Broken Hearts and Torn Hearts

Marissa sat in her room on her bed, her journal open on her lap. She closed her eyes trying not to think about Ryan…But she just, couldn't help it. He was on her mind…He always was. She looked over toward her phone, it was sitting there…Desperately waiting for her to pick it up and call Ryan…Like she did every night. She threw her journal down on the bed and stood up. She walked over to her vanity and pulled a drawer open. A stash of vodka appeared, she grabbed a bottle, opening it and taking a sip…Usually the vodka had a burning sensation it caused in her throat…But she had drinkin so many, that she couldn't even feel it anymore. She chugged the rest of the bottle, as the liquid trickled down her throat. She felt a little better…She jumped slightly when she heard a knock at her door. She quickly put the empty bottles of vodka into her drawer and shut it. She ran back toward her bed, jumping in it quickly. "Who is it..?" She asked quietly…

DJ emerged into Marissa's bedroom, a grin on his face. DJ had always come up stairs every night. He and Marissa had some sort of connection. He wasn't sure what it was…But they were defiantly close. He still didn't exactly understand why Marissa wanted him. But she did, and he wanted her. "It's just me." he said into the quiet room. He walked toward sitting down on her bed next to her, he moved in close to her, pulling her into a kiss.

Marissa looked toward him, and smiled slightly. "Oh...Uh...Hey." she answered; she then just sat there as he walked toward her and pulled her into a kiss. She kissed him back, but even so…She was still thinking about Ryan. She couldn't do this…Not now. So she did the only thing she could do at this point, she pulled back…and… "DJ…I'm kind of tired. Maybe we can continue this tomorrow?" She lied. But it seemed like the right thing to do…Right? She just couldn't sit there and pretend she wanted DJ when she really didn't right now.

DJ was a little shocked when Marissa pulled back, away from him. He looked at her for a moment then finally nodded his head. "Yeah, Sure." He answered. "You get some rest then." He slowly moved in kissing her forehead as he smiled toward her. He stood up…And walked toward the door, taking one final glance back at her before exiting in her room.

Marissa sighed as she bit her lip for a second. She stood up walking toward her vanity and opening her vodka drawer, she retrieved a bottle of vodka from it and guzzled it down quickly. It was weird…How somehow…Vodka actually made her feel better. It helped her escape from her problems…Her pain…Her life. She hid the vodka bottle back in another drawer with the others. She then walked toward her phone picking it up. She hesitated for a moment before pressing the number 1 key, yes; she had Ryan on speed dial. It rang a few times, but then she finally heard what she wanted to hear…The sound of his voice…She did this almost every night…Got drunk…Called Ryan…Sometimes she would stay on the line for a little while…Sometimes she would hang up quickly and cry…But tonight…She stayed on the line longer then usual…

Ryan's eyes slowly opened at the sound of the ringing telephone, he groaned quietly and grabbed the cordless phone that lay on the nightstand next to him, he pressed 'talk' and put the phone up toward his ear. "Hello?" he spoke into the receiver. "Hello?" he repeated after he had gotten no answer. "Is anyone there…?" he asked as he heard breathing coming from the other line…He knew somebody must have been there. But he was too tired to even think about whom it was…So he just hung up the phone and put it back down on the nightstand. He figured it was probably just a prank caller…As usual. He lay back down, closing his eyes…Soon falling back to sleep.

Marissa sat there, the phone still to her ear…Even after he hung up. She bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears but she couldn't…A few tears trickled down her cheeks…Then a few minutes later, tears were slowing out of her eyes like waterfalls. She walked toward her vanity and grabbed a pair of scissors off of it…She sobbed aloud, she backed into the wall, sliding down it…She put the blade of the scissors to her flesh, she finally drew the blade down her arm, causing a cut to appear blood, dripped from her arm to the carpet. She knew this was wrong…And she shouldn't do it…But after the first few times she had done it…It kind of became an addiction. It helped her escape…It was one of the 4 things that helped her escape…First on her list was drinking...2nd was DJ…3rd was the cutting…And last but not least was her journal. It helped her to write down her thoughts of what was happening in her life. She stood up watching the blood drip from her arm. She grabbed a towel off her dresser and pressed it against the wound she had just made on her arm. She walked toward her bed. Sliding underneath the covers and closing her eyes as she shut the light off…Then…Like every night…She cried herself to sleep.

Next Morning

Marissa's eyes slowly opened as the sun ray's shone through her window and to her face. She sat up looking down at her arm that had stopped bleeding…Finally. She sat up in her bed, stepping out and changing into a long sleeved shirt, to cover her cuts and blue jeans. She brushed her hair and simply walked out of her room starting down stairs to get something to eat. She walked straight into the kitchen, she looked out the window seeing DJ working on the pool, like he usually did. She looked away from DJ and started searching through the cabinets for something to eat.

Julie stepped into the kitchen, the phone to her ear…She smiled toward Marissa. "Marissa, your up. Oh, there's cereal in the bottom cabinet." She said motioning to one of the million cabinets they had in the kitchen. "Oh, no, not you Jen." she said with a slight laugh. "So, we are still having a Valentines Day party at the Cohen's? Kirsten really agreed to have it at her house?" She asked slightly surprised. "Wow…I don't know. I just didn't think she'd be up to it. I mean she's been so unhappy ever sense that boy from Chino left…That by the way no one misses." She said laughing.

Marissa saw her mom enter and suddenly her whole day was ruined. Just like that. She looked toward her mother as she talked to her. Not really like she was listening. Suddenly she wasn't so hungry. She walked out of the kitchen she stopped outside of it as her mother began talking about Kirsten and the Cohen's…And then Ryan. Her mother obviously didn't know much…Seth missed Ryan. Sandy missed Ryan…Kirsten missed Ryan…And, well, she missed Ryan too. She sighed as she walked toward the door, walking out of her house, she got into her car and speeded down the street…She needed to get away for a while. And she new exactly where she could go.

Seth sat up in his room, on his bed. He had only gotten back to Newport a couple days ago…His parents were so happy to see him. But…He wasn't that happy to be back…It seemed that Summer had a new boyfriend. And Ryan…Was, well still gone. He sighed as he set up an entry in his journal. He had been keeping it sense he was 7…So it was pretty important to him. He grabbed a pencil and began to write….

2/12/05

Okay…Well…This is a journal…Not a diary…I just wanted to clear that up. Anyways, well…It's been 2 days sense I've been back in Newport…I guess I did kind of miss it. Or well, I missed Summer and my parents. But, of course…It's just my luck that when I come back Summer moved on from me to this guy named Zach. I mean really…What kind of name is that? I just can't believe that it's over between me and Summer…All summer all I could think about was her. I drew pictures of her…I…Talked about her…Thought about her. I wondered what she was doing. I really didn't mean to hurt her. I just couldn't stay here…Especially not without Ryan…I mean he was my best friend…My only friend. And he still was. I mean Zach was okay…He was into comics which was cool. ButI can't help but hate Zach...Fortaking Summer from me. But I guess...That isen't really Zach's fault. I was the one who left...So it was mine...Right?

He closed his journal and threw it on his nightstand. He stoodup walking toward his bedroom door...Opning it and walking out. He had to talk to Summer.

Sooo...That was my first chapter...I know it kind of sucked!But...I hope you liked it. RR Pleaseee!