A while back, I recieved a restraining order on behalf of the company that built my vespa and it got me genuinely intrigued. A lot of the interactions I had with the staff would easily pass as normal on my home planet of Eroero, but I can't fault humans for interpreting it as harassment. It's *their* mundanity, and what would give me the right to judge 'em for it, yaknow? And I'm well aware that some of what I did may have been downright unethical (cough)running people over(cough)

However, what baffled me about the reasons cited was that they mentioned my modification requests and inquiries on the matter. On Erorero, we modify those fuckers like they're guitars. It's a hobby for gearheads and travellers that's widely accepted. But alas, the concept of enhancing a motorbike with extreme speed and hyperflight capabilities, is apparently so outrageous to humans that mentioning it in a letter to ANY company and asking them for assistance can easily be mistaken for a prank. I genuinely never knew any of this during the period when I was in communication with them. Suffice to say we now have CONCRETE EVIDENCE THAT HUMANS ARE FUCKING BORING.

But to that rule, there are, of course, exceptions. I've met a few. Hell, if you care enough about me to have even read this little meditation, then you're one of them, and I thank you for that. Just lemme know where you live, and I might crash there for six episodes if you behave yourself. And as per usual, expect the kind of maddening weirdness I always bring, 'kay? Cool.

Ok, now we gotta start being relevant again. If you guys don't mind, I'm gonna brag a little bit about all of the parts I manually added to my vespa, just to give you some sort of example of how my culture handles this.

The list goes as follows:

-Tube-amplified speaker with aux cord.

-Space matter-powered hyperflight and extreme speed capabilities

-Fold-out compartment for sketchy materials in many varieties

-''Digestive'' buffer for hit-and-run victims

-padded seat stolen from drum kit stool at a Mabase garage sale

-100% electric fuel (powered by batteries that look like Gundams. the bastards fall right out whenever they feel like it.)

-''The Eraserhead Baby Is My Copilot'' bumper sticker, 'cuz I'm a sucker for Lynch. Hell, I even use the aux cord to play the Lost Highway soundtrack when I'm driving at night.

-The iconic (P!) decal

And that's about it. It was kind of a long process to rig evrything up, especially because Earth's Vespa people wouldn't cooperate with me at all, but everything still works fine for the most part (but the damn battery still keeps falling out.) As much as I hate to admit it, I'm still adjusting here, even after 18 years, and the disparity between what we each consider common knowledge is just enormous, and for those wondering, yes, that's why I act the way I do. I just gave up on assimilating and decided I'd rather shock you all in as many ways as possible, cuz hey, it's more exciting that way!

-Haruko Haruhara