Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Bowels
A one-shot.

A burning sensation stirred within Harry. Was it his scar? Was it Voldemort? No... No, this burning sensation was much different. Not to mention, he didn't feel it where his lightning bolt scar showed upon his forehead. This feeling... Was it in his torso? No...it was a little bit lower. He felt the compelling urge to rush to the bathroom. He leapt from his shabby bed riddled with owl feces and bolted from his room, trying to hold it in. He ran into the bathroom and in a split second his pants were completely to the floor. Then there it was. Extremely loud noises echoed off the tiles. Lights were turned on by the sound of this noise. Harry's uncle Vernon walked to the closed door and knocked.

"Boy! What the ---!"

He stopped yelling as soon has he had started. Vernon clutched his nose in disgust and took a few steps back.

"BLIMEY! WHAT IS THAT GROTESQUE STENCH!!"

Harry wasn't listening. He could only concentrate on the pain and the burn expulsing from his anus. It didn't stop. It kept blowing forth with terrible force. And it was so odious! Things started getting dimmer within the bathroom and Harry fell off the toilet. His uncle came into the room to find an unconscious boy with his pants to his ankles lying on the floor.

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When he awoke, Harry was on the floor of his room with his pants still to his ankles. He opened his eyes first to the common sight of matted owl poo embedded into the carpet. Then he realized that his lower half of his body felt slightly cold. Harry looked to his legs, and with shock and bewilderment pulled them back up to his waist. Standing up, he heard his aunt walking to his room.

"Oh, so you're finally awake, I see. Well, come. Follow me. I have a job for you today and you better do it quickly."

She lead him to the bathroom, where there was feces not only in the toilet, but on the toilet as well. there was a little bit on the floor, and a smudge on the wall. there were even a few droplets scattered on the ceiling. And there was this horrible stench.

"Does this look familiar to you?" His aunts tone in her voice was rather stern.

"Um...Well, I'm not really sure..." Harry tried recalling last night, but he only had glimpses of a burning pain and a bathroom of sorts. "What happened?"

"What happened? You're asking me what happened after you only just defiled our bathroom and made the most disgusting mess of a lifetime. Last night you went and woke everyone up, even a few neighbors. Then you just go and sleep right afterwards. I hope your dreams last night were fulfilling, because that's the best its going to get from here on out until you move away off to live with your lot! Now clean up the bloody mess. It better be spotless by the time I come back to check up on you."

With that she stormed out of the hallway, leaving Harry to clean up his mess, still in his pajamas. He took paper towel and smeared some of the mess about, lazily. He couldn't use magic, so this was going to be a task to remember. He tried to think about when this happened, but it was all just a blur. He took a few more paper towels, dipped them under the faucet, and tried wiping off the wall. He couldn't stand the smell of this mess, so he flushed the toilet. Nothing happened. He clogged the toilet, somehow. Was it really that much? He sighed and took out the plunger. What an event to start out the day...

-END!-

Authors Note: Well, yeah, it's pretty short, but I figured that too much of a joke can wear that joke out. Maybe I will post a sequel adding on to it, but only if it's perfect. I hope this made you laugh, because it made me laugh.

-Bri