Hurt.
The girl he had grown to love as family, as a younger sister, was gone. She had blatantly barreled her way into his life without warning or approval from him, and now she was simply walking out.
He had grown to care for her, like a sibling would. She looked up to him, and he tried his best to never fail her.
But he did, just like he had his mother years ago.
Inhaling a sharp intake of breath, he still stood where he had last seen Ahsoka. The sky was now dark but he didn't care, too lost in his own grief. An empty ache filled him, feeling like he had really lost blood family, even though she was not, and even though she wasn't gone in a way that he wouldn't see her until it was his time to be one with the force.
He hated failure. Despised it to the depth of his core. It seemed no matter how hard he tried, he always failed the ones he cared about.
And he was sick of it.
Anger.
He was angry. A dark brood, simmered deep within him as he walked along the halls of the Jedi Temple.
Ahsoka had only been gone for a week and Anakin was fairing no better than when she left.
He was angry at Barriss.
How could she betray Ahsoka like that? The two were good friends. He just couldn't understand why she would have betrayed such a great friendship. He was at a loss. Out of all people she could have chosen to play her wicked schemes, why Ahsoka?
He was angry at the Jedi Order.
If they had only listened to Ahsoka in the first place. Trusted her, trusted him. Why couldn't they have trusted their words, see that they were not lying? It showed that the order didn't trust him at all, and in turn, his padawan had to pay for it. All of this could have been avoided if they would have been more open minded. Maybe, if they had actually given Ahsoka a proper apology, she would still be here.
He was angry at Ahsoka.
She didn't have to leave. She could have stayed. Sure, it would take a while for the wounds to mend but she would be where she belonged. Here. He meant it when he said he understood more than she knew, about wanting to leave, but also about the Jedi Order not trusting him. He knew what it was like, to have them breathing down your neck. But she had a duty, she did not have to leave.
But, he was mostly angry at himself.
He had failed. Maybe if he had been a better mentor, she would have stayed by his side. Maybe if had had gathered evidence for her case faster, things wouldn't have twisted so badly. If he was a better Jedi, he could have stopped all of this. He wasn't the Jedi he should be, could be.
And that, angered him.
Numb.
A day after his brooding walk around the temple, Anakin had managed to snatch time away and finally get back home to Padme`.
It was one of the first things he wanted to do after Ahsoka had left. His heart yearned for repair, for as Ahsoka left, she had a chipped a piece of him away and taken it with her.
Padme` always knew how to comfort him, to lull him into a sense of security and love.
But he couldn't return to her yet, it wasn't possible at the time.
He was hurt and angry and he just wanted to curl up with Padme` until the pain of loss and failure would fade away.
But by the time he had gotten to her, he felt at a numb. She had thrown herself at him, saying nothing as she lead him further into their home and into their bedroom. He had laid his head on her chest, wrapping his arms around her petite body tightly and she ran her fingers through his untamed locks, soothing his turmoil greatly. As they had cuddled affectionately for hours, he finally felt himself begin to heal.
It was only when after a while they had shifted positions, him cradling her into his chest when Padme` began to cry softly, her sniffles filling the air.
Padme` was a strong woman and wasn't one to show weakness often, only to her true love behind closed doors. It always pained him in these moments, to see his strong, loving, woman in pain.
Because at the moment as he rocked her gently and buried his face into her chestnut curls he realized he wasn't the only one who lost Ahsoka.
Determination.
He was determined to never fail his loved ones again. He would not allow it to happen. It was unacceptable and he basically erased the word failure from his vocabulary. It wasn't an option.
He would not let others down again, that he was sure of. He had talked to the Chancellor earlier and his words of encouragement and understanding had certainly helped. He had urged him on, opening his eyes to see how it really was. The Jedi were afraid to trust him because of his power. For if he could have stopped the many things that should not have occurred, such as his mother dying and Ahsoka leaving, his powers would exceed and the Jedi were afraid of that.
For his mother, for Ahsoka, he would honor them by becoming a greater Jedi.
He would become a greater Jedi so he would not fail Obi Wan or Padme`, he couldn't lose them too.
He stared out of his home now, the sun setting and he smiled lovingly as he heard Padme`'s soft voice call him over for dinner.
He would not fail the ones he loved again.
With determination set through him, he turned to Padme`, and inkling feeling that he would see Ahsoka again giving him hope.
Author's Note: This is not a Ani/Ahsoka. No, I only support Ani/Padme` here. He lost someone he loved, he has every right to be moody and emotional.
ALSOOO Hayden Christensen favorited, replied, and retweeted me yesterday (I drew a portrait of him).
I had a heart attack.
My favorite actor, someone I've loved since I was literally a little kid, acknowledge my existence. wow.
But for the last sentence in this story, about Anakin seeing Ahsoka again, was not meant to be happy.
I'm sure many have heard of the new show Rebels that is suppose to play on Disney XD, and Ahsoka is suppose to be in it. I'm sure she will cross paths with Vader and I seriously doubt it will be anything but a happy reunion. Star Wars brings sad feels, damn.
When Ahsoka left, I bawled. I've always been a movie crybaby and this was too much. Good grief.
Also, there was so much snow here the other day, wow. Almost a foot and it never snows like this where I live. I seriously felt like I was on Hoth or something, and I really wished I had a Taun Taun to walk through it because having short legs doesn't go well while trying to get through it.
Please review so I know what you think!