste like...like..." I struggled for a word. "CARDBOARD!" Legolas glared at me, and then at Emily who started hooting with laughter at his expression. One point of annoyance from Katie.
"Their tracks lead...into the forest," Aragorn concluded.
"Fagorn..." Emily said. "Hey, are there any flutterbys in there? I want to see a flutterby. NOW."
"Well, I want croutons and yet I don't complain," I answered her.
"Yes, tis Fagorn," Aragorn murmured, mostly to himself.
"We established that a while ago," I said to him. Once again I was ignored. Do they ENJOY giving me the silent treatment or something? I decided they were cruel insomniacs from the Netherlands.
"But Celeborn warned us against going into Fagorn," Gimli protested. The trees groaned and Legolas looked up toward them for a moment.
"Gimli, put you ax away," he muttered, and Gimli narrowed his eyes, but did as he was told. The trees stopped moaning.
"That sounded like...like..." Emily said. "CARDBOARD!"
"Cardboard?" Legolas asked.
"Yes, dear Watson, CARDBOARD! An invention of the twentieth century, and it's made out of tr-" I clamped my hand over Emily's mouth. Okay, so I was worried the Elf would go on a murder rampage because we use trees to make paper and junk. It wouldn't do any one any good if he stuck us full of arrows, would it?
"What were you about to say?" Legolas asked suspiciously.
"She was going to say...uh, tr-triangle trees!" I shouted with the new idea. Then I started to frown. Uh oh. Is it just me, or did I just say the 'T' word? Ready...aim...RUN FROM THE DEMON ELF. One point of stupidity for Katie.
"Trees? YOU USE TREES?" he cried. Another for making him mad...
"They're not trees exactly, they're LIKE them though," Emily said hastily. He eyed her testily, but didn't comment on her strange explanation. Let's hope he bought that load of bologna.
"Well, are we going into the forest or not?" Gimli growled, glaring at Emily and I. One point for irritating the midget...
"It seems we must. At least one of the hobbits are in it," Aragorn replied.
"FUN, we get to go to ELMOS WORLD! CROUTONS!" I cried and clapped my hands.
"No, we're going to ransack Barney's fun house and then we'll throw the over happy dinosaur into a big vat of super glue!" Emily said in imitation of my voice.
"You don't want to see Elmo?" "No..."
"Good, because neither do I."
"But you said you did..."
"And you believed me?"
"I'm not answering that," Emily said and we faithfully followed Aragorn. While I was poking Legolas in the back of his head. And while Emily kept kicking dirt on the back of his legs. While doing a lot of other things to get on his nerves.
"WILL YOU GO AWAY?!" he cried finally. Another point. Then he added in a lower voice, "Go pester Gimli. Or Aragorn. Please!" Emily and I exchanged looks, then shook our heads.
"They don't get as mad as you do," she informed him.
"It's either because you're a Prince and you're not used to this kind of torture, or you have a really bad temper," I said reasonably.
"I vote first one," Emily said with a grin.
"Does this look like a voting booth?" I asked then I face lightened. "And guess what, Leggy Diddles, there's another one I just thought of!"
"Another of what? And my name is NOT Leggy Diddles!" Hehe, yes another point.
"Sure thing Leggy Diddles. You also could be mad because you can't use your soap."
"What soap? STOP CALLING ME THAT." And another...
"The soap that you're holding out on! No use trying to hide it, I know you smuggled some out of Lothlórien before we left! Leggy Diddles," I added.
"In Eru's name, I don't have any soap!! And I'm NOT LEGGY DIDDLES!!!" Yet another... "You're having a two sided conversation...You're learning SO well, little grasshopper! Thranduil will be so amazed that his son has turned into a raving lunatic!" Emily said enthusiastically.
"I'M NOT A RAVING LUNATIC!!!!" Legolas shouted. Ah ha, the nut has cracked. The cookie jar is open. The popcorn had popped. The-nevermind. I think that counts for three points...Aragorn turned around and gave him a wry smile. Legolas merely scowled.
"Denial is the last step to Crazy," Emily commented.
"He's in denial?"
"Well, Katie dear, look at the facts. He denies he's a raving lunatic. He denies his true name is Leggy Diddles. And further more, he's practically going mad with irritation. I think we've achieved our goal. The fangirls back home will hate us!" Emily finished with a proud grin. True...very true...rabid fangirls beware...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
YAY! IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE....Sorry...I know I started it off WAY too serious, but I made up for it at the end...right?
I think it would be jolly to drive Leggy to the crazy end...then he'd be just like me!!!
Hey...I already had 11 points! Why am I taking points in the first place? Hmmm...I'll have to ask someone about this...
I know ya'll sent in stuff after the last story so, being the good lil authoress I am, I'll reply...
Katani Petitedra: *gasp* No no no, NEVER go back to the Normal Side, Luke. Sorry...(not). Yes, thy shall be one with thy cheese, if thee shall be one with thee croutons.
O.B.I.M: NO!!! You are not more insane than me!!! Have you ever started to drive a truck toward rush hour traffic at age three? Have you ever knocked yourself out for a simple lollipop? I think not! *starts hyperventilating* I worked hard for my insane randomness! NO ONE SHALL PREVAIL OVER I, KATIE, QUEEN OF RANDOMNESS AND GRAPES! *turns back to normal stupid self while breathing into a paper bag* Excuse me, I had one of those..."moments"
saiyan-girl-cheetah: I admit, I do not watch Inuyasha. I don't go for that stuff, because...well...just because. I don't know, don't sacrifice me to the Lords of the Croutons! *gets on knees and begs* But do tell what the special prayer necklace thingie is. I must keep my Elf under control...ROCK ON GIRL!!! POWER TO THE PURPLE ONES!!!!! *starts chanting "Purple purple purple!" over and over again*
Dy: Yeah, I might too...this world is SO deprived! NO POINTY EARED BEINGS OR CUTE LITTLE PEOPLE WITH BIG FEET!!! *sobs* OH THE AWFULL REALITY OF IT ALL!!!
jaded316: *gasps and clutches her Leggy hair* Never! Only for a million dollars will you get my Elf's hair...bwhahaha, I'm oh so evil. Do...do you see the neon nazis too? *shifty eye thing* _ They come for me at night night time...and they ask me to join the dark side...does that happen to you?
Jakie Firecracker: Never shall I finish the story...Okay, maybe I will. But only for my own satisfaction, not for you people! Lol, jking.
Megz: Oooo...I have...a...twin...sister...*coughs and starts hyperventilating again.* NO! I MUST BE ME BY MYSELF AND ONLY I!!! *starts chanting "me, myself and I. Me, myself, and I" over and over again. (I chant too much, don't you agree?)* Don't preppy girls make you want to GAG?! I hate wearing tight things too...why where them when you can wear nice big things you can breathe in? The Sam thing...he's not that bad, but he gets to me...I dunno why. It's like the Boromir thing. *shrug* I suppose he's a good grasshopper for helping dearest Fro Fro to Mordor but...HE'S MEAN TO MY SMEAGOL!!! *hugs Smeagol* You have powers invested in you? SO DO I! WATCH! Takes super glue and sticks a quarter to her head* See? It sticks! *pulls at it* But it won't come off....We don't really do the phone thing but it's just so...Katie and Emily...*blinks* (I LOVE LEGGY MORE! *hisses* back off!)
To me, there's two kinds of moving. Sometimes peoples will tell you that you're going to live somewhere else. You have no choice, no way to stop the change, no way to make time slow down so you can have the last moment in the place you've always known. That's how I felt when my parent's told me I was moving. But I eventually got over it. There's the other kind of moving. The kind when you actually get a choice.
The kind where you can choose is the hardest a lot of the time. You never seem to think about the weight of your decision till it's over. It's like picking out a candy bar, in a way. Your favorite might be Crunch, but you really want a Hershey all of a sudden. You feel like you should get a Hershey, but get your favorite instead. You wonder what would happen if you'd gotten the Hershey. That's only a small thing though. Where you live is an entirely different thing.
Now, as I trudged along the crest of the fiftieth hill, staring at the Elven figure in front of me, I wondered what would have happened if I'd went home. One thing led to another, and I found myself remembering my family. Without warning, tears started to prick at the edges of my eyes. I pushed them away. I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry...I'm going to cry. Emily, who is walking beside me, looked over as I let out a quiet sniffle.
"Katie Diddles, it's not the end of the world," Emily said.
"A, my name is NOT Katie Diddles, and B, then why does it seem like it?" I asked.
"Sure thing, Katie...Diddles. And it's because you're in shock or something. I think it's normal," she replied.
"Here we go with the double conversations again. Emi Lou. And I don't like shock syndrome."
"The Double Conversations shall live on, Katie Diddles! And who does like it?"
"Stop it, you're making me happy again."
"Isn't that good?" she asked, slightly confused.
"Not really. Aren't you supposed to be sad after these things?"
"Not necessarily. Wouldn't people want us to be happy? Yes they would," she said, answering herself.
"Well I think it is necessary to be sad after things like this."
"Fine, go into denial, see if I care." I didn't reply, but I did stop crying. I suppose she did have a point though. I tried looking on the bright side after that. It sort of helped, but not really. Emily and I ran to catch up with the other three. We skidded to a halt just as Aragorn stopped, bending over to look at something. He reached down and picked a shiny object from the trampled dirt.
"Oooo...it's shiny..." I said suddenly, my wave of homesickness and sadness gone.
"Can you please get a life?" Emily asked with a groan. I shook my head slowly.
"The leaf of Lothlórien would not be left behind lightly," Aragorn commented.
"Merry or Pippin must have left it, hoping we would find it," Legolas added.
"Hurry, they may be a day ahead of us if we don't quicken our pace," Aragorn urged and took off again. Legolas followed, then Emily and me, then Gimli in the rear. I could hear him huffing and puffing the whole time, even though I was sometimes more than ten feet ahead of him.
Unexpectedly, an image of a crouton appeared in my mind. Where did that come from? I have this "addiction" to croutons and now it was coming back, pulsing stronger than ever...Croutons...croutons...croutons...I could almost hear the sky rumble at the sound of those words. Or maybe that was just my stomach.
"Emily, do you think they have croutons in Middle Earth?" I asked her while we ran behind the long legged Elf. She glanced up at me.
"I worry about you. I really do," was her only reply as she sped up. I did too in turn. Legolas dashed ahead to the crest of the hill, gazing off into the distance.
"They are far away..." he said, trailing off disheartedly. Aragorn stepped up behind him, sighing.
"It took you that long to notice?" I asked irritably. My craving for croutons was very strong by now. "Say, do ya'll know what a crouton is?"
"A what?" Gimli asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.
"Never mind..." I replied with a moan. I need croutons! I needed them RIGHT THEN too.
"Aragorn, do you think we'll-" Emily started to say but was cut off by Aragorn's urgent shushing. He pulled us all behind a tall rock, peeking over the side. I heard the sound of hood beats. So, the horse boys have finally come. Maybe I could throw a few rocks at them...Hmmm...
Aragorn's face suddenly looked relieved, and he jumped out as the last of the riders passed us by.
"What news from the North, Riders of Rohan?" he yelled at their retreating backs. Emily winced as his voice echoed slightly. I darted out and stood next to Aragorn.
"Horsies..." I said with a smirk, just to annoy him. He glared as the men on horseback returned, forming a tight circle around the five of us. I glared as one shoved a spear in my face.
"What business does an Elf, a Man, a Dwarf and two girl children have in Riddenmark? Speak quickly!" he added coldly. I couldn't help but notice he said the word 'girl' with scorn as if he thought we didn't belong here. Stupid man. This was the least of my worries though, because suddenly the tip of a spear point was brought up to my face.
"Get-the-sharp-pointy-spear-out-of-my-face," I said through gritted teeth. "Understand?" He glanced at Eomer, who only shook his head. The guy kept that flipping spear in my face despite my efforts.
"Who are you, and what is your business is Rohan? " he asked again.
"We travel from Lothlórien, and are tracking a band of Orc that have taken two of our friends captive," Aragorn replied politely. "I am called Aragorn. My companions are Legolas the Elf, Gimli the Dwarf, and Lady Katie and Lady Emily."
"Except I was an Elf in my last life, I swear. AND FOR THE LAST FLIPPIN TIME, I'M NOT A LADY," I said for the heck of it. Legolas carefully swatted my head. I glared at him, still fending off the spear guy.
"Few have escaped the Lady of the Golden Wood. If you have freed yourselves of her, then you may be sorcerers and net-weavers as well," Eomer said, pausing, voice still cold.
"We are neither of those," Aragorn said firmly. Eomer nodded a little. Suddenly, he looked to Legolas and Gimli.
"Why do neither of you speak? Even your young friends seem particularly outward," he asked.
"I'm not outward," I said in protest. "Wouldn't you get mad if someone jabbed a sharp, pointed objects are shoved in your face?" I looked meaningfully at the horseman who held the spear to my cheek.
"You're outward," Legolas told me softly so only I could hear.
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"NO, I am NOT."
"Fine, have it your way filthy mortal."
"I will, woman," I hissed. Legolas glared at me, then looked at the horsemen, to see if they heard our argument. They didn't, much to my dismay. I love embarrassing that Elf in front of everyone...So much entertainment I smirked to myself.
"I still have heard neither of you say a word on this matter," Eomer said stubbornly.
"Silence is golden as long as I don't have to do it," I said offhandedly. This got me a jab in the side from Emily.
"Give me your name, horse-master," Gimli said, just as mulishly. "And I will give you mine, and more besides that."
"The stranger should declare himself first, but I am Eomer, son of Eomund, Third Marshal of Riddermark," Eomer announced grandly. I could help but think of a peacock when he said it. Don't ask why.
"Then Eomer son of Eomund, Third Marshal of Riddermark, let Gimli the Dwarf Glóin's son warn you against foolish words. You speak of evil of that which is fair beyond the reach of your though, and only little wit can excuse you," Gimli replied icily.
"That was harsh..." Emily said quietly but I privately disagreed. Galadriel is not evil, because she gave me the power to insult Legolas in Elvish. That is a heroic deed. So more power to the ones who diss Galadriel haters! Eomer looked ready to kill, which I assumed was what he dearly wanted to do. The men of the Mark tightened their circle, and the annoying excuse for a human shoved the spear closer to my face. I growled, muttering under my breath.
"I would cut off your head, beard and all, Mast Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher off the ground," Eomer said finally, hard gaze piercing Gimli's squarely. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Legolas's eyes narrow.
"He does not stand alone," he said, defensive of the Dwarf. He bent his bow with one quick movement. "You would die before your stroke fell." I couldn't help but crack a grin. Wouldn't it be fun seeing these men turned into pin cushions...Eomer and the other horse-men began to draw weapons, some spears, some swords. The guy dug the tip of his spear into my cheek.
"HEY, I said quit it! Fiend from he...heck" I hissed loudly, catching myself again, and grabbed hold of the spear, shoving it away from me. "I demand you get on your knees and beg for forgiveness or I may just get angry. You do not want to chance might wrath!"
"Forgive my companions, Eomer," Aragorn said quickly. "We are friend with the Lady of the Wood, and some of our number don't take lightly to offensive words." Eomer glared at Gimli and Legolas, but seemed to agree on peace.
"Have you and your men seen any Orc in your country?" Aragorn asked Eomer.
"Yes, we took down a party of them two nights ago. We burned the bodies," Eomer replied.
"Did you see any hobbits? Or Halflings, as they are sometimes called," Gimli asked hurriedly.
"They would look like mere children to you," Aragorn added.
"We saw no children or Halflings," Eomer answered apologetically. "We burned the Orc bodies just up there." He pointed to a thin tendril of black smoke. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Lord, I swear I smelt it all the way to where I was standing. I heard Legolas's sigh beside me.
"Thank you for your help, Eomer," Aragorn said with a crest-fallen look. "We shall continue to search, and the information you gave us was much help."
"Go and look for your friends," Eomer said carefully. "But do not let your minds fill with hope. Tis forsaken in these lands. I will grant you these three horses of our fallen comrades." He said and a brown, a white, and a gray horse were brought forward. The company filed into a group behind Eomer and they charged slowly off.
"Cheerful lot, aren't they?" I said finally. Legolas raised his eyebrow, then shook his head, leaping onto the white horse. Aragorn did the same to the other. I glanced at the gray and pulled myself onto it, wondering how long it would take till I fell off. Horse camp was seven years ago after all. However, my mind hadn't completely forgotten everything and I gathered the reigns gently into my hands.
Emily and Gimli were left standing on the ground, looking up at us. I nudged my bow into a more comfortable position on my back, looking at Aragorn and Legolas.
"I will not a ride one of those beasts," Gimli declared. "I trust my own two feet more than I trust those."
"Come, Gimli, you may ride behind me," Legolas said with a smirk. Gimli stared uncertainly at the horse, than let the Elf pull him up behind him. Emily glared at me.
"I am not riding with her," she said firmly. "I know that's what you all are thinking, but I'm bound to get two inches of room and get smacked in the face with all the branches." She held her chin stubbornly up and I groaned.
"God, you are an-" I began.
"Emily, get up behind me. Just let us be off NOW," Aragorn said, cutting me off. I glared at Emily but didn't say anything else. Aragorn and Legolas easily nudged their horses into a canter. I tried to do the same, but the horse just locked his legs under me in an obstinate stance. I narrowed my eyes.
"Listen, pal, it's not like I enjoy being on you either," I grumbled. "Can we just GO, please?" The horse tossed its head then surged forward, quickly catching up with the others. This startled me. Woah, can I talk to animals? I thought with a grin. Sure, Katie, are you positive you haven't been reading those fantasy books too much? In the two seconds my mind had wandered, my horse was butting his head into Legolas's. The white turned to grabbed at mine with its teeth and I quickly moved my fingers before I would become to the victim.
Ah, this was the life. Top speed, the wind in your face, bugs in your teeth-wait a minute, bugs in your teeth? I gingerly moved my tongue around then let out a sigh of relief. Thank the Lord, no bugs in your teeth. Where did that come from anyway?
Soon we rose up over one of the numerous hills to look at the burning pile of Orc carcasses. Can we say gross? The putrid smell was unbearable, at least to me. I grabbed the front collar of my shirt and burrowed my nose into it in attempted to escape the smell. Behind me, Emily did the same. I led the horse over to a rock, and slid off his back carefully. Not wanting the little devil to get away, I wrapped the reigns around a low branch and trotted up to the other four, still holding my nose.
Legolas and Gimli and Emily both held similar expressions of disgust. Aragorn looked quietly at the pile of dead Orc, then grimaced. I looked down, only to jerk my head back up as Aragorn let out a shout of rage. Poor guy. Emily gingerly patted his shoulder, looking at me pleadingly. I narrowed my eyes and gave her a look that said, "Don't say a word." I knew she wanted to tell him that Merry and Pippin were still alive, and they were in Fagorn with Treebeard. But there was no way I was going to let her change the events.
Aragorn straitened himself, suddenly staring at the ground. His eyes widened suddenly. He began following a faint track of some kind, sometimes crouching other times walking or running. We followed him curiously, until he stopped at a pile of cut rope. A foot or two away was an Orc blade. Nearby was also a mallorn-leaf, with crumbs of lembas in it and nearby. I bent over and picked up the sword.
"Ooo... this thing looks mighty evil," I said with a smirk. Its handle was carved in a shape of a gruesome head. Aragorn thought for a moment.
"It looks as though someone, an Orc, carried either both Merry and Pippin to this spot-" he pointed to the area where the ropes were. "-and then was probably killed." He gestured to the blood splattered in small amounts over the ground. "They used the fallen Orc's sword to cut themselves free, and decided to eat some lembas here." He pointed to the lembas packet and crumbs.
"Lembas taste like...like..." I struggled for a word. "CARDBOARD!" Legolas glared at me, and then at Emily who started hooting with laughter at his expression. One point of annoyance from Katie.
"Their tracks lead...into the forest," Aragorn concluded.
"Fagorn..." Emily said. "Hey, are there any flutterbys in there? I want to see a flutterby. NOW."
"Well, I want croutons and yet I don't complain," I answered her.
"Yes, tis Fagorn," Aragorn murmured, mostly to himself.
"We established that a while ago," I said to him. Once again I was ignored. Do they ENJOY giving me the silent treatment or something? I decided they were cruel insomniacs from the Netherlands.
"But Celeborn warned us against going into Fagorn," Gimli protested. The trees groaned and Legolas looked up toward them for a moment.
"Gimli, put you ax away," he muttered, and Gimli narrowed his eyes, but did as he was told. The trees stopped moaning.
"That sounded like...like..." Emily said. "CARDBOARD!"
"Cardboard?" Legolas asked.
"Yes, dear Watson, CARDBOARD! An invention of the twentieth century, and it's made out of tr-" I clamped my hand over Emily's mouth. Okay, so I was worried the Elf would go on a murder rampage because we use trees to make paper and junk. It wouldn't do any one any good if he stuck us full of arrows, would it?
"What were you about to say?" Legolas asked suspiciously.
"She was going to say...uh, tr-triangle trees!" I shouted with the new idea. Then I started to frown. Uh oh. Is it just me, or did I just say the 'T' word? Ready...aim...RUN FROM THE DEMON ELF. One point of stupidity for Katie.
"Trees? YOU USE TREES?" he cried. Another for making him mad...
"They're not trees exactly, they're LIKE them though," Emily said hastily. He eyed her testily, but didn't comment on her strange explanation. Let's hope he bought that load of bologna.
"Well, are we going into the forest or not?" Gimli growled, glaring at Emily and I. One point for irritating the midget...
"It seems we must. At least one of the hobbits are in it," Aragorn replied.
"FUN, we get to go to ELMOS WORLD! CROUTONS!" I cried and clapped my hands.
"No, we're going to ransack Barney's fun house and then we'll throw the over happy dinosaur into a big vat of super glue!" Emily said in imitation of my voice.
"You don't want to see Elmo?" "No..."
"Good, because neither do I."
"But you said you did..."
"And you believed me?"
"I'm not answering that," Emily said and we faithfully followed Aragorn. While I was poking Legolas in the back of his head. And while Emily kept kicking dirt on the back of his legs. While doing a lot of other things to get on his nerves.
"WILL YOU GO AWAY?!" he cried finally. Another point. Then he added in a lower voice, "Go pester Gimli. Or Aragorn. Please!" Emily and I exchanged looks, then shook our heads.
"They don't get as mad as you do," she informed him.
"It's either because you're a Prince and you're not used to this kind of torture, or you have a really bad temper," I said reasonably.
"I vote first one," Emily said with a grin.
"Does this look like a voting booth?" I asked then I face lightened. "And guess what, Leggy Diddles, there's another one I just thought of!"
"Another of what? And my name is NOT Leggy Diddles!" Hehe, yes another point.
"Sure thing Leggy Diddles. You also could be mad because you can't use your soap."
"What soap? STOP CALLING ME THAT." And another...
"The soap that you're holding out on! No use trying to hide it, I know you smuggled some out of Lothlórien before we left! Leggy Diddles," I added.
"In Eru's name, I don't have any soap!! And I'm NOT LEGGY DIDDLES!!!" Yet another... "You're having a two sided conversation...You're learning SO well, little grasshopper! Thranduil will be so amazed that his son has turned into a raving lunatic!" Emily said enthusiastically.
"I'M NOT A RAVING LUNATIC!!!!" Legolas shouted. Ah ha, the nut has cracked. The cookie jar is open. The popcorn had popped. The-nevermind. I think that counts for three points...Aragorn turned around and gave him a wry smile. Legolas merely scowled.
"Denial is the last step to Crazy," Emily commented.
"He's in denial?"
"Well, Katie dear, look at the facts. He denies he's a raving lunatic. He denies his true name is Leggy Diddles. And further more, he's practically going mad with irritation. I think we've achieved our goal. The fangirls back home will hate us!" Emily finished with a proud grin. True...very true...rabid fangirls beware...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
YAY! IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE....Sorry...I know I started it off WAY too serious, but I made up for it at the end...right?
I think it would be jolly to drive Leggy to the crazy end...then he'd be just like me!!!
Hey...I already had 11 points! Why am I taking points in the first place? Hmmm...I'll have to ask someone about this...
I know ya'll sent in stuff after the last story so, being the good lil authoress I am, I'll reply...
Katani Petitedra: *gasp* No no no, NEVER go back to the Normal Side, Luke. Sorry...(not). Yes, thy shall be one with thy cheese, if thee shall be one with thee croutons.
O.B.I.M: NO!!! You are not more insane than me!!! Have you ever started to drive a truck toward rush hour traffic at age three? Have you ever knocked yourself out for a simple lollipop? I think not! *starts hyperventilating* I worked hard for my insane randomness! NO ONE SHALL PREVAIL OVER I, KATIE, QUEEN OF RANDOMNESS AND GRAPES! *turns back to normal stupid self while breathing into a paper bag* Excuse me, I had one of those..."moments"
saiyan-girl-cheetah: I admit, I do not watch Inuyasha. I don't go for that stuff, because...well...just because. I don't know, don't sacrifice me to the Lords of the Croutons! *gets on knees and begs* But do tell what the special prayer necklace thingie is. I must keep my Elf under control...ROCK ON GIRL!!! POWER TO THE PURPLE ONES!!!!! *starts chanting "Purple purple purple!" over and over again*
Dy: Yeah, I might too...this world is SO deprived! NO POINTY EARED BEINGS OR CUTE LITTLE PEOPLE WITH BIG FEET!!! *sobs* OH THE AWFULL REALITY OF IT ALL!!!
jaded316: *gasps and clutches her Leggy hair* Never! Only for a million dollars will you get my Elf's hair...bwhahaha, I'm oh so evil. Do...do you see the neon nazis too? *shifty eye thing* _ They come for me at night night time...and they ask me to join the dark side...does that happen to you?
Jakie Firecracker: Never shall I finish the story...Okay, maybe I will. But only for my own satisfaction, not for you people! Lol, jking.
Megz: Oooo...I have...a...twin...sister...*coughs and starts hyperventilating again.* NO! I MUST BE ME BY MYSELF AND ONLY I!!! *starts chanting "me, myself and I. Me, myself, and I" over and over again. (I chant too much, don't you agree?)* Don't preppy girls make you want to GAG?! I hate wearing tight things too...why where them when you can wear nice big things you can breathe in? The Sam thing...he's not that bad, but he gets to me...I dunno why. It's like the Boromir thing. *shrug* I suppose he's a good grasshopper for helping dearest Fro Fro to Mordor but...HE'S MEAN TO MY SMEAGOL!!! *hugs Smeagol* You have powers invested in you? SO DO I! WATCH! Takes super glue and sticks a quarter to her head* See? It sticks! *pulls at it* But it won't come off....We don't really do the phone thing but it's just so...Katie and Emily...*blinks* (I LOVE LEGGY MORE! *hisses* back off!)