Agrias Oaks-
Accounts of a Holy Knight,
Heartfelt Yearnings of an Incomplete Woman
Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy Tactics characters, worlds and events are copyright of Square-Enix.
Account 1-A World Without You
Agrias Oaks, Holy Knight and unsung hero of the Murond Death City campaign, trudged to her quarters. It had been a long day for the woman in her late twenties. After her harrowing battles with the comrades she had gained during her time as Princess Ovelia's personal bodyguard, she returned to what she knew best: being a knight. There was not much else in her life besides the knighthood. In grim reality, there were only 2 other very important people in her life, both of which were unjustly stolen from her. The first was Princess Ovelia, the one she had sworn to protect. A tragic twist of fate led the young lass to an untimely and tragic death at the hands of King Delita Hyral. When Agrias learned of her demise, she was shattered beyond belief. That was the latter of the two heartwrenching events that had befallen Agrias. The former, and perhaps the most important to the Knight, was the dissapearance of the young Ramza Beoulve, one of the 2 remaining blood descendants of the late Balbanes Beoulve. After a gruesome fight against the Blood Angel Altima in the Graveyard of Airships, Ramza, Agrias, and their other comrades, stood victorious. But there was to be no celebration, as Altima decided the fates of each and every one of those who stood before her. There was a tremendous flash of light, and the next thing Agrias knew, she was alone, right outside of Murond's gates. She later met up with her friends, which included Mustadio, the engineer from Goug Machine City, Orlandu, also known as Thunder God Cid, Rafa and Malak, the assassin siblings of Heaven and Hell, Beowulf and Reis, and finally Meliadoul, a former enemy turned ally. However, there were two people missing; the Beoulve twins, Alma and Ramza. They were nowhere to be found. A search was conducted by the palpit to find the Heretic Ramza, but the young lad and his sister were never seen from that day forward. So it had come to this, Agrias had lost the two most important people in her life...but one must ask, how could Lady Agrias Oaks, a Holy Knight and elite soldier, fall for such a naive lad like Ramza Beoulve? The answers lie in her writings...
Agrias slid into her seat and sighed heavily, removing her breastplate from her torso and setting it beside her. She then removed her iron gauntlets and tossed them on her bed, and finally unbelted her sword and set it against the desk. It was so nice to be out of the heavy and cumbersome armor. Normally Agrias felt awkward without her trusty suit of mail and weapon strapped onto her body, but lately she had found herself wanting to wear it less and less. Opening a small drawer on the right side of the desk, Agrias pulled out what appeared to be a journal, a memoir of the Holy Knight's life as far back as she could remember. The earliest entries marked the excitement she had felt when she attained the rank that she carried to this day, the middle was about her assignment to protect Princess Ovelia, and the latest, with the ink still somewhat fresh on the paper, was about her encounter with one single boy. A boy younger than she, but still a boy of immense curiousity. At first it was a sort of disdainful curiousity, as Agrias was not very fond of Ramza when she first met him. But she had her reasons. He was allied with that scoundrel Gafgarian, who in turn led to the initial capture of Princess Ovelia. Agrias thought the boy was nothing more than a simple rogue, but as she continued to travel with him, she saw what kind of man he really was. At the time he had hidden his true name of Beoulve, calling himself Ramza Ruglia, so Agrias was oblivious to the fact of his true heritage. But during an encounter with Gafgarion at Golgorand Execution Site, she had learned of his lineage. The mighty Beoulve family, this boy was the same as both Dycedarg and Zalbag, who were instigators of that accursed Lion War. But when Ramza defended himself, saying "It's true I am a Beoulve, but I'm not like my brothers! You have to believe me!" Agrias saw past Gafgarion's attempt at causing turmoil within Ramza's party, seeing nothing but truth from Ramza's claim. "No doubt in my mind, I believe you!" Were Agrias' exact words. From there, Agrias learned alot about the young Ramza Beoulve. Branded as a Heretic by the Church for his crimes against kingdom and clergy alike, he continued on the road of self justice, trying to free himself from the shackles that was his own name. Bringing a swift, but justified end to both brothers Dycedarg and Zalbag, Ramza continued on his path, not wanting to submit to the viscitudes of the obstacles that stood before him. Justice would be served, and the Lion War would end, even if it cost the young man his very life. This eventually led Ramza's group to Murond Death City, where the final battle between the last Beoulve man and the Blood Angel Altima took place. In the end, Ramza and his comrades that fought by his side overthrew the Blood Angel, and had defeated what some would consider the unholiest figure in history. In doing so he also freed his twin sister Alma from Altima's grasp, and all was well, or so they thought...
Agrias winced when she thought of what happened next, and decided not to go back and pour salt on old wounds like that. From beneath her clothing she removed a small dagger, no bigger than 4 inches in length. The blade was very sharp, and had a faint crimson hue on it. Setting it beside the book, Agrias took hold of a feather pen and began to read through her writings, ready to make a new entry. However, when she came onto one day's entry, her hands began to tremble. She had to set the pen down and take deep breaths to stop herself from shaking. While she had just told herself she would not remininsce about something so tragic, she couldn't help but delve into her own memoirs, almost as if she were trying to relive those moments...
The entry was as follows:
How do you mend a heart that was never broken, yet still bears the ache of such a loss?
The eyes of a child, full of innocence, yet burning deeply with a sense of justice. You fought against the impossible, on the sheer power of your will and the trust you could feel from us. I wish...I wish I had that...From the day I was born, my hands were filled with the duties of a Holy Knight. In one hand I held the teachings of God, in the other, a sword. I was bound to that title. I had no regrets about it, I would do whatever they told me to do, so long as I could show my power as a Holy Knight. I refused to be a weak little woman who would rely on someone else to fight my battles for me, so much that I even pressed that belief onto Princess Ovelia. I would've died for her, not only for the fact of my servitude, but to prove I was strong. However, in doing so I lost something very important. I lost all functions as a woman, and was now nothing more than a loyal, but thoughtless and ignorant Knight. I served in fealty without ever questioning those who had commanded me. I think that if not for that damned Lion War, I could've continued to exist as I had, but that was not the case. I was assigned to guard the princess, and that was when you came along and showed me many things. You were a foolish boy, thinking he could ever begin to fight back against so much angst directed towards him. But you never submitted, not once did I ever see you turn around and run. In the face of impossible odds, all you did was smile that naive smile of yours...you shed your very lineage in the vision of your own righteousness.
And that was when it happened. In your young, compassionate, beautiful eyes, I felt something stir inside me. You had taught me that there is much more to life than merely serving another. Life is for everyone, regardless of rank, gender, or race. My title of Holy Knight meant nothing to you, you regarded me as a friend, even if I never viewed you as such. You are my teacher, my best friend, and the only one who has unlocked my shackled heart...
Ramza...
Agrias then felt a stray tear fall down the side of her left cheek. She swiped it away and flipped to the next page. It was yet another remembrance of the Beoulve whom had opened her eyes in so many ways...
I think back...back to the first time we crossed swords..."Are you ok Agrias?" You say to me with that endearing look of concern. I had failed, Ovelia had been abducted, and I was powerless to prevent it. You, the knave whom I could not stomach at the time, became the scapegoat of my frustrations. I took all of the things I hated myself for and made you their physical incarnation. In my mind, I was fighting my own wretched reflection...yet you never once showed malice in your attacks, even though I could have inadvertently killed you. You just wouldn't hurt me, only when I gave you no choice but to do so. And even then, with just a trivial scratch upon my body, you sheathe your weapon. How dare you think you can end my self indulged retribution...
Please...let me reconcile my incompetence...
But no. You lift my pitiful body from the ground, taking me into your strong, vigorous, youthful arms. I push you away with a hard shove. Your sympathy is wasted on such a pathetic woman, I say to myself. But even then you insist on helping me. Though your intentions were just, they only make me feel more and more worthless, not only as a Knight, but as a human being. I grew up with the intention of being self sufficient branded into my mind. I would never need, or want to depend on anyone else, I was my own fortress. But I was wrong...
And you told me that.
You said "No matter how strong you are, there are some things you cannot do by yourself. Look at me, it it were not for you and everyone else, I surely would've been purged by the Church the second I was branded a Heretic. I don't think of myself as a strong person, only when I am with you all do I feel brave enough to tackle the foes that lie in my path to justice. Thank you Agrias."
You're thanking me? An incompetent, incapable, and useless Knight? What have I done to aid you in any way? I never wanted to help you, I just wanted to get Ovelia back. Your crusade meant little to nothing to me, and yet still you thank me?
I think it was at that very moment I learned I was an incomplete woman. I lacked one very important thing that has led me through such hellish torture, and you...the young knave called Ramza Beoulve, you have given me what I have needed for so long, and made me complete. Though it may be impossible for me to express how much I owe to you, I can show it only in words and my undying gratitude...
That was the second to last entry in Agrias' journal. The last was perhaps the most tragic of them all. Agrias felt her hands shaking once more, but even so she turned to the last page and began to read.
I awoke outside of Murond, but I was alone. The last thing I remember was you covering your young sister's battered body with your own, shielding her from the onslaught of Altima's final attack. I screamed your name, but you could not hear me, you were much too focused on trying to do anything you possibly could to save Alma. At that very moment, I wished to be the one thing I had despised for so very long...a weak, defenseless woman. If just for the sake of being protected by you, I would've gladly traded in everything I was as a Holy Knight, in exchange for that one brief moment of safety I would have felt being shielded by your brave soul.
I later met up with the others, and they told me neither you nor your sister had been seen after the explosion. I was devastated, I could almost feel my heart, which was just beginning to open up to the world, being closed once more and then ripped into a thousand pieces. Were you really killed in that explosion? Why did you have to die? Was this punishment for all my years of ignorance? To be seperated from the only man I had ever loved by the cold touch of death?
Many times I have thought about taking my own life, if just to be with you once more...
Agrias traced her finger along the edge of the dagger that lay beside her journal.
The dagger that claimed the life of Princess Ovelia. I don't know how I came upon it, but to this day I've carried it with me, always contemplating what would happen if I were to use it on myself. But that would be nothing but a selfish desire. That would shame you, and further prove my worthlessness. You died protecting your dear sister, one whom you would do anything for. I often ask myself, 'Would you have done that for me if I were in Alma's place?' But then I just shake my head, knowing that you would without question, because that's who you are. Ramza Beoulve, my savior, and my eternal devotion...
And so I conclude another chapter in the hellish life I have lived. You and Ovelia are both gone...you were the only flickers of light in my otherwise dark world of self delusion. But I'll continue to live for you, Ramza Beoulve, I'll always carry your memory inside my heart, as you were the only one who was able to get inside it. Farewell.
-Agrias Oaks
And with the completion of reading, Agrias once again picked up her writing utensil and began to pour her very heart and soul into her words.
Olan came to me one day with a startling revelation. He had thought he had seen you and Alma ride by as he visited your gravesite. My heart skipped a beat then and there. You were still alive! Without thinking I ran as fast as I could to where you were spotted. But I was met only with the disheartening view of your headstone. I knelt down before it, rubbing my battle scarred and calloused hand across the rough stone. I think I cried, but I don't remember, because I was too busy running from it all. I thought this was just a nightmare I could wake up from if I tried hard enough. But no, it was all too real.
It's hard to put into writing how I feel right now. So many emotions swirl inside me, the most dominant being hate. Not just hatred of Altima for taking you away from me, not just hatred of myself for being so weak, but hatred of how miserable a life I was dealt. Being a Holy Knight was just a facade for me to escape the responsibility of being a real woman. What I knew of chivalry, I knew nothing of compassion, save for Ovelia. I am sure you too were like that at one time or another, otherwise I would have not been attracted to you as I was. Living as I am now is difficult, as I still cannot fully grasp that you are really gone forever. Denial is another one of the feelings that stands out the most...
And so, here I stand today, Agrias Oaks, Holy Knight, incomplete woman. After losing Ovelia just weeks before your supposed sighting, the thought of you still being alive made me feel I could finally regain that one piece of myself I had sampled but once. I was wrong. It was just an honest mistake on Olan's part, but my shattered heart led me to your burial site, where it was once again trounced upon mercilessly by reality. You were a victim of fate, and I am left in the wake of your demise, living in an empty, eternal hell in which the only means of escape is death. How I pray for the day when I can finally rest forever. My only wish is that, wherever in Heaven you may be, you wait for me. I may be a while, but if you are there when I arrive, my life, my death, and my existence as a whole, will be complete.
Ramza Beoulve, I am undoubtedly yours. My heart, mind, body, and soul belong only to you.
With Love Always and Forever,
Agrias Oaks
With those final writings, Agrias put her pen down and made her way to her bed. Removing the rest of her armor and slipping into her nightgown, she flopped into the bed and began to drift off into the world of her dreams...