Ways to ease the pain:

Author note:

So this is a story I started writing about a year ago, and I kind of lost my inspiration, but now I have a new one!
this story is my way to let everything out.
I've been cutting for a long time, and now I've been clean for more than a month.
this is my first fanfiction in two years, and the first for this account, so please don't kill me if it's not any good.
disclaimer- glee not mine, Adam, Emily, Chris and Xavier are mine..

Summery- after Finn outs Santana, she runs home and tries her best to ease the pain, but drags herself for the worse of things…

warnings- self-harm, use of drugs and alcohol,suicide. MAY TRIGGER!
_

Chapter 1

Santana's POV'

Hey, Santana, why don't you just come out of the closet?

I burst inside the door. Luckily no-one was home.

A coward.

I cant have anyone seeing me like this ,with tears streaming down my face, so pathetic. A loser.
I am nothing but a worthless dyke, who can't even seems to keep her own secrets and feelings.

I start punching the wall, and I don't stop until I notice the blood dripping from my fist. I guess I wounded my arm.
I go to the bathroom, open the medicine cabinet, wrap my arm with a bandage, and look for some pain killers. Shit. I cant find them..
guess my parents hid them after they found out that Adam was my dealer..
doesn't matter, I'll ask them later.

I'm just a bitch. No-one likes me. No-one loves me.
Even Xavier hates me, and he's my own brother!
my parents only notice me when I'm making something right(which is almost never..)

She might not love you back.

Brittany didn't even ask me about it.

My life sucks.

I want to forget. To ease the pain.
and the only way I can do that is with the help of one person.
the one that won't care I'm only turning 18 next month..

I need Adam's help. Again.

I already forgot about the time I used to hang out with him.
it was only two years ago, but the whole period of time I hang out with him, was blurry..

I grabbed my keys and wallet, and began my ride over to the bad part of town..

'Yo, Lopez!', the minute I got there Chris called for me. 'haven't seen you in a while there. Didn't you quit?' but then he got closer and he saw her face. ' whoa, are you crying?'
'I don't want to talk about it.' I said,

'Do you need anything?'
'Yeah, can you get Emily or Adam?'
'sure, wait here'

I waited a few seconds,and then I heard some yelling and running and something crashed into me.

'I missed you so much!',said Emily, who was hugging me tightly now.
I hugged her back,'I missed you too..'
'what happened?'
'can I talk to you outside for a minute?'
'sure. Hey Chris, I'm going outside for a few minutes with Tana!'

We walked outside and sat down on the sidewalk.
I looked at her for a moment.'You changed your hair.'
her natural hair was brown. Now it was black with purple and blue stripes and at the ends of her hair.
'Yeah, but you know I hated my hair, and besides, I needed something to do now and then, since Adam and I quit 3 months ago..'

She and Adam quit. I can't believe it. Now how the hell am I supposed to get it now?

'You quit?'

'Yeah,went to rehab for a few months, been clean for 6 months'
'Damn it!' I yelled.
'What? Don't tell me you want oxy. You quit 2 years ago!'
'look, I don't want to talk about it, but it's been a shitty week. I need something.'
'What happened?'
'I said I don't want to talk about it!' I yelled getting up.
'look, I'm just trying to help you'
'I don't need your help.'
'what happened to your hand?'
I set myself to run.
'Adam! Come here quick!' she started yelling.
Adam quickly came outside.
I started crying. I couldn't breath, and everything was starting to get dark.
'Tana, you're having a panic attack. I need you to breath with me,OK? In and out, in and out'
I was starting to breath better after a few minutes of that.

I woke up in a bed. I guess I fell asleep. There was already light outside.

'hey, I see you finally woke up'
It was Emily.
'hey, sorry for last night.'
'It's fine, you needed to let it out.. now what happened?'
'Do you remember what happened the night before my parents found out?'
'ummm. I thought we weren't going to talk about '
'someone in my glee club outed me, and now there's a commercial about it..'
'what? Who did it? I'll kill him.'
'let's not get into that..'
'What do you mean? You almost relapsed because of him.'
'look, I'm just going to go home.'
'how about I come with you? In case you get the urge to do something.'
'fine, but I don't know if my parents saw the commercial yet, so don't panic if they start yelling.'

We got to my house, and everything was quiet. the TV was playing quietly in the living room. We walked into the kitchen, and my parents were sitting there, not talking.
'hey.' I said.
'where the hell have you been?' my father asked.
'I went over to Emily's and fell asleep.'
'we saw the commercial' my mother said.
I got pale. 'is it true?' my father asked.
'yes.'
my parents looked at each other.
'you have an hour to pack your things, and then I want you to get out of my house, do you understand me?' my mother said.
'what?'
'we want you to get out of this house.'
'but where am I supposed to live?'
' we don't care. Just get out.'

Emily and I packed up my things, and got everything to my car.
'where am I supposed to go?'
'you can stay with Adam, Chris and me.'
'are you sure this is a good idea?'
'sure. You can sleep in one of the guest rooms.'

How was it? Read and review!

I'll only update if people are interested in the story.