Battle Worn
By: doctorrosetyler
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who or any of the characters.
The TARDIS doors slammed shut on the sound of a mortar hitting the ground. Rose rested against them as rock and dirt and blood rained down on the outside of the ship. Her eyes closed against the image in her mind of those outside that they had to leave. She was beginning to learn that nothing was more painful for a time traveller than a fixed point in history.
World War One was the bloodiest of all battles she could imagine. They had landed by mistake, a distress call sent from a long abandoned and buried alien spacecraft that had been hit by a mortar. They had walked right out of the TARDIS and into a vicious battle. Though they had spent only twelve minutes outside the ship, it felt like a lifetime.
She had been terrified, unsure of what to do. The Doctor was determined to find the source of the distress call and they had started running through the trenches, the Doctor pulling a mask from his pocket in case of mustard gas attacks. Her heart had never beat faster, as she knew how this war ended for most of the men on the battlefield. The soldiers they had met on the way had all been wounded, their hollow eyes staring up at her as they ran past. Rose asked if they could help, but the Doctor had only looked at her with the saddest eyes she had ever seen and said. "It's fixed, Rose. There's nothing we can do without damaging time."
She saw the tension in his shoulders, not from fear, but from alertness. His feet moved swiftly and seamlessly through the muddy trench while her trainer-clad sneakers stuck in the mud every few feet and he had to grab her hand and practically pull her with him. His reactions were quick and when they found the ship, he did everything in a quiet, methodical manner. None of his usual babbling poured out of his mouth, no grins or history lessons on the species that had abandoned this ship millennia ago. His eyes were cold and empty, and she could practically see the man she loved so much become another person in a short span of time.
As her flushed cheek rested on the cool wood of the TARDIS doors, there was a tingle in her mind and then a vision. It was the Doctor, with longer chestnut hair and a harder face. There was fire and rage in his eyes and anguish in the way he carried his shoulders.
A War. Both sides lost, but only one man was mad to bear the weight.
Her Doctor.
She slid down the door, tears falling down her face as the vision continued. Him in his ship alone, screaming in pain from what he had done, what he had to do. She could feel the sheer loneliness in his head where his people used to be. It was the silence of a death that would not be kind enough to take him. She cried out as he began to glow in her vision, his screams of anguish silenced as he changed to the man she had first met.
Rose was pulled out of the vision and into the current Doctor's arms. She was laying, curled against the closed doors with her hands in her hair. Had she been pulling it and screaming, or was that part of the vision? The Doctor was looking at her in concern.
"Rose, Rose, are you ok? I'm so sorry, I should have had you stay here. You shouldn't have had to see any of that. Oh, Rose." He pulled her to him, not realizing that her sobs were for the loneliness in his heart and not her own.
Her Doctor wasn't just eccentric or a little lonely. She pulled closer to him, nuzzling her nose into his tie. He was a war-torn soldier. He was the lone survivor of a war he had to end. He was in pain, the last of his kind that had to live with the guilt of the fact that their death had come about by his hands. She remembered his eyes in Downing Street.
I could save the world, but lose you.
She remembered the expression on his face. He had been remembering his people. Save the universe, massacre all those he loved. Save the world, lose Rose. Why did he have to carry these burdens?
She wanted to take them from him. Her sobs echoed through the console room, punctuated by the booms from outside and the screams of men. The Doctor continued to try to console her, apologizing for things he had no need to be sorry for, things that were never his fault. Each made her cry harder, made her fall a little more in love with him. He was such a good man, though he believed himself to be a terrible being.
Eventually her tears quieted and she looked up into his frantic eyes. She tried to smile, but her sorrow for him still lingered. She reached up a hand and stroked his cheek. He leaned into the touch, a little relieved that she was at least responding to him now and she had stopped crying.
"Was that what the war looked like, Doctor? The one where you lost your people?" she asked quietly, her voice rough from crying.
The look in his eyes said he was clearly not expecting that question. "Wh-what?" his mouth opened and closed, trying to find the words to stop this line of questions, he didn't want her to see that man. He kept the soldier hidden.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, willing away the tension in his form. "The Time War. How did you...how do you carry it, Doctor? How do you go on?"
He closed his eyes and pulled her closer, burying his nose in her shoulder. He didn't want to think about this right now, didn't ever want to remember. The way she held him, though, it was like she understood. Her tears weren't for the men in the trenches, they were for him.
His hearts skipped a beat. Oh, how he loved this woman. He had just shown her the worst possible point in history, and she is crying tears for him. For his losses. For his pain.
She pulled back from him, looking at him through spiky lashes. "How, Doctor?" she whispered again.
He reached up and wove his fingers into her hair and stroked her cheek with his thumb. His hearts swelled and he couldn't stop himself. "You."
He felt the exact moment she processed what he said. Her body tensed under him and her eyes welled up with tears. She said nothing, only sealed her lips onto his in a passionate kiss. He returned it, holding her close and wishing he would never have to let her go.
Some time later, they parted. They talked and hugged and he told her the story of the Time War. He gave her that part of himself, and she took it and held it close to her heart.
As she kissed him again, the sounds of battle faded to the background and all he could hear was the sound of her heart beating and the pulsing beat of time.
A/N: I know this was a bit more angsty than I usually write. And very short. But this little plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down. I have the rest of Return to Memory mapped out in my head, it's just the finding time to get it down on paper that 's difficult. Grad school is tough! Thanks for reading! I'll try and get the next chapter up for RTM soon, but it depends on my exam schedule!
With Love,
doctorrosetyler