Every Which Way But Booth
Author's notes:
Before I go into the storyline, let me say I am a huge fan of Dr. Kathy Reichs and the Bones TV show. I've wanted to see Booth and Brennan as B&B the couple for five long years. Sadly, it's not looking good this year either. (Sigh.) After so much disspointment, I thought it was high time I took things into my own hands.
I've read so many great FFs with fantastic and creative ideas on how B&B finally (FINALLY) realize they belong together. For my own FF I was going to slowly build things up, give it some tension, some heat and some angst. That was before I realized something huge:
I am angst-ed out.
So, with that in mind, I've decided to write something lighter and recruited just about every cast member I can think of to help.
If you want to experience angst, serious commitment and a sweaty B&B, please look elsewhere to the truly great Ff available by the talented authors on this site.
However, if you (like me) have wrung your hands too many times waiting for the Hollywood writers to please us, the loyal audience, feel free to laugh along with me. I'll poke a little fun, stack the odds overwhelmingly in our favor and have the the brilliant scientists, agents, psychologists, lawyers and chefs gang up on our lovable but obtuse B&B.
The prologue that follows is silly, short and intended only to set the scene in my author's universe. I shouldn't need the green men again. Though one never knows. :)
I don't own Bones. Fox, Temperance Brennan LLP, etc do. Bully for them. However any plot lines you do not recognize and any places are mine.
Like Monty Python so astutely said in the Holy Grail: "Get on with it!"
Right, so...
Prologue
OK, before we get to the heart of our story let's set a few things straight:
Hannah was tragically hit by a meteorite while driving home on the Washington Beltway in rush hour traffic. She didn't feel a thing for those of you who care. After the initial impact of the explosion, which vaporized both her and her car; a UFO rode in on the meteorite's tail and appeared overhead. As soon as it gained the attention of everyone in a ten mile radius, the little green men driving our UFO lower a very large version of the 'Men In Black' memory annihilator and flash the red bulb. Traffic remains bumper to bumper. No one remembers why.
Meanwhile, back at Booth's apartment, a second, smaller UFO craft lands and a commando unit of author's helpers, er, I mean, little green men breaks in through the window by the fire escape. They abscond with every item Hannah had ever owned or bought and rearrange Booth's things the way they were before she moved in. They also vacuum, scrub toilets, empty the dishwasher and repair the broken window on their way out. (What the heck, he's cute.)
Booth, Brennan, Cam, Hodgins, Angela, Sweets, Daisy, Fisher, Clark, Mr. Nigel-Murray, Gordon-Gordon, Andrew, Perotta and Caroline are all celebrating New Year's Eve at Wong Foo's. Unfortunately, due to bad teriyaki and soy sauce, they all wind up with a horrible case of food poisoning. Thankfully, the only effect of the pathogen is to completely and permanently erase all memories having to do with Hannah. Of course, it also turns out to be inexplicably contagious to only those unnamed characters not present who remember Hannah as well.
Zack, (still at the asylum for the criminally insane) is accidentally overdosed on electric shock treatment due to a mop bucket accident and a janitor crashing into and breaking both the safety and shut-off buttons. Amazingly, the chemical electro-pathways in his brain are widened and therefore his ability to reason has become twice as fast as it used to be. Unfortunately, he remembers nothing that Hodgins or Angela has told him about Hannah either.
With the landing of all the little green men, Scully and Mulder show up in DC and waltz through collecting clues. Every clue leads them to Hollywood where they round up a ragtag group of screenwriters for the Fox TV series 'Bones'. Every single one of those writers, while en route to interrogation is then summarily sucked out the sunroof of Mulder's rental car up into the invisible UFO tailing Mulder's car from above. At least every writer except the one writer that wrote Hodgin's line, "You're the one that's leaving." And the other writer that wrote Angela's reply, "You're the one who's not stopping me." Those guys can be spared the anal probes.
Oh, wait, on second thought, they must have both been in the room when some numbskull came up with the idea of writing in Hannah. We spare no one. Anal probes all around! Hooray!
Flash back to all of our mildly sick Medico-Legal team. They all turn to face the camera and yell, "Get on with it!"
And so, with all set back right with the world, and no further adieu, let's begin.
***Mulder and Scully and the X-Files belong to Chris Carter and the Fox network. Thanks for guest starring.
***Men In Black is a Columbia Pictures/Amblin Entertainment production. Thanks for helping us out, fellas.
In all seriousness, this will be a slightly silly story, albeit not as silly as the above. It is several chapters long. I have to post it in chunks because I am a truck driver and I seldom get the chance to access the Internet. So while I would have loved more feedback while writing, it simply wasn't possible. I do quite a bit of screen writing, so it may at times seem heavy on the dialogue, and for that I apologize in advance. It's a hard habit to break.
If you didn't figure it out, in my Author's Universe, Booth and Brennan have just spent months apart. This story opens in the beginning of Season 6. Just completely minus Hannah.
I have been able to read many fantastic stories here as a 'lurker' and haven't been able to review them due to reading them on my phone. I won't blame you if you don't leave a review. I know what it's like to read something and want to say thank you to the author for entertaining me, but simply wasn't able. That being said, thank you for reading. I've tried to keep it in readable chunks of less than 5000 words per chapter. I hope you enjoy it! If you do, I'll go ahead and post the rest.